Marriage breakdown

Sorry to hear OP. I can't give any advice other than what my BiL has been given, he's currently in an extremely similar situation.
His solicitor said DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE.

Sorry to hear this

Is it worth getting a private investigator?

Her movements when she's out and about might strengthen your case for her not taking you for everything

But I have to ask. Are you certain that it's ONE event with the bottle of vodka that's been the catalyst for this? There seem to be some strong allegations flying around

That sounds like an absolute nightmare. No real advice to give except get some good legal advice ASAP. But this sentence struck me.

She wants me to move out of the bedroom that I have slept in solely since we moved into this house across into what is basically a series of garages ,one of which has a sink. No toilets and cold and damp.

'She wants' doesn't mean you have to jump at the click of her fingers. What you want is equally as valid, it's your house too. Would she think it reasonable if you asked her to move into the garage? If a break up is inevitable, make sure you are as proactive as she seems to be in retaining what you are entitled to.

She drops them off after school most nights and says she’s going for a drive and comes back at the kids bedtimes also). She is out of the house for 90% of the day.

I hope you manage to work something out for the sake of your health and your kids. I’ve been there.

But that statement rings alarm bells for me. It honestly suggests she’s seeing someone.

Sounds like a horrible situation.  I can't imagine what that's like but you have my sympathies. Women can be hard when they've made up their minds on something. It sounds like you could do with some couple therapy if she was willing but it sounds like it may have gone too far.

Best of luck getting a decent resolution.

I'm fairly sure it was just the one event with the bottle of vodka. Weve been arguing more due to the stress and cost of the building works, there was one big argument about 2 weeks before I was stupid. She became very friendly with the builder and was constantly messaging him and he gave her a massage for her sore shoulder apparently. He had started other jobs and was not turning up at ours very often.

  I told her that wasn't right and I messaged him to tell him I thought it was very unprofessional touching my wife, that we needed the job finished due to what it has cost us and the time its taken.

She wasn't happy and we barely spoke before I went into hospital.

I think we both realised during those 4 weeks were probably better apart.

Do not move out of the house.

100% she is having at least 1 affair.

Tin foil hat on, why have you passed all that money to the builder? Campervan,stocks and a remortgage?

Is there anything left to divide when you do split ?

How on earth did you end up in rehab after one incident? Did the Mrs suggest it?

As above, get a private detective on her case, find out what she is up to.

Move out. Get a flat. Get a solicitor. Take care of your own mental health and your children.

100% she is having at least 1 affair.

You don't know this, and it's not helpful.

OP - Sounds awful, and for empathy/sympathy/understanding/venting, use this place, it's great for that kinda thing. However, for advice, use a solicitor.

Get some advice from a lawyer if you think you're marriage is going to end, and you don't think it can be done amicably.  Depending on who's name(s) the house is in, leaving temporarily doesn't necessarily effect your rights, and if you think it'd be best for your mental health and as a parent to your kids to do that, then do it.

You don't know this

They haven't slept together for 7 years and she was out until 2am two night's on the trot.

She has basically given their savings and equity to a builder who she texts constantly and gives her a massage.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, its probably a duck.

I understand that you want to be helpful and supportive but it seems she is just taking the piss.

legal advice is a necessity to protect your position as is a good friend to confide in. 

the first question is do you want to save the marriage - everything else depends on that.

the first question is do you want to save the marriage – everything else depends on that.

Reading the OP, there's no saving it... it's done.

 but it seems she is just taking the piss.

No offence to the OP, but we're just getting one side, probably doesn't help to have folks speculating on what his wife's up to. 

It certainly sounds like she has made her mind up, and is operating strategically with the benefit of legal advice, so I'd strongly advise you do the same.

Unless you feel it is worsening your mental health, do not agree lightly to the move out of the family home. Banishing you to somewhere which is basically uninhabitable in winter suggests she certainly does not have your welfare in mind.

Carry on with the cleaning and caring for your children - as you say, her leaving them with you regularly does not scream that she considers you a danger to them. Keep a diary of this.

