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A couple of stw facebook posts recently have made we aware that some phrases just make me stop reading further, even if that makes no sense.
Exhibit 1:'Gamechanger' 1x11. I'm not even going to get wound up into full rant mode over gamechanger. The only thing you can be quite sure of is that the product isn't going to change any games and if lucky might just be noticed on the playing field for a few minutes before someone else is brought on instead
Exhibit 2:'Smart Wash'. All this tells me is that the company isn't successful enough to employ full time marketing people who can come up with a real name therefore best to avoid
Anyone else got any signals that tell them to 'stop reading here'?
Exhibit.
🙂 .
"It's the X re-imagined"
Usually whatever X is doesn't need 'the-imagined' the attendant pictures of bearded tattooed hipsters or the ludicrous price tag attached...
"Up to 100%"
Wide ratio gear system........
You just know it will have a narrower ratio of gears than it's predecessor!
"An exciting new...."
If you're excited by it you need to get a life and it's almost certainly not new.
"Unique" and "Exclusive" in marketing terms always annoy me. Basically meaningless.
that by itself does it actuallybearded tattooed hipsters
Nearly new - WTF does that mean?
It's either new or not new.
ITS Bloody used your gorm
Curated.
'Revolutionary'
As used by Apple with every single new iteration of their products that just now includes the things the previous version should of had.
"Up to 100%"
Beat me to it. Every time I see "up to..." it immediately engages my inner sceptic. Why are you telling me a product's theoretical maximum limit rather than a minimum or typical, especially when it's an intangible metric like "cleaning performance" or "comfort"?
"Up to" 40Mbps broadband, in lab conditions and 512Kbps in the real world; save "up to" 50% in the sales, there's a half price button (three in stock) and every other sale item is 10% off.
It's a meaningless marketing excuse to print big numbers, don't fall for it.
Gamechanger - I fell for it with a Reverb, FFS stopping and moving a seat collar cost me no more than a tenner and I got to have a breather.
"Executive" anything. What does that even mean?
Gamechanging?
Well having gone 1x on 10sp the sram version is game changing in doing what it does for me. As for the dropper as I hit the pedally section of the race stage today it certainly didn't inspire me to stop and play with my seat collar
Designed by riders for riders.
Aren't they all?
meaningless
offering guaranteed returns...
excellent bike ripe for upgrading...
None bike related - when the marketers don't quite get the techy jargon right.
Marketing Director in my last job couldn't understand Broadband Speed units, I always had to correct his flyers that had Megabytes, Megs, Mbts.
PC World ads at one bit used to say a laptop had "a huge 4 Gig Memory". I'd be near exploding with frustration at how wrong that sounded.
None bike related - when the marketers don't quite get the techy jargon right.Marketing Director in my last job couldn't understand Broadband Speed units, I always had to correct his flyers that had Megabytes, Megs, Mbts.
I went through a phase in a previous job where myself and other Techs were writing technical documents, then Marketing were "correcting" everything we wrote by changing terminology to things they'd heard of and totally changing the meaning in the process. Ended up having to have a "see these letters? Leave them alone" conversation with them.
saw one on my way to work today .
local golf course has a "bistro"
2 course £8 in 8 minutes or you eat free......
sounds freshly cooked to me.
As for the dropper as I hit the pedally section of the race stage today it certainly didn't inspire me to stop and play with my seat collar
Yeah but that only works if you were a faffer before ... didnt stop before and i wouldnt stop now...... id just have started the ride with the seat down 3/4 of an inch - Never even "slammed" my seat when i raced down hill.
'you need this'
Good for you trail rat, come rolling with me on Sunday, seat at 3/4 inch down will be fun. Was chatting with a very talented xc rider this evening (he has his stripes) whines racing the enduro with us, he listed bigger rotors, tougher wheels etc. For this asked him about a dropper and he said course I've got one of those.
Gastro anything..
If there is a sign saying "Gastro pub" I don't even read the menu. It seems to be a fairly new word to describe a pub selling decent food. If it's decent food just say "good food", don't shove Gastro in front of the word pub, put some fancy sauce in your burgers and call it Gastro. Boils my piss when I hear people saying it.
Artisan. Makes me run a mile.
Cockpit - to describe stem and handlebars.
Real Estate - to describe the amount of space on a handlebar
Artisan would be OK if it referred to real artisans.
[i]Gastro anything.[/i]
Ditto for "gourmet".
Curated.
+1000
how does one go rolling ? is that a marketing term for riding ~:D
i do actually have a dropper mike.... i just dont find my self using it even on the steep stuff and probably wont buy another.
Not marketing specific but announcements/notices with unnecessary words boil my piss eg
[s]will all customers kindly please note that for your protection and safety we regret that[/s][b] smoking[/b] [s]of any sort[/s] [b]is not permitted [/b][s]on the platform and we thank you kindly in advance for your cooperation thank you[/s]
It's not rude to say things directly and clearly!
Nearly new - WTF does that mean?
It's either new or not new
the meaning is pretty clear.
I went through a phase in a previous job where [b]myself [/b]and other Techs were writing technical documents
Ugh
"only used for 1 ride"
is that like my pro 2 evo wheels where the bearings died after 1 ride .....it was 1 ride from skye to montrose but 1 ride none the less....
