[Closed] Mental wellbeing question (some Brexit content)

You're not alone but sometimes you have to concentrate on the immediate problem rather than all the other ****. Otherwise you go under.

We’ve just been told that the Child Mental Health waiting list one of my kids is on is likely to be at least a year long (Thats a year before he gets an assessment not till he starts treatment). For me that is quite enough of a reason to despise Boris and his merry band of (I let you fill in the appropriate word/words yourselves). Everything else he has done to the country I let wash over me.

So how do people deal with it?

Honestly, a lot of people decide to live in a near-fantasy land when it's not happening. Even now, thousands, hundreds of thousands maybe believe Covid isn't a real issue, or doesn't exist at all, or masks are a plot to enslave us etc etc etc etc I believe a lot of people choose to believe this stuff, in defiance of endless evidence because they're unable to handle the fact it's happening.

Brexit, Climate Change, Housing, Homelessness etc etc etc - if it's too scary, or just inconvenient, just believe the opposite is true, and soon enough some ruthless prick on Social Media will confirm it for you as 'fact'.

We no longer really debate, or consider big issues anymore, we pick a position based on what 'team' we decide we're in, and then create 'facts' to prove we're right.

It's not really reversed to just one team either, the well-meaning left dabbles with 'alternative facts' now and again too.

I find ranting/venting helps get it out my system. If I kept all that anger and frustration inside I'd physically burst.

SaxonRider
First, well-done opening up, I bet that’s hard to do.

I think what you're experiencing is called "Death Scrolling".

More and more bad news piles on.
Just now there's no shortage of that.
[Just FYI I feel as you do about our current government. Mind I'd not want to have Covid to deal with in Johnsons boots. Brexit, I'm on your page. Sad]

I once saw an Indian Guru type in a short video,
I'll paraphrase
Are you worried?
Can you do anything about what's worrying you?
If yes, then do it. No more worry.
If no, then why worry?
It reads as quite facile I know, but it feels essentially true to me. I bring it to mind often

NLP teaches us that what we experience and what we repeat becomes part of us, some more than others. We must avoid the bad and play up the good.
We humans are apparently genetically programmed to pay more attention to bad than good, bad is danger, it’s an evolutionary advantage to be on the look out for that sabre-toothed tiger. But we don't need to engage so much adrenalin generally, day to day.

Learning to feel gratitude is very positive, try making a journal and be sure to let yourself appreciate the good things. Write about them. Day One SW is good for that, or a little book even better.

It's very unfortunate that what is around you affects you quite so badly, gets into your head.
I'll admit I'm writing from a privileged position of being super lucky to have a stable supportive relationship - and like you, I have the bike too, which really does blow away the mental cobwebs. A bit of NLP or meditation on top really helps when times are bad.

Try be positive, we are pretty lucky all of us. One day at a time. More smiles.

Oh, how do I deal with it?

I try to avoid the big fighty threads on here (brexit, Covid) because I usually end up in an argument that somehow leeches into the 'real world'.

I read the News once a day to make sure I know what I'm supposed to be doing Covid wise or to see if there's a Tiger loose in my street I should know about, frankly the News is 99.9% stuff you can't do a damn thing about outside a voting booth and really just grim information. It's not like the Covid rules won't find you online somewhere.

And find some time at the weekend to drink beer and watch nonsense on TV, gogglebox is great for a mind wipe, they will touch the 'big subjects' but somehow seeing normal-ish people react to it, makes it easier.

It’s not really reversed to just one team either, the well-meaning left dabbles with ‘alternative facts’ now and again too.

Wouldn’t contradict that. There seems to be a point in a politician’s life where all the good intentions and idealism gets thrown out of the window and politics becomes a ‘career’. The only problem is that the current PPE graduate crowd seem to have missed the good intentions and idealism stage

Turn off the news(or only check periodically) the media figured out long ago that by reporting on negative stuff or creating controversy they make more money. Dedicate that time to something more productive (or less toxic), better focus on the problems closer to you (and those around you) which you can solve. Trying to solve all the suffering in the world seems like putting yourself on a fast track to depression.

and if you are feeling stressed out, here is Bobby Ross painting some happy clouds:

I never look at the news after my first coffee of the day to allow my frustration slide before it's bed time. Never or try to never discuss politics online as life is too short for such frustrations. I've also spent a lot of time in Third World countries so still appreciate how incredibly safe and secure we are to a massive percentage of the world's population. Mainly just luck though as despite some deep!y rubbish things happening on a
Personal level in the past few years I don't suffer from depression.
Ask your Dr for advice or hopefully some others on here can offer more practical advice, good luck. Better days will come.

