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One more angel tonight watches over us, One more bright star in the sky.So sad to have to read this tonight. My prayers are with you , your partner and children.
I lost my wee boy 4 years ago. The first year is the hardest.
So sorry to hear someone else going through the same, my thoughts are with you and your family - feel free to give me a shout if you need to talk.
I dont think you ever get over it, but the pain lessens with time - you kinda learn to live with it. Sometimes I think of him and smile, sometimes I get caught unawares and it knocks me hard.
Deepest sympathies to you and your family - stay strong for each other!
I dont know you but I'n thinking of you dude, manhugs x
My deepest heartfelt condolences to you & your family.
It's the worst fear of all parents. I cannot find words that are adequate to be honest. Come on here and lean on us whenever you feel the need mate.
I fell asleep for an hour or so straight on this site just had a good read and all I can say really is thank you all so so much at your lovely replys.
Yes at everyone I have read its made me cry so so much and in a way I do fill a tiny bit better.
My autistic son Alfie is 6 my other daughter Mae is 5
As for the army thing as a couple of you have mentioned im only TA serving so dont have any benifits to that help but im sure if I call my welfare officer he would help/point me in the way to go.. To be honest I dont think I could do the whole army thing anymore specially MATTs first aid
I just feel numb im trying to think of other things coz at the momebt I just cant cope..
Thanks again people xxxx
Bruders,
Thoughts are with you and your family. Keep strong.
**** me that's awful. My heart goes out to you, your wife and family.
that is terrible mate, condolences to you and your family.
Really sorry to hear such terrible news bruders. I have no words of advice other than to say stick together as a family through what will be some dark days ahead. Your partner will need a lot of support, as will you.
As an aside, I have a mate who lost one of his twins (from SIDS) at around the same age as you just have. He and his wife have always been really open about the whole thing. If you'd like me to ask him any questions or find out the names of any support groups they used through their bereavement, my email is in my profile.
I really hope you all can get through this. Take care fella.
We had to speak to our schools Educational Psychologist a couple of weeks ago about an 8 year old who's dad had committed suicide. The advice was to be completely honest but without being graphic. It was all about making sure he would be OK long term rather than just getting it out of the way. It was more tricky for mum right then but doing what is hopefully the right thing isn't always easy...
Very little experience of autism but this is one change you can't manage for him. As soon as you can talk to his school about it and getting some advice from their Ed Psych and don't feel bad about it. It is well within what a school can deal with, you aren't being a burden.
Lastly, as a dad who woke up in his two and a half year olds bed because she couldn't sleep and went through to see the nine month old in with her mum, I guess she couldn't either, I am just devastated for you. You will be strong for your family, and it won't seem like enough, but don't forget to get some help and support for you. You will need it just as much.
As with others, email in profile if there is any chance you think I/we can help.
So very sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.
So,so sorry.Words are normally so powerful,but have so little meaning for something like this.
Bruders, lot of support here for you and speak to friends, don't bottle it in, so early but in time maybe bereavement counseling? Do be there to support your family but don't forget to look after yourself, maybe a ride might help clear your head?
So sorry to hear this , worst nightmare ever ..... stay strong for your partner and daughter .... thinking of you all ... nothing else we can say 🙁
I think that why for some strange reason I ended up at my LBS they have become more like friends rather than just a shop.
I find it easyier to talk on here than I do to people at the moment I honestly cant thank you guys/ girls enough
Big Hugs to you and your family. I used to work with a bloke who'd lost a wee one in similar circumstances and as mentioned above he was really open about it too. I think you're doing the right thing talking to people. I don't have any other words of advice other than talk to your family and maybe some support groups etc.
All the best, what a terrible thing to happen.
Keith
Wow; I don't know what to say. No parent should ever have to go through losing a child. I don't have kids of my own, but I can't imagine what you're going through. All that I can say is that I really feel for you.
One of the posters above said that he went through the same thing many years ago. If I was in your situation, I'd certainly give him a shout.
Again, my thoughts are with you and your family, all the way from the US.
