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One side of our semi-detached house and also one side of our garden back on to a communal drying green. The wall has no windows and is a favourite place for the local kids to blooter their footballs against. It's loud enough to be annoying as **** but the real issue is the ball coming sailing over the fence several times a day. It's really just one kid who does it and he's a surly little turd - he'd rather just climb over the (now very shaky) four foot fence than ring the doorbell to ask for it back. And he really is hammering it - a proper leather footie.
If he does come to the door, it's as if it's our fault that his ball is in our garden - rude wee dick. Been informed by our new neighbours that the parents wouldn't take at all well to any complaints and what we've heard coming through the walls bears this out - pretty rough.
Anyway, at best, it's a pain in the arse, at worst, he's nearly had a BBQ over whilst our five year old was standing there and the ball has smacked off our garden table more than once - even came in the back door on one occasion.
I've started chucking the ball into the kid's own garden when I get it in time (his is the next house down), in the hope that his parents get sick of him coming through their house all day to retrieve it. I started with a nicey, nicey approach with the kid but that was pointless... What's next? Anti-climb paint on the fence? Burst the ball and claim the dog got it? My wife wants to smear the ball in dog poo and throw it back but even I baulked at that. But I like her thinking.
EDITED to add, I suspect the kid doesn't like being at home as he's happy to stand out in the pouring rain at 10 pm ruining Poldark with the constant thud of leather on brick...
Climbing rose on the wall?
How much is your peace worth to you? When the thump, thump of the ball starts, you could turn one of these on.
https://www.compoundsecurity.co.uk/security-equipment/mosquito-mk4-anti-loitering-device
Some kids cant ride a bike or even aford one, thats why they kick a ball around for reason,frustration at not having a bike
buy him a goal . or one of those football attached to an elastic and pole in the ground .
Sounds like a troubled and unhappy kid. Make friends with him? Anything you do to try to stop him that I can think of is likely to backfire
Sniper rifle? For the ball or kid...
go and tell the parents if it smacks against your wall again, or comes in your garden, you'll put a knife through it... i promise you, nothing else will work... oh and stick to your guns about it...
i know this is extreme and not very nicely, nicely etc... but having been there, the only thing that worked for me was absolutely losing my **** with the offending family... amazingly i haven't had a minutes problem ever since
if you're a push over and looking for a non confrontational solution i wish you all the best, they'll sense that in you a mile away and ignore you.
kid doesn't like being at home you say? why should that impact on your life? and yes, it's a terrible state of affairs etc, poor lad and all that... but explain why that's ok to make you and yours miserable?
Paint a goal on the wall. Just on a side that doesn't face into your garden 😉
How about one of these? £70 for peace and quiet and you might make a new friend for life. Maybe some neighbours would chip in?
As above TJ, started off trying to be nice - kicking the ball around a bit with him and trying to chat. When that failed, I explained why it could be dangerous to boot the ball over the fence when we're in the garden and asked him to just kick it off the wall. Sadly, he then made it his life's work to try and dislodge the bricks from our wall as well as still knocking 7 shades of shit out of our fence.
Swear to God though, the next time it nearly hits any of my wee family, the gloves are off - kind of want to sort it amicably before starting a 1000 year war with the neighbours.
We used to kick a ball against the side of the end house in our street because it was the best place to play...
the owner complained to parents and we only stopped when they came out. Older kids kicked down his fence when he did not return their balls.
They initially returned the ball then said they could be returned in a 30 min window each day then not at all after being stabbed... as balls were not plentiful and we could not afford new ones so we ended up going somewhere else.
None of us were in any way troubled but it only took one person to have an argument with him for us all to be a bunch of dicks for years. No idea how it all started it was just that way...
Get that mosquito noise thing. Works like charm for one of our neighbours, with the added bonus of stopping any local dogs taking a dump nearby too.
Yeah, kids can be dicks - I was one too. I reckon anti-climb paint all over the wall / fence is the only way forward but my wife isn't keen...