No point focussing on things you can't influence...the big issues. Focus on things that are closer to home and that you can influence. Hard to see it now but todays problems will get sorted and wont be a problem tomorrow. there will be a whole host of other problems you can't do anything about tomorrow, but that's life. Just focus on nearer things that you can influence. Put value on the every day mundane things you do eery day, like getting up and getting dressed. Having positive conversations with your family and friends. Delivering stuff at work. Getting out on the bike...even if the weather is crap. Everything is a little win and has its place in making the world a better place. Nowt you can do about Brexit or climate change other than those little daily things that you already do.

Also give people the benefit of the doubt. Thinking people you don't know are 'wicked' doesn't help. Nothing positive ever came out of that. It's a bit of a cliche from a movie but if you let hate in it will consume you. Nobody ever did anything positive for themselves or others with hate.

So how do people deal with it? I know I am not alone in my deep frustration, but I don’t think that everyone gets as oppressed by collective stupidity as I do.

I definitely succumb to collective stupidity so you're 100% not alone on that!

My coping strategy is not to avoid the news. The trick is to find the rays of hope and human kindness that is buried in there. I find the BBC website good for highlighting the good things that are going on in the world, usually buried down the page and in the obscure sections but they are there. It helps me to balance out the crap that's on the main page.

Another thing I have used regularly is to have a project to focus on, whether that's just a big Lego model, a home improvement task or something bigger and long-term. Preferably one small and one big if you can. It doesn't matter if you make very little progress, the key is having something to focus the mind on completely, blocking out everything else. This is on top of my biking as while getting out in the local area or on the turbo is great, it does bring the focus onto that I can't jump in the car and go to places I normally would.

I've had various times in my life where my mental health has been very low for various reasons and the one main point I always use to get me back out of it is this:

The key is focussing on things you can influence and to dismiss the things you cannot.

What those things are for each side is different every time so you can modify your task list accordingly. Currently I've got a few short-term projects on the go (Lego and RC cars, Chub Club and the Zwift race series on here) and one big project that is really helping to focus my mind on the time post-Covid. It's having that mix of things to aim for that helps to pull you along and see a path out. Having just small projects doesn't work as you can easily drop them as there's not enough time gone by their end and having one big, long project can feel too much and overwhelming leading to it stalling. Having multiple pleasant projects to focus on of differing lengths means you can put one down for a bit then move to another, avoiding frustration at eg a broken bolt or a missing part and preventing stagnation.

I can honestly say right now that if it wasn't for those projects I've got going above then I most likely would be in a very bad place right now. On top of the worldwide issues I've got loads of personal battles going on: unemployed, retraining scheme postponed multiple times, stuck in a city in a flat during restrictions, both parents old and ill which only goes one way, boredom, social life non-existent etc. There is a path out to the other side and the projects are what will drag me along it. Find some things to help you do the same.

It's hard to shut out all the negative. I think I'm really lucky that I'm still working and like someone said above I have lived in some shitty countries so really do appreciate how safe the UK is compared t them.

I have had the good fortune to have to, as part of what I do, deliver laptops from our council to schools for the kids. This is not part of the Governments initiative. It's something the council I work for has done. We got a letter from one of the kids to say thank you. Terrible writing and all, 🙂 but it made a lot of us feel good in this pretty shitty time.

You have to take the small things when you can!

It is also important to understand that the media outlets bombarding you with negative stories are very much doing it deliberately. Negative stories generate far more clicks, views and other interactions than positive ones. Ultimately, the more you get drawn in to a comment section argument about, for example, 'the evil tories' the better it is for the owner of the story. As a result pretty much everything is now framed as relentlessly bad and increasingly polarising with no thought for the real world impact on the consumer.
As probably said already, don't obsessively check news feeds all day and remember to leave screens behind regularly. Getting out in the fresh air on my bike for an hour or two has a tremendously positive impact.

