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Serious
I signed up to Reed ( the job agency) ages ago, and just now completely out of the blue comes an email from them telling me that MI5 are recruiting!!!
Right, so this is a test, right? Do I apply to the ad looking for "researchers"? Or do I wait for them to get into contact via a hot double agent?
Right, so this is a test, right?
If it is, I think you might have just failed it 😉
You told everyone.
Failed before interview
Edit: 4 seconds too slow. 4 seconds.
Go for it but make sure they pay you loads of money ... 
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Tell them you want a company Aston Martin (one of the special ones with all the gadgets) as part of the deal or you're not interested.
Grey Squirrel, the package has been delivered....repeat, the package has been delivered....
Tell them you'll work in the sofa department but you're not doing beds.
Emsz Is red fox!
Are you good at locking yourself inside a small holdall?
Are you sure its not MFI?
{edit wwaswas beat me to it - pointless though as Emsz is too young to have any idea what we're talking about.}
God, not an Aston Martin
Ex's dad had one, literally wheeled it out [s]****ed over it for a bit [/s] washed it and then put it back
I'll use my Clio, undercover 😉
*In MI5 headquarters*
'Agent X?'
'Yes Sir?'
'Liquidate that prick with the moustache'
'very good sir'
[i]Grey Squirrel, the package has been delivered....repeat, the package has been delivered.... [/i]
Um ?
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They let anyone in these days, when I first joined it was really selective....
Aston Martins? Bond as a role model? Pfft! Aim high emsz.....
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For an entry-job in central London, the opening salary is pretty low. Mainly looking for people who are good with analysing data and spotting patterns.
[i]literally wheeled it out **** over it for a bit washed it and then put it back [/i]
The ultimate penis substitute 🙂
Did he drive it in and out of the garage for 20 minutes and then looked pleased with himself too?
I used to work for them 10 years ago and help in the fight against Al Quaeda.
I spent six weeks staking out Debenhams,
As I had heard they had bed linen on the top floor.
😀
An ex colleague quit "5" because it was so boring. He said he was just stagging on all the time. He's since done modelling for gay mags (apparently). He was/is impressive; likeable bloke, ex SF, played junior rugby for his national team and senior for a well known AP team but nobody was especially surprised when he came out.
Here are jobs for the folks who dish out Astons
God, having spy fantasies 🙂
Trouble is I'd end up in the Middle East rather than some s****y party in Rome or Venice, right?
Cool job though, I wonder why they want to hire a fantastically talented beautiful materials designer with almost encyclopaedia music knowledge and great baking skills
Houns don't spoil it!!!
They have specially sent that email to me
Have you ever tried to fit yourself in a large sports holdall?
do I wait for them to get into contact via a hot double agent?
what if you are to be the hot double agent?
not an Aston Martin
you could wear jeans in it though 😉
I bet it is a proper dull job tbh
Binbin no problemo, why would I need to? Smuggle me through customs?
Junky, serious cannot be more dull than watching the loom [points]
f I wonder why they want to hire a fantastically talented beautiful materials designer
because you're good at spotting patterns
Remember a few years ago starting a questionnaire to find out if I was suitable for MI5. After finding a page of questions like "someone is using an office resource you need and won't let you have a turn, do you: a) tell your boss. b) be more forceful..." and nothing about diving through windows with an uzi in each hand, I closed the browser.
MI5 are the policemen, MI6 are the ones with Aston Martins and things.
I would imagine most entry level jobs with MI5 are insanely dull and poorly paid.
If you do get through to interview, turn up in full black tie evening dress with a martini glass in hand.
Either that or false nose and glasses.
If it is, I think you might have just failed it
Way to crush her dreams, dude.
...although, maybe that's another test?*
*It's not.
Have you ever tried to fit yourself in a large sports holdall?
Binners fails the observation portion of the test.
I (allegedly perhaps) got to interview stage with MI5 some years back as a tech geek. Decided not to go through with it as the pay was crap.
MI5 are the policemen, MI6 are the ones with Aston Martins and things.
MI6 are the toffs. recruited mainly from Oxford and...erm...the other posh one. Good lineage and double barrelled names are useful for applications/recruitment.
I suspect it's to read the billions of texts and emails they intercept everyday.
Can you imagine having to read a never ending stream of poorly informed opinion from a bunch of beardy blokes.
If you get accepted you'll get paid for it instead of doing it in here for free;)
They seem to be permanently recruiting, and the salaries have always appeared dreadful on roles I've seen, I think they're going on the basis that it's an 'exciting' organisation to work for.
Head down to Fort Monckton, that's where the fun starts.
Went to an interview for a IT tech role, took longer to get in and out of the building than the 30 minute interview.
Have you seen Spooks? it's nothing like that, apprantly..
If you really wanna be a 'double 0' agent, here's some reading to start.
[url= http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/10/05/james_bond_007_career_path ]http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/10/05/james_bond_007_career_path[/url]
They seem to be permanently recruiting, and the salaries have always appeared dreadful on roles I've seen, I think they're going on the basis that it's an 'exciting' organisation to work for.
Plus one, got asked to look at a few roles and whilst a few sounded like a job I could get excited about, none of them paid enough to make a 2 hour commute worth it.
There are some equally interesting security type roles closer to home for me, but they too pay really badly compared to the private sector.
