[Closed] Lost my son today

I hated it.

It was that awkwardness when you bump into people and they dont know what to say and just carry on.

but i was working with a guy and all he did all day was ask how i was every 5 mins.. his a really nice guy but yesterday i just wanted to explode..

But i had more yet bad news yesterday and your never believe out luck.

I was told than my gran had a brain tumor and prob wont last the week.
the family kept it from us for a long as poss not to get us all upset again...

What the hell i have i done i have some real bad Karma at the moment

It must be very hard at the moment. You're coping very well though, given the situation. Keep talking to people, and don't be afraid to vent, wail and cry. It's all very natural.

I'm on half term this week, and just down the road. Do you fancy a coffee? We can talk about everything and nothing if you like; hell, we can just watch the world go by if it suits. Just let me know.

I've only read your first post, and can only repeat what so many others have already said. Your son may have left you, but he will never be forgotten, and his taking this early in his life has touched many of us who don't even know you or your family.
Both my little ones were very premature, and we spent 3 months in hospital wondering if that day will be the last, to loose one after tucking them into bed would be even harder to comprehend.
As a reader, it's touching to see the amount of support from STW members from around the country.

I'm so sorry to hear about your Gran! I wish there was something we could do to ease things for you & your family!

I took a little trip out to Sherwood Forest tonight with the balloons I was sent. I left just after sunset. I released the balloons from the edge of the forest, so they didn't get caught in the trees.

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Bruders, I have not been on line all week and just logged on, only opened one thread, this one.

Feel so desparately sorry for you and your family. God bless your son and your gran.

Stay strong mate if you can, your family need you.

As you can see you have support from friends and strangers (like me) alike, this is what makes the biking community a true community.

My thoughts are with you all and I hope you can find peace soon.

Miles

Wow Bruders that's terrible; more bad news. 🙁

I can't really say anything that's not cliche, but a lot of us feel your pain. Hang in there; it will get better!

Dear bruders,

I've not long been on this forum but I read your thread and felt I needed to post to you.

I was very sorry to read about your loss.

Nothing right now will make you feel much better, but feeling less alone might bring a small degree of comfort.

It might often seem as if all around you are getting through life ok, but it is not so, there are countless others who aren't.

In 2008, our lovely 25 year old son and great club rider, was taken from us by a van driver, on a beautiful summers evening, while he was faultlessly riding his beloved Cannondale.
It was over in a second, with no time to say goodbye….

It's left his dad mum and sister, with our lives changed forever, from the trauma of that night, to the thoughts of the years taken from him, to just plain missing him every single day.

But with time, we are, at last, slowly picking up our lives again, and although the pain will never leave, and the dark days still visit, we are learning to live a little now, whilst at the same time carrying him always close in our hearts.

There is never anything worse than losing a child, but there are endless examples of those who do live on from the trauma of such events. It's often said, the hole that's left in your heart will always be there but you can learn to build around it. I’m finding that maybe there is some truth in that.

Hope this helps.

Best wishes, Dave.

Thanks for that Dave,

I'm not to sure what to say?

See it strange because in a way its worse for you as you had 25years to know your son you had good memory with him

But im just feel numb i must admit i have been extremely snappy at work (nearly ended with me throwing my weight around) not good..

I kind of had things sorted and life was looking up for a change and now i dont really care

cant sleep to good,snappy got a constant headache and well im spending more money on bikes bits (just to do something) work is pants as a postie all i do is walk about thinking what if i did this or maybe did that. maybe i should have slept in bed instead of on the sofa.

the list is endless.

sorry for your loss dave

Bruders - it's natural what you're feeling and going through, but you have to try not to let it eat you up. Nothing that you did or didn't do made this terrible thing happen. It happened.

Don't bottle it up - maybe time to see someone who can help you with these thoughts. I heard an interview on the radio last week with the father of James Bulger who has for the last 20 years beaten himself up over what else he 'should' have done and it's ruined his life. As terrible as it is right now, you, your wife and children have lives in front of you to be lived to the full.

i have hated/loved this thread, hated it because of what started it, cant imagine what your going through, but on the other hand have loved the response it has restored my faith in humanity. been tempted to post on this thread several times but nothing ever seems to come out right, best wishes to you and all your family

bruders
Talk to Bullheart , have a manhug . He is one of the best people in the world.
Parents should never have to bury their children , its just not right.
Be there for your wife . Talk . I mean really talk, about how you feel .
stick some random rubbish on here . it will help .
rob

well the random rubbish is.

