[Closed] Mates stag do - perspective and thoughts please

I'd be having a word with the stag and probably checking the cancellation policy on the house!

Sounds insensitive to say the least. I'd go with a quiet word in the stag ear, unless the weekend is a total surprise to him...

Tricky situation - the best man has been a massive cock imho, talk to the stag, explain the situation.

Went through this last year. Ended up paying equals. Dinner was worse with an agreement to split the bill then the best off person at the table kicking the arse out of it with steaks and extras when some were considering sandwiches.
Some left the night out early, me included. In fact I left the whole shitstorm at 0700 and took myself off riding.
The wedding was interesting with rich boys suggesting the stag do crew all chip in£100 each. It would have taken the whole cost to £600. Which for a stagdo and wedding is pricey.

Pay and go or don’t pay and don’t go.

TBH it doesn’t seem that  unreasonable to me

£200 is probably around what you'd pay in a B&B for 3 nights.

I agree though. Totally wrong to force that financial burden upon people without any consultation. If the organiser wants the extravagance then maybe he should stump up the cash?

The concept is not a surprise to the stag tho the details are. I don't think it can be cancelled without a big penalty.

The amount of faffage has really peed me off as well - for example a chain email of 20+ emails discussing what way we were going to communicate! Ie Whatsapp. facebook group, chain emails etc.

Its only two weeks time. I can see me an the organiser ending up effectivly subbing the rest as we are the best off!

The organiser also wanted to buy two crates of posh wine to be paid for by everyone. I said no to that very forcefully

there was a bunkhouse we could have had the entire thing for for 1/3 of the cost that I suggested

Well, the booker has been thoughtless clearly, but it's your mates stag do, so I'd suck it up.

I'd try and persuade everyone to rally round and not let the bookers action ruin the Stag's weekend.

That said; this is probably a good solution for a stag weekend, the alternative is probably multiple B&B's or the Premier Inn, suspect the booker is focused on an evening of heavy drinking into the early hours rather than fun on the trails?

The amount of faffage has really peed me off as well – for example a chain email of 20+ emails discussing what way we were going to communicate! Ie Whatsapp. facebook group, chain emails etc.

Makes me glad all my mates are married already...

Well, the booker has been thoughtless clearly, but it’s your mates stag do, so I’d suck it up.

I’d try and persuade everyone to rally round and not let the bookers action ruin the Stag’s weekend.

Thats about where I am at. I am going to speak to the skint guys directly.

I've been on both sides of this.
Organising stag do's is hard, you ask what people want to do and, at best you get a vague consensus, at worst you get silence. Then you ask if anyone has anything that might need to be taken into account, dates, cost, duration, etc. again, often you hear very little. Then you book something, often without full sign off from the group as they've been useless so far and want you to sort it, with the best of intentions and it all kicks off as the dates are wrong, it costs to much, the location isn't any good. At that point you're often so annoyed with everything that you just say "sod it, this is what it is, do you want to come or not?", so coming across as dismissive or arrogant. Tie into this that not every best man is a great organiser anyway.

Obviously the other side is that as an attendee, you offer a few ideas but in truth leave it with the stag to sort out. He then books something that you don't think works, he acts like above, and you feel aggrieved about it. When you ask for other options he tells you to sod off.

So, I do think you have a point, but I'd also suggest that best man is not doing anything to deliberately annoy people. Speak to the stag, or possible the best man in person and see what they say. Offer to help with other options. But don't go to hard on him, he's likely doing the best he can.

Tricky one, this sort of thing really annoys me but I've not experienced it to this extent. Last stag I went on had a stripper we all had to shell £20 for, a truly grim experience.

Why doesn't everyone pays what they feel is fair, and organiser pays the rest. He might learn something. It's basically about him being inconsiderate, I see it as fair that he ends up with the costs.

And a veto on organiser booking/ordering anything further with the same penalty.

I agree it should not of been booked without checking with the group, but is £60/£70 a night the end of the world for a stag in a nice house? You could have dinner in rather than eating out to recoup some of this. Yes it would make me look and see if i could afford the 3 nights or maybe only go to 1 or 2 nights. I had to do this an a stag before as due to other financials at the time and i could not do the full stag, others went abroad for theirs and i skipped those due to cost.

