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My grandmother passed away last night, she turned 93 last week, so has had a good life. She has seen and experienced a lot in her lifetime. I was a bearer for my other grandparents when they passed away and feel I should do the same honour this time. But don't know if i will be able to do it if I get asked.
The circumstances were scarily similar to Lyanda's though. Knocked me back a lot, dealing with this while still grieving for Lyanda. Kids don't know yet, don't know how to tell them with everything they are already going through.
My mum and dad said last night they are worrying about me. Everything is at the forefront, awake pretty much all night with everything going round and round in my head again. Another funeral coming up and I honestly don't know how to cope, with everything still so fresh.
I have been bearer 3 times in my life.
It is incredibly difficult. Emotionally and physically draining.
I'm sure your family will understand if you aren't able to do it on this occasion.
Don't take too much on, if your're not feeling up to it, don't do it.
I'm sure nobody will expect you to do it after all you've been through. Surely if your kids are present at the funeral you will need to be with them.
The circumstances were scarily similar to Lyanda’s though. Knocked me back a lot, dealing with this while still grieving for Lyanda.
The one big difference though is that your Grandmother was 93 years old. Cliché I know but celebrate her life, don't mourn her passing.
Dealing with grief is different for everybody; even the same person will find grieving for different people can vary significantly. It is very possible your children will deal with the passing of their Great Grandmother more ably than that of their Mother. Still totally shit though, you have my sincerest thoughts.
celebrate her life, don’t mourn her passing
This. Don't burden yourself too much, you already have a lot on your plate.
Thanks again. Likelihood is the kids will be in school so they won't be at the funeral. Provided I can get someone to have the little one after nursery then it will be just me. Don't really want to take a 3 year old to a funeral.
I understand the difference of age, that's what my first part of the post is about. Really difficult as everything is so fresh with me, that's what I am struggling with. Will have a chat with mum and dad about their thoughts on being a bearer.
Seems trite to say, but your strength throughout all this humbles me. As above, celebrate her life.
93 is a good innings and going while asleep is up there with 'better' ways to depart this life.
celebrate her life, don’t mourn her passing
^^^ This...
My mum died a couple of months ago. She was 92.
The funeral directors asked if we had thought about bearers - to be honest I hadn't, ended up with 4 (we are not a big family) - thought that would be sufficient. Myself, son, and two cousins. I've never had to do it before, or been asked even 0-- I found it very very hard. My son (nearly 21) was asked and also took part. Very hard for him. I would think it's possible you may be asked, depending on numbers, but don't feel under any pressure to accept.
Bearer - and the associated lowering - was not something I was anxious about bizarrely but it is a hugely stressful and emotional process.
Cliché I know but celebrate her life, don’t mourn her passing.
This!
mother in law passed away last October. 89, had a visit from a pal in the morning, lunch then went to bed for her usual afternoon nap and didn’t wake up.
funeral was a celebration of all she had done - consultant anaesthetist, 4 kids, 7 grandkids so loads of folk with great memories of her.
we made sure the funeral WAS a celebrating and not a dirge, and now, 14 months on, we have only really happy memories, even of the day itself.