Materialism vs Good Enough = boredom

Have a word with yourself.

This is a common issue in our society.  You are taught to strive to earn money to buy stuff.  You get to your middle years and find that this does not satisfy you.

For me the answer is not to care about "stuff" but about friendships, experiences, etc.  Happiness is not found in material goods

No, I think it is a thing about how we are wired.
I cannot relate to people I know who are really materialistic - for whom launch of a New Model requires you to bow at the alter of materialism and marketing.

It's never about the destination it's always the journey, you just need to get on a different train.

Dunno what you're talking about mate, I'm 43, bored at work in my IT engineering job. I'm buzzing today cos I manualled the table top at the pump track yesterday.

My lads getting quicker as well

I have a surfeit of negative excitement if you'd like to trade?

That (the sorted life/mancave/kids/car etc) all sounds good to me, and probably like many on here, that's something we'd all like to achieve, but are  some way off for many reasons. But I understand the need for excitement, so best seek it on the bike/other sports if you need the hit instead of upgrading material things.

Ultimately stuff isn't that interesting, it's what you do with it.

**That's obviously for those of us lucky enough not to find money, food and stuff a constant stress**

I’m going to say it once more - I thought it was clear in the OP - before these descends into another character assassination this is not about me, just about the principle I described.

For me the answer is not to care about “stuff” but about friendships, experiences, etc. Happiness is not found in material goods

I have found this to be the answer for me too. It is very easy to buy things and spend more money than you have.

It took a bit of effort to move into this mindset though, and it does seem to be going against the cultural grain to a degree.

Coke and high-class hookers is the answer! 🙂

Engage in some charity if you have spare money for nicer things but won’t feel any benefit from them. We went to a cash for kids event last night and everyone brought a present for a child that would otherwise not get one. In total I think over 25,000 presents were donated so that’s 25,000 kids that would otherwise be waking up on Christmas Day with nothing.

Why spend a fortune swapping a 320d for a 330d if you feel no excitement for that when the money could be putting something under the tree for an otherwise forgotten kid who will definitely feel the excitement from it?

Op - you talk in the serenity thread about not taking the bait based on responses on another thread that you started about winter flu and behaviours, yet you seem to need to keep on planting bait by starting threads that are going to lead to 'character assassination', a phrase you seem to use often in these threads that you start.

This isn't a criticism, it's an observation.

It's certainly an interesting thing - I've hit a point where I own all the 'stuff' I need, and all the 'stuff' I want that isn't insanely expensive. I have enough, more than enough really. What I don't have is time to make use of these things, which is a conversation I'm having with my partner - work hard now maximising our pensions to retire early, or go part time for more time right now. It's a difficult choice and there isn't a right or wrong answer.

I think everybody's keen on dopamine, or "reward" generally; it just depends what an individual finds rewarding.

I reckon some are at least as dependent on stress as they are reward, or it's the satisfacton of that stress need that provides the reward for them.  I can imagine those folk will manufacture stress for themselves if there's no true stress (needing that car/watch/... for external validation is one thing but if you can turn that to internal validation then you're really cooking!).

Stressing over having no stress is probably just a version of ^ that, too - in my mind anyway

https://www.annalembke.com/dopamine-nation

Consumer Culture and Modernity -  Don Slater. Modern societies creates wants and needs that they don't need. Blah blah blah.

There is strong theory in the dopamine hit from continually being excited is like a drug.  When i say excited, that can either be the journey as murdooverthehill put it, or through other experiences in life, good or bad (often comes up in trauma cases)!  The body responds to all of these experiences, and once it has nothing else to react against there is a feeling of boredom, when in reality it is just calmness.  If you've been so used to the journey/the expereinces then you (we) may have a tendancy to insitgate excitment in other ways just to get that dopemine hit, so many instances where this happens -just starting an argument is one, affairs, buying a harley -those midlife crisis type things -not surprisingly, as it's been sad up there, there is a good chance you've materially got stuff sorted and they were the excitment -so what's next..

edit .ha -Davros just posted what i was too slowly writing about..

