[Closed] Le Picolax countdown.

Its not fun. I was given the alternative, Kleen Prep, which tasted vaguely like an isotonic sports drink.

So much so that most isotonic drinks now give me the boak.

Wet wipes are your friend btw. Oh, and best of luck with the results....

G

You see this trumpet...

That's going to be you, that is.

An afternoon watching the world fall out of your bottom.

Have fun.

As an alternative to Picolax, from experience this weekend I can recommend the in-flight meals on Air China.

You see this trumpet...

I am now having to explain to the people in the office why I am laughing.

[i]You see this trumpet...[/i]

I'd try and avoid a trombone for the duration.

You'll be reet.
Actually [i]drinking [/i]the Kleen Prep (~Picolax) was the worse bit. 😀

I have to take one today and tomorrow. Is that what you guys did ?

The instructions are in French and the gcse tricolour didn't cover this 🙂

[i]I have to take one today and tomorrow. Is that what you guys did ? [/i]

It's both at the same time, surely?

the iPad is charged for the extended toilet time.

Live streaming?

http://singletrackmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/

Wwaswas

I have four other tablets to take and three drinks and a picolax.

Same again tomorrow. I guess they do it differently here.

I've also been on a protein and carb only diet for 5 days - no fruit or veg, any fibre or whole grain.

[i]Wwaswas

I have four other tablets to take and three drinks and a picolax.

Same again tomorrow. I guess they do it differently here.[/i]

sorry, it was a joke I should have added a winky smiley.

[b]*don't take it all at once you'll probably invert*[/b]

Ok, tablets taken and one picolax downed.
Local time 2.30 - the countdown begins.

[img] [/img]

Record the results and create your own ringtone (no pun intended)

A few months ago I had the "luxury" of an alternative called Movi-Prep ..

Nothing could Prep me for the 6 hours that followed

Anyway have fun...

Periscope it! The streaming service not the submarine device. And when I say streaming....

One hour in and nothing.
[img] [/img]

F9

colonoscopy the day before my birthday

See it as them treating you to your very own Jackson Pollock in the bathroom (hopefully).

White knuckles on the loo roll holder?
Stuck in traffic. On the way home from work? Might explain the absence

yeah, don't worry OP - that's just a fart waiting to get out. No need to get up from the sofa, just let one rip where you are!

May be it has come out at such velocity that he jettisoned himself in to the ceiling and is currently stuck 🙂

Update. It kicked in an hour ago and ... well

If this was powered by gravy, not water..... you get the idea.

[img] [/img]

It's not the picolax that's the problem as much as the amount of air they ram up your backside.

You may have got a note saying "don't be embarrassed if you feel the need to pass wind..."

But if you ask the nurse to lift your ankle a few inches while you 'let off', you're greeted with looks of horror.

So you end up trying to get back home, feeling like you've got several kilos of Semtex strapped to your abdomen.

You might think you're finished....... Don't be fooled.

It didn't work that well with me and the Doc said if I ever needed to have the camera treatment again then something stronger might be advisable 😯

[img] [/img]

Feel sorry for you and the ozone layer.

As an alternative to Picolax, from experience this weekend I can recommend the in-flight meals on Air China.

My condolences

[img] [/img]

My wife just reminded me that her friends are over for dinner tonight. Should be fun - sorry girls, just need to run out for another shit, won't be a mo.

You should use tomorrows dose to spike their food.

That would be a jolly jape indeed.

Two of the nurses where I used to work had a wind up battle going on, it finished when one spiked the others pint of milk with a whole tube of the laxative they used to help the patients go. He made it from Caterham to Croydon on the bus feeling steadily worse until he could hold it no more and bailed off the bus heading for the nearest shopping centres toilets......

He didn't make it!

It's all gone quiet over there...

It calmed down about two hours ago but now it's crapping of epic proportions.
Guess I'll be wearing pants to bed tonight.

The hospital is about two miles from my house so tomorrow I was going to walk. This raises a few issues.

Could be an iffy journey...

Matt - i think you mean a wiffy journey

Taking Picolax or MoviPrep or equivalent - man up chaps, it's no big deal.
I've had three encounters with MoviPrep and one potassium enema; it's nothing more than a particularly bad case of the squits and it helps the medicos get a clear view of your pipes.
Drink lots of water to rehydrate and enjoy chatting with the staff while they wiggle the camera around your bends - and watch on the screen.

And by 'chatting with the staff' you mean screaming your lungs out and bending the bed rail you were clutching?
That's how mine went at least - much fun! 😯

No Andy; nothing more than some discomfort and residual flatulence.
Maybe i've been fortunate - or you've been unfortunate.
'Pain' thresholds and competence of staff.......

