[Closed] Lifestyle changes, without massive lifestyle changes

No ... but I would love to see how this thread goes....
I never thought I wanted to retire early but it is beginning to look more and more attractive ...

I lock myself in the toliet with a book...

buy some XO
sit next to a fire
sip

Pretty much that. If you've arranged it you'll do it. If you haven't then something else will eat the time 🙁

no , , but i dont think i would enjoy doing nothing . i like to be busy .

we are moving to france next year , for a more relaxed way of life , but it will still be filled lots to do .

Illegal drugs.
Whatever suits our brain chemistry

Not really a lifestyle edict though is it.

Study something that interests you?

Not sure you can balance doing stuff you dont enjoy with a little bit of you time, doesnt sound very sustainable.

Take a look at Happiness by Design and dont leave this shit to chance.

That doesnt get great reviews at £5 for a Kindle book

Get out on more adventures...
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Microadventures-Local-Discoveries-Great-Escapes/dp/0007548036/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1475095175&sr=8-1&keywords=microadventures

Learn to follow your own mind.

I could be editing photos or writing code, but I've just bummed around watching telly this evening. I know how to relax 🙂

Maybe he didnt pay them enough!

I thought it was a good book, the basic message is take a pragmatic view of what makes you happy (pleasure or purpose) and do more of the most achievable activities. It appeals to my utilitarian approach to most problems.

People in general make terrible decisions based on all sorts or criteria which rarely deliver happiness long term.

"why be happy when you can be normal" is a quote that stuck with me.

I found reducing my hours helped give me some time and space. I only work 4 days, so my day off is a chance to get some chores out the way, freeing up family time elsewhere in the week, and then spend a few hours doing what I want to do - riding, reading, listening to my music, catching up on telly, snoozing, meeting friends for lunch, whatever. I have no one to answer to for 3-4 hours a week.

God, I love Monday afternoons!

Obviously, there is a financial cost, but going from, say 37 hours a week to 32 over four days might be doable.

Another reading recommendation, Yes Man by Danny Wallace. A quite positive but accepting approach. And not a preachy book.

I started meditating a couple of months ago, doing guided meditation using the Headspace app. The first 10 days are free and it's worth every penny thereafter.

Get a nice hobby
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I hear 100mm travel forks are very life affirming

Meditation
Yoga
Cycling - the 'just going for a ride' type - no GPS, no Strava etc, just go out and pootle for as long as you fancy, and then come home.

FWIW, Paul Dolan (Happiness By Design) is a very well respected academic - he's a professor at LSE and previously worked in the Nudge Unit in Downing St when Behavioural Economics first started getting popular

[quote=Kryton57 ]i want to somehow section off a portion of my life to relax, but theres always something more to do, think off or put on a list, [b]cycling workouts to do, [/b]

[quote=brooess ]
Cycling - the 'just going for a ride' type - no GPS, no Strava etc, just go out and pootle for as long as you fancy, and then come home.

I have to admit, I thought the OP was trolling given the number of previous threads on this subject.

I'm with morecashthandash. I work 4 days a week and it makes a huge difference . Highly recommended

I'm no help, I'll admit that.

But..

You have a very busy life, your family takes up most of that when home, work will when not. Not a fat lot of time for yourself in all that hence the bikes for more "me" time.

I'm not preaching here, but you'll have to substitute something in your life to fit in something else. Make sure you don't substitute any family time or you'll find that'll disappear quite quickly, with the possibility of major disruption and far less time for your "me" time with extended consequences for years to come.

But from previous threads on this subject you've posted, you are just going through what we've all done in our 30's through late 40's... We all burn out on occasion, reassessment on your lifestyle often takes commitment greater than the effort your willing to give it (due to time/family/work commitments) Popup Self Help books may work for some, not for others. But buying another and feeling pressured to learn/read from it in your already busy schedule just adds to the limited time you already have.

I think all of us at some point in our lives have gone through/going through the same feelings you have now. We've all taken our own path to relieve the pressure, invariably something in our lives has had to change significantly to relieve the pressure, choose wisely the section of your life you think needs changing before committing to it.

BOL.

Thanks. This is a thread with a difference though, I wouldnt attribute it to others as I'm in a very different place. First of all I'm not miserable, just trying to find some "space" if that makes sense, and wondering how others have achieved that. Despite some of my posts which are borderline tongue in cheek, my dabble with Mindfulness has quitened variious areas of my life although I'll admit that busy-ness of work has caused me to fall off the wagon with meditation a bit, so the above is a good reminder to reinstate that into my day.