What would the stag want? Nice house or bunkhouse? Its his stag so i guess go with what he would do himself.

I'm getting married at the end of the year, having been involved in shit like this before, makes me really tempted to not bother with a stag do.

there was a bunkhouse we could have had the entire thing for for 1/3 of the cost that I suggested

This is an insightful quote. If you want a stag do with a focus on drink and chat but with a side of riding them a big house and lots of good wine works really well. If you want it to be a riding weekend with a few beers in the evening then the bunkhouse works better. The best man clearly thinks the former, though the fact he wants to buy good wine not 250 cans of Fosters suggest that he does want to keep a degree of civility to things. If he was asking for money to get the class-A's in I'd be more worried!

Also bear in mind TJ that you sound like you know the area well and are well versed in booking nights away of that kind. For someone who doesn't, booking a big house in the hills may well feel like the best option.

I'd suck it up, sounds like the best man wants to book somewhere nice for the stag, but just has not considered other peoples' budgets. I agree with the ideas of cooking in to recoup some costs. A big chilli or curry etc.

I know a few friends now who have not had stag dos for this very reason, the cost that you put upon people, for sometimes, quite appalling entertainment and accommodation.

I get married early next year, all I am having is a two nights away with my twin and older brother. Probably at Afan lodge.

unkhouse we could have had the entire thing for for 1/3 of the cost that I suggested

I think I'm at that stage in life where if someone booked three nights in a bunk house full of farting half cut bikers as a fun weekend I'd be as hacked off as you are about the house booking.

I think I’m at that stage in life where if someone booked three nights in a bunk house full of farting half cut bikers as a fun weekend I’d be as hacked off as you are about the house booking.

Me too! 🙂

£200 for 3 nights in a nice place doesn't sound too bad to me.

£200 for 3 nights in a nice place doesn’t sound too bad to me.

If you're skint and this has landed on you, when you're only staying one night, different story.

Considering the number of p*ssed up morons at Manc airport bar at 5am every weekend heading abroad, I'd say the stag wasn't being overly indulgent here. If most of you ride I'd dare say you (they) wouldn't think twice about dropping £200 on new bike parts when they break? If the stag is a proper mate then just go. Nothing stopping you, quite rightly, pushing back on expensive booze for the house though.

I'd also echo Lunge's comments about trying to get a group of blokes to offer suggestions / thoughts! If the weekend of mtbing was proposed, the simplest thing in the world would have been to say "yes, but I need cheap accomodation and will be happy to sort my own nearby if you want to spend a bit more". Obvioulsy aimed at all the group, not just you tj

Yeah we ended up paying. Only the best man and rich boy stayed in the accommodation for all the nights it was booked. Stag said he'd have rather gone fishing in the pentlands and had a few beers.

I’m in the crowd of people that would chalk £200 for 3 nights in a large house as not very expensive, yes a bunk house would be cheaper and have their place, but for 3 nights with a group of 40-50yr olds, nah!

Bottom line is these things do add up and a mates stag do with associated travel,food,accommodations and activities always add up to an expensive weekend.

As an organiser you’ll never please everyone one.
Sounds like there isn’t much time left, and they have had to make a decision and get it sorted, long email chains suggest that it’s not been the easiest group to arrange for..

If there is a few who just can’t afford it, then I’d be having a grown up chat around what options there are to control wider spend. I.e don’t have a beer kitty, eat in 2 out of 3 nights, allow people to opt into other things that will cost money.

It’s a case of suck it up!

1) Don't bother the stag with this. He should suffer zero stress.
2) Suck it up, £200 is far from ludicrous.
3) Best man should have consulted everyone before making the booking.
4) The best man is bothering to organize it all so cut him some slack, if he wasn't doing it the job could land on your lap!

I feel your pain TJ, but maybe the bloke organising is well off and just doesn't comprehend not being able to afford stuff.

My BIL's stag do was organised by his best mate & best mate's brothers who are all millionaires. Being a bunch of young lads they went all #Instagram and booked a #longweekend in #Marbella with day time spent at #Nikki Beach. It was absolutely insane the money being thrown around - €20 for a small bottle of lager, €80 for a bog standard jug of vodka redbull, and - I shit you not - €1500 for a bottle of vodka. I went out the first night and ended up feigning illness the rest of the time, just sat by the hotel pool and mourned the death of my bank account. It was a normal weekend for the rest of them though, and I don't think they even considered that other folk don't generally have that kind of disposable income.