So, so sorry to hear your awful news. As others have said, a parent's worst fear. There's been a lot of good advice already, and not much I can add, but the hospital may well have someone to speak to for advice right now, and be able to put you in touch with some local support for you and the kids too.
On a separate note, it never fails to astound me what a good place this is to come when you really need some support. For all the banter and bickering, there are some truly thoughtful and caring people on this site.
Thinking of you all, and as others have said, try not to keep it in.
From one father to another all my thoughts are with you. Be strong, and do not forget which ever way you turn people are there for you, even if some of us are just strangers on a forum.
I don't know where to start other than to say all my thoughts are with you, God bless.
such sad news... My thoughts are with you all. Cherish my Boy and will do something special with him today.
I've simply no words to offer. I cant even begin to understand how you are feeling right now.
I just want to hug you.
As a father of 3, I couldn't even begin to imagine how I'd feel in your shoes. It's 😥 making me well up trying.
All I can say is that my thoughts are with you and your family right now.
It's times like these when you realise that life is all too precious and can change in the blink of an eye.
Almost lost my son two years ago. It was heart rending, but we got him back. So can't imagine how you are at the moment. Take care. We are all thinking of you.
if there were ever a time i've wanted to give a stranger the biggest man-hug possible its now. my thoughts are with you and your family,as i'm sure are everyone who's reading this thread and can't find the words or get through the tears to type a reply.
Can't add anything that hasn't already been said - just deepest, deepest sympathies.
So very sorry. Big love from my family to yours.
Our thoughts are with you. Cherish and love even more the three that you have.
So sorry to hear of your loss 🙁
Deepest condolences to you and your family.
As others have said already, this is my worst fear. I wish I could say something of value but I'm rubbish with this kind of stuff. Maybe all I can say is if you want to talk about it then do so; likewise if you'd prefer to bottle up (and process?) some emotions for a while then do that instead. I guess the fact you're opening up on here is a good thing and no doubt others will offer greater help/advice.
Written while playing with my 2yr old.
No kids here, but this has knocked me for six, so can't imagine how you are feeling.
Once again this forum shows it's true colours with all the offers of support from people who have experienced similar.
Sorry to hear of your loss...
bruders. After a bit of a think I can only suggest you keep talking so you don't end up bottling it up - you may want to contact Cruse, the bereavement charity who can provide support. Be honest with your children - that will make it easier for them long term (We did and I think it worked). As someone has already said speak to the people at Alfie's school because I am sure they will be able to help you explain it.
Be there for your wife and cuddle your eldest two a lot. They need you and you need them!
J.
I lost my first born son nearly 7 years ago now. No matter what anyone tells you, no one other than you and mummy will understand the pain and grief you will go through. As already mentioned on here you are in shock at the moment but don't fight it. The only advice I would offer is to allow yourself to acknowledge that no matter what you are feeling, it is right for you to feel this way and that you owe no one an apology at any point. Your situation has left me in tears but leaves me remembering the strength I drew from my other half, please stay strong to each other as they are one person who can help you. My wife and I send our love and deepest support to your family.
If you want anyone to talk to whether by mail, over the phone or whilst out on the bike in the near or distant future then please contact me, my email is in my profile.
I managed to get another half hour sleep.. I dont think me and the Mrs have ever held each other so tight for so long..
I kinda stopped crying as I did most of it this morning just thinking to myself while she slept. Got to be strong now as mentioned for my beautiful little family.
And I hope one day I meet each and every one of you for a tea beer etc etc. I know we are strangers but all your kind words are helping.
Thank you so much I owe you all so much xxx
So sad to hear your news, as many have said above be strong for your family but don't forget to give yourself time and opportunity to talk about your loss. Can't begin to imagine what you are feeling, hugs for you all from the tiboy clan though...
You dont have to be strong for them just love them. Dont bottle anything up. Dont store it.
Our eldest daughter died when she was very young and I would just reiterate everything coldhams1 said. You in a very bleak place at the moment and it is not something you "get over", you learn to live with it. Your son will always be with you as Tess is with us. Draw strength from your wife and other children, you all need each other very much now. My heart goes out to us, it really does. No one should have to go through what you are going through now.
