[Closed] Losing a parent.

That must be hard and something I’m dreading myself. Sadly, I have no wise words to offer. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family.

Firstly, really sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family.

Secondly, not lost a parent but I know what you mean and completely understand what you're going through. It's not easy, 14 months since Lyanda passed away and still have moments, days and even weeks of hell. I did everything, the funeral arrangements, order of service etc myself. Not sure if it will help but my blog has a fair bit of info on it, my feelings, things that have happened and links on how to deal with grief. Feel free to share my blog with anyone, I'm hoping it will help others too as it is written from my own first hand perspective.

https://brighteststarinthesky.com

If you want a chat, please message me and I will gladly give you my email address and phone number if you want to have a chat. If I can help in any way I will.

Sorry for your loss. My Dad died when I was 21 (about 12 years ago), it was sudden though not unexpected. He had been ill for a while but I hadn't expected it to be so sudden.

All you can do is hang in there. Its tough, and tough to have to sort out the practicalities when you cant really think and just want to grieve. Let your friends and family help and offer support however they can. Don't feel guilty for any moments of happiness that you may be able to find. Remember that it will get easier however much you are struggling.

My mother passed away in May. I still don’t sleep so well as it occupies a large part of your mind. I can relate to the feelings you describe.
All I can say is the intensity doesn’t leave you but the bad days get less. Look after yourself and remain healthy.

Sorry to hear about your loss. My mum died 11 years ago and barely an hour goes by without me thinking of her.

When she died 6 months after cancer diagnosis i felt relief, anger, humility. Its surreal and whilst life will never be the same again, life does go on and it becomes a new normal.

All the best to you and yours.

Firstly, my sympathies for your loss.

Secondly, I can totally understand and identify with the feelings you describe OP.  When I lost my dad, I felt very much as you say.

Take care,

J

First of all.
Sorry for your loss. Just can’t imagine.
Writing things here has helped me immensely and hope it will be helpful to you aswell.
God Bless.

Sorry to hear of your fathers’ passing OP. Yes, it does and can continue to suck; life is all about loss - or rather, how we deal with loss.

My father died in a car accident nearly 40years ago, a shock that gave me grey hair at the age of 18 and too many years trying to come to terms with it/him and me. Not good but obviously a path I needed to tread and follow because now, I can wholeheartedly say that the greatest gift he gave me was his death.

My mum died as a result of cancer and a mercifully short illness 8 years ago. Lessons learnt, we talked, we shared, we laughed and cried together while we could and I was there when she exhaled her last and wished her well and love with the angels, my grief was still present but I had closure.

Our parents give us the gift of life and the gift of death. If you choose.

Go well on your journey, we each have our own.

So much to do it’s overwhelming.

Any practical advice would be gratefully received.

The approach I used a few years ago was to put all the tasks on a list and get them dealt with very quickly to get them out of the way and not have them lingering around. It is how I do most things anyway but getting the list of things to do all in one place helped and I was able to get pretty much all of it done in a few days.
There is a lot less to do when first parent dies compared to second so there is that (realise that won't help at all!)

Nowhere near as bad as the OP but just spent a weekend with my Dad in the Lake District. He’s always active, always moving and always been a sportsman. This weekend, he was hobbling badly and having to walk with a stick.
He’s had 1 knee replacement already, I suspect the other one is imminent and possibly a hip too.
All very sad.

Very sorry for your loss OP. My dad died 4 years ago now, when I was 33. It does get easier, but even now i still think "oh I'll call him about Tour de France" or "i'll send him that picture" , and then you remember...  but i use those little moments as a chance to think about him, or tell my children about him and so on, to keep his memory alive.

One thing that helped me is/was focusing on that i had a wonderful dad that i miss, and how lucky I am to have that at least. Some poor people don't even get that chance.  It helps me anyhow.  All the best

My condolences and sympathy OP. I lost dad the day the clocks went back last year, after a 6 month battle with bowel cancer. We all knew he was not enjoying life and the end was a release and relief, but still hard. Numb, yep that sounds about right. One of the hardest and weirdest bits was the few minutes/hours after the wake. Thankfully I have 2 little girls who were angels at the wake and cheered many people, especially mum. We make sure to see mum lots.
How you can remember the good times with your dad.
I still have virtually daily thoughts of, 'i miss dad' but they can make me smile too.