Is there a chance of reigning in the expense while on the stag do? For instance, putting an absolute ban on having a kitty - my pet hate on a night out

Had this with a mate who works in the City. Expensive, multi-day stag do was organised, local mates all made their excuses. Ended up taking him out for a curry & lash up round the local pubs the next weekend. Everyone was happy!

The “he’s a mate so just suck it up” argument doesn’t wash with me. Works both ways. If the stag is genuinely a friend would he really want all his friends stressing over money etc on his behalf?

I went out the first night and ended up feigning illness the rest of the time, just sat by the hotel pool and mourned the death of my bank account. It was a normal weekend for the rest of them though

I organised my own stag do, booked a couple of rooms in a hostel in Wales and spent a magnificent weekend riding, walking, eating, having a giant fire and - for those that wanted to - drinking. I can't remember the exact costs, but I'm pretty sure with shared fuel to get there the accommodation, travel and food came to about 60 quid each, then as much as folk wanted to spend on beer.

Clearly that's not for everyone, but I had a brilliant time and so did everyone else. But I was very conscious of cost, as we're not especially well off and neither are some of the people I wanted to be able to come.

Not much use to @tjagain but @uselesshippy, stag dos can be great done the way you want them.

Its quite cheap imo - if you don;t want to go don't

Where is it ? If say, Aviemore, Coylumbridge area then that’s very much the going rate for a biggish rental for a long weekend. Awkward situation and sounds like it may grow arms and legs...

Well over a thousand pounds for a house for 8 for 3 nights. some of the people going will only be there for 1 night, some 2, some 3. The stag is getting it for free

details of the house please, sounds like good value if it’s in a nice location and has good rooms with en-suite etc.

Ta folks. some good perspective there. I can afford it - its no issue to me.

Its the other chaps I feel sorry for - the skint ones but I feel a wee bit resentful I will end up effectively subbing them - but that I guess I do have to just suck it up.

Its in Galloway. The house looks lovely and also I take the point about a bunkhouse not being suitable either! We will be cooking in - not going out and that has also caused a bit of friction until two of us said " we will do the cooking" The the best man put a ludicrously low food budget in! There is effing spreadsheets and everything going on!

Its maybe a bit control freak from me as well. I like to decide stuff!

Generally for a long weekend away on a stag, 200 quid or so is par for the course for digs and travel. On the cheap side tbh.

Tricky one, as someone who's had to suffer 'Billy Big Bollocks' from time to time who seem to love splashing everyone's else cash, mostly it seems to see them squirm, I know the OPs pain. A lot of it though is expectation management, if he eased in the the idea of £200 for digs it might have be a sweeter pill.

Equally I've been the poor sod trying to herd cats and organise a 'thing' for adult males, few will want to say on a big group Whatsapp "I can't afford much" well, until they know what it costs. The ones who'll say "I can't make it because..." to every date for weeks until they finally admit they were never actually going to come anyway, the ones who offer no opinion whatsoever until the plan is finalised and then poke holes in it and worst still, the one who always seem the most keen, the most excited, the most engaged with the whole process and then when it comes to pay up, completely ghost the group, never to be heard from again.

details of the house please, sounds like good value if it’s in a nice location and has good rooms with en-suite etc

Question being, have they told them it's a stag do?
We tried booking a few places for a mates' do, and once we told them it was a stag do (mostly 40+ and pretty mellow!) they either said no, or added 50% on the price.

I’d go for suck it up and pay if he was a really good mate. If he wasn’t I’d say too expensive for me and bail. No shame in not having as much money as others. For good mates I’d try and make the effort. About 15 years ago I spent the last £400 I had in the world on a good friends stag do weekend and lived on beans on toast for about 3 months after.

seosamh77

thats just for the house - travel is on top

To play devils advocate - what do you think a weekend away in a nice area, in a nice house with loads of drink and food should cost? At least the activity is free and you don't have to pod-out a load extra for go-karting etc.

And for what it's worth I think the modern way of stag and hen do's is complete madness - just go to the local boozer the night before and turn up at the wedding with the mother of all hangovers!! 🙂

what do you think a weekend away in a nice area, in a nice house with loads of drink and food should cost?