Everyone needs something to moan about, if you haven't got anything to moan about, moan about that!

I think you're correct in that we are somehow programmed to "improve". We each manifest this in different ways and in different goals. Finding, and retaining, a compatible life partner therefore becomes key (for those of us who want one). Even then, I think there can be internal tensions in that relationship if both are very strong-minded characters. As an example, we could have "upgraded" our house -and I mean by moving - several times as our salaries increased but we both chose not to. The result of that was the opportunity for early retirement, with no mortgage. With a different partner and different goals, we might still be working.

Could you start a rumour about you and a co-worker?

yet you seem to need to keep on planting bait

Only few you it seems.  Have a good Christmas Iain. 🙂

Yet, why does all of that acceptance and good news feel “dull”?

Becasue we're all of us soaked in a society that tells us daily that our lives would be endlessly improved by [insert product here] It's massively persuasive, all encompassing, insidious and designed to hit well observed and documented psychological triggers in our animal brains. It's really hard to fight, and like trying to give up on an addiction, feels like you're emptying your life of something that while you know is probably bad for your health, is at the same time, delicious, fun and an essential part of your life.

"May you live in interesting times."

What nickc said ^. But I think a big day out in the hills somewhere where all media is removed can be a good reset from all that stuff. Or any activity that make you present in the place and nothing else is considered. But most activities are shorter than a day. Walk or ride for a day, with company ideally, and you can clear all that crap away far better.

I think we are all (or mostly) wired up to survive first, then have kids to further our genes, then build some form of empire. Once thats done then life becomes pretty pointless unless you can focus it on joy (in whatever form it may take).

If "stuff" no longer brings you joy then you need to find and prioritise other things such as activities you like doing or investing time in things you care about.

But you must check yourself regularly and acknowledge that very few people get to this stage and for most life can be a hard slog

It's time to do a triathlon!

Is the mortgage paid off?

We cleared our mortgage years ago and we absolutely love our house, I drive and tinker 20year old paid for cars, I work but have a laissez-faire attitude to it, I own a single Seiko5 watch that I wear for everything. We have a dog but no children.

MrsRNP works 4 days a week in a artistic creative job that she absolutely loves even though it doesn't pay very well, it does allow her to run a community/social kitchen on her day off that feeds 80 - 100 people every week without cost and will do 150xthree course FOC delicious Christmas dinners again this year with gifts for the children.

We don't have any debt and are in a happy place in life but from being involved in the above with MrsRNP I do know we are lucky/fortunate and I never take that for granted.

The people who always want more, never satisified with what they have, will never be happy.

I’m going to say it once more – I thought it was clear in the OP – before these descends into another character assassination this is not about me, just about the principle I described.

You can put it in that wrapper all you like, but this is about you and how you feel. You just think (rightly) other people think or are wired the same as you. But this is still about you.

Personally, I'd be ashamed to have written that. And I'd have caught myself way, way earlier in the spiral into materialism. Yes, I own a lot of nice 'stuff', and I feel very lucky to be in that position, but it is almost all a tool to do a job. The job being to lead a good and fulfilling life of doing stuff.

A watch collection......blimey. If I ever say/type those words......

And breath...

Could I suggest a little (very) light christmas reading for you - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Little-Book-Humanism-Universal-lessons/dp/0349425469   maybe to start the new year with a mindful reboot of life's priorities.

Can I suggest putting everything you own on red? Should liven things up for you a bit.

But aside from being frivolous, yes I kind of get what you mean, up until 8yrs ago both my wife & I had been in single I come households where failure to get paid at the end of the month would have been pretty disastrous, but now we've got money to spare, kids are grown up & everything we need/want so life can be a bit beige at times.

It's about the journey, not the destination

"It is better to travel hopefully, than to arrive"

RLS

Talking from experience, life is about what you do, not what you have. TJ has it, friends and family are the most  dear to me and I invest my time and energy into this.

