[Closed] Lending money to friends

Ah dude, I feel for you massively.

Touch wood, never been in that situation myself, so can't really provide any real advice, however another slightly 'firmer' message would definitely be on the cards.

Fingers crossed it all works out ok 🙂

I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet. Some people are just crap at organising themselves. When skiing in January I paid for the lift passes. Didn't get the money back off a couple of mates for a couple of weeks. They just forgot or were busy with other stuff, and I did the same myself once a couple of years back.

If you're strapped for cash them send them a nice reminder saying you could do with the cash sooner rather than later and if there's any problems just to let you know. People respond better to friendly requests rather than going in heavy.

Tricky. Whenever I owe friends money - generally from a trip away, I get it back to them asap. I value their friendship, not their role as a bank! + I don't want money to get in the way of the relationship.

Give them a few days I say - and definitely let them know how you feel, that you want the money back and that it was given to you by your Dad and that's why you want the money returned.

IME some people don't understand that other people have different values attached to money and because they wouldn't worry about chasing money they'd lent to others, they don't worry about paying back their own debt. I think that's insensitive but there you go.

You have to let them know how you feel and how important it is. If you still get no response then I guess they've demonstrated how importantly they value your friendship...

So they purposely went away with no money?

.... and this is why I don't have any friends. More trouble than they're bloody worth! ****s!!!!!

You may be overreating a bit, unless there's more to the story and there's bad feeling between you and these guys already?

How old are you? When I was in my 20s even my close friends were really shit at stuff like this. Just hassle them and let them know you need it back pronto.

@ b r - Either that or he's just incredibly naive as to how much travel costs, which I know isnt the case as he's a well travelled lad!

The other guy (unknown to me before the trip) turned out to be a great bloke otherwise and was super grateful for me paying for his replacement wheels after a silly accident that left him with a pringled rear. (His card had been blocked by the bank temporarily)
He transferred that money back to me via telephone banking that very evening, so I know he's of good character.

But now neither of them are replying to my very carefully worded and friendly messages.

I can almost understand my 'friend' not replying as we did leave things on a bad note, but still, it's not just bad form but plain wrong.

get everyone to chip €50 in to a kitty at the start for the communal stuff. custodian of the kitty shares out the remainder at the end.

lost alot of "friends" over money.

They may be being slack but the lack of a response is not good.
try again or go and see them...take some bombers

It's annoying, but unless the money missing is causing you immediate financial hardship, I'd personally give them a couple of weeks to stump up before you chase it.

Friend went on a trip knowing he didn't have the money in his account to cover his end of the trip? Good friends wouldn't have gone or would have text emailed you by now without prompting even if they couldn't pay immediately. I would avoid so called good friend he isn't trustworthy

No messages, ring them or pop round their house unexpectedly.

How much are we talking about?

I can see why you were put in an awkward position/situation and had no choice really but why would you go on holiday with insufficient funds anyway (ie. in your pocket OR in your bank account)?

I'm not 'poor' but I haven't be able to justify a Spain or France riding trip for the last two years.

I always take too many Euros then change them back/treat it as a bonus when I'm back.

If it was me- I didn't have the funds I'd have replied to your message- yes will get sorted at month end if ok (i.e next week) not ignore you even if I thought you were rude/no one I care about etc).

TBH- back Monday evening, sorting stuff out Tues/Wed- catching up. It may be on their to do list. IF they are not forthcoming by next week can you name and shame? They may be known to others on here who can help or at least embarrass.

Although not my place to say really- well done for doing the right thing with that money that was left to you to enjoy.

I've done this before. Arranged an entire trip, drove around Europe in my car and turned out the 'mate' traveling with me didn't have the money, despite him having savings for a house deposit in another account. He told me this days before we were due to leave.

Foolishly I loaned him the money as he was being paid the week we got back. I got most of the ~£500 back but he still owed me about £70 at the end of the trip. I never saw any of that money and I left it a few months to chase. It was all very weird. At the time I had little money myself so it wasn't an insignificant sum.

