Learning to live " in the moment '

It’s not the answer you want. But mindfulness practice (meditation) really works. If I have been practicing I simply notice more. Like moving an instant coffee. I hear and appreciate every sound. Like the sound of one mug against another

Your life sounds rather good to me

I'm in a similar place OP. Yes, mindfulness/meditation practice on a regular, ideally daily, basis. I've been doing it for at least 10 years and still find myself lost in thought all too often.

Doing nothing is doing something.

"Admittedly I don’t do relaxing very well , sitting around during the day seems a waste I always feel the need to be doing something."

I very nearly started a thread about this last week.  I can't relax, always need to be doing something, and it's getting tiring.  I'll be interested to see what folk come up with.

I came to suggest mindfulness/meditative practices too - I, VERY sporadically try this, and I think it helps: more sustained practice would help more, I think.

However, I also think that modern tech, especially phones, are bloody terrible for this. Constantly taking your mind away from the "now", and taking you to another time or place.

I have a fairly unhealthy relationship with my phone, and don't mind admitting that it distracts me for a lot of the day - doesn't help that I'm bored with work.

This thread has served as a reminder to do something about that.  Yes, I'm aware of the irony of posting all this here!!

Time spent resting is not time wasted.

I don't think there's much wrong with what you're doing by how you've described it. But if it causing some stress then as others have said mindfulness is a good one.

But - one person can relax in a different way to others. I am just over half your age and I can't just sit and "relax" whatever that may be. I can only read before bed - if I have a day off with nothing planned, if I say I am just gonna relax then I invariably just end up on my phone getting lethargic or frustrated. So instead I find it quite relaxing pottering about and tidying up bits and bobs, or working on something.

I do get that it passes the time quickly because you're busy. But I would much rather get to the end of the day and feel like I have accomplished stuff and been active, rather than sat about all day. Even just making scones or something.

Tell you what - cooking is mindfulness to me in a similar way to mountain biking.

I've started using Qigong, which is the more mindfulness side of Tai Chi.
Seems to be helping with stress/anxiety/focus.
Qigong Meditation - YouTube

I have a similar mindset to the OP and normally have a few things on the go to keep me occupied. I might have the only wife who complains her husband doesn’t spend enough time slobbed out in front of the TV and is always doing little jobs to fix things around the house, our riding somewhere or if off doing one of his ‘projects’.

I actually find peaceful relaxation by planning in detail, in my mind, exactly what I am going to do for a particular job. I break it down into the individual tasks, what tools and materials I need or what I will see along the journey and the directions I will take. I try to consider all the possible variations and problems I might encounter and how I will overcome them. I don’t let the vastness of the possibilities overwhelm me but embrace the options open to me. To the outside observer this looks like I am either staring wistfully into the distance of resting with my eyes shut.

This means the wife is happy that I am ‘doing nothing’. It also has the added advantage of meaning I am fully prepared for the next job / journey and have probably thought about all the possible issues and planned for those contingencies so the job is quicker, the journey easier and I am less likely to be stuck because of some unforeseen issue. I still do hit delays but certainly not as often.

Have to say mindfulness too, as others did above.

https://www.raptitude.com/2015/11/mindfulness-is-the-opposite-of-neediness/

(above is one of my favorite blogs, has many great posts on these topics)

https://www.lionsroar.com/mindful-living-thich-nhat-hanh-on-the-practice-of-mindfulness-march-2010/

"Most people are forgetful; they are not really there a lot of the time. Their mind is caught in their worries, their fears, their anger, and their regrets, and they are not mindful of being there. That state of being is called forgetfulness—you are there but you are not there. You are caught in the past or in the future. You are not there in the present moment, living your life deeply. That is forgetfulness.

The opposite of forgetfulness is mindfulness. Mindfulness is when you are truly there, mind and body together. You breathe in and out mindfully, you bring your mind back to your body, and you are there. When your mind is there with your body, you are established in the present moment. Then you can recognize the many conditions of happiness that are in you and around you, and happiness just comes naturally."

https://mindfulness.com/meditation/walking-meditation

Walking meditation is my favorite, and easier for many people than the sitting-down types. I try to practise it whenever I walk somewhere. And do mindfulness practises when ever you have to wait for something - like wait for the bus, wait at a doctors appointment or waiting in a line, or waiting in general. It is not time wasted when I use it for this, and now I never feel bored when I have to wait - I make use of that time instead.