My email is in my profile if you need it. My wife also works on the Child Death Helpline, 0800 282986. It is manned by volunteers who have been where you are right now, ring them.
Hugs to you and your family.
#Edit. Wise words from Hora. You are not a rock. You all need each other.
My deepest sympathies to you and your family.
Whatever you do, do not blame yourself or let your wife blame herself. Love each other. Don't try and understand it. There are some things we can't control and are beyond rationality, and this is one.
Sadly, been there...
Just saw the thread, absolutely stunned. All love from my clan to all of you.
In your first post you ask to tell you happy stories, so I just say that I,m sitting here playing Lego with the 7 year old, the 5 year old is happily playing with pony babies and the toddler is diving onto the beanbag like a loon.
Really don't know what to say, our best friend lost her 2 year old last year, and she would say, even though unimaginably hard right now, life will go on. Love those around you even more, and try to look forward.
again, all our love.
Kev
This website may help with some of your questions and it offers support.
There is no right or wrong way to deal with losing your son. You may find comfort in expressing your feelings in a different way than you OH and that is ok.
You do not need to be strong or apologetic, just be.
You have a lot of emotions to deal with right now.
The only bit of advice I would give about telling your other children is not to say that your son has gone to sleep forever.
It is a way some people explain death but it can make children fearful of going to sleep themselves.
Bruders, mate.
Your profile indicates you are from Kent.
I found this website ‘holding on letting go' (Rochester, Kent). Take a look. They have experience in working with bereaved children with learning disabilities. They might be able to help your child that is autistic ... or put you in contact with another agency.
http://www.holdingonlettinggo.org.uk/
All the best,
Larry.
I have no wise words other than hug your kids and wife tight , and have a virtual manhug from me
My heart goes out to you. Such an awful thing to happen.
I don't know what to write, this is so sad and I'm genuinely welling up.
Deepest condolences to you and family.
Richard x
Just deepest sympathy. I can't begin to imagine what you and your family must be going through, or how to get through something like this.
Bruders, for what little they are worth, my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. Stay strong.
I really can't begin to imagine your pain. This thread has had tears welling up. My sincere sympathy goes out to you and yours.
So very sad, my thoughts are with you.
We lost our first son and not a day goes by without thinking of him.....8 years later, still feel the emptiness.
Email in profile......willing to share my thoughts and experience.
Love to your family.
Sending you and your family big, big hugs.
The most dreadful news. Our sympathies and thoughts are with you.
I read this last night but had no words, and a tear in my eye, as I have now. A little close to home, a good friend had twins yesterday, a little premature, both are currently in SCBU but doing ok. Have a young daughter myself I can't imagine what you and your family are going through. Be there for each other, but that doesn't mean having to be 'strong' and not openly grieving. Thoughts are with you at this most difficult time.
Reading the thread title I really hoped this would be a story about someone's son wandering off and having some sort of adventure while parents panic.
Sorry for your loss Bruders. Take your time with it, you already know that the priority is helping your family through the situation.
Choked up here my friend.
So deeply sorry to hear this.
You & yours will be in our thoughts as we go through the day.
X
Our thoughts and prayers are will you and your wonderful family.
Big hug with lots of firm manly back slapping coming your way.
Words fail at times like this. Deepest condolences.
Don't really know what to say.. sorry to hear about your loss, hope you and your family are doing ok..
Nothing to add except my condolences and please stay strong for the rest of your family x x
Deepest sympathies. I know there's nothing we can do that can make this better. And that we're a bunch of strangers on the internet with a shared interest. But if there's anything that you need, just ask. Someone on here knows about it. Virtual hugs to all.
Bruders, firstly my thoughts, prayers and sympathies are with you. You are experiencing the very worst thing that can happen to a parent. It is unnatural and shouldn't happen to any of us. As others have said, the loss never goes away I am afraid, but it does become manageable with time. You are doing absolutely the right thing in making that difficult transition - you are talking about it to friends, your LBS and to all of us complete strangers on STW. I hope that this can help you make some sense of how life will proceed. As impossible as it seems right now, life does go on albeit in a very different manner and slowly at first. Take care of each other and very best wishes, THM.