I just over this rubbish time ordered a new frame. i was thinking of doing a build to keep my mind off the rubbish times (or thats what i tell myself just self indulging on bike purchasing)

So on the 25th march my Regin x frame gets delivered
building my wheels up from hubs,spoke,rims etc hopefully this week (just waiting on the hope hubs)

Got my Shimano Zee crankset etc

just need to get the little bits now (I hope)

dropper seat post
brakes
seat
chain
stem
handle bars and grips etc
pedals

pretty much ready to rock and roll

Just need to find the perfect place to go for a ride (may time)

bruders as Bullheart / singletrackmind said 'Talk to Bullheart' go get a coffee and a bit of cake x
Sending big hugs and thinking of you x

Wow i met Bullheart tonight what a top guy, had a good chat and when he left i actually felt good about something (something i did not think i was going to feel again).

Its amazing what a faulty bike and a cuppa can do

So glad to hear that Bruders 😀

This all makes me cry and smile at the same time so much good will and kindness between virtual strangers who just happen to share a hobby, so much hope for us all.

This all makes me cry and smile at the same time so much good will and kindness between virtual strangers who just happen to share a hobby, so much hope for us all.

+1

Oh, and Bruders - you will start feeling good about things again. It will take time, but it will happen.

After having a chat with Bullheart i have decided im going to attempt some of these races, they sound pretty interesting and gives me something to look forward to

😀

Bruders - Its good to read an upbeat post from you! 😀 I hope it continues!

That's good to hear Lewis ^^

No doubt there'll be a few off here at most events you are likely to attend should you need someone to abuse or even a bit of encouragement/moral support.

Maybe, if you fancy it, we could sort out a group ride somewhere down your way - perhaps Bedgebury. - later in the year as I for one would like to meet you.

Well Nobby after i have finished getting the last little bits for the reign (just seat,seat post, handle bars) i'm going to start saving for a van of some kind so me and my friend can come all over to ride with you all. it may take some time but after the support from you all i feel i need to meet you as well.

you have all helped me so much (with out people like you) i honestly think i would be sat in a chair stinking feeling sorry for my self in stead im back at work kids are back into a routine,

we still miss George very very much and its nice to hear Alfie and Mae talk about him. i heard Mae (when she thought we was not listening ) singing to her self saying that she missed George and loved him very much and where ever he is he will have lots of Sweets.

this made me smile (something also i did not think i would be able to do)

i heard Mae (when she thought we was not listening ) singing to her self saying that she missed George and loved him very much and where ever he is he will have lots of Sweets.

I don't think I'll ever read anything as nice as that again.

So glad to see you're still posting Lewis (and I'm up for a trip down south if a ride is arranged as Nobby's suggestion!).

^^^This is good to hear.
It sounds like you and your family are doing a fantastic job at getting through this... there will be bad days, but it sounds like you will be able to work through them.

Keep it up, you family should be very proud.

Good to hear how you are getting on, Bruders...

Fair play. You really are an inspiration!

🙂

i heard Mae (when she thought we was not listening ) singing to her self saying that she missed George and loved him very much and where ever he is he will have lots of Sweets.

Bearnecessities +1

From the mouths of babes.......

It's so good to hear how well you guys are dealing with this. I know that whenever i've got trouble from now there will always be part of me that will take inspiration from you. I know it might not appropriate yet however it would be great for everyone to meet up and have a group ride!

i heard Mae (when she thought we was not listening ) singing to her self saying that she missed George and loved him very much and where ever he is he will have lots of Sweets.

That is priceless!

Good to see a little bit of distraction helping you. We are still waiting to release the balloons and will send the pictures when done.

I deliberated whether to post this, but with permission of moderators & company involved, I thought it would be quite fitting to add the best wishes from the actual people that were the first stage in making the balloon release possible...

Hi Richard,

Thank you so much for sending this over. We can now see what you meant when you mentioned you were sending them out to different locations. What a lovely Idea, thank you for sharing that with us.

Extending warm wishes and regards from all here,

Susan
--
The Balloon Printing Team
www.balloonprinting.co.uk
0845 486 0198
Please reply to info@balloonprinting.co.uk

On 27 February 2013 10:27, <richardmcoulter@hotmail.com> wrote:

Richard Coulter

Hi, I had an order off you a few weeks ago for 200 printed balloons. It was for quite an emotional reason and I think the lady that took the initial call was a bit upset. I also think that eveyone involved in the process was fantastic. I thought I'd share with you the reason for the order, and thank you for all your efforts.

http://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/lost-my-son-today/page/17

Richard

That's good to see..

Well today been bad one min I kind of feel good then earlier I saw some pics and it just reminded me what has actually happened it's just not bloody fair.