Little practical tip, you can apply for probate online these days, once give got your papers in order.

Not got much useful stuff to add other than talk about your loss. I lost my mother just over a year ago and still don't really believe it. I recognize way too many of the feelings you wrote about. Bottling the feelings for a while has not helped and I've still got a very short fuse due to how I feel.

The estate valuation, tax submission and probate seems overwhelming. I did all of it online and when I actually sat down to deal with it, was surprised that it was not quite as bad as expected. The online process is good and you can dip in and out of all the sections (including coming back another time).

You have my deepest sympathies.

I lost my dad several years ago to liver cancer (diagnosed at stage 4 or something) and, no matter how much I _knew_ I was going to lose him, I was still unprepared. I still miss him, but I am over the stage where I well up when I think about him now.

I'm trying to think what helped most during that time and it was certainly being around family and talking to them. Most of all though, time helps. It dulls things and changes how you think about people. The sharp edges of emotions do get ground down as the world goes on. It's just a bit more empty.

Talk though, discuss, remember. It's going to hurt now but it will get easier.

Just lost my mum, last month, nine years after my dad.
Dad's was sudden and unexpected, (You think parents live for ever) during that first week I was numb to began with then started feel something! and then started the grieving process, thinking about him alot.
With my mum passing, after years of deterating health and thankfully, a short period of pain and discomfort, she is now no longer in pain and back together with my dad, but I'm still feeling numb.
Thank you STW, typing this out has help to make my mums death real and can now start to grieve.

Can’t help you OP, i’m in the same position. Dads in hospital and been Nil By Mouth since last Monday (including drip) they told us a few days but he’s entering his second week now. Like you I don’t know where to start

It's when you think you've got it under control that you haven't.
My dad died > 10 years ago, was slightly surprising as he seemed in decent enough health. Mum did last year. I was surprised - after dealing with dad OK - how much mum's death hurt - even though it was well signalled.

As sole executor, and with no siblings, I didn't have much fall-back for the nitty-gritty details. Still sorting her stuff out. To be honest I engaged a local para-solicitor to deal with the intricate stuff.

But that's some way down the line. Take each day, hold your family close. Time for you as well.

Holyzeus,
I thought spending two hours or so waiting for my dad to pass was bad. But the 24 hours for my was even worse, especially since the previous 24hrs she was in pain but lucid.
The period your are waiting must be insufferable, hopefully you dad shall a peaceful passing soon.

My sincere condolences, OP.

I lost my dad in March of 2015 after an agonising 12 months dealing with cancer of the bile duct. His final days were so difficult, I am still not over it.

The one thing I can say is that, while the nature of the memory of your dad will evolve, the memory itself does not go away. As some have said, above: not a day will go by without you thinking of him.

Very best wishes.

So sorry to hear your news OP.

Not normally one for posting things like this. Lost my dad last October to sudden cardiac arrest outside his house. He was 73 I was with him whilst they tried to bring him back, and followed the ambulance to the hospital. I still feel numb so many things I didn't have chance to say. Not a day goes by without me thinking about him or wishing I could share some news with him.

I just try to take each day as it comes, remember the happy things the little things. It's the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. As said you just think your parents will always be there.

Keep going allow yourself to grieve and that will allow you to heal.

Rich.

Sorry about the news.
The only thing I can say is make sure you do grieve, and don't leave it too long. I bottled up my feelings after Dad unexpectedly died (nearly 35yrs ago) and I'm still suffering the after effects.
You need to look after yourself so you can look after the others.

Sorry for your loss OP. I lost my mum at the end of March after a short battle with cancer, and just a year after losing my brother. It's a tough old ride and the pain doesn't seem to ever go away. You just find ways of living with it. I visited her house yesterday and it was easier than previous visits.

my dad going last year was the saddest thing ive ever dealt with in my life, i still well up thinking about it. from having a holiday in greece with us planned, to having a bad back and 'may not be able to make the hols', to being diagnosed with cancer, and gone within a few weeks.....

died at home which was a slight blessing, but going in to see him each day, knowing that these would be his final days, he'd never see a sunny day again, go on walks with my mum.... so so sad, then watch as he got worse each day, the meds got stronger, and he finally went....

f*** cancer.