If, giving her the benefit of the doubt, she is just going for a drive, then should you have concerns for her mental health? She may need additional support.

Only move out if it's really what you want to do.

I went through a separation, though a fair bit more amicably than yours sounds, and my instinct was to leave, just because that was what I think I was conditioned to believe.

Anyway, I was told to stay by the good folk of STW and started to work out what would happen if I left.

I'd have have to keep the mortgage on the house going and also pay rent as my ex wasn't working. In effect I'd have been trapped until my ex decided to leave the house.

In the end I stayed and she moved out.  Life has been tough over the last three years, make sure you look after yourself so you can be there for your kids.

I will add things get easier and everything will hopefully work out for the best.

Lastly, be kind to yourself and have a virtual hug.

Nella - been through a Divorce about 4 yrs ago. Firstly , as above get some legal advice. With any split involving finances/pensions etc this is where things get messy so a decent solicitor is a must.

Don't move out, but try to come to some arrangement if you can. maybe a couple of days away at family with the wife doing the same so the kids get care etc.

have you looked at getting mediation? this is something most couples should look at.

Have you got family who can support you?

Based on experience - and without speculating:
- do not move out
- see a solicitor as a priority
- ask her to explain her evening and weekend whereabouts; that question and any response will be useful to your solicitor
- keep a diary and keep in a safe place which she cannot access
- talk with your parents regarding how they protect their business to prevent her attempting to claim 25%; they should take legal advice
- tell her you want to see a letter from her solicitor to confirm she has one
- if you have joint bank a/c(s), stop paying in and set up your own sole name a/c(s)
- do you have a joint mortgage and, if so, what proportion of it does she pay?
- get professional advice on what circumstances, if any, would need to exist for you to be forced to move out
- tell her that your principal concern is for the children but you are not going to roll over
- it's very easy for one party to claim, without a shred of evidence, the other makes them feel unsafe; make 100% certain you make your solicitor fully aware of her assertion

Take care of yourself; if you don't, you will not be supporting your children nor will you be helping yourself.

operating strategically with the benefit of legal advice

Never believe the legal advice that the other party says they have received.  Often its advice from a "friend" or the internet, sometimes its from a lawyer but retold through a lay persons eyes with their own bias, and often the lawyer has been told a version of events that would be different from if you told it.

These statements don't really correlate:

Firstly we haven’t shared a bed since our twins were born seven years ago so I guess it’s not been right for ages, but it was always amicable.

and

I’m fairly sure it was just the one event with the bottle of vodka

and

I think we both realised during those 4 weeks were probably better apart.

If you are both clear the relationship is over, there's no point fighting that, but you can still go for mediation to agree what the future looks like.  It won't do your case any harm if you can show you've responded to the breakdown with civility and dignity and tried to calmly do the right thing for everyone involved.  I'd suggest she's also got the wrong end of the stick about what you were doing in the priory.  Perhaps a professional can help her rationalise that.

Of course talk to your solicitor, about your rights - but they should also be able to propose how sane couples resolve such disputes.  BUT if she wants you to sleep in the garage that's the sort of behaviour that sounds like controlling behaviour.  If the genders were switched, you'd potentially end up in the cells if you manipulated her to do that!  Don't be afraid to speak up if she is being manipulative / unreasonable.  Police and courts are starting to realise that domestic abuse is not always physical and is not always man on woman.

As an addendum to my earlier post, if this does go fully legal, do not forget that family courts generally presume in favour of the mother.

– ask her to explain her evening and weekend whereabouts; that question and any response will be useful to your solicitor

– tell her you want to see a letter from her solicitor to confirm she has one

I agree with the rest of your advice but I wouldn't do either of those, it's likely just to provoke a confrontation and put her more on the defensive - neither of which will benefit the OP's situation.

As an addendum to my earlier post, if this does go fully legal, do not forget that family courts generally presume in favour of the mother.