We stopped being able to get broadcast TV a few years ago when something broke (*), and I avoid radio news as well. I check something a little removed, like the Irish Times or the Aberdeen Press and Journal, occasionally. Anything important happen, I hear about it from friends or from people grumbling about it on FB (**) e.g. the Congress invasion.

Would definitely recommend! Basically I clocked that times I didn't watch broadcast TV (e.g. student or living somewhere with no signal) I was much happier...

How do I cope?

I never watch TV news - it makes me too angry. reading news even from the BBC website is much easier to control - you only need see the headlines and get the gist of what the tories are saying. You do not need to hear them or see them

concentrate on the things you can change, ignore what you cannot

I try to educate the folk that have no idea what is happening in reality but try to not get involved in pointless debate. I only flick in and out of the politics threads on here

I try to get outside every day

I look for positive things. the days are getting longer, snowdrops are up, Trump is gone

i phone my friends anbd have virtual pub nights with them

In the past few decades, the fortunate among us have recognised the hazards of living with an overabundance of food (obesity, diabetes) and have started to change our diets. But most of us do not yet understand that news is to the mind what sugar is to the body. News is easy to digest. The media feeds us small bites of trivial matter, tidbits that don't really concern our lives and don't require thinking. That's why we experience almost no saturation. Unlike reading books and long magazine articles (which require thinking), we can swallow limitless quantities of news flashes, which are bright-coloured candies for the mind. Today, we have reached the same point in relation to information that we faced 20 years ago in regard to food. We are beginning to recognise how toxic news can be.

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2013/apr/12/news-is-bad-rolf-dobelli

Difficult when you're bored and it's addictive though.

I am exactly the same. For me, regularly reminding myself that I am in no position to change anything that is happening in the world right now is a good first step.

Secondly, cutting out all news / current affairs media really helps to reduce the blood boiling and stress.

Not easy to do but there's a scientifically proven link between being obsessed with the news / current affairs and stress / anxiety / depression.

I don't know if I'm slightly immune to this because I was a news hack for so many years, or if I was a hack because I'm slightly immune to it (IYKWIM).

But either way, the last four years feel like they've had as much depressing news as the previous 20 - so if you have stayed anywhere near stable while keeping on top of current affairs - then you have already proved yourself very resilient.

To add to the (possibly unrequested) advice...

Ration your exposure.
Choose your sources wisely.
Don't read the comments.
No really, don't read the comments.

Saxonrider - when did you last speak to a pal? Phone one tonight. I find it a great help

I've started hiding all the folks on my fb that post non-'friends' type stuff.  Folks that post too many anti-brexit gags = 30 day ban, too much trump stuff=30 day ban etc.  fb becomes much nicer.  Plus stay away from the mad end of twitter as it may be fascinating but it's also corrosive.

I would love to just get the P&J and that's it.  They should take over FB and the world would be ok

ps. to the op - do you still have your place over here? have you managed to get across or is it impossible now 🙁

I find ranting/venting helps get it out my system. If I kept all that anger and frustration inside I’d physically burst.

I’ve done that forever. I explode, get it out of my system and work past it. Great for me, not good for those around me.
I like the ‘you’ll get over it one day, why not today?’ approach and if that doesn’t work I look at activating my suicide plan. I then think of all the crap involved in that and just get back to getting on with stuff.
Bike rides help. Take a beer to rehydrate (definitely not a picnic) get up a hill and look at the view, or revel in being out in the wind and rain. Borrow a dog and take it for a walk.
Just do things where you concentrate on doing rather than thinking.

Same boat here Saxon, its all a bit shit, I subscribe to the 'if you cant do anything about it why worry' approach but I find it hard to practice what I preach.

Biden becoming president hasn't helped, America just may have turned a corner but we are going to be stuck with Brexit for a longtime. People were lied to and there is zero comeback. Even as the chickens come home to roost there is still nothing we can do about it, The Tories will ride this out, in fact they seem to be reveling in the sh1tshow (eg the trolling of the EU ambassador thing)

Personally I can afford to pay more for goods, I dont want too but I can, a lot of people can not, the company I work should continue to operate and provide essential services but a lot of companies will not. The country and a whole is going to suffer and there is not a great deal we can do about it.