Hand cooked. As opposed to feet?
Artisan. No it isn't.
Gravel Bike. W**k.
If there is a sign saying "Gastro pub" I don't even read the menu. It seems to be a fairly new word to describe a pub selling decent food
Moreover, it's code for food served on driftwood, roofing materials or in a dog bowl.
Ugh
Oops, sorry about that. It was a pre-coffee post.
Ah,I see it's not just me then. A lot of these have got me twitching
there's another massive thread right there. What's wrong with plates, really, it's code for food served on driftwood
[b]So good it's not available in shops[/b]
[b]Classic Retro look[/b]
What about "Pan Fried" ?
Would that mean fried in a pan then, as opposed to frying it in something inappropriate.
I also like my sauce "Drizzled" on, as opposed to what exactly. Rained on, poured on ? How do they drizzle it then, make a cloud of it and hope it almost rains ?
What about "Pan Fried" ?
As in not deep fried.
"Artisan" makes me want to bite people.
"Homemade" in a Harvester, I doubt it.
Anything in 'kitchen French'.
"Proactive" when it's just a throwaway positive or meaningless.
"PIN number"
"Monies" yuk, I worked in a bank for 10 years, every time some ****er came in and wanted "monies" to pay for their "property" I died a little inside, you'd like to borrow some money to buy a house, or perhaps a home for you and your family - using "monies" and "property" doesn't make you sound like Gordon Gecko, it's makes you sound like a moron.
Britain lost its way When we stopped saying Home and started saying Property, relegating the physical core of family life to some non-descript item that’s only value lay in pounds and pence - go to any Lost Property Department, they're not there to help people find their way home, they're there to help people find an umbrella so unimportant we simply forgot it existed for a moment when we got off the train.
Phrases, not words.
Closing down, everything must go.
Oh shit I'd better buy it if it *has* to go.
"Solutions", as in "plumbing and heating solutions" or "fresh coffee solutions", lthough that isn't as common as it was.
Pan fried grips my shit! See also hand cut...
Deep fried distinguishes from from fried just fine
@vickypea ooh yes. "Snacking solutions".
Beds that are not beds but "sleep systems".
Yep, 'artisan'. It basically means, 'miles more expensive & probably shite'
I met someone from this site who said he was 'an artisan', I lost interest not long after.
"Legend" ... 😡
"lifestyle" and for the pedant as in "lifestyle destination", "lifestyle solution", "lifestyle homes" ......wanders off to bathroom to put fingers down throat
"First to see will buy".
Regards
Denis
"Most unique" as it either is or it isn't
"110% effort" isn't actually possible
I was thinking about this kind of stuff the other day.
Then I saw the most jaw-dropping bit of marketing guff I've ever encountered in the MTB world.
I'll see your "game changer" and raise you this (from Sram's press statement on Aaron Gwin's drivetrain)...
"Our goal is to the tell the complete drivetrain story in which performance and reliability is optimized by using all SRAM components"
Basically they're stroppy 'cos he's using an E13 crankset, I think.
[url= http://dirtmountainbike.com/racing-events/downhill/sram-aaron-gwin-official-line.html#lvcOJ5BdVKcOV7qT.97 ]Source[/url]
"Magic" and "magical".
'Home-made'
Whose home and why wasn't it made in a professional kitchen??
Anything which uses the phrase "xxx % more", with out saying more than what.
So; "The all-new Boswollox-syngery-pro, makes your hair 45 % shinier". Shinier than what? Talcum powder?
"7 day NHS" 👿
in music technology: 'workflow'. If it does what you want when you want it to, and plays nicely with other little electronic boxes, then that's great. if it doesn't, then before you put it on sale, invest some more time in development and put it out there when its really ready you chumps.
in musical instruments: 'crafted in'. "made in" is good enough for something built mostly by machines and hand finished in a western country, somehow the fact that it was made in the far east requires a different verb to describe the same process.
What about "Pan Fried" ?
I call misdirection. Everyone knows that fried food is bad for you, right? So if it's "pan fried" then it's obviously something different so must be ok.
[quote=chakaping ](from Sram's press statement on Aaron Gwin's drivetrain)
Wow - they're kind of grumpy for a company who's products are being showcased for free by one of the highest profile riders.
""Executive" anything. What does that even mean? "
Relief??
oh wow. Every meter is off the scale with that. That actively makes me want to not use them which is silly reallyOur goal is to the tell the complete drivetrain story in which performance and reliability is optimized by using all SRAM components
Ironically the biggest "drivetrain story" of last year was when he won at Leogang despite [b]his chain breaking[/b].
As far as I can see he was on Sram last year.
😀
Line caught
Corn fed
""Executive" anything. What does that even mean? "
One of our neighbours across the road put their house up for sale this week. Their house is exactly the same as ours.
It's described on the estate agent's website as "executive". That must make me an executive then, cool.
There's a [b]preloved pop-up sale [/b]in town tomorrow if anyone wants to visit and shout angrily at passers-by. 😉
Some of the shampoo ads, 'Pentapeptides' WTF. Made up. Caffeine! why should caffeine be good for your hair! And Turbo! really gets my goat.
It seems to be magical.
[img] 
[/img]
In house/flat rental adverts, the word "luxury" normally means one step up from student doss house