Unless your siblings are much younger than you, don’t try to hide your feelings from them.
My experience is that “staying strong “ can be misinterpreted as “doesn’t care as much as I do” and that can cause additional, avoidable, stress on both sides.
It is beyond shit, but let your family help you; it may help them too. Sorting out my mother’s funeral was a family session (and their cleaner helped with some bits as well - she’s almost family too!) and I can’t imagine that doing it alone would have been manageable.

My condolences takisawa2. Don't have any advice but I'm not looking forward to being in the same situation soon.

Thank you @macwhisky

I can't really offer much advise-wise as i dealt with it very badly but i would just say, do try to address the grief, bottling it up will do you and those around you no favours.
You have my condolences.

My condolences to you and your family! If you can get a good funeral director they can take care of almost all the arrangements for the funeral or cremation which will take some of the immediate pressure off you. Getting probate is a relatively easy process and can be done on-line, but the bit I found harder was the taxation element.

One thing that I found was hard to deal with on an emotional level was 2-3 months after my Mum's death when things get back to normal for everyone else and you have been busy with funeral arrangements, probate etc etc. The initial practical and emotional support gradually phases away as people get back to their everyday lives and you feel very alone - I definitely could have done with some support at this time.

Really sorry to hear of your loss 🙁 ... In time it will get better and remember the good times ..... I lost both my parents in 2008 , only 8 weeks apart !!! .... never really finished grieving for my dad before my mom died 🙁 ... Still miss them like mad

Everyone, go and hug someone you love. That's about the only consistent thing i hear about loss - people wish they'd shown more love when they could.

Since my first response, I have been reflecting a little.  Part of my experience is as below.

I find it has got easier with time.  Raw grief has been replaced by sadness but often pauses to smile and sometimes laugh.

It is strange though because occasionally I get in the car on my way home from work and still go to call him. I did that every day and even seven years later I can still get caught out.

Two-weeks ago was the fiftieth anniversary of my parents meeting and lots of memories poured out from my mum and those were lovely to hear.

I still miss his love and support, and I know how much he would love to see and spend more time with his grandchildren - it’s this which is hardest. Keeping his memory alive helps though...

Funnily enough, one of the thing that helps is posting on threads like this. Catharsis is a powerful tool for me.

It's shit, but does get better.
Lost my dad 13 years ago and it still hurts, sadly what makes it hard is my awesome 4 year old asking about his grandad.

One of my friends has just lost a parent - the first friend in my circle where I knew the parent as a kid.

Any tips for how to support a mate going through it?

Mum died last year. Essentially the leukemia got her, but it says something else on the death certificate.

Was there with her, along with my dad, my sister and mum's sisters.

Was an odd experience.

Hardest was standing at the end of the bed and mum not knowing who I was. Full of morphine and oxygen it's to be expected.

Don't think I've ever seen my old man so desperate and genuine.

There was a strange period before her last breath. I kept willing her to let go, to stop fighting... Her grasp would weaken. All of us would look at each other and think "she's gone" vs then suddenly she takes another almighty breath and squeezes my hand. Freaky.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. There are moments when I need to take a step back and let out a tear.

It's hit my sister hardest. Mum was her best friend, confidant, person to turn to. She even bought the house next door to be closer to mum and dad.

My greatest fear would be that dad wallows and fades, but fortunately he has his two grandsons next door which gives him a reason for keeping the house clean and being socially active...

Life goes on. Nothing is forever.

Any tips for how to support a mate going through it?

All I would say I’d be available and to let them know you are there for them.

I started this thread when my old man died. https://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/dad-appreciation-thread/
I thought it best to remember the good stuff rather than dwell on the loss and the death. I saw my dad on his death bed and this was the worst thing I could've done. Well, it was good because my 2 brothers were there and we supported each other, mostly with the humour that we all use and share. But also clouding the good memories of my dad are this image of a shell of him, wasted away and well, dead.
It's a hard decision, but I wish I hadn't gone on that day when we knew it was the end.

Thanks all.
Reading some of your experiences & accounts has been a lot of help, so I thank each & every one of you. Gnusmas, thank you mate.

Coroner has asked for a Post Mortem on Dad. Hoping it doesn’t delay things too much. We spent an emotional hour at his house yesterday, luckily he’d already marked up & left his Will, Life Policy etc, exactly where he said they’d be.

To compound things we took Mum to see her Specialist today. They can’t operate on her bowel cancer because of her heart failure. Don’t know how long she’s got. If it’s the cancer he thinks a year to eighteen months. But my Wife, as a Community Nurse, spends her days treating palliative patients & sat me down tonight to tell me she thinks she’s not got long.