Not necessarily, if the OP is mainly working from home it will work well in his favour. When wife & I parted company (over 25yrs ago) she was the driving force & I told her she'd better be the one that left then, had 3 boys all under 7yo & was main reason I've been WFH for nearly 26yrs now.
Best of luck OP sounds like you've been through the grinder already 😕

My sister is a family law solicitor, and tells me that the presumption of the courts is not to favour one particular parent, instead it's to minimise disruption to the children. It just so happens that in the majority of the cases, their main caregiver tends to be the mother.

Just as a point of order - assets are not the property of one or the other partner.  They are joint assets. 

assets are not the property of one or the other partner.

Doesn't sound like there is much in the way of assets.

has gone way way over budget to the point we had to re mortgage ,sell the camper van and I cashed in the majority of an aviva portfolio I had.

Doesn’t sound like there is much in the way of assets.

Though enough cash to stay in a Priory Hospital for four weeks, with associated loss of earnings?

Though enough cash to stay in a Priory Hospital for four weeks, with associated loss of earnings?

Private medical through work and a decent employer who pays salary when sick?

The amount of speculation on this thread is bordering on the distasteful.

The OP is clearly having a particularly crappy time. Offer support or advice, but don't pick over the bones FFS.

It feels that there to this than meets the eye but it sounds like she's using any excuse she can as leverage. What she tells you verbally that she thinks she's entitled to isn't worth the paper it's not written on.

The worst thing you can do is move out. And I sure as hell wouldn't be sleeping in a garage either, especially not in December.

Have you seen a doctor at any point (other than the incident)? Counselling and/or medication may help with the depression etc.

IHN - 100% agree with you.
The speculation is unacceptable and unhelpful.
OP posted that he '...just wanted to try and get some idea of what to do'.
Why not bear that in mind before pressing the submit button.

As for the cost of staying at The Priory the OP didn't say he paid for it.
He's a director of 2 companies owned by his parents; the cost could have been covered by an insurance policy or by his parents.
That's my first and last piece of speculation on this thread.

Talk to a lawyer/solicitor not STW. Hope it all works out whatever happens.

Thanks guys, made a list of questions to ask Solicitor.
Trying to see it from her side. I've been pretty depressed most of this year. I hadn't made the effort to make friends since we moved to this area and I'd stopped riding my bike. I didn't want to leave the house and felt horrible social anxiety , had little motivation to-do much but always tried to enjoy family trips and time with the kids. We would still spend time together and she always put the lack of intimate contact down to hormones from all the IVF treatment we/she had.

When I left the hospital she said she thinks I should be out of the house most of the day "like a normal person" but the advice from counsellors was to start small.

I told her I was going to be going to a support group called Men's Shed which does community projects, I signed up to volunteer at a community woodland/forest school project (I really enjoy this and they have asked me to get a dbs check so I can contribute to more sessions). I joined a fitness club that runs in the local village hall and I attend 1-1 therapy each week.  My mental health has improved greatly and I now have people I can call or go out for lunch and talk to
This apparently is all "Mickey mouse stuff"

I have worked the same way and same hours since the day we met 17 years ago. I told her maybe she should get out of the house more and she seems to have taken that to the extreme.

I have no doubt things are over. Once she makes up her mind then that's it. She  hasn't spoken to her Dad for 8 years over him offering our eldest extra chocolate cake. Every friendship I've seen her make from a 9 year NCT class friend who's daughter grew up with my eldest. To her friend in the village, to our neighbour who we went away on holiday with. One argument and she cuts them off, blocked no further contact so I imagine I'm now on that list. I think the only reason we have stayed together so long is due to me hating conflict and always trying to make things right.

I'm not sure she's having an affair and part of me thinks does it really matter (other than the thought of some other guy living in this house that has cost so much).

The house still has some value as it is quite large with a decent bit of land. Other assets are my pension.
I paid for the first two weeks in the Priory with money we had set aside for the driveway which the builder never started on the agreed date. The following 2 weeks I asked my Dad for a loan. I still received my salary (Although I didn't spend a penny that month and it was still all gone)

I feel sick reading and sharing all this and should probably stop until I know for sure what my obligations and rights are.