As well as when going to sleep in the evening - I lay on my back and meditate before I start to get tired enough to sleep.

One big thing - your smart phone. I never got one yet, I use a dumb phone that is only able to text and call, so I never have an urge to dig up my phone and scroll some internets. It guarantees that when I am out and about, it is time offline. I use computers a lot, but only at home or work, never when I am out. It does wonders. I guess it can be really hard habit to break if you do it, not hard at all when you never started.

Maraurs text is on point.

I’ve tried mindfulness several times and often lapse, but the recent help of setraline has helped that to come easier, plus I use the “stop” method on top of CBt techniques, and the advice of Atomic Habits

For example, as above I found myself constantly scrolling rubbish on phones and tables whilst watching telly.  I now leave them in another room (building that as an habit) and focus on the TV after telling myself forcefully to “stop” .  Also today - we are having a new bathroom fitting and being shit scared of water leaks found myself thinking “what if it leaks?” After they told me they were going to move a pipe.    I stopped the what if, focused for an hour on a work thing and then deliberately thought to myself “we have builders in the house, if it leaks they will fix it immediately “ replacing positive with a negative.

Also as above, embrace a period of doing nothing - we are perpetually bombard with information overflow and encouraged to rush - find a way mindulness or other of focussing on one or no task.

After my third cancer diagnosis living in the here and now/savouring the moment comes kinda naturally - wouldn't recommend that particular pathway though 😊

learning implies a process in time, which is not living in the moment.
If you listen, your mind stops thinking, then you live in the moment

Maybe do a ride or walk, but do it far more slowly than you normally would, noticing what you see. I find it's only when we really slow down that we actually see things properly; interesting buildings, nature or certain smells. Often in life everything is focused on speed, only to the detriment of what we take in.

The last thing I want or need is to get another job to occupy my mind I just need to somehow ” live in the moment”. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

I would go and do some full-on, maybe solo, travelling for a few months. It's like living in technicolor. Because everything is new and foreign -  sometimes literally - and different, you're almost forced to be in the moment. Time elongates and stretches.

I do sometimes think that travelling is enforced mindfulness. I'm not saying you can't be mindful in your everyday life - 'wash the dishes to wash the dishes etc' - but it's easier when you seek out new things.

But otherwise, mindfulness. I think mediation gets a bad rap because of all the buddhist monks starring in space for days on end. In reality it can be a lot simpler, like the 'walking meditation' referenced above, which is really just looking and listening hard at what's around you. Try walking one of your regular riding trails and noticing all the little details you normally fly past.

Or wash the dishes to wash the dishes, grasshopper.

To quote modern jargon.

ps; what 'modern jargon' are you quoting? Have you considered an Open Uni English language course. Only half joking.

I did a multi-day bike race once and spent a lot of time on training and prep. There was some great posts online from a guy who'd raced the same route well a few times, among the practical chat were his thoughts about being out there in the open, eg

"Mother nature puts on quite the show for those who are paying attention".

Simple comment but something about that really stuck with me. The rewards of paying attention. We might get into the plans and what's next and ego of racing and all that, missing so much of the actual experience.

As mentioned above a lot of it's about pro-actively creating habits to begin with before it becomes normality, like an addiction in reverse I suppose.

So I'd suggest bike touring as a great test or source of mindfulness training : )

That was quick.

I think mediation gets a bad rap because of all the buddhist monks starring in space for days on end.

That made me laugh.. "Darn those annoying quiet monks!" (Homer shaking fist gif)

: )

So I’d suggest bike touring as a great test or source of mindfulness training : )

Yup,Jameso has it.

Become one with the world as you absorb the tiny details along the way. 😃

Long distance walking also works for me.

It sounds like you need to practice noting.

Practice being the key point.

It sounds like you need to practice noting.

Noted.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/apr/09/the-vorfreude-secret-30-zero-effort-ways-to-fill-your-life-with-joy