I fear the worst. Getting my two Sisters through losing them both so close together is going to be hard.

Sympathies to all on this one, lost both parents in quick succession, found the whole thing quite an unusual experience, literally like having the rug pulled from under you and a level of "security" disappearing that is hard to explain.

As others have said grieve, cry get upset, talk to those close to you and remember all the good stuff. Welling up writing that....

Lost my Mum yesterday morning. Died at home as she's hoped for rather than hospital. Cancer really is a **** isn't it and the lack of healthcare available is terribly sad. My brother had to nurse her to the bitter end with only a twice daily visit by a District Nurse for support. While losing my Mum has obviously been awful, I feel like I have reconnected with my brother during the past couple of weeks and it appears he's awesome.

Takisawa - no problem, the offers there. Good luck with it all.

Salad dodger - really sorry to hear this, my sincere condolences to you and your family too. My offers open to you too and to anyone else for that matter.

I've been quite open about everything that has happened and will gladly help anyone if I can.

Takisawa, sorry for your loss.

Went through this two years and a day ago. My first born was due any day at that point so I couldn't spend as much time as I would have liked by my dad's side.

I've found grieving a confusing process, I didn't feel like I had to openly display my grief to people, and found it much easier to cope by just acting normal as best I could. I felt no need to 'prove' how much I loved my dad by openly mourning him constantly. It helped that we had a new-borne to look after at this point.

The numbness passed though and 2 years on my emotions are much closer to the surface, I was a sobbing mess in the cinema at the end of 'A Star is Born' and I still can't watch 'Gladiator' in company! My wife occasionally asks about my dad and talking about him for any length of time usually brings the tears back. Not sure if it has also contributed to my general stress and anger levels unfortunately, that might just be parenthood.

I've never been one for cliches etc. but there is a lot of truth in some of them, I still often see my dad in my dreams, there's usually an element of saying things to him that I wish I'd said when he was alive, but I usually feel better for those dreams and am sad that I seem to have them less often now. They always ended with us hugging.

I have to try and resist the 'resentment' I feel towards my wife's father, for no reason whatsoever I find myself judging him against standards set by my dad (which is nonsense as they are/were both very different men, equally good). I've admitted it to my wife and explained that I know how ridiculous it is, it was better that than her picking up on it and not knowing what it was.

Anyway, sorry to have made this more about me than you, as others have said, catharsis is helpful and maybe something above will strike a chord for you now or later.

All the best in the next few weeks and months.

Takisawa, and everyone going through similar experiences. firstly as everyone has said, condolences for your loss.
I know exactly how you feel and its shit 🙁

I lost my father nearly 6 years ago to liver cancer.
Even though we had known for a year, and I thought I had prepared for it, it still hit me like a truck.
The important thing for me was to let the grief in and experience it, I found it came in waves and still does.
But I let it in, deal with it, shed some tears and it passes.
I found a great analogy the other Day on FB, ill see if i can find it for you, but its effectively a box, with a pain buzzer on one internal wall, and a ball in the box.
Initially this ball is massive and it presses the buzzer all the time
With time the ball gets smaller and you get some respite.
but it still hits the buzzer sometimes.
The Buzzer never gets switched off, its always active, but with time it gets pressed less, some days the ball is massive, some weeks its really tiny and misses the buzzzer completely.

People always say: "give it time, it gets better"

I`ve always hated this. The fact my father is dead never gets better, the fact I cant pick up the phone and talk to him never gets better, or go to a Gig, or listen to music too loud.....
That never gets better and never will.

So I say: "Give it time, in time it gets different" the periods of sadness get less frequent and shorter but no less painful when they do hit.
But its different, your reactions to it change with time. and it gets easier to cope with.

I still cant listen to "Wish you were here" by Pink Floyd, or "Tank Park SAlute" by Billy Bragg without lots of tears but thats ok.
(Im actually welling up typing this at work)

I dont know what the answer is, if there is one, I can only offer my experience, but Im here if you need anything.

Salad Dodger, truly sorry to hear that mate. I can imagine where your heads at &, if its any comfort, your in everyone's thoughts, especially mine mate.
I hope folks don't mind if I add a few words here each day. Seeing it written seems to help.