Just come back on for support as and when you need it. And carry on looking after yourself, the steps you've already taken to improve your wellbeing sound like sensible ones.

Don't try to 'see it from her side'.
Your solicitor should be your 'go to' and would tell you exactly the same if you expressed that view to them.
The most important considerations are you and your children.
Taking care of your mental health and general wellbeing is definitely not 'mickey mouse stuff' - it's essential so...do what you can to expunge that odious view from your mind.

As above and don't go in for any generous gestures like paying the mortgage for a year when you're not living there (don't ask), you'll still get well and truly done up like a kipper.

Binding arbitration is available and much less expensive / stressful than going to court.  If you go to court the only folk that win are the lawyers.  They do like a nice adversarial court case

https://www.jonesmyers.co.uk/what-are-the-key-benefits-and-costs-of-arbitration-in-divorce/

something else that doesn't jive is

Firstly we haven’t shared a bed since our twins were born seven years ago so I guess it’s not been right for ages, but it was always amicable.

and

wants me to move out of the bedroom that I have slept in solely since we moved into this house across into what is basically a series of garages ,one of which has a sink. No toilets and cold and damp.

sorry to hear all this Nalla, anyway.

She  hasn’t spoken to her Dad for 8 years over him offering our eldest extra chocolate cake. Every friendship I’ve seen her make from a 9 year NCT class friend who’s daughter grew up with my eldest. To her friend in the village, to our neighbour who we went away on holiday with. One argument and she cuts them off,

This tells it's own story.

Sorry that you're going through this OP. Ignore the speculation on here, it's really no one else's business but yours.

I have no doubt things are over. Once she makes up her mind then that’s it. She hasn’t spoken to her Dad for 8 years over him offering our eldest extra chocolate cake. Every friendship I’ve seen her make from a 9 year NCT class friend who’s daughter grew up with my eldest. To her friend in the village, to our neighbour who we went away on holiday with. One argument and she cuts them off, blocked no further contact so I imagine I’m now on that list. I think the only reason we have stayed together so long is due to me hating conflict and always trying to make things right

There is one heck of a lot to unpick there. Red flag on personality disorder, BPD or maybe NPD, may also be something like bipolar going on. Flipping that around - what help has she sought for these problems? Or does she believe there are no problems on her side and its all you at fault? If the answers are "none" and "yes" then I think you have a mountain to climb if you wanted to repair the relationship.

[Edit - look up 'splitting']

Keep your own mental health in mind.

Look after yourself, so you can look after your kids.

Get legal advice.

Do not move out of the house yet. Get advice first.

Stay strong.

Don’t try to ‘see it from her side’.
Your solicitor should be your ‘go to’ and would tell you exactly the same if you expressed that view to them

All of that.  This is no longer amicable and it's unpleasant but you will likely get the best result by listening to legal advice.   It is also, as mentioned above, quite possible that she doesn't have any legal advice yet.  The world isn't naturally fair however much we want it to be so getting proper advice is the best way to get a 'fair' result

Andbe careful not to beat yourself up over the vodka or anything else.  Life is extremely hard and we all break down in various ways at times, we just don't all have someone waiting in the wings to take advantage 🙁

I think most of the divorce wisdom I would spread has already been said.

I hadn’t made the effort to make friends since we moved to this area and I’d stopped riding my bike.

Now this is something STW should be able to help with, I wonder how many forum members are near your area and would drag you out for bike cake and coffee!

Cheers, I'm just outside Worcester and close to the Malverns. I've ridden the marked routes in the Malverns and they were fairly tame.

I believe there is some good stuff there but have no idea how to link it together. 

The hills are also really steep and I doubt I have the fitness to keep up with a regular group.

I'd really like to find one though as riding with friends was a big part of of my life where we previously lived. 

I’ve been pretty depressed most of this year.
...
I have worked the same way and same hours since the day we met 17 years ago.