Stupid life what's the point nice things never happen to me (except you lot) I just end up with the bad.. And why is it only the @#&* heads that get everything and live a wonderful life..

I try and help everyone I abide by the law and yet I get shat on

I know it sounds a bit trite, but don't forget to count your blessings too, bruders, you still have children and a wife to love, who I'm sure love you too.

Edit: And don't forget you're allowed to have "down" days, you can't always be strong.

Be brave Lewis. Don't concentrate on what others get in life; focus on the wonderful family you have, and how the thought of them running around, face painted and offering to help fix a bike on a Sunday night, made me chuckle as I drove home.

These are very precious things. Think of them and they will help you through.

Hi Lewis

My life is nowhere comparable, but today me and Mrs Bearnecessities seem to be parting company, she is moving out temporarily, but I know what that means.

Anyhow, my point is that it doesn't matter whether you are good, or bad. Stuff happens that is beyond what is imaginable to people (and I'm not even that nice!)

You are beyond definitions of what is 'nice' Lewis, you do not even need to compare yourself to anyone, it brings sadness to my eyes thinking about what you have been through, and no matter what has happened between me and Mrs BN, we both love you for how you have dealt with this including the rest of STW no doubt.

I am in tears now actually, if Mrs BN was beside me she would be also.

So, it is not that "nice things never happen to me" . You have a fraction of what I wanted for me and Mrs BN, we have no children between us despite our wishes, but you have been beset by a sad crisis and you have shown exemplary behavior, and have shown so many people the way to deal with difficulty, no matter how severe.

You are a better man than many, but you are not a victim, and thanks to you, neither are your family.

As many have said, you will have bad days, and good days. We are all here for you still no matter what.

Love still & thank you to you and George, for improving so many lives.

Richard x

You are a better man than many, but you are not a victim, and thanks to you, neither are your family.

+1. You are allowed to have bad days - sometimes on reflection troubled times can make you appreciate the brighter moments more and there will be many more brighter times to look forward to. Take care Lewis (you too Richard).

{Comment removed following complaints - perhaps you'd like to express your concerns in another thread? - Moderator}

Houns,

It certainly seems like it's an issue you feel strongly about.

I'd be happy to debate it on a new thread if you want to start one; it feels a little sour on this one, don't you think?

Richard that Terrible news. I honestly hope you sort things out as you have been so good to us it ashame to see that happening to you.

After having a read/sob pulled myself together I feel a little better. It kind of just hits me. One min I'm fine the next I just want to smash something and throw a massive paddy. Childish comes to mind.
It the only way to explain it.

I get like that when I get stuck in traffic, when I run out of time doing jobs around the house, when I burn my dinner....

You have a reason to be irrational and want to 'unleash'. I don't.

I am crap at giving words of wisdom/advice/guidance in this kind of situation. But, to me your behaviour sounds entirely normal; feeling that things are under control & then that they are not. Feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, 'why me'.....

As others have said, go with it. Be strong for your family & keep communicating.
You are not being childish. You are being human......

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I had planned to cycle up one of the local hills with a great view over the south downs to release my balloons, but going to the park with my wife and son and releasing them there seemed more appropriate...that's his finger pointing and asking where the balloons are going 🙂

brilliant thanks Green

Bruders - I have read this thread from the start and regularly read the updates but haven't commented until now. I have had lots of sadness in my life and found grieving difficult until I understood the process. From your most recent posts I can sense an angry tone which you may find confusing, this is normal so please don't beat yourself up over how you are feeling. You may or may not be aware that there are 4 stages to grief: denial, anger, depression and, acceptance and hope.

Here is a link to explain each stage: [url= http://www.ehow.com/list_6876906_4-stages-grief.html ]4 stages of grief[/url]

I hope this is helpful to you.

Bruders - like jesterthefirst, I have seen your original post and refrained from posting any comments. My son was born on Xmas Day and we lost him just before his second birthday due to Epilepsy. I know where you are coming from mate, I really do. All I can say is that you have put your post/thread/feelings up on here - I wish I had done the same. I kept them to myself and, I don't mind saying, it nearly killed me!

You have more friends on here than you will ever know. Just looking at the comments and support you have received on here already fills me with confidence and expectations that you have the support to see you through.

Drop me an e-mail if you want to have a chat.

Today i signed up for the british heart foundation race on the 16th june between london and brighton.

i'm going to do this on my single speed. and being a little naughty not going to raise for BHF but for Great ormand street as the hospital looked after George and my eldest son Alfie.
And find this more fitting if i can raise for them...

Next question is can i set up a charity donation online thing? 🙂

Trust me mate - you won't have any trouble getting any donations from the guys and gals on here. Put your link up as soon as you can and I'll be the first to donate.