What TJ said.

I've spent years amassing stuff. Books and other media, electronics hardware, games, camping gear, board games... and for what? When I die it'll likely all go to charity or landfill.

My partner is a WFH childminder and more plastic crap arrives daily. It's like navigating the Krypon Factor assault course just to get to my shoes. She's saying "I don't know what to get you for Christmas / your Birthday" (I'm one of those people cursed with a birthday right after Christmas) and the fact of the matter is, I don't want anything. My Amazon wish list is a few of books - I do not need any more books - and practical stuff like a pair of good pliers.

What I want is experiences. Book an escape room for us. Spa day. Weekend break somewhere. One year I did a track day in an Ariel Atom. Another, I got to pilot a helicopter. Those were phenomenal gifts. No-one ever laid on their death bed going "I wish I'd done fewer things and bought more VHS cassettes."

Can't you just have an existential crisis?

Just think about the fact that at some point the Sun will collapse in on itself and then explode wiping out not just humanity (assuming humans last that long) but every piece of evidence humans ever existed.

And that's assuming we're not just a simulation being run by a particularly spiteful intergalactic incel teenager.

Interestingly, it actually makes absolutely no difference if we are 'real' or a simulation because the end result is going to be exactly the same.  Oblivion, with no one remembering any of us were ever here.

Hope this helps!

I’m going to say it once more – I thought it was clear in the OP – before these descends into another character assassination this is not about me, just about the principle I described.

@Kryton57 - I don't really recognise the principle you are describing, I see it in others, but I'm not sure I have the same, my parents definitely don't.   I have friends who seem to be chasing a very very comfortable retirement who if they stopped and looked around them would realise that they could have a very comfortable retirement that starts 5 years earlier if they stopped chasing a dream that society has created for them, or even a comfortable retirement 10 years earlier (for many of them about now).   When I look at all the people I know, the most content are often those who have very little.  Can you switch mindset?

Oh - and like RNP - paying off a mortgage and being "debt free" is a remarkably liberating thing.  It redefines good enough.

Over the last ~30 years, I think it's easy to have got carried away with the excitment of new tech and buying the latest snazzy model. But taking gaming PCs as an example, our ~10 year old i5-6600k CPU with an RX580 GPU upgrade a few years ago is still playing most games fine. Back in the noughties, I bought three new systems, because things moved on very quickly.

I think perhaps we are driven by a need to gather "stuff"  Evolution would tend to that?

Capitalism has used this and manipulated this drive so as to condition us to feel successful by the amount of stuff we have.  Sometimes like the OP folk get to a point where they have all the stuff they could ever possibly need and then start to question it all.  Sometimes folk like me just don't play that game.  Sometimes folk spend their entire lives striving to have the stuff they need

Its what makes capitalist societies work but it can also lead to much unhappiness

i don't think this is anything to do with materialism - its just having something in your life to aim for. Once something is easy, it becomes a lot less interesting. When I had almost no cash I'd be all over the latest gadgets, bike parts, etc. Now I can relatively easily afford all of that stuff, I've lost the desire to and I just buy something that'll get me by - case in point, the trail bike I ride now (as an IT middle manager) cost 60% of what the the trail bike I bought in 1999 (as a fruit picker earning £1.93 per hour) cost me - take inflation into account and thats a £6500 bike whilst earning a pittance vs a £2k bike now.

I now get joy from other things, which is ironic as I seem to spend more time working than I ever did before.

It can’t just be me , and god forbid nothing negatively exciting happens to us as a family, are we just wired to not accept the status quo? Are we really that addicted to Dopamine?

Nope - its really really common..   Both wired and conditioned to do this I believe and yes  dopamine really does work like that

I think the more,more, more drive is a part of human nature, experiences are very similar for wealthy westerners, bagging experiences is just another version of materialism. These natural instincts are being manipulated by marketing throughout our lives.

Charity or community projects for your matured needs.

Thanks for posting though.