One does not bounce a 17-year relationship over a few months of a wobble unless a) there is more to this than you're letting on or b) she's not well mentally herself. And from your subsequent posts it's increasingly sounding like the latter.

Sorry to read this OP. Stay strong and keep posting if it helps. Her name is Louise isn’t it?

I think for the previous 17 years I have always tried to keep her happy. 

I lived in a flat when we met, she suggested we move closer to our families. We moved to place in between our two families and I really settled in and loved it there. 

She fell out with people in the village and decided the school was too far away (the local school the husband of the person she fell out with was on the board of governes so no way the kids could go there). 

She talked me into moving again even though I was happy at the last place.

I feel really awful that I've gone along with everything even though it's not been what I want in the hope that things would improve. 

Part of me thinks that now I have started to put my wellbeing first that she feels that she has lost control. 

Through counselling and medication I have realised I also have a right to be happy and the fact I'm not immediately trying to appease her like usual has lead to this. 

At this point and from your posts it sounds like she's got problems not you.

I'd be depressed living like that.

Does she work?  At this point agree to knob all. Speak to a solicitor and CcJ the builder and get your cash back.  

Sorry to hear this for all concerned.

Like others have said; get the best solicitor you can afford immediately, document everything, do not move out and be incredibly polite and amiable with her and the kids.....don't touch the booze whatsoever because that will be used against you. I'd also get in the headspace that this could get nasty as they often do. Be prepared to test your character, patience and temper. Do not rise to it. Women can be incredibly spiteful in these situations. Speaking from experience.

I read further up about a PI, could be worth a look to give you an idea as to what she's up to.

Nalla,

what an awful situation. Post whatever you need to on here. There is a lot of advice and support (and some nonsense but try to ignore that)

Keep up with all your support networks. I’m aware of Man shed and they do brilliant work.. it is absolutely not “Mickey mouse stuff” because it makes you happy.<br /><br />

As an outsider your wife’s comments appear particularly cruel, her ability to completely cut out previous friends and family at the drop of a hat because of a seemingly small issue is worrying.

you now have to prioritise yourself. You can’t effectively look after the kids if you aren’t looking after yourself. <br /><br />

Legal advice from the solicitor 

mental heath care from the network you have set up 

talking rubbish… venting.. here..

all the best to you.

Bloody hell Nalla, sending a man hug pronto.
This has some similarities to my best friend's ongoing divorce, the distillation of his experience leads to these pearls of wisdom:

Keep notes on all financial situations and , if your income is disappearing from the account then it is reasonable to have an idea where it went - is she setting up a nest egg? Keep this utterly secure.
Document all abnormal behaviour, whenever she makes a mad demand "Go live in a garage" being one, "Don't touch the house or have anything to do with the kids" being another, you get the idea. She is building a self fulfilling narrative here, don't fall for it. Also keep this utterly safe.
Try to keep out of court, it is a ridiculous and expensive system.
Be fair but not generous.
Discretely move anything of sentimental value out to a safe location.

My mate has been taken to family court and investigated by the police numerous times for various fictitious and malicious reasons, his record keeping and calm demeanour have seen him proud.

Lastly, keep up the Mickey Mouse stuff, as a fellow member of the Anxiety and Depression Club you are doing EXACTLY the right things.

do not get any solicitor or any other correspondence sent to the house. it is not secure, however much you may think that unreasonable. be calm and reasonable at all times in your interactions. take care of yourself.

You mention that you do the bulk of the cleaning, cooking, house maintenance etc. It might be worth making a record of this as this obviously is a significant resource and benefit for the family, and therefore may be a point in your favour when decisions are made about who has custody of the children should it come to that point. You also say you work from home and have lots of free time (you imply that your wife doesn't work from home) - again factors in favour of someone having the time to be able to look after the children.

Hope it all works out for you!

something else that doesn’t jive is

That checks out fully.

One is still in the family home, one is not. It's squeezing the OP out of his home, but close enough for child care duties.