Yesterday was pretty tough, kept finding myself panicking that it was all getting too much. I had a short bout of depression many years ago, & I picked up some of the little negative feelings & triggers that brought that on. Managed to snap out of it by keeping busy & focusing on things. Late at night is worst but managed to sleep well enough. Waking up is crap. For a split moment its all ok, then I remember. And the mood drops. Getting up & out with the dog helped this morning. He's never had so many walks.

Awoke in a more positive mood today. Spent the morning ringing round notifying various places, DWP, Council, Bank etc. They offer a "Tell Us Once" service now, which would have done it all in one hit, but cant register for it till the Death Certificate is issued. It just felt better to have made some progress on the official stuff whilst in a positive mindset. My brother spent the morning cleaning out Dad's mobility car, which upset him, but he felt it was something he had to do for our Dad. It's being collected next week. Busying myself with a bit of DIY this afternoon.
Thanks for now everyone.
Some fantastic advice on here from you folks, I honestly feel a lot better for just sharing, so thanks to you all.

cr500dom. That really resonates with me.

salad dodger. So sorry for your loss.

Currently sat with Mum as she sees out her last few hours. I know, shouldn’t be writing on here but sharing it helps...
She’s suffered enough. Family have decided, no more treatment. Heart will stop at some point, just keeping her comfortable.
God bless you Mum.

Losing both parents within 2 weeks.
Holy crap guys, this is the hardest time.

Man that sucks. Really, really feel for you. ☹️

Best wishes, that's just hard. We lost FIL very quickly to lung cancer - something like 8 weeks from finding he had it to dead - very quick. Made worse by the fact MIL is disabled and was sat in the lounge as he worsened on a hospital bed in the adjoining dining room. We actually got respite care overnight in the last two weeks from a charity. That helped massively. MIL is still here but recently gone into a nursing home due to no mobility. She did well lasting 4 years on her own after FIL died. We thought she wasn't going to make it in Feb, but pulled round. With her it's heart failure and stroke issues, leading to loss of mobility and basically a living death last 15 years.

Losing both parents within 2 weeks.
Holy crap guys, this is the hardest time.

Thinking of you.  I know just how hard that is.  Take care.

so sorry takisawa.

Takisawa - it's years since mine died; it's tough - but both going so quickly.....
My heart goes out to you.
Others will be strong for you but you must stay strong for yourself and those close to you; I know it's easier said than done.
Slackalice on page 1 said 'your parents gave you the gift of life' - how true that is; cherish all of the memories of happier times as they will sustain you throughout the future.
Don't try to fight or control your emotions - let them go as it's your body's way of maintaining balance.

**** takisawa - that's tough. I hope your mum has a peaceful end.

Takisawa so sorry for your loss.

My deepest condolence to you and your family.

If I could, I'd give you a hug.

My mum died this May unexpectedly. She was great, and I only really appreciate this now she's gone. I think of her oh so often, and end up smiling because of her infectious joy for life. I feel guilty, but then, mum would want me to smile. I miss her heaps.

All I can offer, is think of their smiles, their funny traits, their goodness. They gave us a lot.

My dad died 4 years ago after a protracted cancer battle. The last 2 weeks were awful, from final diagnosis to passing away at home on a borrowed hospital bed. The thought of him having to cope with that period is the hardest part. His quote at the time was "it's a silly business isn't it?". Not quite sure what he was referring to, but it did feel silly. Everything to be said has been said. I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye the last time I left him conscious, just snook out while he slept. Next time I saw him he was jacked up on morphine for the final few hours.

It's a brutal and cathartic experience and my lasting feeling is one of our own mortality and precious time on this earth. Now it feels like a tough waiting game for mum who has watched too many people die but genes suggest she'll be around to see a few more go.

Sorry for your loss OP (and others who have shared).

My dad died in 1989 when I was 19. It seemed sudden but in retrospect I think he may have been aware that he was at risk as he used to tell my bother and I "Make sure you look after your Mum" and similar more than seemd normal.
He was 62 and died of a heart attack after having been swimming - he certainly was not ill for an extended period which was a blessing.
I think it is very easy to get caught up in the administrative tasks of somebody passing away and you may find that things hit you really hard once that is done. I would say be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you are dealing with something big. It may also be an opportunity to reconnect with siblings and relatives that you do not spend much time with.
To be honest though the best thing will be time - the grief will lessen (you will always carry it with you) and hopefully you will start to have a type of wistful happiness when something reminds you of him. My Dad was very practical and I most often remember him when doing some DIY task (thinking he would be much better at this than me!) particularly if using his old tools.

