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Little Johnny's at it again...... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mummy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'
* * * * * * * * * * *
The maths teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said,
'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.. Little Johnny asked, " Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mum .'
haha good stuff. got any of yer own?
I'm tuning some of my older jokes here....
"Mummy, mummy, can I lick the bowl?
"No Johnny, flush the chain like everyone else!"
"Mummy, mummy, can I come out of the kitchen now?"
"No Johnny, the fire will spread to the rest of the house"
"Mummy, mummy, why is daddy zigzagging?"
"Shut up Johnny and reload"
And crude....
Little Johnny walks into the bathroom to find his mum stood there naked. He points at her groin and asks "what's that mum?"
His mum thinks quickly and says
"That's where the mad axeman got me"
"Well he's a ****ing good shot, he got you right in the ****"
and
Little Johnny walks into the bathroom to find his dad stood there naked. He points at his groin and asks "what's that dad?"
His dad thinks quickly and says
"It's my hedgehog"
"Blimey, it's got a big cock hasn't it?"
Can I play with Grandad?
No, you have dug him up twice this week already
'Who can think of a sentance with the word contagious in it?' said the teacher.
Susie's hand shot up. 'Yes, Susie?'
'My brother's got measles and he can't come to school because he's contagious'
'Very good Susie - anyone else? What about you Harry?'
'The plague was a terrible disease because it was very contagious'
'Excellent! What about you littly Jonny?'
'The man fitting our bathroom says he'll be finished by the end of the week but my dad says that at the speed he's working it'll take the contagious'
Not a little Jonny joke; but genuine friend of my wife story. The class of 5 year olds were telling teacher what their parents do for a living, and Annalisa's daughter pronounced proudly that her mother dances with men for money.
She's a dance teacher and often demonstrates the steps with her male pupils.
Probably the nastiest joke I know:
How do you know if your sister's on the blob???
You can taste the blood on your dads cxck.
Anyone beat that?
😯
Anyone beat that?
Beating it as we speak.
There I was, enjoying the innocent jokes.... 😯 🙄 😈
My favourite Jimmy Carr Joke.
What's worse than finding a Maggot in your apple?
Being Raped.....
Not a little Jonny joke; but genuine friend of my wife story. The class of 5 year olds were telling teacher what their parents do for a living, and Annalisa's daughter pronounced proudly that her mother dances with men for money.
[url= http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Think-Kids-Say-The-Darnest-Things/448060 ]http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Think-Kids-Say-The-Darnest-Things/448060[/url]
[i]Anyone beat that? [/i]
Statistically, 5 out of 6 people enjoy gang rape.
This isn't a joke. It was reported in a news item on the BBC website...
'50% of people believe domestic violence should be kept behind closed doors'
mummy, mummy, how long til we get to Australia?
Shut up Jonny, and keep digging.
Mummy, mummy, why have you got breasts?
Well, Jonnny, when I die, they blow up like balloons, and I 'll float up to heaven...
Two weeks later and little Jonny comes running to daddy, yelling 'Daddy, Mummy's dying!.
'How do you know, son?'
'Uncle Steve's blowing up her balloons and she's screaming 'Oh God, I'm coming'.