This is the current list of roles they are interested in recruiting for -
Intelligence Officers
Intelligence Analyst (Data Analysis)
Foreign Language Analysts
Digital Forensics and Network Specialists
Digital Intelligence Tactical Solutions Developers
IT Infrastructure Specialists
Mobile Surveillance Officers
Operational Intelligence Officers
Electronic Technicians
Vehicle Technicians
[B][U]Carpenters[/U][/B]
Administrative Assistants
Business Support Officers
Open Source Information Professionals
Occupational Psychologists
Procurement Managers
Legal Advisors
Management Accountants
Business Analysts
Enterprise Architects - Applications or Infrastructure
Solution Architects
Project Managers
Security Guards
Facilities Managers
Caterers
Trainers
Presumably licensed to drill.
No outdoor learning officers then. I'm [s]out[/s] not in...
My boss's son is a physicist and work in a research part of the government in defence.
He can't tell anyone what he does. To the extent that he can't put his experience on his cv as if he even said what type of techniques he knows people could work out what he does. Even his dad doesn't know what he does.
Nothing is allowed in or out the office he works in without some insanely lengthy sign off process.
His marriage fell apart because of it which is very sad.
I'd love to know what he works on.
If you really wanna be a 'double 0' agent, here's some reading to start.
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/10/05/james_bond_007_career_path
The closest people to James Bond are the ex 14th intelligence lot who left a trail of dirty antics and death behind them in NI and the current serving members of SRR.
When I was 18, just after finishing my a-levels a customer of mine in my part time job (worked for the UN apparently) asked me if I wanted to join the security services and then asked me if I wanted Arabic lessons with Marines/Army personnel. I've always wondered just who the hell that guy was.
The closest people to James Bond are the ex 14th intelligence lot who left a trail of dirty antics and death behind them in NI and the current serving members of SRR.
What SRR do is far removed from James Bond! It's a seriously dirty job usually miles in front of the sharp end. You need massive balls to do what they do but I'd be surprised if they'd ever been in an embassy or touched a nice car.
What SRR do is far removed from James Bond! It's a seriously dirty job usually miles in front of the sharp end. You need massive balls to do what they do but I'd be surprised if they'd ever been in an embassy or touched a nice car.
I didn't mean the women, booze and shiny cars. 😛 I meant the dirty work that James Bond does.... killing people, surveillance and general mayhem in plain clothes.
Hmm. Reconnaissance is a massive part of what they do, and if they are killing people then generally speaking, something has gone massively wrong!
Hmm. Reconnaissance is a massive part of what they do, and if they are killing people then generally speaking, something has gone massively wrong!
I guess, this is semantics though. Their precursor regiments certainly did some questionable things that went beyond recce.
Do MI5 need shopkeepers as I'm Licenced To Till.
E Sqn FTW!
Apparently..
21 are suffering a bit though are they not? Failed to secure a firm role, with HAC taking the ISTAR stuff. I heard they were doing some pretty crap jobs when they thought they'd be door kicking. Second hand info though so don't hang me for it!
erm...the other posh one
Hull?
sorry, I have nothing to add on this subject
seriously. Nothing at all.
OK ?
Anyone know anything about damp-proofing extinct volcanic craters ?
You seem to be confusing 5 with 6 there.Trouble is I'd end up in the Middle East rather than some s****y party in Rome or Venice, right?
20 minutes? Would have thought 90 seconds would have been pushing it for most AM drivers. 😉Did he drive it in and out of the garage for 20 minutes and then looked pleased with himself too?
[i]Cool job though, I wonder why they want to hire a fantastically talented beautiful materials designer with almost encyclopaedia music knowledge and great baking skills [/i]
Cakes you say? Then maybe the Tea Lady has moved on. 🙂
Back to the OP, I could see why they might want to recruit bright, creative, street savvy young things (I don't think you're a "thing"!).
You seem to be confusing 5 with 6 there.
Not neccessarily. MI5 Operational Intelligence Officers will routinely work abroad.
Caterers
Licensed to grill?
Rappers?
Licensed to ill?
You'll be spending your days on internet forums getting into slightly meaningless conversations with people you've never met, whilst pretending to be somebody you're not.
Bit like STW then 🙂
Mexican Boatbuilders
Licensed to Keel.
[i]I didn't mean the women, booze and shiny cars.[/i]
works for me, where do I sign?
If your job is to post fake reviews on Amazon, do you get a Licence to Shill?
stacking shelves
licence to fill?
i have an old neighbour who spent many years in NI then served out his time hiding in car boots in central london.. now house hunts for the rich and famous..
I applied for a job at MI5 years ago and got through but turned it down as the role was only 20k and I couldn't tell anyone what I was doing. Static Surveillance officer. Involved moving to London too. Always wondered what that would have been like... I've still got all the info they sent me about life in 5.
rob2 - Member
My boss's son is a physicist and work in a research part of the government in defence.He can't tell anyone what he does.
Err....
Double agent required.
Licence to spill.
Wild bird Manager: Licensed to Krill
Parks Officer: Licensed to Stihl
Refrigeration controller: Licensed to Chill
Underwater observation: Licensed to Gill
The first test to see if you are eligible is the "did he blab to ter internetz?" test.
You failed.
I got a job offer from MI5 last year. £25k, central London? No thanks.
[quote=finbar ]I got a job offer from MI5 last year. £25k, central London? No thanks.
A job offer or an invitation to apply? 🙂
Nothing from Emsz in 11 hours. I suspect a fitting for an orange holiday outfit and a free flight somewhere exotic.
In flight service a little basic and everyone turns right at the top of the steps.
Perhaps being measured for the correct size holdall to zip into?
She's Perhaps being measured for the correct size holdall to zip into?
I think she passed that stage, she's now trying to get out....
A job offer or an invitation to apply?
Nah, I went through all the stages. To be fair to them their recruitment process is pretty cool. Although I won't say any more than that.
Not now they are not. Not read rest of thread but OP, I think you've failed the first test!