I only lend money that I'm prepared to lose. I've had a couple of situations where friends have owed me sometimes quite small sums for a long time despite telling me about their latest holiday/car/bike and it's damaged our friendship.

Heard too many stories of friendships ruined, so beyond standing the occassional pint, I won't do it.

Don't borrow from friends or family either, not even my best and oldest school mate who married well and offers to help me buy a bike every time he sees me going green with envy.

Friends are friends because I trust them.

Acquaintances... that's different and after losing the odd tenner I wouldn't hesitate nowadays to ask for something like a watch or cellphone as collateral on the loan.

You settle up in the car at the end of the trip no?

I'll give it another day or so before re-considering, but the understanding was that it would be paid immediately on return so as to avoid me footing the entire bill when everything was deducted.

This was crystal clear, and the basis for me agreeing to cover it.

Add to that they both know my current work situation (job is hanging by a thread) and therefore my financial situation.

It's just shit form, and upsetting to boot.

Unfortunately it's something I've learned the hard way. I used to be very generous, (naive) with money. I had too many people simply take the piss. Not for lots of money, a few pints here, £20 there. It soon mounted up and was never returned. Some people's attitude to borrowed money is very relaxed. They don't see the problem of owing money to someone else.

I lent money to family, it's now standing at around £3.5k. They have now stopped making any effort to pay it back. It's going to come to a head at some point and split the family. I'm trying very hard to not let that happen. Their attitude is that I can afford it!

I think it's poor show from your "friends" OP. I'd give it until the end of the week and then talk to them directly, face to face, not via messages. Depends on how much we are talking about, but suggest you take their bikes as security until they stump up. That will focus their attention.

Not good form on their part but I'd wait til pay day @ end of the month and then start chasing them and hopefully you'll get repaid within a week?

Hope it sorts itself out. Good luck.

take their bikes as security until they stump up

Whilst this may be tempting, it won't help in the long run. Go and see them in person at the weekend, give them until the end of the month to pay back in full and explain how hurtful it is when you trusted them to pay you back.

If you don't get the money back within a few weeks, or you can't get hold of them, if you are willing to lose the friendship send them recorded delivery letters indicating you will take them to court (small claims) for the money. If you have the receipts/credit card receipts for things like fuel and food you have a good case even with a verbal agreement. (It was a few years ago now but a friend of mine managed to get the money back and reclaimed the court fees from a person who asked her to book her a place on a holiday and then never paid up.)

If you tot up the 'odd pint' and skipping out of rounds, Hora owes me exactly £64,378.92. I've been keeping count. Right - I'm getting my big tufty-tufty bailiffs uniform on and going taking possession of his bikes 😀

their bank cards weren't working abroad

One phone call fixes that. I'm calling BS from the friend of friend.

I never lend money to friends, on the basis that you're made to feel bad when you ask for it back when you're the one doing them a favour. If you don't get the money back, consider it an investment in not having to waste your time in future on someone who doesn't value you enough.

One phone call fixes that. I'm calling BS from the friend of friend.

I'm with you here. Seeing as he could get the money sorted for the wheel the next day then why didn't he add on another £100 there and then.

I had an almost identical experience (ours was a climbing trip though).
Wasn't a small amount of money either (entire hire car cost for them as their card was declined on day one, along with their share of the group costs I stumped up for).

Initial promises to pay back as soon as we were home changed to after payday.
Then, after chasing them, it was next payday.
This carried on with one weak excuse after another, ignoring many messages etc. In the end I had to threaten to take them to the small claims court. This prompted one of them to pay the full amount and the other to agree to pay me back in 4 installments.
Which they then only partly paid.
Throughout this they were both still going on holidays, buying expensive camera equipment etc.

Obviously I realised very early on that they were not friends if they were prepared to behave that way - which meant I felt no guilt about starting small claims proceedings (fortunately wasn't required).

I just don't understand people who think it's ok to treat others like that. Unfortunately it has coloured my view as to who I will lend money to now (and how much), which is a shame.

