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The only thing to add is that it's not the op's responsibility to sub the shortfall with the best man if he wasn't involved with the decision to book it. That's on the best man.
Likewise, Even if I could afford it, and thought cost was reasonable, I'd not be subbing a load of folks I barely know. Tj, pay your 200 quid, turn up, and let the best man sort out the fallout (assuming he's not a good mate of yours that is), as this one is on him, not you.
Turn up for all three nights, in a tent in the garden outside the bunkhouse. Job jobbed.
(-:
Effing tempting Cougar. Tent in the garden of the posh house rented tho.
tpbiker - I have made the offer tho in the hope others start to see it in the same light.
tpbiker – I have made the offer tho in the hope others start to see it in the same light.
Generous but foolish in equal measure given what you've said of this crowd! Given they arent close friends of yours, don't be surprised if they are happy for you to pick up the tab, either because they are tight, or because they mistakenly think you are loaded.
Its a nice offer, but dont be surprised when others dont follow your example. Would be different if it was a bunch of my good mates, but sounds like it's a group of folks who you aren't particularly close to who are happy to spend their own money on stuff they prioritise..like classic cars.
Its a mix of good friends and long standing acquaintances. I'd be surprised if anyone take me up on it and I never offer anything I am not prepared for people to accept. Its one route I can see to smooth things over and to shame people into being adults.
If people are willing to sit and let you take a hit. I'd run a mile.
All too common a problem. Chap who booked it is clearly oblivious (or worse, simply doesn't care) that different people have different means and/or different pulls on their money. Cancel the house, drop out of the trip, or cough up and resent it. Pick the least bad response.
I'm not a fan of these going away multi day stag do's. I'll only go on them if it's family or close freinds and then nothing to organized or extravagant. But £200 for accommodation isn't over the top for these things, although that doesn't help if you simply can't afford it. It's time for people to rally round a bit then, but this only works if everyone are good freinds.
I yearn for the days of stag do's being a local pub crawl, perhaps with a sleazy stripogram thrown in for good measure. Brings back happy memories 😁😁
A bit late to the party, but I’ve been in the can’t afford camp quite a bit. I’ve simply visited the stag and outlined the fact I couldn’t afford it. Good friends will understand this. If they don’t, then they aren’t good friends.
£200 is a hell of a lot of money to a lot of people. No way would I let somebody else cover me in part or full either. If it’s too expensive I’d just catch up with the stag at a different time.
£200 is a week's earnings for me, I earn just shy of the "living wage" and I work full time. It sounds like the best man is being quite inconsiderate and has made it awkward for everyone. It sounds fair that people pay for the nights they are staying, and if there's a shortfall then those who can afford it contribute with the guy who booked it covering the rest.
It seems barmy to have such an exclusive stag do in contrast with an inclusive wedding.
When I was in a similar position for a hen do, I didn't go as I wouldn't have been able to afford any of the activities as well.
Said 'organiser' should have checked first - they certainly did when we did Budapest.
I've just done 2 nights at 'my caravan' with 6 mates - cost to them nothing. Absolutely fab weekend. I couldn't buy a round as they bought mine. We ate at a top local Thai restaurant and had a fab time.
We are organising it again. You can do stuff cheap - what about a 'bunk' barn or 'bovie'. You'll not be there for a top 'hotel' - you'll be out. Stag doo or not -
Tell them you'll shout the strippers
Edit: pah, can't post Les Dawson IMG from Google....
I feel for the poor best man organising this. Whats probably happened is hes looked for accommodation for 8+ people with secure bike storage etc. There is probably one place suitable. Hes worried its going to be booked. The place only takes booking for 3 nights or more. So hes now in the position of taking a chance and booking it or letting down the groom. Hes (at big financial risk) chosen to book it.
The along come along a load of people ( I know this is not you tjagain) who probably have never organised a group trip in their life, come along and moan about it.
I organise quite a few motorbike tour holidays for mates, its a nightmare. Also it always seems the people with the most to say are the ones who like to do the least organising and take the least financial risk them self.
I reckon there is a percentage of willy waving goi going on. Best man earns enough to be able to afford to drop a few hundred pounds on a weekend and wants everyone else to know.