That sounds pretty damn horrific. I wont even pretend to say that I can imagine what you and your family are going through, because I cant.
You speak about being strong, and being able to cope. Don't try and be strong, just be your normal self, and take time for your own grief. Dont worry about coping, because you will ge through it somehow, everyone always does.
As for telling your kids - just be honest with them. Kids are better at this kind of thing than adults are.
Finally, look after yourself.
You are entitled to the same support which would be offered to the regulars. Don't be afraid to push it if you feel the need.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
My only advice is not to let your autistic sons routine become too disrupted over the coming days and weeks - it will be difficult but if he has the anchor of his routine he may find the rest of this easier to cope with.
So sorry for you, as people have said it will get better with time but most important thing right now is to spend time with your family. You will all need each others support.
That is shocking, as a dad I don't think I could imagine anything worse or what you must be going through. As thm said, my thoughts, prayers and sympathies are with you in huge amounts.
fwiw the advice so far has been great (as it often is here). I've not had direct experience in the way that you have but I have been in a couple of small teams that have lost someone very suddenly and have had counselers talk to us. Their advice is perhaps relevant here:
* Talk about it and keep talking about it amongst each other (which you are doing).
* The need to do this will tail off at different rates for each of you so it is important to keep listening to the rest of your family, even after you personally are starting to move on. You'll end up saying/listening to the same thing hundreds of times even though it doesn't make sense but that's ok because the situation doesn't make sense. There isn't a solution, only getting through it.
* Writing stuff down can help get the feelings out for some people. Maybe carry a small notebook for when stuff comes to mind.
* Don't bottle it up and watch out for others that are - you need to get it out. I kept it in for too long because I was trying to stay in charge of the situation. In the end it had to come out.
care for each other
As Wrecker said, anything you need just ask, a few of us are local to you I think.
Take Care
Very sorry to hear of your loss. You did everything you could, that must have taken a lot of courage. Don't tell yourself otherwise. You and your family have my deepest sympathies.
All I can say is be strong for the others who will need you now more than ever. But that doesn't mean you cannot grieve, you will all need to support each other.
One of the hardest things is the world just carrying on as normal around you, try not to separate yourselves too much from it.
Thinking of you and your family at this sad time fella.. As others have said talks good.
Hugs to you all
Take care OP
My heart goes out to you and your family. This has to be one of the toughest things any parent has to cope with. I don't know that words can help so I hope that you gain some comfort fro all the messages on here.
I'm not a parent so can't even begin to to understand how you must feel. Best wishes dude.
Utterly soul destroying, I like OP have served and thought I had seen and experienced the worst. I have also had to resuscitate my own child. And in all honesty I have never ever been so afraid in all my life. Our situation turned out somewhat different fortunately. I would just like to say, I know you fought for him and as a dad & a soldier that's all you can do!
Don't blame yourself, focus on your other kids and your wife who need your strength now.
Keep your chin up & 'Stag on'
Read the headline and a few of the comments , now crying .
Cant think of anything to say on here be strong.
Sounds like you did everything you could, look after yourself so you can look after the rest of your family. You'll have ups and downs but over time the downs will become less and the ups more. Get help if you need it. I'm going to give my kids an extra big hug when they get home this afternoon. Thinking of you and your family.
Read this earlier but was too upset to respond.
I can't imagine what you are your wife and going through, but my thoughts are with you. Look after each other and your kids.
Do whatever you need to do to get by - if that's posting on here, chatting to your LBS guys, whatever, just keep do doing it.
So sorry for your loss.
Man hug. Can think of nothing to say.
My absolute worst nightmare. With Toppers Jnr mkII arriving shortly this fills me with dread. My thoughts and sympathies are with you and your family. Don't keep it all in.
My heart goes out to you and your family. Keep talking. Thinking of you. Huge hugs xxxx