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A fairly tame one from me, no back, sack and crack war stories, or tales of ear irrigation with a Karcher jet wash etc. I effing hate cutting my toe nails with a passion! I think it's some kind of residual childhood phobia. The need to do it so soon always creeps up and surprises me - they grow too quick. From becoming aware it needs doing, I put it off for a few days until they catch on the duvet or my socks which freaks me out. I increasingly find it difficult to contort myself into position to do it without lower back pain and old man noises aplenty. My feet are not aesthetically pleasing. They are at just the right distance to be out of focus whether I wear my reading glasses or not. Actually cutting them feels horrible, especially my little toe, deffo childhood trauma! The resulting detritus can travel some distance - into my brew once!
What grooming jobs do you hate?
Trimming noise hair and eyebrows. I don’t do it until I’m sick of getting bugged by the mrs about it.
You should change your username to hairvent
Just wait till a few years time when the foxy district nurse turns up to do your toenails with some bolt cutters, that'll be the ultimate worst
Hated doing ear and nose hairs until Mrs epic bought a bikini trimmer that had a nose/ear attachment...such fun, you know your ears are done when you no longer hear the foliage getting the chop
Toe nails - mainly as I broke one toe over two years back and the nail hasn't grown back well, and fractures when I trim it, so the blimmin nail sticks in my toe bed and get's infected. Just about got it sorted now, but I hate trimming it due to the nail breaking at the slightest touch. Added, like above, I can't see properly with glasses on or off as it's at the distance neither help.
I do my whole head on a number 0 or 1 every couple of weeks, except eyebrows are number 2. My least favourite is filing my fingernails, I feel like Sisyphus.
Tip for toe nails... Chose a reasonable day and do them on the door step, or outside sat on a low stool, saves mess in the house.
Toe nails are probably my least favourite with two wonky little toes to make it awkward and both big toe nails being made of Kevlar.
blokeuptheroad
Full Member
^^ LOL at @Poopscoop! ? Any excuse to post this classic!
I'm a walking fire hazard! Lol That amount of friction added and they might as well parachute me in to a Russian munitions warehouse and be done with it.
they grow too quick. From becoming aware it needs doing, I put it off for a few days until they catch on the duvet or my socks which freaks me out.
Do they get a sudden growth spurt during a full moon?
On average toenails grow about 1.6 mm per month, which should fairly manageable.
If you do toenails after a bath or long shower they are a bit less brittle and don't fly off at mach 1, so you don't need safety goggles
Ear flame at the barber. I try not to wince every time but it bloody hurts. And stinks.
On average toenails grow about 1.6 mm per month, which should fairly manageable.
I'm not claiming they grow any faster than anyone else's, just that it seems like it!
Hair cuts give me the absolute boke, can't stand them. It's mostly the prickly hairs that drive nuts so I have to go from barbers to shower no stopping. I think I have thick or stiff hair so the trimmings are like pins and needles
Consequently I look like Robinson Crusoe for a few weeks until the wild hair is worse than the actual cutting
I don't know how people use toilet paper since I bought a portable bidet that lives in the bathroom. Utterly life-changing, you wouldn't think 10 quid could bring so much joy
On average toenails grow about 1.6 mm per month
C'mon Ernie, nobody on STW is average
😉
Shaving, (my face). Can't be arsed with it, tend to do it about every 2 weeks and therefore look like a vagrant about 80% of my life.
…I pick my toe-nails. I should put getting a big strip of big-toe nail off after a few minutes work in the disproportionately happy thread! 🙂
And by picking them you don’t end up flirting bits everywhere.
Toe nails are bad if you have the wrong tools. Do them outside, ideally after a shower if bath when they’re soft and use these. Makes the job very easy indeed. https://amzn.eu/d/4jsvMka
PoopscoopFull Member
I tried a different brand of toilet roll, all quilted and that. Trouble is, it’s a bit too soft and lacks structural integrity. Basically it’s lead to a sudden crop of tagnuts, a proper bumper crop.
username checks out!!
Shaving (face) +1. I'm 48 and I reckon I've properly wet shaved my face less than 20 times. Bloody hate it always had stubble/beard of varying lengths.
I also hate(d) going to the barbers, so I've generally had either long hair or shaved head since I was about 15. I actually got quite good at blending from 4 to 1, but I can't see the back of head so that bit doesn't matter as much! I'm now bald so it doesn't matter anymore.
I bought a nail toolkit off Amazon because of the issues. The clippers were crap, but the other tools were great. Dodgy toe started playing up this week - after two months, got out the little 'picker tool' and checked the side of my nail bed and flicked out a large sharp bit of broken nail that had been there a couple of months.
username checks out!!
True enough. I can't risk going to any of the cotton growing states in America for fear of being harvested and turned into a throw.
This will make me sound terrible….