Keep your chin up, and do the right thing by your kids.

Lastly, keep up the Mickey Mouse stuff, as a fellow member of the Anxiety and Depression Club you are doing EXACTLY the right things

Bears repeating.

There's nothing Mickey Mouse about getting involved with mens shed, or the woodland volunteering stuff, or your regular fitness club or your therapy. You're doing something about your previous mental health issues, and that is to be much lauded.

Part of me thinks that now I have started to put my wellbeing first that she feels that she has lost control.

I'm tempted to say 'Banzai' but it would be only speculation from where I'm sat.

And be careful not to beat yourself up over the vodka or anything else.

Quite. One bottle is literally nothing in the grand scheme of things.

https://www.britishcycling.org.uk/clubfinder

A club might be a good way back into riding, less commitment, just turn up and join in with the banter. Some may become mates if you want them to. There's usually a club to suit fitness and type of riding somewhere nearby, though the advent of the e-bike has caused some difficulties in MTB clubs since Covid in this part of the world.

My lawyer sister-in-law gave up family law because she found cases like yours depressing and stressful - that was as a third party - it will be depressing and stressful. Even more depressing and stressful were the violent and abusive cases, psychological and/or physical.

Moving out to the outhouse seems a bad idea, stick with it you are the kids main carer, stay that way, they need you, you need them.

I've hired a private detective for a business, good value for money, the discussion over their mission will be interesting, I think their quizzing of you might help you to see where you are. Your parent's (business) need(s) one. 😉

Not forgetting free advice is worth what you pay for it, including mine.

I’m not sure she’s having an affair and part of me thinks does it really matter

Someone I know thought his wife was upto something, I asked him why? He said she seems happy for a change.

Anyway, she liked a drink. After a bottle of gin he used her thumb to unlock her phone and looked at the messages. Turned out she was having an affair with a bloke at work.

He then logged her onto his apple iPad so every time she got a message or sent a message he could see it. He could also see where she was. 

It was really bad for his mental health reading their dirty messages but it was really good for the divorce.

I guess it all depends on what's important. Mental health or money? 

He went through a dark period in his life but now he's over it. The kids are fine. He has his own house and a good social life. He's even on good terms with the ex wife. 

Tough times make tough people. Good luck 

Strange things are happening to this thread.

Although it's good for OP to have somewhere to vent, I think putting that on the thread is not helpful to him.

Yes you're probably right. Sorry and thanks for removing it. 

It was basically a huge long log of the last 24 hours from my side but with Police involved now I probably shouldn't have posted it all on a public forum. 

I just feel so shit now and not sure when I'll see the kids again or when they will want to see me because of how my wife has portrayed the events.

Sorry again 

Keep a record of everything that happens, dated and timed as soon as possible after it happens.

Notes on your phone are not secure enough, and do not have an accessible audit trail, which is important.

Keep it secure.

Why would his phone be insecure?

A locked phone with a pin is totally secure in a domestic situation.

Any notes he makes will have a time and date stamp.

Notes on your phone are not secure enough, and do not have an accessible audit trail, which is important.<br /><br />

if you want an audit trail then many notes apps (Evernote, one note, or something like google docs) would give you a far better audit trail than a paper record (and with less risk of it being lost etc).  Generally speaking though if you give evidence under oath that notes were contemporaneous that will be accepted unless you are shown to be an unreliable witness.  The whole point of the notes is to make you a more reliable witness - so when asked which order things happened in you can answer properly rather than a vague memory that the next witness shows must be incorrect.

I don't know what was posted and then deleted or why police are, apparently, involved but have you instructed a solicitor?
If not, do it now.

 I probably shouldn’t have posted it all on a public forum. 

Good call to get it taken off. I get that you feel the need to vent, but here's not the place for that level of detail about your life really. Shitty place to find your self in though, feel for you. 