Here, they sedate you and my GCSE french didn't cover the technical aspects of ass probing.

I think the only French you need to worry about is 'merde'...

[i]residual flatulence[/i]

I like that phrase and shall endeavour to use it.

"Excuse me, just a bit of residual flatulence'

I guess anyone in the UK will soon have to pay for upgrades won't they.

Go for the bottom (ha!) tier and they'll stick a box brownie on a length of scaffolding pipe up your hole.

If you want a flashy fibre optic snake and lubricant, it'll cost you £500.

An update.

The day of the op and come and gone. Way easier than expected but came with significant risk of a code brown.
Yesterday morning at 8am the final picolax and associated pills were consumed and the waiting began.

The op was at 2.30 and a 1.2 mile walk separated the safety of my apartment from the hospital. Hopefully plenty of time for the poo powder to kick-in and work its magic.

9.30, nothing, 10.30 nothing, 11.30 nothing. Starting to think I'd emptied myself with sachet 1 ... but then things start to stir.
12.30 the gurgles start and the next hour is a blur of waddling around the apartment and wiping my myself ( which now resembles a clown mouth )

So, the reality kicks in. I need to get from here to there without shitting my pants ........

I need a plan -
I get on google earth and analyse the route for potential emergency " poo " stops. I'm thinking secluded areas, ally ways, high hedges, farm tracks etc. When the grumbles start you literally have 30 seconds before you need to hose your legs off.

Over the 1.2 miles I find three, maybe four safe havens and maybe another two in a severe " code brown " situation. Higher risk, but this is a high stake situation.

Next step was to plan for the worse.
What do I need to take with me should I not make to a " safe spot ".
I need a shit kit.....

The shit kit consisted of.
Two pair of clean pants
Two large micro fibre cloths.
6 large sheets of kitchen towel ( one sheet - if only )
Hand sanitizer ( I'm not a barbarian )
Baby wipes.
A fresh pair shorts ( in a nice cammo fabric to hide any sharts )
Large zip lock bag to contain any contaminated fall out.

Ok. 1.50 ,time to go and get comfortable with the knowledge that at some point in the next 30 mins illl probably be sobbing in someone's front garden covered in my own filth.

Let's go.... oh hand on, gurgles and another bolt of brown lightening.

And we're off.

1.2 miles has never been so far. I felt like an unsupported explorer searching uncharted new lands.

A few false alarms along the way saw me jump in a bush or two but I reached the safety of the hospital without using my pants as a sieve.

As mentioned above, I'm in Switzerland and I speak little French. The hospital receptionist is the final hurdle before I can relax and finally wipe the seats of stress away.

Ok, she doesn't speak English, I'll show her the letter I packed with the shit kit.... you did pack the letter ..... oh #%*+

Now picture in your mind a sweaty bloke trying not to shit himself while mimicking a sweaty bloke trying not to shit himself having a camera a three foot of cable fed into his " clowns mouth "
She laughed, I laughed ( gently ) and she walked me to where I needed to go.

We're at the correct reception. New lady is lovely, very helpful and speaks English. I feel safe, I feel the worse is over and can see the end to this nightmare.

After this, nothing can phase me.....

Until I meet the Dr, who appears to be a Swiss jimmy Savil but without the gold and shell suit.

I like to think of myself as strong willed guy but sometimes you just need to drop your shoulders and accept your fate. At this point I hadn't eaten or stopped shitting 24 hours, I didn't have it in me to run away and fight, whatever will be, will be.

They put me under for the op. I have no idea what happened during that time, to be honest I don't really want to know.

They didn't fill me up with air and I wasn't sore afterwards ( no bite marks either )

When I woke up they told me everything was fine and dandy, no issues and no follow up required 🙂

So if you ever need to have a colonoscopy don't worry, the op is child's play compared to what you've already been though.
You need to worry once you open that first packet of picolax and taste it's not unpleasant lemony tang. Your on a ten hour shitty wave of emotion you cant get off until it wants to release you of its brown fingered grip.

Picolax has claimed another victim.

Glad all went well.

Time to tuck into some pie and chips? 😉

"on and on".....

Best forum name ever, given the experience. 😀

Any one else here who suffers bowel problems who reads these threads and just rolls their eyes and thinks "welcome to my world"?

I could eat something that triggers my ibs (hell, sometimes I don't need to eat anything at all!) and have these symptoms, plus others, for 2 or 3 days. It's like Russian Roulette, but it can happen any time, any where.

My wife is lactose intolerant so I have some understanding of how life would be.

Just managed my first fart 🙂

It's good to be back in action

On and on: reading your story made me giggle, laugh and cry.