Every two weeks I go for a hair trim and a shave at the local Turkish barbers. The shave is a proper straight blade affair. After the wet shave they cover my face in a hot towel and stick a waxed cotton bud up each nostril. When they are ripped out it’s eye watering! I know I could just not get that done, but it saves me pulling them out driving home!
Ear flame at the barber. I try not to wince every time but it bloody hurts. And stinks.
I occasionally DIY that with a quick flick of a disposable lighter.......I also occasionally burn myself...
stick a waxed cotton bud up each nostril.
Ooh never thought of that one, might be DIYable.....yes, I have also burnt my nose before.
runner's toenails. Ugh.
Can't trim them, they grow into like rhino horn. Have filed, sawn and even dremel'd them back.
After the wet shave they cover my face in a hot towel and stick a waxed cotton bud up each nostril.
That's genius!
I burn the hairs that sprout out of my ear holes with a kitchen oven click lighter thing. If you click it and release immediately, just enough flame is produced to burn the hairs away without it actually hurting. It actually works really well.
I did try it once(!) on nose hairs but that proved not to be a great idea.
I dont do the toenails enough, and theres been times i could have been mistaken for a hobbit. Worst is the left big toe, which was injured and never recovered well so it is painful to cut, plus its extremely thick, and the only thing can get through is something akin to wire cutters
I have huge callouses on my feet. Like 5mm ormore thick. I get them done at a podiatrist now and then but the rarely remove enough. I attack them with powertools every now and then. Disgusting piles of abraded skin
I have huge callouses on my feet. Like 5mm ormore thick. I get them done at a podiatrist now and then but the rarely remove enough. I attack them with powertools every now and then. Disgusting piles of abraded skin
FFS I thought you claimed to have remarkably healthy feet because you spent the early years of your life hardly ever wearing shoes??
Sounds grim 🙁
Normal shaped feet yes not shoe shaped. The callouses are a resul of walking a lot. Decades af walking 50 plus miles a week
Less now than it used to be. At one point i could stand on a drawing pin without feeling it on my heels.
Ditto on the foot callouses, I feel like an orbital sander might be the next step.
Ear and nose hair here. I actually quite enjoy pulling out individual ear hairs. My nostrils are like a bloody rainforest and it takes ages to trim the hairs. I have to use a beard trimmer on the outermost ones.
Shaving is the least pleasant task, particularly either side of my windpipe - it seems my hairs don't grow in a uniform direction so I can never get a truly clean shave. And my hair is the opposite of fine and wispy 🙁
I can only remember shaving twice in the 17 years I’ve been out of the Air Force.
I don’t dislike it, but it feels like such a waste of valuable sleeping time.
Toenails - my right foot looks awful but both big toes have little amounts of nail and it is brittle and not really attached to nail bed. Pretty sure it is some sort of infection but had no success sorting it. Need to bite the bullet and get someone specialising in fungal warfare to sort!
Ear hair - why does it grow so fast?
Nose hair - seems fine and then it really isn't!
Sack and crack - set to one and go carefully but zero gives you another few days before needing to do it again.
None of these are least favourite, just stuff that needs done but never seem to be planned into any sort of routine.
and both big toe nails being made of Kevlar.
Seemed to occur in the last 12 months - suddenly they need some sort of light sabre to get a decent cut. Agree that beer gut contortions don't help.
hairyscary
Full Member
I can only remember shaving twice in the 17 years I’ve been out of the Air Force.
Username checks out
Full Member
I can only remember shaving twice in the 17 years I’ve been out of the Air Force.
Username checks out
Definitely checks out, it’s what JojoA1 (ex of this forum)’s daughter used to call me.
I don’t know how people use toilet paper since I bought a portable bidet that lives in the bathroom. Utterly life-changing, you wouldn’t think 10 quid could bring so much joy
Why are proper bidets so rare in UK bathrooms? Nothing like starting the day with a clean bum 🙂
On the toenail thing- most nail clippers seem to have blades that are curved to accommodate people with tiny toes. Totally unsuitable for my big ugly feet.
@hairyscary - isn't part of that because you're hairy EVERYWHERE? Not seen it myself but it's what I'd always assumed.
Why are proper bidets so rare in UK bathrooms? Nothing like starting the day with a clean bum
They are quite a problematic piece of apparatus froma cross contamination* perspective.
The most stringent fitting and plumbing of all the bathroom and specification of all the bathroom fittings.
So i would assume with oir traditional water tank arrangement were even worse, for the same reason we had seperate taps for so long.
Haircuts.
[Bidets] are quite a problematic piece of apparatus from a cross contamination* perspective.
Not really clear why that should be the case. Unless folk are using them in a strange way.
I suspect that as of today and for a few weeks, there will be a few more grooming and hygiene tasks that are going to be a challenge. Any tips on left handed wiping for a right hander?
Just use your right and peel off a layer of bandage as you go?
? Get well soon
Why are proper bidets so rare in UK bathrooms? Nothing like starting the day with a clean bum ?