@gobuchul

The pin can be cracked relatively easily, especially by someone who knows the owner and may have multiple opportunities to access the phone. There is a time and date stamp, but only of when the note was last written to. Admittedly there's likely to be a deeper audit trail within the phone, but it's likely to be expensive to access and validate.  It's also too easy for someone to wipe or brick a phone, and there may not be a back up.

Not sure why you think a pin is easily cracked?

If i was in a situation like the OP i worry update to a new random pin.

As for notes, the android app allows you to an individual note for each entry and is dated.

I don't think posts about how/where to keep notes and associated merits/demerits will do anything to help the OP.
It's for him to decide what to do and how to do it - with guidance from his solicitor.

Sounds like a terrible situation. If the OP wants to know where his wife goes on her "drives" then maybe putting something like an Airtag in the car might be a cheaper option than a PI. Have to make sure that it is discrete and not detectable though.

Is there any way of decoupling the parental business? - does the OP do anything for it workwise?

I've not been in this situation but can imagine how it could very easily tear someone to pieces and lead to actions and comments way out of the norm.

A lot of information has been shared and we have quite a deep insight into the OPs life, to the degree that the wife comes over as very controlling and rather irrational.

The two traits combined and targeted at somebody under the pressure of receiving said abuse, could well lead to the feeling of just wanting out and sacking it all in (the situation, not life (hopefully))

If the OP or anybody gets to this stage, I'd suggest taking themselves away from the situation for a while and putting sense and order into what faces them - before making any rash or spontaneous decisions.

Write down the points and 'things' facing you individually. That way, they are manageable and you will find the strength and energy to deal with everything at your feet one step at a time.

Tackling situations in this manner can breed strength and confidence in a person and I'd imagine in this case, the wife won't know what to do when she is challenged and doesn't get her own way instantly.

Not sure if this helps the OP, but hope it maybe gives a different way of thinking.

If the OP wants to know where his wife goes on her “drives” then maybe putting something like an Airtag in the car might be a cheaper option than a PI.

Maybe not an Airtag but GPS trackers are cheap and will not alert an iPhone. It may seem distasteful but the OP is in an adversarial situation and the more information he has the more informed his actions will be.

It may seem distasteful

It's also massively illegal and would quite possibly lead to the OP not needing to worry about the divorce anymore.

Sounds like a terrible situation. If the OP wants to know where his wife goes on her “drives” then maybe putting something like an Airtag in the car might be a cheaper option than a PI. Have to make sure that it is discrete and not detectable though.

Maybe not an Airtag but GPS trackers are cheap and will not alert an iPhone. It may seem distasteful but the OP is in an adversarial situation and the more information he has the more informed his actions will be.

Not only is this illegal as already pointed out but combined with doing something like this:

He then logged her onto his apple iPad so every time she got a message or sent a message he could see it. He could also see where she was.

It would give grounds for an easy win for her if she wanted to prove domestic abuse/controlling behaviour and put you on a watch list.

Genuine question - why is it illegal to track your family car with an airtag?

Proviso - I don't know what an airtag is!

Genuine question – why is it illegal to track your family car with an airtag?

Proviso – I don’t know what an airtag is!

tracking your car isn’t, not telling people that may be using the car that they are being tracked is very illegal.

An AirTag is Apples tracking device.

Cheers Tom!

But I'm not tracking the person driving, im tracking the car...

Nb - not being arguementative...

S2 Protection from Stalking Act 1997 would probably still see you potted though;

(3)The following are examples of acts or omissions which, in particular circumstances, are ones associated with stalking—

(a)following a person….

(f)interfering with any property in the possession of a person,

(g)watching or spying on a person

Its not highly illegal, just illegal, you’d only get a max of under a year

Cheers Kilo! 

Got it now!

It's almost as if we used to do the same job or something 🤣🤣🤣

If you were only concerned about the car, why wouldn’t you tell all the folk driving it. Especially dodgy if you only started tracking it once you became concerned where another driver might be.

It’s almost as if we used to do the same job or something 🤣🤣🤣

I was going to mention lumping cars in the dead of night!!!!! 🙂