I am successful
I can afford it
It's not my fault you cant
I am not sleeping in a no hovel
I am buying the chateau zneuf du pape
I am the leader you will all follow
@singletackmind
A £200 per person accom bill for three night is hardly showing off is it. Hes not booked them into the Dorchester has he.
I have another possible theory, some people on here have a chip on their shoulder for being unsuccessful and think everyone who is, is out to show off, when the reality is they are just being normal.
Whats probably happened is hes looked for accommodation for 8+ people with secure bike storage etc. There is probably one place suitable. Hes worried its going to be booked. The place only takes booking for 3 nights or more. So hes now in the position of taking a chance and booking it or letting down the groom. Hes (at big financial risk) chosen to book it.
This, most likely. Organizing stuff for groups sucks.
This, most likely. Organizing stuff for groups sucks.
I've been lurking on here and whilst I agree with the general sentiment that the Best Man should've checked first, I do kinda feel like he's the only one trying square the circle and get something that's suitable. Having done similar in the past I must say that I've also been at points where I've thought screw it I'm going book something because they'll never all agree on anything and we might end up with nothing as a result.
I realise that 200 quid can be a lot of money for some, and that's the solution that needs to be found now in order to make the square peg fit in the round hole he's booked. Expensive wine on top of it doesn't seem to be a good start, though. However I'm also dubious of asking everyone to bring something as that also leaves the door open for someone to rock up with a slab of no-name lager from the nearest discount wholesaler and then spend all night drinking "someone else's" expensive wine/whisky/beer.
Don't envy anyone trying to organise such a thing - and probably wouldn't bother with a multi-day thing with that much organising as a result.
It's not willy waving. A mix of unthinking and a need to book something I think
Hes not booked them into the Dorchester has he.
I should bloody well hope not, in this day and age!
So hes proposing 3 nights, does it happen to be a bank holiday weekend then?
It's not going to be £200 though is it. Add on 3 days of food and beer money / whip round kitty will add another £100 easy.
If it's not willy waving and is more of an oversight then fair enough.
IDGAS as its not my cash, but I do have an issue with other people, who are often passing acquientances spending my money for me.
Few good tips on here. I'd add a suggestion to have tiered rates for nights stayed (encourages other to stay longer - £200 really isn't expensive if they had agreed to do a stag do at all)
haven't worked out your specific rates but for example
3 nights: £40 per night
2 nights: £50 per night
1 night: 60 per night
My wedding cost £180 and stagg do was at a rave where everyone bought their own tickets and got themselves there...
I have another possible theory, some people on here have a chip on their shoulder for being unsuccessful
So success is defined by your wealth?
Sounds like a nice weekend away. Quality is remembered long after the price is forgotten. And if I was one of the more well off, I’d offer to help subsidise those less fortunate. It will pay off come the day of the wedding.
Quality wine and joint cooking, which is always a good bonding experience. Spend less time worrying about the quality of the biking, and more about the cooking, eating, drinking and conversation.
@anagallis_arvensis "So success is defined by your wealth?"
Of course it is only poor people will tell you anything different 🙂
On a more serious note you will see I never defined what success was, only unsuccessful and I think being resentful and judgemental of people with more than you does not demonstrate succeeding in life. If you are happy and have a feeling of satisfaction with your lot then you would not feel the need.
For me the crux would be the length of the trip as it was original sold. Was it a 3 night trip and some folks are just bailing early or a shorter 'core' trip with the option to stay on longer for those fortunate enough to be able to? If it was a three night trip was it implicit that it was ok to dip out early or come along late or are they being cheeky/awkward? Are those people not taking full advantage of the length because they just don't want to, have other commitments or because in doing so they want to save some money?
If the whole group stayed for the full 3 nights the cost is not so bad. If as a group you are prepared to use the fact you have hired a kitchen and eat in for the bulk of the trip it might even save money in the all up cost. Obviously if it's just the bedrooms and bathrooms that get used and all food is bought out its a waste.