I gave up drinking for a month (first beer planned fro Friday night yay...) and the XO comment perhaps hints at the fact I don't have any other vices in my life, together with the "winter training plan" which targets some immediate weight loss. I think this hasn't help as I've dropped a month of enjoyment or escapism, its all been an exercise in discipline. I don't mean I have to get roaring drunk and pig out on Belgian buns on a weekly basis, but there's nothing wrong or seriously detrimental about enjoying a short in the evening after the kids are in bed.

Like others I guess, I also have a habit of sitting on the sofa with my ipad/stw in the evening with one eye on the telly, I'd be far better offer putting it away and shutting my brain off for a bit.

The job thing hasn't help. Ive entered a risk/reward scenario where although I've worked very hard to build what is a backended pipeline I'm facing the biggest risk of all as a salesman grossly under target in a US Corp. In actual fact this comes at the climax of a 23 year career in the same business area and this week I've very much come to the acceptance that if I was pushed, it'd probably be a timely opportunity to explore something different so I was last week stressing about what I'd be doing on Jan 1st, now I'm not so much.

So its a merry go round of wanting to work to provide, excel to succeed, train to be fit and competitive, not have flaw iin my diet or abstinence which tires me I believe, but I don't know why I'm so driven this way when in fact as we all know, none of it really matters - I can't be the only one in this position surely? I think its a questions of trying very hard not to be average, when average is all I am or is not really defined in the measure of myself vs the iWorld through which I experience life

Breakfast musings eh!

Worrying about being average? What does average mean exactly?

Sometimes i'd be ecstatic to be average 🙂

I think I know what you mean. My situation is a bit different, but I was weighing things up in my own way a few days ago. I have a full time job and a family, so I'm quite busy but on top of that, all this keeping fit, watching my diet, staying off alcohol (because it often gives me migraine), doing regular exercises for my back, etc I feel stiff and regimented. My only way of letting my hair down is mountain biking but I don't have time or energy to do more than I'm doing. I want to "play" a bit, but I don't know how.

Find something that is purely about helping other people - not you, family, friends or pet interests. An evening a week working with homeless, chronically ill or whatever: it's amazing how other stuff in your life comes into perspective.

I feel the same, I 'think' this is what a mid life crisis actually is.

All the stuff that was crazy fun in my 20s/30s (staying up drinking and more for 2 days etc) now just makes me feel AWFUL and I still have to deal with the kids.

I think it's a case of re-setting what pleasure is, it might not be sinking 10 pints and midnight swimming anymore, it might be a snooze in a parked car. 😆

I have found volunteering helps. I'm on the Exec committee of our Scout group. I can't commit to being a proper leader but there are loads of odd tasks the group needs doing to keep ticking along, the building, insurance, fund raising etc that you can dip in and out of and see the results when the kids achieve new things partly through your efforts. Very rewarding. There's also a county cycle team who keep refusing my offers of help - obviously seen me ride!

I've also started volunteering with the Forestry Commission at a nearby visitor/trail centre. Only one morning a month but really interesting, and nice to do some physical outdoor work rather than paper pushing.

Kryton - would I be right to say the urge for racing is a recent thing? I'm sure if cycling was more "leisure time" it would be more relaxing, also free up some more time for other things without the constant requirements of a set programme.

By our age I think the realisation has hit that a pro sporting career has gone,

I think a lot of people wonder the same things as the OP does. I can certainly relate to the "average" comment. Sometimes it feels like you are going through the motions rather than achieving.

Study something that interests you?

Diamond advice. I got work to pay for my Prince2 training but I did it through online learning in a mixture of work and my own time. It was much more rewarding when I passed the exams rather than a 5 day cramathon. There are some good affordable online courses out there if you look. You seem to be a fan of good beer. Thought about a bit of home-brewing?

Turn off the phone, wifi etc so nobody can disturb you.

I know just what you mean.

4 or 5 years ago it dawned on me that I was pretty unhappy so I made some changes. Moved house, changed job and changed my mindset about a few things.

All was well and I have been happy and content since but I think things have started to slip over the last few months and I am back feeling a bit like you do. Not unhappy like I was but I seems to have an itch that needs scratching, I just don't know where the itch is and how to scratch it.

My thoughts range from learning a new skill to to having the odd weekend away riding a bike to quitting my job and doing something more worthwhile.