I think perhaps we are driven by a need to gather “stuff”  Evolution would tend to that?

I think I'd be cautious of evolutionary "just so" stories. I think Capitalism shapes our brains, the way that it drives particular ideologies; individualism, competition, materialism, these are all the 'invisible hand' of a consumer world. It's easy enough to see them as deep-seated elements in our societal fabric. Overlay them onto an impressionable and mailable brain, and voila...

bagging experiences is just another version of materialism

It certainly can be.  But taking pleasure in simple things is not.

I mentioned it briefly but having a dog has been the best mindfulness / mental well-being, and after marrying MrsRNP is the best thing I've done in life.

Trying to give Bert the best life I can give him has taken us on some amazing walks and adventures. They are not necessarily expensive, long distance or Insta worthy and you have to be open to the glimpses that nature gives you but they have been fabulous moments that I've shared with a dog that having a Rolex on my wrist or walking back to a shiny new car wouldn't have contributed to the experience.

I wouldn't swop or sell these experiences for any amount of money.

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Liven your life up with the objective of more interesting healthier eating and lower cholesterol at the next test.

The happiest times, family aside, was when I have been riding my bike for 2 or 3 months at a stretch. No possessions other than what I was carrrying on the bike. Feeling as healthy as at any time in life. Nothing to do each day but pack up, ride, set up tent for the night.

I still have the same 3x9 touring bike I bought in 2008. It does the job. No need to change it.

I think several hours of moderate exercise each day and seeing new places every day must have been part of evolution. Exercise needed just to survive.  Liking new places an evolutionary advantage. But maybe that is bollocks and bike touring is just a pleasant hobby and if you can arrange to do it for a decent amount of time it is great.

Would there not be an evolutionary pressure to strive?  those who seek out new food sources and lay in a reserve do better than those who  eat all the fruit from a tree and sit in the sun?

I agree tho with the conditioning that is inherent in capitalism.

Would there not be an evolutionary pressure to strive?  those who seek out new food sources and lay in a reserve do better than those who  eat all the fruit from a tree and sit in the sun?

There's a pretty significant mental leap from that to, 'needing' a watch collection to feel like your life has worth. I look at the 'just so' simplifications as an excuse for modern day materialist behaviour rather than a natural and inevitable root cause.

I mentioned it briefly but having a dog has been the best mindfulness / mental well-being, and after marrying MrsRNP is the best thing I’ve done in life.

Same here. Four legged sertraline.

This thread, could have taken a negative turn, but turned out to be extremely positive!

For others like me, who might just casually read it, there's some absolute gems in here.

I feel this issue would be solved with some mindfulness. I went through a “bad patch” a few years ago, very dark. Since then, since recovering, and focusing on things to improve my mental health, I feel fantastic! Health IS wealth, both physical and mental.

One of my greatest pleasures is an evening dog walk with a beautiful sunset, genuinely. I’ll happily sit there and just watch it. Let my mind wander. We’ll all be dust soon enough, we’re so insignificant, everything is.

How about some Marcus Aurelius?

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”

Same here. Four legged sertraline.

Yep!

Nowt wrong with wanting nice things, they should compliment your life though not make it.

My life is very dull compared to how it was in my previous career, but I try to enjoy it for what it is. I get to ride whenever I like, my job doesn't bother me outside of the standard 9-5, I have good people around me and nobody is trying to do me harm.

I sometimes lie to myself and think I miss the chaos and the sense of purpose and direction it gave, but the reality is I miss the comfortable, rose-tinted version of it, not the reality.  But the dullness has a calmness and stillness that I am learning to enjoy and respect.

I guess its about your frame of reference, some are (un)fortunate to have one that allows for a different perspective.

"Charity or community projects for your matured needs"

So much this. Work to gain time, it's hard to buy more of it. Give some that time to something beneficial that isn't all about your own aims. Most faiths and some cultures recognise this and charity is a much larger part of people's lives because the truth is, it makes us happy. Altruism is under-rated.