Hope it all works out for you - whatever you do, DON'T let them play the victim in this. They accepted your generous offer of a loan and are now lacking the courtesy to keep you informed of how and when they will pay you back.

Si

their bank cards weren't working abroad

One phone call fixes that.

depends on bank and card. friend from US had issues with both his US and Dutch cards in UK. Online hotel booking and National Express PIN terminal, and thai restaurant portable PIN machine thingy rejected both. Thai place allowed signature. National Express made him go find some cash. Strange the Dutch card failed, cos mine works al over EU.

If it was a VPay card, and in Switzerland, then the user would also be told to get lost.

Flip side to the OP, I'm also just back from riding, the way the money balanced out I owe a mate a few quid...not paid him back yet as I've not had the chance to sit down and get it done. But I will, just been very busy... and if he asked me to pay it right now as he needed it, I'd get it done asap.

So from the opposite side - call and tell them you want it now. If it happened to me I'd apologise for being slack and drop everything to get it done.

It's YOUR money, don't be afraid to ask for it back, these guys don't appear to be friends, i'd say they are p1ss taking w******.

their bank cards weren't working abroad

Bollocks - cashpoint- its all linked. I've done it in Les Gets.

I will ALWAYS lend if someone needs it. Its when it becomes a line of credit (i.e. more than once or top up) that you just become a creditor in a line.

If a friend forgot his card/etc - yes. What sort of friend are you if you don't TRUST a friend?

Binners- IF You are in Chorly this weekend, tell me in advance. I'll buy you two. Taking my debt down £10 😀

If it's for a substantial amount of money and you think the friendships are over, threaten them with legal action. Hopefully that will be enough to make them pay up.

I can't believe there are people posting above who are defending your mates'...they're taking the piss, it's as simple as that. Even if they haven't got it, they at least owe you an explanation.

Seen a similar thing between two friends of mine in the past. Like you they were on holiday, after a sob story about having no access to cash one friend lent the other a couple hundred quid on provision he would pay back when home.

The one who lent the money kept on about it over the remainder of the holiday, constant reminders and comments. Ended up ruining the holiday mood for everyone. Friend who borrowed decided he would just enjoy the rest of his holiday and disown other friend when they got home. The money was never repaid and the two haven't spoke to each other since.

Not suggesting you were ruining anyone's holiday, just that two people can perceive the same situation very differently.

Personally, if I lend someone money and they don't pay it back. I just look at it as cheap way to get rid of a someone I can't trust. I'd give them a bit of time before I decide they are untrustworthy though..

It's good when you get it back unexpectedly though, happened to me last year, I gave a boy money to buy an ajax ticket outside the stadium(friend of my brothers) when we were over in amsterdam as he'd gone a left his cash in the hotel. I wasn't particularly compos mentis as you can imagine! forgot I even gave him the 60 yoyos. few weeks later in the pub, boy hands me back 50 quid without me even asking for it.! 🙂

As I say though, with other people, I've found it a cheap and easy way to get rid of them.

Less than a week til payday, if they had no money for toll roads last week they likely haven't got it this week. Speak to them and ask them if there's a problem, if you can hold out til after payday tell them that.

It's very poor going away without enough money though. We have a mate who has lots of form in that area - we went for a weekend biking just a month or so ago, he got a lift there, didn't have enough money for his digs and only had enough for a couple of meals and a round of beers. He's well known for it and a good lad so those of us that end up paying just suck it up and have a laugh, but we're talking 10 or 20 quid each so nothing major.

get the pitchforks...

Give it a few more days.

for those calling BS on cards not working, I've had debit cards not work abroad many times despite travelling a lot. I've now got a CC for the purpose of travelling a lot so that It never gets blocked.

Only one answer

I've got two friends I'd be happy to lend money to, others are told NO, I won't even lend money to my sister anymore, after being fobbed off when it comes to pay back once to many times.

Heard to many stories of money ruining friends and family.
Can easily get awkward so I generally wouldn't lend money out.
That said the ones close to me I would just give them it anyway. What's mine is yours and all that. With true friends it balances out over the years anyway so I'm never fussed about who pays for beers, a meal or whatever.