You keep missing the point that there are folk who simply can't afford that.

Stop worrying about what you think other middle aged men can or can't afford,they're old enough to make their own decisions.I'm assuming the best man is best man for a reason? Certainly sounds reasonable to me and if you booked me in a bunkhouse for my stag do I'd put you on a table at the wedding do right at the back with all the kids next to the toilets as punishment .I can't believe there's been some bickering when you're involved tj! You can always get the beer/wine in for those you think can't afford to.

Can't imagine getting to galloway will cost that much!

Last stag do I went to was in Dusseldorf, spent 110 quid on flights, 90 quid on digs, 40 quid on dortmund ticket, and about 400 quid on food an bevvy and other odds and ends! 😆 3 nights.

Great trip, 28 of us went! Was carnage tbh! 😆

Btw whatsapp is the only way to organise these things these days, everything up front and open, anything else is mental!

OI

I haven't been involved in the bickering! I realised early on the faffage was off the scale so simply told the best man that all I needed was to be told where and when to turn up and what with!

Its that two or three folk are upset because the costs are way out of their budget and / or they are being asked to pay for 3 days but only going to be there for one

I agree about the modern stag / hen weekend. If it had been up to me it would have been a day out biking and a meal in a pub then everyone goes home. Or even camping - the only person in the group who does not go camping regularly is the best man!

I think all you can do is limit it, if you are staying in a big house and therefore could have a few beers there or eat there instead of being out, don't "sub" people, but turn up with a slab of beer or a couple of bottles of whisky, so perhaps it cuts down on the money spent at pubs etc, at the end of the day if they can't afford it (and i have been that person for multi-day foreign stag-dos), then at least they they have the choice to come and stay at the house, but they could always stay in and miss more expensive elements, if the stag is a true mate, then he'll understand that at least they came and didn't skip it completely and there is beer in fridge and place to stay.

for example this was todays contribution from one of the participants - which is what prompted me to post here

As I've said, firstly off list, then on list, I am unable to come for more than one night. One evening, one night, one morning. I think it's pretty poor that there's pressure on people to contribute more, in money and time, than they can. So, sorry if you are offended but I'll be assertive: I'm not paying for two or three nights. If this is not acceptable then count me out,

Thanks chaps - once again the anti echo chamber here does really help me to clarify things

I can see this ending up with me and the best man paying £3-400+ each so the others end up with an amount they can afford so they can attend - the alternative is the skint guys don't attend and we end up with a half empty house at £3 - 400 each anyway!

It's out of order for the best man not to consult everyone before booking, but having tried to organise these things myself, there will always be someone who isn't happy. I'd say split accomodation equally, but everyone bring their own contribution of booze - buying expensive wine and expecting everyone to split is a bit out of order.

It doesn't sound very expensive to me tbh, but then I can afford it, it's a different kettle of fish to someone who is skint. As for food, best to split the cost between people equally unless someone is blatantly taking the piss, in which case they should add extra. We've always done this at meals and means less stress for everyone. If the more wealthy end of the group kick off about it, then I'd say you need different friends.

Btw, I agree that if only staying one or two nights means you should only pay per night that you stay.

tbh, I think youse are making this more difficult than it should be.

It's absolutely unfair for people only going one night to be expected to pay for 3, assuming it was known that the amount of time people going would be variable. (would be a different story if people are changing their mind after committing to 3 days)

So you simply divvy it up on a per night basis. Find out, how many are going*total number of nights everyone is there/price of digs = Happy days, you've got a per night price.

As for food/bevvy. Tell people to bring their own bevvy/find a local source they can buy their own.

For food, do a similar sum above, to define a per head budget if it'll all in house cooking..

I also think you have made a mistake buy saying the stag goes for free, ime, not usually how these things work, you are already going to be spending a pretty penny going to the wedding.

But it's not really difficult, just do the the sums and it'll all work out fair enough.

For future reference btw, best way to organise these trips (technically we're on to 40ths now, stag do's are past!) is start a whatsapp chat, declare dates, a destination and hotel, tell everyone to pay and get themselves there whenever.

Go mental at said destination! 😆 Happy days!