Capitalism is pretty recent, our brains are prgrammed differently. We're programmed to struggle to survive and the way that's transferred to society today isn't all positive. The sooner we understand this in life I expect the sooner we have a chance to be happy. It's hard though, hard to avoid wanting more of something. But I think the Buddhists have it right - the things we own will own us. What I struggle with at times is how being content with what you have can cross over into feeling like you're not 'doing well' enough. Nice things are nice, no denying that. And a lot of marketing and society generally works on comparisons and judgement. So what to do, ignore all that? Maybe but we all want to feel a part of a society or community too.

I think there's another unfortunate and inevitable thing that happens as we age, that the sparks we have don't produce flame like they used to when we were younger. Maybe it's just me : ) If you find something that keeps that going, do it. Or try something new. We don't have to be the same person all our lives.

It's not a new thing, and it's not really materialism either.

Read the intro to Three Men in a Boat (1889) and John Macnab (1925) they both pretty much say what you're saying. It's just a middle aged relatively succesful man thing.

There’s a pretty significant mental leap from that to, ‘needing’ a watch collection to feel like your life has worth.

....which you're the only person to have made.

TJ has a point: there would have been an emphasis on acquiring and storing food to get through the winter, probably a necessity to have something to trade (tools, weapons, knowledge) in exchange for food from others.

But even so, if we must focus on watches, the wearing of jewellery goes way back, even to neantherthal communities, to denote status, wealth, hierarchy, and also ward off spirits / bad luck / disease / etc. It's not a new thing. But capitalism, on the other hand, forcing it down our throats at every opportunity.....

Evolution sounds like a convenient explanation- but in a world where evolutionary traits matter for human behaviour everyone on this forum is either already dead, or has fulfilled their purpose and will be!

RNP - do you have kids?  I can see that “giving them the best life” angle in parents.

Would there not be an evolutionary pressure to strive?

Yeah, there probably is some element to it, the need to find food, shelter and so on. Although once established, lots of H/G tribes seems pretty content to live the same way for eons...There's an theory that says psychopathy was a pretty useful trait for early H/G, they're the ones (so the theory goes) that decide when its time to move to winter pastures, and when old man Ug is too much of drain on the tribe and so on..that level of extreme cold-calculating decisiveness is useful.  Some Inuit tribes have a word for people that "You're quite pleased that they'll go out onto the thin ice to get the fat seal, but you'd also be happy enough if they drowned"

@poly

Mother nature decided children weren't for us. I put the love our children would have received into the dog (and fixing knackered old cars) and MrsRNP puts that love into caring for people in society.

Get a trials bike.

Personally speaking I think I’ve reached a peak of life of which I’m satisfied…. all season tyre shod  320d is the perfect vehicle ….  watch collection ….. mancave …… house is finally as we want it……  cat is happy….. the kids are healthy, etc

Amazing how the kids wellbeing is the last thing on the list, including after mentioning your winter tyres, before reverting to “etc” when seemingly listing the important things in your life. I know you want to avoid a character assassination, but you do give people ammo!

OP.... Think this might be worth a watch.

You seem very focused on material things, your status/job. Not sure how healthy that is.

Kind of related to a feeling I had at the weekend, and have had for a while now. Walking round kit shops (outdoor gear, bikes, climbing) and I want for nothing. I mean, I'd take the lot but I don't need it. I have an (non-excessive) accumulation of kit from the years which I realise I may never even wear out so I would be buying simply to have the latest and greatest, which I have no interest in. I've been minded the other way in recent months/years to buy nothing and take satisfaction in wearing old clothes for longer (which, thinking about it, is exactly what my dad did and I was mortified when he'd turn up in holey old knitted woolly jumpers - good on him).

Bored? Try serial murder. I bet those ****ers never get bored.

Walking round kit shops (outdoor gear, bikes, climbing) and I want for nothing. I mean, I’d take the lot but I don’t need it.