I'm used to a missus and two kids freeloading of me anyway so if it's just me and a mate it's like a cheap date!!

On the OP front if they were truly bothered they'd have sorted straight away or replied. Give them to the end of the weekend then there's no excuse of business etc. come Sunday night it's be a polite message saying you need the money back, sort bank transfer straight away or you'll bob round to collect it one night. The prospect of you just randomly turning up one night should gee them on.

I have the receipts and obviously the statements to match, so am in a strong position re small claims, and I'd be happy to go down this route if needs be.

I'm going to hold off for a few days before the next message, which will explain my financial position and the origins of the money. Hopefully that'll bring some results.

Failing that I'll call my 'friends' mother, who I know through work. Perhaps she'll be interested to know. If not (and he's got her on side, which is possible, but unlikely) It'll be small claims.

The hardest part will be the other guy, who until the trip I'd never met.

We got on really well throughout and both financed my 'friend', but I also financed him on the return leg as the hire car could only be paid for by one person (they essentially give you a quote which upon return of the car is then finalised and deducted from your account) and other then FB contact details, he's not part of my social circle and lives miles away.

Again though I have his parents details as it was his father that so promptly repaid the replacement wheel money, so maybe he'd be interested to hear..?

I've had such a shit year so far with family, work, health and now this. I sometimes wonder what good actually comes from doing the right thing?

It's basically a shoddy response, that now understably is emotive.

They're just being shonky. Stick to plan you have fella and it'll soon be over and another life lesson learned 🙂

I sometimes wonder what good actually comes from doing the right thing?

Dont change your persona due to a couple of bad eggs, thankfully the good people of this world out number the cretins.
Hope you get the situation sorted.

Chin up mate dont let the bastards drag you down.
If you get no luck after pay day then contact the parents and explain the situation.

I had a couple of irritating friends/money incidents recently.

1) 'lads*' weekend in Budapest, leant an old friend some money for similar reasons to the OP, he then rounded down the exchange rate by quite a margin (cash machine withdrawl Vs what google says) to pay me back. Not friendship ending, but a bit insulting/irritating.

2) Gave someone a lift to another lads weekend away in Wales on the assumption petrol would end up being split 50/50. This guy doesn't drive and regularly get's lifts off me (which means I always end up being designated driver for BBQ's etc) and regualry moans about the high cost of public transport relative to petrol, so maybe he just needs a reality check for the actual running costs of a car, but when I said the tank of fuel would be about £75-£80 and he rounded that down to £30 it was a bit insulting. Whenever I've gotten a lift like that I make dam sure I over-pay to the point the driver should be insulted they're taking the money on the basis the fuel is only about half the cost of actualy driving and they're the one that did the work and couldn't drink!

*suprisingly high brow, not the strippers and midgets type

For trips where the driver picks up tolls and petrol, I usually buy them a bit of food/drink as a thank you and then ask them to tell me what the cost is for the whole trip.

The money I used to cover these costs was left to me by my late father, for me to spend enjoying myself

Speculating wildly here, but were they aware of this aspect, and perhaps have in mind that you've "just received an inheritance" and therefore they don't think it's as urgent a matter as you do?

To be clear, I'm not in any way suggesting that would be justifiable, just wondering if it might be the case?

Maybe I should have gone on the trip with some of you folks instead, you sound like a decent bunch overall 🙂

@ edlong - the moneys origin was never made public, only on here today. as far as they know it's my own hard-earned.

OP,

If you are willing to lend someone money then be prepared to write it off as well.

Your friends are not your friends if you need to chase up the money. No communication or reply from them simply indicate that your friends are actually not friends but acquaintances. Not your new found "best" friends.

Never lend money to someone unless they have the means to pay back.

Also why on earth did they not check their cards before going ...

You have been taken for a ride "mate".

😯

fr0sty - Member

Maybe I should have gone on the trip with some of you folks instead, you sound like a decent bunch overall

Crikey ... could you give me your banking details, DOB etc please.