Facebook isnt a problem for me, i pretty much ignore it anyway as its all videos of Ozzyman and a custom concrete company in SanFran 🙂

Its twitter that sucks me in.
Abstaining seems to be the only option but its a challange

do you still have your place over here? have you managed to get across or is it impossible now

Alas, Covid means that I haven't been over to the Belgian dacha ( 😉 ) for over a year! Getting over there would be a great help...

Like many I am still deeply saddened by Brexit mainly because I know that there is no fast reversal on it. I was born in 73 and have only ever known my life as a European, which I was very proud to call myself. Knowing that part of my identity is gone for the very long forseeable future saddens me immensely.

However, I also know from years studying sport psychology that controlling the controllables and avoiding the rest is the way forward.

The way you do that is up to you, there's loads of different practices in various mental health support methods but what I do is to focus on the things I can do and do them.

The things I can't control I just have to ignore, either by avoiding them completely or using avoidance methods such as retasking (doing something else useful), self talk ("Ignore it, it's ok, breathe"), visualisation (of the things we will get to do again), etc.

Good luck, and oh one last thing. Do something nice for someone else without being asked. Apparently it will give you a massive feel good boost.

Some people are in exactly the same position as us and loving it.
You need to turn it round and become a selfish, thick, **** and all will be well.

I just think how lucky I am being me, how f***** amazing is it just existing!
I wasn't born in a war zone, I'm not starving to death without access to the internet and my wife is bearable most of the time.

@Richie_B hang in their dude, we've been, still going through, this at the moment, it's absolutely galling. Luckily we can afford to pay for a psychiatrist that is prescribing medication for our son that has had a very positive effect.

However the cost of the medication has rocketed in the last 12months. I'm so angry that the pharmaceutical industry can profit off kids mental well being.

The lack of mental health services is frightening, especially considering what people are going through at the moment, it's already breaking, I think in the next couple of years the NHS is properly going to collapse having to deal with the mess its in at the moment.

I have nothing but utter contempt towards this government and it's supporters. Selfish bastards.

Anyway, if you need any less ranty support feel free to message me, we might be a bit further down the road and be able to help out.

Edit: sorry SaxonRider, feel your pain as well, just Richie_Bs comment jumped out at me.

Steve

Facebook, withdrew from that a couple of years ago.

Twitter, stopped in December. Despite careful curating of my feed it invariably had deeply unpleasant or deluded individuals arrive on it.

Now I read the odd bit of news via an RSS newsreader from a selection of sources. The only social media I use is this forum and a family Slack group.

Today I noticed that it was still light at 5pm as I got on my bike to come home. Spring is a coming. Plus I got my clothing right on the way to work such that I was comfortable in the sunshine despite the biting wind and cold.

Honestly I just stop thinking about it. I think about the problems, and the issues, and the sadness, then once I've got a handle on it I think about fun stuff instead. I'm about to 3D print a doll for my daughter. An articulated Foxy Pirate from FNAF.

@SaxonRider
Nothing to add except to say that, by God, you aren't alone in how you feel.

I'm also looking at better ways to handle "the world" at the moment.

I suspect there are a huge amount attempting the same for many and varied reasons.

Keep the faith, the trees are in bud and Spring is so close. It won't cure anything in itself but the world coming back to life is impossible to ignore or not be happy about.

If echo what many above have said.
Limit your news intake. BBC News over breakfast and that’s me for the day.
Control social media. I actually think it can be a good thing but you have to control your content. If you can’t, delete it.
Get outside and out of breath every day. For me, a walk isn’t hard enough, I need to breath heavy to clear my mind.
But still walk, if my mind is heavy I put on a podcast and walk.
Control you TV watching. Lose the murders and true crime, embrace Winter Watch, Pottery Throwdown and Gardeners World.
Take photos. If you go out to take photos you are forced to be present and to look around.
And talk. To friends, to family, to idiots on a mountain bike forum.

I'll echo the talk to people. We chat when walking the dog to whomever stops and starts up. You never know you may be the person that persuades someone that's suffering that life is worthwhile after all.

Saying hello/morning to solo people I pass is second nature now.