Meh. That's just God telling you that it's time to take up a new hobby. After all, you know the First Law of Manhood; he who dies with the most kit, wins. 

In many ways I think boredom is a privilege really- I don't mean this in a judgmental way but rather to say that if you are comfortable and a bit bored then that is probably a sign of success, at least materially, anyway. Finding some meaning or purpose in those circumstances is no doubt a challenge but its a preferable challenge to the alternatives, like finding next months rent and so on.

Personally I've never really thought I'd retire as I can imagine it being too soporific- which is strange in a way as I am very far from a workaholic and have a very middling job that's not related to anything I actually personally care about.

If I had the money to retire I guess I would simply reduce my hours and volunteer and do something a bit more altruistic, though perhaps I will feel differently if or when the time comes.

The things you own end up owning you. It's only after you lose everything that you're free to do anything

Try making (or creating) something?

Working hard to make money to buy nice* things kind of removes you from the reality of what things cost.

Doesn't have to be anything fancy just something which has a bit of "this is mine, i made it, it does everything it needs to and it was paid for with my own graft"

Just an idea.

*Nice things can be anything. I am not suggesting you make another watch.

I read the first page of comments and think many of you have missed the point.

I am in a similar situation to the OP. I have pretty much everything I need or want and am not excited about getting bigger, better or newer. Life gets dull without the excitement on anticipation.

I think that by mid-life (or thereabouts) a lot of people have the stuff they need and have upgraded to the slightly nicer stuff and no longer feel the need to upgrade again, or at least don't get excited by the prospect. This is familiarity. The excitement of a kid getting a bike for Christmas is a lot greater and more visceral that going down to the garage and picking one of your bikes for another cold winters ride.

I am not sure what to do to rekindle excitement so I just fall back on new or vaguely interesting like cutting up cars or painting things. I cannot remember the last time I felt properly excited about anything.

I think this is when it becomes about the "doing" and not the "acquiring". I walked up/ran down a hill a few days ago, in the snow and ice, at sunset. I simply cannot explain how alive, invigorated, connected or awestruck I was. Nothing I could buy would give me that feeling (though I was only able to experience it because I'd bought the right kit). Seeking out those experiences is worthwhile, though I guess not so often that they become mundane.

I read the first page of comments and think many of you have missed the point.

I am in a similar situation to the OP. I have pretty much everything I need or want and am not excited about getting bigger, better or newer. Life gets dull without the excitement on anticipation.

I think that by mid-life (or thereabouts) a lot of people have the stuff they need and have upgraded to the slightly nicer stuff and no longer feel the need to upgrade again, or at least don’t get excited by the prospect. This is familiarity. The excitement of a kid getting a bike for Christmas is a lot greater and more visceral that going down to the garage and picking one of your bikes for another cold winters ride.

I am not sure what to do to rekindle excitement so I just fall back on new or vaguely interesting like cutting up cars or painting things. I cannot remember the last time I felt properly excited about anything.

With respect, I think it's you that missed the point and you proved it in the following sentences.

It should never have been about acquiring the stuff. Let alone upgrading the stuff. I acknowledge the dopamine hit that new 'stuff' can give you and I have been there as has pretty much every person in the western world. But......and it's a huge big but......that should never have been your main source of dopamine. It should always have been about what you are doing or what you plan to do with that stuff. Alone, with friends or with family - it's all good. But the use of the stuff should be the driver, not the collecting or upgrading of it.

Got to confess, I'm a bit surprised/disappointed that you WCA say you are rarely excited about anything - you seem to be one of life's doers, forever with a creative project on the go. My version of 'dull' is mostly about time. I am blessed with enough 'stuff' or access to stuff and live in an area where 'doing' is so so accessible. My head is buzzing with adventures I want to go on, skills I want to learn, projects I want to do. My ambitions and goals are limitless. I could fill each and every day with new challenges and joy, with enough kit to do them (even if some of it is a bit shabby and not the latest and greatest). Then I remember my nemesis - lack of time. A 6 day a week job, plus a side business have the potential to swallow me up. As a couple we made the decision that my wife would change career path and work in the 3rd sector for little more than minimum wage and it feels great that she is using her talents for something so worthwhile. But from a selfish perspective, that's me stuck in a time consuming role I don't love earning a stable but modest income. My 'dull' is not needing 'stuff' - it's ambitions beyond what my available time is able to fulfill.