The wedding will cost nothing! The couple have hired a cabin on the shore 15 miles from me and there is camping around it. We will cycle out to it and camp there overnight - as will most folk attending. All we will spend is money for a few beers.

I was looking for folks opinions so I could see what folk thought fair and thus try to guide things down that road

Fair do's, paying for the stag then is reasonable enough.

Biggest thing I think you've got to worry about though from hiring a house, is who is going to do all the domestic stuff. As you'll need to hand it back in a reasonable condition!

This is where hotels and cleaners come into their own for trips like this! 😆

The wedding will cost nothing! The couple have hired a cabin on the shore 15 miles from me and there is camping around it. We will cycle out to it and camp there overnight – as will most folk attending.

My initial impression on reading this post was that 200 quid for three nights was pretty reasonable (speaking as an Englishman ;-)), though buying expensive wine seems a bit CFH. However, it really depends on the people and if the wedding is in a cabin with camping it looks like the organiser is the odd one out. Should've got the communications better sorted, but too late now. Go with the house and everybody pays per day. That will ramp it up for those only staying one or two nights but hey ho. And get cheaper drinks.

You keep missing the point that there are folk who simply can’t afford that.

You'll always get this response, for some its the easy cop out, for others there are genuine reasons. In our group, those with genuine reasons have been lent money, those who have a history of using this excuse for anything do not...

Last one I went on was less than 200 for 3 days bed, activities, food and drink. I thought it was amazing value, some thought it was a lot so a few paid for them so as not to make an issue.

In fact in the end there was a surplus so we put it behind bar at the wedding.

Just enjoy it, sad for the groom if there's any ill feeling.

My thoughts:

Paying for the groom is a laudable gesture but in this case unrealistic - you already have a shortfall on funds. I'd simply abandon this idea. He's paying for a wedding so is probably North of ten grand down, another £200 isn't going to make any difference.

The best man has, presumably with the best intentions and at short notice, arranged all this off his own back. The consequences lie with him. If he can afford to stump up the full price up front I'd assume he can afford to take a hit on some folk being unable to pay - if he can't, he's a fool.

Calculate a price per head per night, that's what everyone pays. If it's a grand, 8 people and three nights that's a base rate of 1000/8/3 = £41 per head if everyone turns up. Then either the best man takes the hit on the shortfall as above, or if he genuinely can't then bump up the price to soften the blow, £60/night say. However you calculate it, that should be the same for everyone. Maybe ask for voluntary donations from those who are more flush?

Expecting everyone to pay for all three nights if they can only stay for one is madness, no-one is going to agree to that.

sad for the groom if there’s any ill feeling.

I agree very much - which is why I want to try to be peacemaker and this thread has helped me to see whats fair and right and what is not

cougar - the actual wedding will be well under a grand!

thanks for the rest of it tho

... ie, what @seosamh77 said. (-:

I’d be having a word with the stag and probably checking the cancellation policy on the house!

Dear God No!

It's a basic test of your group/friendship(s) for the Stag that He doesn't become embroiled in such nonsense, especially before you've even gotten there... FFS you're all grown men!

I expect the BM booked these fancy lodgings because:

A) It suited the needs of the event (you know you've a bunch of bikes and sweaty old men to accomodate).
B) It's better to book something, and worry about the finances later, than allow the bickering to grind the whole thing to a halt.

Lets be honest ~£150-200 for three nights staying pretty much anywhere isn't bad (IMO). For those that can only stump up the £50 for a single night, fair enough, they weren't fully consulted. Perhaps those of you with deeper pockets need to be a bit bigger about it, stump an extra £20-30 and hope that Karma repays you at a later date (or the bar).

The point is sort it out amongst yourselves and keep the Stag clear of BS.

Perhaps those of you with deeper pockets need to be a bit bigger about it, stump an extra £20-30 and hope that Karma repays you at a later date

I think this is the road I shall try to go down. It will be rather more than £20 extra

~some of the guys going I do not know really which does not help. Some of the guys claiming poverty have collections of classic vehicles which is why they are skint!

thanks againfolks

The wedding will cost nothing! The couple have hired a cabin on the shore 15 miles from me and there is camping around it. We will cycle out to it and camp there overnight – as will most folk attending cougar – the actual wedding will be well under a grand!