For me I suspect the error came when flexibility was offered or sought- clear expectations from the outset would be my mantra. As a regular friend (i.e. not the best man) if I was invited to a 3 night stag celebration in a hired cottage but knew I could only stay for one I would accept appreciating I would have to pay for all 3 as I had reserved a bed for the event rather than offload the cost on to others to pay for my empty bed or not go at all.
I've organsied 2 stag weekends - yes lots of faff. I think I ended up making a reasonable sized loss on both through payments coming up short or just shelling out for little extras to make sure the groom had a really lovely time. They were two very good lifelong friends (hence why I was best man obviously) and it was important to me they had a great time and shielded from some of the faff. I was not hard up but money was a factor in my day to day life at that point and the loss was felt but in the big scheme of things my friends having a great time with his friends was and is far more important.
This is a tricky one. As convert has said above, it's hard when you give folk the flexibility to chose how long they stay and subsequently how much they pay. I'd assume lots of people would be tempted by the cheaper option of fewer nights but not consider the knock on effect this has to everyone else. It should be all or nothing I think. The problem then is that people might pull out and leave it unfeasible for the remaining few to split the cost.
Obviously the organiser really should have sought more feedback before booking as it doesn't sound like he has gone for the most suitable option. However, after organising a stag weekend for my brother I realise how hard it is to please everyone and how frustrating it can be chasing everyone up...the worst are those who suddenly just go silent when payment is due or the late call offs who don't expect to have to pay anything.
As a regular attendee if I was invited to a 3 night stag celebration in a hired cottage but knew I could only stay for one I would accept appreciating I would have to pay for all 3 as I had reserved a bed for the event rather than offload the cost on to others to pay for my empty bed.
This is a good point, if you can't make all 3 days you sort out your own accommodation for one night. This doesn't however help at this juncture.
Obviously the organiser really should have sought more feedback before booking as it doesn’t sound like he has gone for the most suitable option.
Totally agree with your post, but on the quoted sentence you could equally argue the the opposite. If some people are hard up a self catering house is going to be way cheaper than cheaper accommodation but eating every meal out. Plus bike storage. Plus I assume it will be in a good location for the activities saving everyone long drives the the start points.
You could argue it's pretty much ideal in every way which is presumably why the organizer felt he had to snap it up before he had time to consult everyone.
I think being resentful and judgemental of people with more than you does not demonstrate succeeding in life.
I've met plenty of people with loads of money who have led very unsuccessful lives as well as lots of people with lots of money who are always jealous of someone else having more.
"I’ve met plenty of people with loads of money who have led very unsuccessful lives as well as lots of people with lots of money who are always jealous of someone else having more."
Well they have been successful at accumulating wealth 🙂 Success is a bit like fitness, fitness for what, success at what. No such thing as success at life, unless you consider passing on your genes as success.
What I have seen on this thread though are people who don't know the best man, have no idea of his motives assuming its some sort of showing off or "willy waving" Chances are the guy is doing his best to organise a nice weekend for the groom and his mates.
I am not sure there are lots of people with money who are jealous of people with more. Most of the people I know who are wealthy are just grateful for the position they find them self in.
A £200 per person accom bill for three night is hardly showing off is it. Hes not booked them into the Dorchester has he.
Stag-dos have to be inclusive. That means lowest common denominator.
People being pushed beyond their limits just breeds bitterness and resentment, as does subsidisation. Whether that be genuinely honest hard-up folk with understandably wounded pride, or whether it be better off generous folk feeling rinsed by classic car collecting freeloaders.
It sounds like this situation is toxic. People will drop out or limit their committment, which pushes prices up for the others, which encourages drop outs, it's a vicious circle.
I'd be cancelling the house (not in a huffy way), apologise for having overcooked it, and just have a night out in the pub.
Cameraderie, bonhomie and general good spirit by far the most important elements of the occasion to preserve.
Best thing to do (retrospectively) would have been to find a venue with a range of accomodation and get everyone to book what they were comfortable with - thinking camp site with attached or nearby B&B.
This has worked for groups that I have been part of on trips to places like CYB etc.
My wife is not a big drinker and has had the mickey taken on various hen trips - all seems more trouble than it's worth tbh.