It seems to be a side effect of modern life, the life I created for myself as I thought it would be what made me happy...and it does...but...

Average is a great place to be, surely it means you can do lots of things reasonably well. It appears you're very competitive, perhaps you need to spend more time just playing? Playing on a bike, playing with your kids in the mud and puddles?

Impossible to give an objective response but I do feel I've found my own balance & it works for me. As you know, Kryton, I stepped off the corporate high-speed merry-go-round years ago & took a step back to judge what was really important in my life.

Work came way behind my family & my time so I adjusted things accordingly. I earn less, I no longer have a team reporting to me & don't spend every other week somewhere else on the planet but I do get quality time with my family (especially important lately) and get adequate 'me' time.

We waste so much time dossing around, watching crap TV etc so I tend not to bother with any of that in the evenings. Negotiated more convenient working hours so I'm usually home within an hour of Jr getting in from school but if I need to do more then I get up earlier & make sure stuff happens at the start of the day. Gives me the entire evening to do stuff with him, ride, walk the dog, have a beer etc without worrying about the time.

Most of us can't have everything but we can choose what we really need to be contented - it's just a case of making those choices.

Yeah - as above, maybe a bit of you time that isn't training/competing.
A regular social ride that ends in the pub? Yoga? Get involved with some of your kids activities? Become a sports coach, help out at scouts, etc.

Something will fill that gap for you and be very rewarding, and importantly differ from everything else you are trying to achieve.

I don't think there's any middle ground is there?
I don't think that you tweak bits to suit you..

the clue is in the term... [i]life[/i]style

the style in which you live your life

it's not called an hourstyle, or an eveningstyle or a wednesdaymorningbetweennineandtwelvestyle is it?

Work came way behind my family & my time so I adjusted things accordingly. I earn less, I no longer have a team reporting to me & don't spend every other week somewhere else on the planet but I do get quality time with my family (especially important lately) and get adequate 'me' time.

Well, that may well be forced upon me soon, but if not my own remit will get bigger instead which will force a decision making process over Christmas.

spend more time just playing? Playing on a bike, playing with your kids in the mud and puddles?

Agree, but equally I enjoy a "reason" to exercise, stay fit, fettle with bikes etc. I get very grumpy and fed up when fat & lazy 🙂

I found when I first had kids that it didn't really eat into anything *really* important.

I do have to plan to do something, or be able to pounce on opportunities more, these days though. For instance I now always make sure at least one MTB is in full order ready to be jumped on for a ride if I get a spare 2 hrs at the weekend/evening. I don't find time to go to the pub so much.

If you schedule it, it will happen. I only got a small batch of homebrew cider through over the past week because my wife prioritised it higher than some DIY I'm half way through - mainly because 1/3rd of the freezer had been full of apples for around a year. I plan to set fire to the old couch and drink it in the back garden at some point.

A few things that can help, and in my and my wife's case, have helped.

Routine. Set as little as 15 minute but ideally 30 aside every day as you time. Make sure the wife and kids know this is not negotiable. Schedule it for the same time each day and make all aware of it. Mine if from 9pm to 9:30pm in the week and at 10am on the weekend. You can do whatever you want in this time as long as it's for you. I read a lot but whatever it is, I make sure I'm alone and without tech around me. My wife does the same.

Exercise. I currently am trying to exercise for a minimum of 30 minutes every day. It's awesome. I feel more lively, I have a goal each day and my head is clearer. 3 runs a week (I've never run before and so am following a couch to 10k programme), 2 turbo sessions (30 minute HIIT sets) and 2 proper bike rides.

Meditate. Yeah, it's a bit hippy but it works and I for one feel a lot better for it. 10 or 15 mins a day.

There are loads of other things you can do, but those are mine and they're really helped.

My work life balance is now better than its been in the last 15 years. I find it helps me ride out the storms that the corporate world suffers chronically suffers from. I feel more resilient.

However, I know what you mean for sure. Given my preference, I would not work 5 days a week and I'm sure that would help!

If you find the answer - let me know!

Kind of the same here TBH. Weekdays are pretty packed sorting out the kids, working, and training. Doesn't leave much time for anything else.

Use to be able to spend time doing some of the stuff mentioned on this thread, just lying on the couch reading a book or listening to tunes, meditating. Spending time with friends. Relaxing weekend breaks and holidays with Mrs B. etc.