Surely the provenance of the cash (i.e. inheritence or earnings) is irrelevant.
You borrow cash, you agree when and how to pay it back, you pay it back.

Chewkw, don't be such a nonchalantly rude arse.

im guessing that the issue with the guy that owes you money is not the fact that he owes you it but the fact you didnt leave on good terms after the trip? so hes thinking fu?

unless ive missread that

bearnecessities - Member

Chewkw, don't be such a nonchalantly rude arse.

Hey, [b][u]rude boy[/u][/b] what's up by calling me rude? 😯

What I said above may one day save his life.

I've lent my best friend relatively significant sums of money over the past few years to help him out when he was struggling to make ends meet. This was on the proviso that when I needed it back he would most likely tap up his dad to pay me. The total was £14k by the time I needed it for a house deposit, at which point it became apparent that his dad wasn't in any position to help him out. As such my deposit was smaller by a corresponding amount, thus my mortgage has ended up costing my more. I also worked out that I would have got about £2k of interest on the cash had it been in the bank instead of with him.

No idea when he might be in a position to make any dent on what he owes. Of course this hasn't stopped him going on holidays or doing loads of DH racing....

My cousin also owes me £8k and it's been a pain trying to persuade him to sort himself out and return it.

All in all, not in a desperate hurry to lend anyone any cash in the future!

Of course this hasn't stopped him going on holidays or doing loads of DH racing..

Which suggests that he simply treats you as a line of credit and doesn't have any respect for you. You continue the friendship in the hope that it'll keep your hopes of the money being returned to you one day.

I'd consider the friendship very onesided and personally its over/not a friendship worth anything. Similar to walking in and finding your girlfriend kneeling infront of a bloke. A betrayal/lack of respect.

Can't you put in place a formal means of recovery? The fact that he pays out for holidays etc says he is in a position to pay you back but choses to fob you off/hope the debt will go away eventually.

I know you posted this before- don't you think its time (with respect) to realise he doesn't consider you a best friend/wouldn't extend the same courtesy to you and with the holidays etc is being disrespectful- to go legal/small claims/recovery. He'll cry foul- so ****ing what. Is he a friend that you'd cosndier lost?

Sometimes it takes a token thing like money for you to see the real value/real face of people who you thought were close to you.

Lending money to friends is always fraught with danger. You can say no and risk your friendship, or you can lend it them and risk your friendship.

Ergo, the moment your friend asks for money you know they hate you.

I offered a mate a loan to buy a Kona Explosif, years ago, think it was £800 or so & guess what?
He paid every penny back. I think I actually told him to stuff the last payment.
Even though due to distance wer'e only mates on FB, he's still my mate & I'd do it again.
Some 'mates' aren't though.

and he rounded that down to £30 it was a bit insulting.

I have a mate like that in our 40's and still doing it
Expect me to drive out of my way to give him lifts places and wont offer any payment

thinks i am a out of order because after two decades I declined to keep spending my money to drive him around.

i honestly dont know if he is taking the piss or just detached from reality

I'm amazed that people will sail so close to the wind and yet still book a holiday? 😯
If you have to wait till payday for your account to get into the black you need to reassess your spending not bugger off on a jolly.
I wouldn't want people with no scruples or basic money management skills as friends so not had any money lending issues,

[i]If you are willing to lend someone money then be prepared to write it off as well.[/i]

This.

And tbh is no different to how any commercial operation works - they KNOW that some will never be paid back.

Don't. Quickest way to have no friends. If you do, write it off at the outset and then you can only be pleasantly surprised.

(Oops missed ^)

I wouldn't want people with no scruples or basic money management skills as friends so not had any money lending issues,

Some of my best friends have no money management skills(*). They may still be wonderful people in other departments 🙂

(*) some people may say I have issues in that area myself .....

EDIT - as others have recommended - don't "lend" money to friends expecting to see it back.

Some folk are quite communist in their outlook, if you have more money that them, and they know it, they see it as perfectly alright to do a bit of 'averaging' on behalf of wider society by spending your money.