If I was the OP (and me too I guess), the route out of middle aged moroseness is not frustration at not needing to buy stuff but to find a way to acquire more time to lead a fulfilling life of doing.

I am not sure what to do to rekindle excitement so I just fall back on new or vaguely interesting like cutting up cars or painting things. I cannot remember the last time I felt properly excited about anything.

It's TS Eliot and the petit ennui of life to an extent. As you get older, less and less changes, fewer experiences are novel. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find ways of inserting novelty and change into your life. As scotroutes says, experiences - and they don't have to be extreme ones - are a good call. Travel to somewhere mind-blowing is like living in technicolor, everything is fresh and new, time slows down.

But you can, to an extent, do the same thing with your local environment. Go night-riding. Ride a new route. Or a familiar one in reverse. Or walk familiar trails and focus on how different all the details are, the things you notice, at walking speed. Find a new bike challenge. Train for it. Or don't. Bite off something you're not sure you can handle. Go and wild camp on the local hill.

I know that's all a little obvious, but either finding new things to experience or finding new interest in the familiar works for me. Alistair Humphreys and his whole microadventure thing doesn't appeal to everyone, but essentially that's what that's all about. Trying to get the same buzz that you would from travel, without travelling. Finding new interest by looking at the familiar in a different way. Go ride every bridleway on your local OS map sheet maybe? Try a new hobby? Join a local group? etc.

But probably not buying stuff. We need to make less stuff while we still have a planet left to not make it from.

You need to rediscover the joy in simple things.  Everything does not have to be bigger and shinier.  A glimpse of a kingfisher, a glorious sunset, a chat with a pal.  the well earned pint.

I've realised my purchasing of 'stuff' was more related to periods of depression rather than boredom.  Never impulse purchases - things I'd wanted for sometime but were too expensive to just buy - then come the onset of winter misery, boom - I've spaff'd loads of money on mostly things that are 'slightly' nicer or better.  You know things like chris king hubs, zipp 404s etc..

I do think the 'boredom' bit means you just have more time to look at endless marketing and convince yourself - oooo I need that new shiny thing.  The busier I am the less time I have to get tempted

But you can, to an extent, do the same thing with your local environment. Go night-riding. Ride a new route. Or a familiar one in reverse. Or walk familiar trails and focus on how different all the details are, the things you notice, at walking speed. Find a new bike challenge. Train for it. Or don’t. Bite off something you’re not sure you can handle. Go and wild camp on the local hill.

I know that’s all a little obvious, but either finding new things to experience or finding new interest in the familiar works for me. Alistair Humphreys and his whole microadventure thing doesn’t appeal to everyone, but essentially that’s what that’s all about. Trying to get the same buzz that you would from travel, without travelling. Finding new interest by looking at the familiar in a different way. Go ride every bridleway on your local OS map sheet maybe? Try a new hobby? Join a local group? etc.

This is good, simple stuff.

Familiarity breeds contempt so it's probable that we get jaded in middle age. However "boredom seeps into the boring mind" so when I feel bored I take it as an insult to myself and try to do something. Becasue I can. I don't always manage it, there's times when the melancholy is heavy and as I understand it anyone with depression would find it very difficult at times. But the answer is there. JDFI (soemthing new). The fact that we have to reach out of daily routine to find this newness or excitment is a comment on how easy our lives can be really - 1st world problems.
Sometimes I wonder how bad being a multi-millionaire could be - potentially the most bored you'd ever be, nothing to strive for with any value or consequence especially after the experience of getting there probably being so full of experience. I think I'd go all Into The Wild.