Salad_dodger, I'm so very sorry to hear that mate.

We lost Mum on Sunday morning at 11:15.
Both Parents gone, 2 weeks apart.

Mum had a couple of episodes with her Potassium levels going up towards the end of the week. On Friday the Specialist took us to one side & told us the treatment wasn't working. On Saturday we sat & talked & made the difficult decision to withdraw treatment. No more painful blood samples. No more drips or monitoring of this & that. The hope was that Mum would see out her last few days in a local hospice. On Saturday we spoke to Mum for what would be the last time. On Sunday we were all on our way in anyway when the hospital called to say she had taken a turn for the worse. She was awake but couldn't speak, heavily dosed on morphine.

We sat with her as a family. We cried & laughed & held her as she grew weaker & fainter. We all kissed her gently & then she was gone. She slipped peacefully away. The moment we realised she had gone was a mix of heartbreak & relief. The heartbreak of seeing my Sisters in so much pain, calling out for Mum in desperation. My youngest sister collapsed on the floor. But relief that she was no longer in pain. I was numb, dumbfounded & in shock & I felt I couldn't breathe. I had to get outside right away & I sat on a bench to gather my thoughts.

We have spent a lot of time together as a family this week, culminating in Dads funeral yesterday. It was exactly as he would have wanted. Non religious, led by a celebrant. We led Dad's coffin in to the Steptoe theme tune, "Old Ned". He would have loved that. I managed to compose myself enough to stand & read a letter that my youngest Sister had written for Dad. It was just a simple service with a family get together to follow, which is exactly what Dad would have wanted. He had long ago chosen the Monty Python song, "The bright side of life" as his final funeral song & we didn't let him down.

Today I've been quite thoughtful, busying myself with this & that. My cousins in Australia are having a get together tomorrow, so we have arranged a BBQ breakfast at mine so we can FaceTime & see our Aunt (Mum's sister).

Next week we will start the preperations for Mum's funeral. She had already chosen a burial &, being a Catholic", it will be somewhat different to Dad's. What I'm not looking forward to is that crescendo of stress that builds & builds until the service is over. We are a long, long way from through this but we have sworn to stick tightly together as brothers & sisters to get us through this.

Right now I desperately, desperately want to just hear Mum's voice again.
To pop round, have a cuppa, catch up on the family gossip.

Well written - I share your grief - from someone who went through this less than 4 months ago and still in a daze I cannot explain.

My condolences to you and your family on the loss of both parents so close to each other. I know it must be difficult but do look after yourself - the grieving process is not on a continual decrease over time, and you may find things hit hardest when everything seems to have calmed down and others have drifted back to their daily lives. This is especially true if you are the one organising all the funeral arrangements and dealing with the endless administration as well as being a support to your siblings. Take care!

I hope you are coping.

I went through a not dissimilar experience three years back July. My mum had lymphoma, had chemo, but it reoccured and the harsher chemo knocked her for 6. They took her off it and put her in palliative cocktail instead (my bother is a CPN, turned up badged up and the consultant spoke to him as a professional so we knew). I watched her decline and the end was mercifully short (for her I mean). As the only 'responsible adult' there I dealt with everything (the waiting for the death certificate thing, yeah, nobody tells you that do they) and it was this that kept me grounded and helped me cope. Her funeral was well attended and we all had some dash of colour in our funereal outfits as that is what we felt she would've wanted.

My dad had lung cancer and hypertension. He died in his sleep 12 days later. His funeral was different, he was a piper and the band turned out for an honour guard and a regimental flag was lent for the coffin. I was actually impressed with the minister (I'm not religous, and neither was my dad really) he managed to wring a wry smile out of the congregation at exactly the right moment.

cr500dom sums up how it goes pretty well.

Right now I desperately, desperately want to just hear Mum’s voice again.

Hmm, the last week my mum had phoned me while I was driving into see them and I didn't pick up, not least because I was only 10 minutes away. What with everything I completely forgot about it. Only after she died when I noticed I'd voicemail did I check it. Hearing her voice in that context was a real shock, I very nearly dropped the phone. It really freaked me out.

I still miss my mum the most (we were very close). But its not the constant nag it was at first.

Just keep on keeping on.