Hmmm sh**,shower and shave is the correct protocol 🙂
Bidets are for when you a have a bad bot bot and require additional emptying or hot sweaty days 🙂
Bidets are ace and unless your drinking from it, should not present an issue. They represent a dirty smear campaign against toilet paper.
Shaving….whether that be my head or face it’s a ****ing weekly hassle I could do without - I wish I could take a pill to remove all body hair as it’s utterly pointless.
I attempted to shave a few days ago but only got halfway through before my hands/arms started to cramp badly due to my spms so I downed tools and now have patchy hair and stubble on head/face, the title of the new Arab Strap album comes to mind……
”Im totally fine with it….don't give a **** anymore”
And it’s not exactly grooming but don’t get me started on manual/digital extraction of my bowels with cramping hands/fingers…that’s a shitshow for real.
🙂
https://tidal.com/album/361395803?u
after a few years in thailand, I dont understand why we dont have bum guns here
also, grilfriend plucking hairs out of my ears took a bit of getting used to
and how the **** do you trim the back of your head/neck without the trimmer going sideways/ up/down
after a few years in thailand, I dont understand why we dont have bum guns here
Out in Rhodes last summer, not flushing bog roll is a big thing (leading to quite eye-bleedingly revolting rubbish skips out on the streetside in the midday sun). One time I was in a trap and they had a sort of short hosepipe with a trigger like you might find on, uh, a hosepipe. I thought "oh, that's a neat solution."
I'm only glad that I thought to give it a test squirt before trying it "in situ" as it were, it had the pressure of a bloody fire hose. Presumably it's a replacement for a bog brush (and in which case, actually a great idea), if I'd taken it to my bum I'd have ejected tagnuts out of my nose.
Bidets? I think I know what the problem is. Most of Britain doesn’t even have mixer taps in bathrooms. Would its bidets not be similarly configured, with a binary choice between scalding and icy?
Most of Britain doesn’t even have mixer taps in bathrooms.
I seem to be saying this a lot today but,
Is that true? Having separate taps was AFAIK to avoid a risk of contamination from the non-drinkable hot water into the drinkable cold water plus I suppose mixer taps simply hadn't been invented). The only time I see it today is in pubs (which likely only have the cold tap working anyway) and old houses which never had the original plumbing updated. It's surely not been a thing in new builds since, what, the 1980s? Mixer taps (in the UK) are older tech than bidets, aren't they?
I don't know, I'm just guessing. I'd say that parts of Britain for sure, but "most"?
IANAplumber.
Most of Britain doesn’t even have mixer taps in bathroom
That might have been true in the 1970s, I doubt it has since unless you still live in a 2 up 2 down with an outside loo and cook over the open fire. I exaggerate, but "most" is doing some heavy lifting there I think?
after a few years in thailand, I dont understand why we dont have bum guns here
Never used one, but the description fills me with the terrible fear of contamination by a previous user, however microscopic being blasted all over my clacker valve. Is that not a possibility?
Re: toe nails, top tip, use (or get) some slightly more powerful glasses from one of those cheap online shops for the garage/workshop/bike toolbox, and use those for toenail chopping
Shaving.
People think I like having a beard, I prefer to be clean shaven but cannot be arsed with the time and expense of shaving along with the off chance of cutting myself just before an important meeting. Also I'm sure people treat me better when I have a beard.
Hang on, I've changed my mind. Trimming my "down-below" hair is worse. It's so bad I need to ensure that no one else is in the house, there's no scheduled windows to be cleaned and then have to run the hoover about after.
I waited for a very long time for a total hip replacement which finally happenned last month. As a part of the pre-op asessment I was told that if there were any cuts, nicks, abrasions etc on my skin the op could be cancelled. As a long-term habitual nail-biter I was pretty concerned because unpleasant but true, I regularly would draw blood. All of this was the spur I needed to stop nail biting and now at the grand old age of 62 I've finally broken the habit. Needless to say, I LOVE cutting my nails. I also enjoy rmoving nasal hair, shaving, hair cuts (self-admdinistered or otherwise), cutting my toenails (top tip, get some decent side cutters), brushing my teeth and generally being clean. Some of you lot have issues to be sure 😉
Although the wound to my leg from the operation is now healed enough that I'm allowed to get it wet we only have an 'over bath' shower. I'm not allowed to raise my foot above knee height yet so I'm still on flannel washes. I crave a good soak, so much.
Haircuts. Even if I knock the top off first it takes the wife a good 10 minutes to finish the #2 clip job. What a waste of time every month. The beard gets done at the same time but take 2 minutes max.
expense of shaving
A DE razor is what you need. Shaving is still a bind but the cost goes through the floor.
Trimming my “down-below” hair is worse.
At the risk of oversharing, I had a bit of a downstairs tidy-up the other day. I don't really know why, no-one's been near my bits in ages, it just seemed a little out of control. I nicked myself with the clippers. **** me, scrotums can bleed. It was like that scene in Carrie.