You just can't beat that famous Scottish hospitality 😉 Do you have to forage for your own supper too ?

Some of the guys claiming poverty have collections of classic vehicles which is why they are skint!

tbh you should just tell them to stump up or piss off.

**** that, I'd bin it. Wedding sounds shite anaw.

Life's too short to tiptoe around bawbags. 😊

If the cost is going to mean fewer of the stag's mates actually turn up, it's poor organisation. On the whole 200 quid for three nights is not exorbitant though. Of course you could stay in a bunkhouse, but not everyone wants to stay in a bunkhouse. Let's face it, you could probably head off to a bothy for next to nowt!

You'd drop a LOT more than that on the kind of European city break weekends which are sadly the fashion at the moment.

If a couple of the guests need to be subsidised a little, you need to discuss it like grown-ups. Perhaps BM does need to be pointedly informed that not everyone is as minted as him.

If a couple of the guests need to be subsidised a little

I don't really get the subsudising talk, figure out the total night nights everyone will there there/price, and you've and absolutely fair price, no-one is subsidising anything.

ie say it's a 1500 quid house.

8 people going.

4 going for 3 nights.

2 going for 2 nights.

other 2 going for 1 night.

total nights = 12+4+2=18

1500/16 = £83.33

so

4 pay £250 each

2 pay £167 each

Other 2 pay £84 each

There's no subsidies going on there, just what should have been explained from the first minute! 😆

Like I say, it's not rocket science.

I'd also be factoring in the cost of a local cleaner to come in on the monday morning too tbh! 😆

The only subsidy happening is the stag in this case, so for that you just ask people to chip in on his share there, I'm assuming/hoping he'll be one of the 3 nighters! 😆 If there's grumblings there, that's probably where I'd be happy to chip in a bit more to keep the peace. (based on the sums above, you are looking at asking everyone for and extra 35ish quid to subsidise the stag.)

edit, fixed my sums!

Unfortunately, in the grand scheme of things, that's currently a bit of a bargain for a stag do. Anyone attending should have had an expectation of spending that amount. Not saying I think it's right, just trying to be realistic. Add to that the usual faff of getting a bunch of folk who don't know each other that well to agree... the BM has made a reasonable job of it.

I also know folk who claim poverty but seem to manage to splurge money on their hobbies. For some (not all) I reckon it's a measure of how much regard in which they hold the groom and future missus.

A little perspective - the Premier Inn in Dumfries would cost £204 for three nights this weekend.

(1000/3)/7 = £47.62 so for £6 a night extra you could all sub the Stag, which seems reasonable (IMO).

But I'd not expect those staying for one nights to have to cover two more nights.
How many are doing the full three nights? how many only one?

If it's only a couple then the rest of you could probably cover the shortfall for an extra ~£35ish each? And ultimately the BM did take the risk so any more than that and it's sort of his duty to make sure final bills are settled...

In the grand scheme of Stag do ecconomics this ain't a biggie.

I remember being sat there in an Indian Restaurant with a £250 shortfall on the bill after the "Whipround" and half the attendees already putting on their coats knowing they'd not put in their share, wondering how the rest of the weekend was going to go if we couldn't get past the forst meal...

Travel lodge?
Cheap. En suite. Bikes in room. Find a pub with a good snug and reserve it for a night. Cafe breakfast then ride off farting into the sunshine

figure out the total night nights everyone will there there/price, and you’ve and absolutely fair price, no-one ex subsidising anything.

This. (So long as you don't get anyone going "well, I can do one night or two depending on cost, how much is it?")

This. (So long as you don’t get anyone going “well, I can do one night or two depending on cost, how much is it?”)

Or only the BM and TJ are there for 3 nights and everyone else for one.

I pitched in with the organisation of a stag do last year - the best man and I arranged it. We had an idea of what the stag would like to do, came up with two options- a cheap option and an expensive option. The first thing we did was pitch the two to the group with approximate costs and say which they could afford. If one person couldn't afford it, we'd do the cheap option- whatever we were doing, if they're proper mates then the stag would rather have everyone there rather than have something flash and have a good pal missing.