Next question is can i set up a charity donation online thing?

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising-page/creation/get-started?pcid=2aa83b78-6879-4f99-82b2-1418bc58bea8

Just setting up the page now..... Im trying to make it more interesting maybe getting a spongbob costume etc

may get this if it means i can raise more

[url= http://www.amazon.co.uk/SpongeBob-SquarePants-Mascot-Costume-Adult/dp/B0094DYP5K ]Spongebob[/url]

Simple one at the moment but will improve it.

you have all done so much so not asking for you to do more.. but if you wish to donate a small amount i will be even more grateful.

[url= http://www.justgiving.com/lewis-brudenell?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=updates&utm_content=lewis-brudenell&utm_campaign=updates-facebook#updates ]just giving[/url]

GOSH is a great cause.

Good luck with the London to Brighton.

Thank you Noteeth.

And thank you to everyone that has donated so far i still have 2/3 months to go and already had to raise my target.

I phone GOSH to day and they are sending me out a pack etc
For the first time this year im really excited about something that much so i went out and got a great deal on a 29er just in case the costume causes problems on my fixie.. (back up bike)

i also have a text service active so if anyone wishes they can donate anything from a £1 upwards. the info as follows..

Geor52 to 70070.

will supply pic's of training soon as

And thank you again much love to all

Lewis, I'll ride this with you mate & raise sponsorship, if that's ok with you.

Would be nice if other STW members could do the same & really show how this place can make a difference, but possibly asking too much..

..anyone?

EDIT: I still have balloons which could be released, or tied to bikes.

bearnecessities your more than welcome to ride with us.... i will pay your entry fee to BHF you just need to sign up..

And if you set up a just giving page i can add you to our team..

Also if needs be as you are some distance your more than welcome to stay at ours?

I'll pay my own entry thanks, but might take you up on offer of somewhere to kip!

I'm hoping more STW'ers will join in also...

ok mate. no worries any time.

And thank you

Bump...

http://www.justgiving.com/lewis-brudenell

Excellent cause and my families thoughts are with yours. Contribution made.

Looking to see if I can join you Lewis.

your more than welcome Nobby.. you can also join my just giving page if you wish (you dont have to).

If anyone wishes to join me either as a team memeber on the day or as a team member to help raise on just giving please just join...

And thank you all so much.

i have been extremely busy the last few days. and my total in just a few days is over £400 amazing!!!!

the reason i decided to do this for GOSH not only because they helped my two sons but because i wanted to know that because of us loosing George others have benefited in being able to kiss and cuddle there children and all because of your good will..

Quick message for DaveMBK, if you see this hi its Andy Edwards I used to ride with you and Anthony. Due to my hips I havent really ridden since before Anthony died but have recently been able to make a bit of a comeback, still havent managed to complete a club run with even the slow group yet though! Lots of new faces and not many of the old ones. I was thinking of Anthony a couple of weekends back as I hauled my old Kona around Afan as he had a very similar bike. Hope your doing OK, maybe see you out on a bike sometime. Take care Andy.

In 2008, our lovely 25 year old son and great club rider, was taken from us by a van driver

Would just like to say a massive thank you to all the donation so far

And to geetee1972 that sold his guitar and sent the funds to the just giving page..

I'm not asking anyone to do anything like that the odd £1 here and there.
Its going to a great cause.. every one knows of Great ormand street and the fantastic work they do to help little ones..

And to be honest you have all yet again so much da donation is the last thing on my mind from you guys/girls.

On an update from the family all seems to be slowly getting back to normal we all speak about George openly as its good to talk about him and help us really hearing the kids say nice things about him...

i went for a nice ride in the snow today (to blow the cobwebs away) and realized i need a good breakfast before i go anywhere and that im not that fit anymore..

Time to change that!!!

Much love Lewis

Good luck Lewis.

your life will never be the same again but cherish what you've got

Lewis,

Sorry I haven't had time to reply to your text; I'll give you a ring tomorrow evening if that's okay?

Mark

Had coroner come to our house yesterday. Bit unusual but he said that geroge death is going to an inquest as it was unexplained.
We asked if there was any problems and he said that he has some yellow fluid in his heart and had an infection in his spleen and kidneys. We're off to the hospital to ask exactly what these things are. as we have no idea.. We was told that no one to blame.

Also for myself... I went to the doctors just to get some help sleeping and I came out being g told I have anxiety and depression. Oh joy.