Now there just seems to be an endless list of stuff that needs to be done and very little free time. I doubt it's much different for anyone with young kids though (4yo and 2yo here). I'd expect the balance will change a little as the kids get older, but making the most of time with them before they're too old to still want to play with me 🙂

I tried to address my work/life balance a couple of years ago, by changing to a job closer to home. This meant I'm home an hour earlier every day, plus I have the option to ride to work, if I want.

Only problem is, I've moved from a stable, safe job, to something very turbulent. So instead of worrying about not having enough me time, I'm worry that with the way things are going here, I might end up with too much me time, if you know what I mean.

Now contemplating going back to my old job, just to take the worry away.

Agree, but equally I enjoy a "reason" to exercise, stay fit, fettle with bikes etc. I get very grumpy and fed up when fat & lazy

It's not always about 'exercise' so don't think that about every time you get a bike out.

All the things you do, the things that define you, are things that give you a purpose, work, provide, get fit etc.

What do you do that brings you pleasure, are they the right things and do you do enough of them, what else could you do?

I'm not even sure I'm explaining myself properly, but how to attain a portion of my life which is relaxed, cosy and sipping some XO in the warm without something cropping up?

I have a couple of areas of my life that I find completely relaxing - I ride to work 20 miles each way, this is a complete escape as 12 miles of it is on a segregated cycle path across a moor, my mind is free to completely wander.

We also have a caravan on a seasonal pitch 70 miles from home which we go to a lot. When we get there we literally have nothing to do except make food, pour drinks, go for a walk in the woods, go mountain biking, walk to the pub - so just the things we want to do. It's bloody great.

You need somewhere to escape to, whether that's an actual place or an activity doesn't matter.

I have a couple of areas of my life that I find completely relaxing - I ride to work 20 miles each way, this is a complete escape as 12 miles of it is on a segregated cycle path across a moor, my mind is free to completely wander.

This is one of the things I miss about running. Most of my cycling is training on the roads and, for me anyway, it's definitely not as mentally refreshing as running. Running was almost meditative in it's mental refresh quality. Not sure what it is exactly, probably the higher pace and the amount of stuff to think about, you just need to be more mentally engaged in the activity.

Some good stuff in here, not least im not alone. It aopears from the thread that its split into two camps, those that have made a concious decision to slow things down and those that either by default or accidently have let the gas pedal fall to the floor.

By accident today I arrived home early from work and spent some alone time with my daughter (and peppa pig) whilst Mrs K took my son swimming. Queue an hour and a half of cuddles, milk and playing with pajama's - time which money cant buy. It helps to be reminded of these things in a format such as this sometimes.

Time to get meditating daily again also.

My wife and I both had high flying careers - me literally as an airline pilot, and her a city lawyer.

We decided to take a step back, move out of London and both go part time (me 75% roster, she works 2 days a week)

Time for ourselves/kids/each other is precious, and can't be replaced by work success and a bulging bank balance. Have you ever seen an epitaph "I wish I'd worked longer hours"?

I think many of us go through this at times.

My thoughts:

Cycling to & from work is superb, get away from your desk/workspace at lunchtime (running/other exercising can be great), keep a calendar/diary and use it to plan for enjoyable things as well as chores/DIY
-regular time for hobbies/interests should also be in the calendar and your family will know that you do X on a Wednesday evening.

If you want to read books or the like, go to bed earlier. Go to bed earlier anyway.

Unless there is something that you particularly want to see, don't watch TV. Don't waste time on social media (like STW...)

If training for sport is becoming a chore, why do it?

If you are well-paid enough to support the life that you can cope with on reduced hours, reduce the hours.

So many common themes here. I've a very good Civil Service job, that others tell me I'm good at. My wife started her own business back in June with three others, it's going well. The big kick up the bum for us was her breast cancer in 13/14, really changes perspective. We do loads as a family, lots of short trips. Kids do a lot of activities which we alternate the taxi services for, and my lad took up rugby last season, I now referee so I get to see him play and develop and help out at the club. My job is silly busy, but I enjoy it, we have flexitime which I use now and then. Like today for example, time for me to rekindle my MTB riding for a few hours. My wife now works from home 3-4 days a week, which is brilliant for her continuing recovery and with all the family stuff. I've stopped stressing about DIY etc years ago, time is precious. I've got my forms this week to complete for carrying on as a school governor for another 4 years, I moan about it sometimes, but it's very rewarding.

It is about what works for you, as much as I'd love dropping to 4 days a week, it wouldn't be compatible with my job.