Ours involved a weekend in a farmhouse in the Lake District, a walk up a mountain, a pub dinner, boozing, a pub based orienteering event and we hired some sailing boats. The whole thing was about £150 each plus fuel to get there. I don't really see why it has to cost £500 - while in theory I could afford it, I do other things in my life and £500 is half my holiday budget for the year! I don't think I've ever been on a stag do that cost more than £200 and they've all been excellent.

This is why I'm not married. Mate of mine was getting married a few years ago so I got an email from the stag. He wanted us to stay in a hotel for a weekend and do loads of activities which weren't going to be cheap. I'm not sure figures were mentioned but it didn't need a genius to work out it wasn't going to be cheap. I said early on I couldn't make it, a little white lie maybe thrown in but I just wasn't prepared to bankrupt myself and resent my friend and his mate. Same with weddings. We've booked this really nice hotel and we'd like you to come and share our happy weekend, we'd rather you did two or three nights rather than just one. And we don't really need anything as we've lived together for years but could you chip in for this expensive artwork we'd love but can't afford. That'll be £500 quid please. No thanks. Maybe one day if I can afford to pay for everybody to come we'll get married but I'd hate to think people were going to hit in the wallet just to come to my wedding.

Cougar

Subscriber
figure out the total night nights everyone will there there/price, and you’ve and absolutely fair price, no-one ex subsidising anything.

This. (So long as you don’t get anyone going “well, I can do one night or two depending on cost, how much is it?”)

I'd imagine it'll not be difficult to tie 7 people down to a number of nights each!

If it is, I'd abandon the trip, with immediate effect, it ain't gonny go well! 😆

The wedding will cost nothing! The couple have hired a cabin on the shore 15 miles from me and there is camping around it. We will cycle out to it and camp there overnight – as will most folk attending. All we will spend is money for a few beers.

Ravensheugh?

If so the cabin rental cost is usually far from free.

no food? No entertainment at all? No bar? No marquee? Or generator?
As with @nobeer it doesn't sound great.
or is it just 8 manky bikepackers and a bride with a 4 pack of stella each and a bluetooth speaker? (no family, normal folk etc. invited)
in which case why even rent the cabin?

As for the stag doo. £70 a night in a big posh house seems thoroughly reasonable so yes. If you can afford to. Pay for your mates if they really can't afford that.

I'd be more worried about their old Carreras surviving the stag ride but our definition of mountainbiking differs hugely.

😉

I'm not sure why you'd even ask here other than you know fine someone will do the arithmetic for you to split the bill fairly 😉

Why doesn’t everyone pays what they feel is fair, and organiser pays the rest.

I think Al has a reasonably sensible suggestion - not because it stings the organiser but because it leads to a sensible discussion. I'm not sure why the stag needs to get it for free. I think anyone going on an overnight stag do* and expecting to come away without spending £100/day is deluded (unless there was a prior agreement that you were going for a budget option). A couple of points to bear in mind though when discussing whats fair: Presumably everyone was invited for the full time, and it was their choice to only come for 1 or 2 nights. Presumably nobody else is occupying those rooms when they are not there. One night is always more expensive that 1/3rd of three nights.

*especially a "grown up" stag do where inevitable some people will have more money than a dozen 20 yr olds.

Steven - I quite agree. Some friends got married in effing Italy ( no faimily there) and were quite put out we did not go. No way was I going to use a chunk of my holiday and a chunk of money to go to a wedding no matter how nice. Same for expensive stag does - but invited to a couple of " lads weekend in a european capital" type does. All turned down

Initial cock up not getting agreement of folk before

If people are genuinely skint let them go all 3 days and charge them for 1.

Doesn’t sound like you will get better accommodation. Who wants to stay in a bunkhouse!? And by the time you add in food and pub costs I bet it’s no different to renting

For some (not all) I reckon it’s a measure of how much regard in which they hold the groom and future missus.

The only common denominator in it all is that everybody can stay at least one night.

Therefore, as the decision was made to book somewhere for 3 nights without asking everybody concerned, I'd suggest the following.

£1500 / 7 / 3 = £71 ish each per night.

As people were not really consulted before he booked it and to make sure everybody goes, it is now reduced to 1 night at £71 each - surely people can find that money and time.

£71 x 7 = £497, so the idiot that booked it in the first place can cover the shortfall and have himself a nice 2 days alone rattling around ;o) *

* this may cause a slight break in friendships.