Oh the joy of reactive depression. Good luck with that one but you sound like you're doing the right stuff. Keep talking till the cows come home, and then talk to them.

all the best

Ruddy hell what's happening to me. I just been sent home. As I just had a mini breakdown... I've had enough

Bruders try the Samaritans http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

You've had an almost intolerably shit time thats whats happend. Take care and keep friends and family close.

Hang in there Bruders. There are good days and there are bad days, and you owe it to yourself to feel crap some times - it's how we deal with these things. You're doing the right thing talking about it.

As you've suggested previously, your work doesn't provide you with sufficient distraction and leads to you focus on your loss. As a manual worker I know how challenging work can be when we are going through difficult times. Go out and do something with your wife/kids/family/friend today, instead of work.

Good suggestion from chipsngravy if you hit a particularly bad low.

Try not to let people categorise you mate with 'anxiety/depression' etc (and especially steer clear of anti-depressants IMO).

As said above, and you already know, you'll have good days, bad days, even worse days and days which don't make any sense at all. Talk through it and slowly the ratio of good/bad days will become more favourable.

It doesn't help at the moment that the outstanding paperwork & processes are probably preventing you from moving on, the whole 'event' isn't finished yet, your brain can't wrap it up into a package and deal with it.

Of course, I'm no way qualified, just how I see it might be affecting you.

Keep talking with Charlotte & here, Rich

Also for myself... I went to the doctors just to get some help sleeping and I came out being g told I have anxiety and depression. Oh joy.

Well of course you do!

I'm not being insensitive, just stating a fact. Anybody who goes through what you have been through will be suffering the same thing. I would almost be more worried if you weren't suffering from it.

It is an absolutely natural reaction to having a horrifyingly traumatic experience, and it [u]will[/u] pass. If you put one of your limbs through the same amount of physical trauma as the amount of mental trauma that your head's been through, I'm sure that you wouldn't be surprised if that limb ended up being injured, and needed time to recover. Your brain is no different and it will be fine - it just needs some time to recover is all.

Keep talking, keep doing the things that help, and keep riding your bike.

Above all, keep remembering that there are a lot of people thinking of you, and rooting for you.

X

Hi Lewis, thought I'd give a bump for an update on all as to how things are going on; I'm sure a lot of us are still thinking about you.

Things have not really changed to be honest.

Still off work for stress,depression,anxiety etc etc but off to doctors tomorrow to give them an update.

having some counseling along with the tablets all seem to be working.

but the best help help still been you guy/girls.

Some days i feel ok and just go riding like i did sat in the lovely surrey hills but most days like the rest of this week i have just stayed in with the cant be bothered view.

not good i know but cant seem to shift it.... night time is the worst i dont sleep well (still waking to see if kids are breathing ) and i keep getting flash backs of George which i cannot shift..
Not been to see George (Charlotte does at least once a week) i just find it hard thinking of him being there while we are all at home warm dry getting on with things.

but other than that im slowly getting there.

Its going to take time, I'd suggest not being hard on yourself and take your time but try to keep riding. But to be honest wtf do I know. Today is exactly 2 years since my brothers sudden death, hadnt cried until just reading your post so you are at least doing me some good!

Sorry to bring the subject up again but just wanted to give a little update..

it been nearly 6 months now and the last couple of them have been ok life seems to be getting back on track but with a few slip up...

i do seem to be more angry now thou. i told my boss yesterday to f off .. totally out of my nature and for something so silly...

i think of george everyday and yesterday was the first time that i could actually visit him..
inquest is still on the cards and no confirmation on cause of death..

on a better note.. i would just like to thanks everyone for there help and support with out you guy/girls i think i would still be in a darker place .

And also to Team spongebob we have raised a massive £1014 to date for the London to Brighton ride on the 16th of this month

link to the progress

[url= http://www.justgiving.com/lewis-brudenell ]Team spongebob[/url]

the team t_shirts

[URL= http://i1140.photobucket.com/albums/n578/bruders338/20130523_144256.jp g" target="_blank">http://i1140.photobucket.com/albums/n578/bruders338/20130523_144256.jp g"/> [/IMG][/URL]

Sorry to bring the subject up again but just wanted to give a little update..

Glad you seem to be doing a little better and that some good seems to have come from this with the donations

It's good to hear from you bruders338.

I have often wondered how you have been doing, but didn't want to start a thread in case it wasn't appropriate.
I would have signed up for the London-Brighton too, but am getting married the following weekend, so time is sort at the mo. I will get round to donating on your just giving page though.

Sounds like you are doing all you need to be and don't be too hard on yourself when times are right or you have 'moments'.

Take care. I hope things keep improving four you and I hope the ride fits well on the 16th. I'll be thinking of you all.