It should never have been about acquiring the stuff. Let alone upgrading the stuff. I acknowledge the dopamine hit that new ‘stuff’ can give you and I have been there as has pretty much every person in the western world. But……and it’s a huge big but……that should never have been your main source of dopamine. It should always have been about what you are doing or what you plan to do with that stuff. Alone, with friends or with family – it’s all good. But the use of the stuff should be the driver, not the collecting or upgrading of it.

I think for most people though, for at least the first 20-30 years of adulthood, the acquiring of stuff is inextricably bound up with 'progression in life', and so it's easy to consider them as one. You want a car to be able to go and do stuff. You want to own your own place/house and build a sense of security. You perhaps want kids. But first you need a job. And then you need to progress in that job and get some spare income. And if you get a house, you need to furnish it. And if you have kids, you need to clothe them.

So the desire to buy a sofa of your own isn't just about 'acquiring stuff', it's a signifier of your progression in life. You're not a skint 20-something in a shared house any more! You've got a house, and some money!  And that's exciting! You can buy smart clothes! A bike! A 35 inch TV, just like you always wanted! It's not just the acquiring, it's knowing that you've 'arrived' in life.

But I agree that you get to a point where this fuzzes out into something else. You're not 'progressing in life' any more, and the two get separated. I'm probably getting there myself now - mid 40s, still have my charity shop coffee table and sofa that I bought when we got this house, could afford to replace them if I wanted, but if I did, it's all just incremental upgrades now. Fortunately I don't feel the ennui mentioned above (yet) but I can see how I'd get there, especially since my health doesn't allow me to go biking and hiking and camping etc.

if everything you owned burnt to the ground, what would you buy again?

So the desire to buy a sofa of your own isn’t just about ‘acquiring stuff’, it’s a signifier of your progression in life.

For a laugh.  I am thinking of moving to the country and buying a house.  I realised I would have to do something I have never done in my 63 years - buy some furniture!  ( I bought the flat furnished)  I just do not have anything like enough furniture and "stuff" to fill a house 🙂  The whole idea gave me a conniption

I may have taken anti materialism a bit far

You need to rediscover the joy in simple things. Everything does not have to be bigger and shinier. A glimpse of a kingfisher, a glorious sunset, a chat with a pal. the well earned pint.

Maybe this middle-aged melancholy is just the price we pay for success?

I've finally reached a point where I can walk up a hill just to enjoy the view—no other reason than to simply be there and take it in.

For years, I dreaded it. The Army made me trek up too many hills in brutal conditions, and it created an aversion to anything that reminded me of that time.

But now, I can embrace the whole experience. What I once dismissed as "walking without a purpose" has become a way to enjoy both the journey and the view. Now, the walk is the purpose.

I used to regret not being the "successful" type at school—the ones who went to university, got degrees, and seemed to have it all figured out. But now, I realise I’ve gained so much more than I ever would have from that path. I’ve discovered joy in embracing things I once overlooked or never considered.

And probably much like you TJ, the loss of people close has sharpened the focus on the important. And stuff ain't it. It's all about people.

Like this this weekend, I went to a gig with my best mate. We randomly met at Hammers a decade ago, struck up a conversation, and bonded over our shared love of bikes and music. That chance encounter started a friendship I still cherish. I look forward to the time we spend together riding bikes, chatting nonsense, and enjoying life.

Maybe this middle-aged melancholy is just the price that is paid for success?

If so, I'm glad I've never been successful.

Have a look at the "today's photo" thread to see what inspires people. There's the hiking, biking, skiing, kayaking... that you might expect on a MTB forum but there are also pets, bird boxes, landscapes, buildings, DIY projects, holidays... .

This morning was a trip to the tip with rubble then to the DIY store for cement, sand, plumbing pipes and planks. Now I have to find the motivation to do something with them, think I'll go for a swim instead. Anyhow, the coffee cup is empty so no excuse for sitting in front of this computer any longer.