A mate of mine is notorious for this 'You can afford it' he says when you ask for it back.

Bit of an update. I had a very friendly and apologetic message from guy number 2 on Thursday explaining that he'd been very busy and was ready to transfer the full amount, but still nothing!

As for my 'friend' he's ignored another 2 messages now and a few phone calls, so I know I'm being avoided.

I've just sent them both a message explaining that whilst it would be shit as I considered them mates, If the money isn't transferred today then I'll have to start chasing things officially.

I've looked into the small claims court option and it's totally viable, so if calling their folks doesn't work then thats the route I'll have to go down. Why can't people just do the RIGHT things ffs? I've learned a lot this last few weeks...

Only go on holiday with those you love, and only lend money that you are happy to give, then you are happy to wait as long as it takes to pay you back.

Dont beat yourself up about this, things happen in life that make you question friendships.
Like I said before they should have let you know if they were short at the time but wait until end of month payday then chase them, with legal action if need be.

I have over the years but wised up pretty quickly.
My sister and BL borrowed £400 to buy an old car with the promise of payment ASAP. Got my money back about 18mth later after they sold it for £800. Free car for a year and a half plus profit and not even a pint!
Her sister and BL don't ask to borrow, just expect you to pay without any guilt. Used to go out golf/beer/etc and he never had any money with him, you pay and I'll drop it in later....... Started taking just the right amount of money out in the end.
She is no different, meals/nights out/in, always has to go to the speed bank but never makes it.
And don't get me started on people wanting stuff done for free!
I find it best to upset someone by saying no than having to ask for it back!

You have been back less than a week. I understand what its like, when letting people borrow money. I've done it a few times and has made travelling quite interesting. Never again. Ive lost friends over this, getting parents etc involved after a few days is like a kick in the nuts for the borrower it could go either way. If he's ignored your messages and calls, what do you think its going to be like after you tell his parents.

Give them your bank details, make it nice and clear give them both a week. Then if nothing you know the friendship is over and go all out.

As per last post. Just been out watching my daughter perform in a show. Went for a cheapie Italian lunchtime special afterwards.
SIL and her 2 boys and also the MIL.
The bill comes and I throw in half (3 of us) and the MIL throws in the other half.
SIL walks out having not paid a penny.
Boils my piss!

There's only maybe 1 or 2 of my really close mates that I'd lend money too now, similar to selling bike bits - I've 'sold' a few items to friends and never seen the money. I'd rather sell on here now to someone I don't even know. Quite sad that.

As Johnny from Mean Streets says - 'You're the only jerk off I can borrow money with out paying back':

I know it's irritating but I think it would benefit you not to get riled up by all this stuff. It does nowt to achieve anything and just means you lose out more by being stressed/pissed off.

Either calmly explain to them how their behaviour affects you, or accept them for who they are and don't get stressed about it, or don't involve them in your life any more. None of these are that easy sometimes but they're the only constructive options IMO.

These days with quick and easy access to pay day loans, it shouldn't really matter if pay day is a few days away, they should take the hit on the (relatively) small charges in order to get the cash to you.

Hope it all works out but fear the worst 🙁

The total was £14k by the time I needed it for a house deposit

struggling to make ends meet.

this hasn't stopped him going on holidays or doing loads of DH racing....

turboferret, I'm sorry to be rude but you must be an absolute mug. That's unbelievable. I would be taking him to court. Even on the lower tax rate, that will be about £18k of your wages.
Did you lend him further money after he already owed you and still went on holiday etc?

I can't believe the amount of money some people are lending to others! £14k - that's crazy, really crazy!

Unless it's the odd few pounds here and there, I either GIVE people the money or nothing at all. It blesses them if I give it to them and I don't have to worry a jot about it coming back. But I like to give to people in need of it, not just for a holiday!

Mind you, I don't think any of my friends would ever not pay me back, because they are real friends. I think some people are confusing spongers with friends!

Turboferret, just want to add my voice to this, 14k??! Get that shit back dude!