Buy him a bike
Couple of kgs of grease works as well as anti climb paint.
next time he boots it over, stab the ball and hide it.
Deny all knowledge.
You mention you have a dog, does the dog not get protective of his/her garden?
Get your own ball and take up kicking it at your neighbours wall or in to their garden. See how they ****ing like it.
You need to spread rumors that you are a dirty old man who preys on young lonely boys. That should keep him away from your garden.
Dog poo sounds fair game to me. Going to land in a pile of it eventually so you may as well just help it along.
Get an artist to paint a giant mural of Herbert from family guy on the side of your house?
Buy them a rugby ball and watch them turn into well mannered, polite young boys?
Put a bigger fence up and set up a goal somehow fixed so it can't be pinched. Maybe as your local council/community if they have any funds for a pair of goals?
Buy a digger off ebay and build a pump track on the green that makes it impossible to play football against the side of your house.
Make sure you give it back to him next time, after you've stuck a knife in it, after all; no one likes a thief.
Blimey, this takes me back to my childhood, when the bloke on the end of our road was the one with the green next to his garden and had to put up with us lads booting the ball against his fence. He became the enemy of the kids because he came out and complained and shouted at us. Years later I was that miserable git who used to shout at the kids outside my house cos the ball kept coming in the garden! It does take serious words with the kids or the family to get rid of it. Keeping the ball works, you don’t have to puncture it or smear it in shit.
”Ball comes over again, you don’t get it back”... then either he or the parents have to come and talk to you. And you tell them he has to find somewhere else to play.
And people wonder why England (or Scotland) can’t win a World Cup! 🙂
Isn’t this why airguns were introduced to keep the population down of little 💩s
That’s obviously if the pill didn’t work in the first place.
😂
Blackberries are nature's barbed wire. Get the thorniest most vigorous strain you can fit next to your fence.
Can't do anything on the other side of the fence as it's council owned. Cheers for the ideas and the memories. I couldn't kick a ball in a straight line (still can't) but me and a bunch of mates used to fire airguns off people's windows for yucks so I suppose I should just suck up the current torture...
Become an agent and sign him up. It sounds like he’s got the right attitude to be a pro and he’s certainly putting in the practice.
I couldn’t kick a ball in a straight line (still can’t) but me and a bunch of mates used to fire airguns off people’s windows for yucks so I suppose I should just suck up the current torture…
Yup, sounds like Karma come back to kick you in the arse 😉
We used to play against an end terrace. It had a door in the yard wall. One day the owner opened the door just as I blasted the ball ,I got him right in the peanuts. ha.
Bought our house specifically due to the large green nearby. My boy played footy there for about 5yrs. We have been here over 16yrs. Onto the 3rd generation of kids playing footy out there. Only ever had to have a word with one kid. The rest I wholeheartedly encourage. Kids playing with something that doesn't cost hundreds (bikes & X box), getting fresh air and healthy is worth upsetting a few house owners. I once set up my slack line on the green, it was like the fairground had arrived.
One thing I learned when I lived in a terrace surrounded by young families was that kids can be amazingly compliant when you tell them they've got to do something; they are so used to being told what to do or what not to do by adults that it doesn't strike them as odd. Worth a try? Maybe deliver the bad news with a spare pack of Haribos from the last Wiggle parcel.
Bought our house specifically due to the large green nearby
Nearby, but not actually adjoining your wall?
Bought our house specifically due to the large green nearby. My boy played footy there for about 5yrs.
Somehow, your own kid's noise is never as annoying as other people's.... It isn't just the annoyance, it's also the genuine damage being caused to the fence / gate and the very real fear that every time we have a drink, dinner or bbq outside, a ball will fly over and smash the crap out of everything or send burning coals all over me, the wife and the five year old.
Ultrasonic bird scarer with a tunable emitter. Place it on your house roof, angled to where the kids kicks from, at first it'll be annoying to him and later it'll be unbearable.
I think I'd go potty if kids were kicking balls against the side of my house day in day out. Loud enough to be noticeable, intermittent enough that you can't blank it out.
Bought our house specifically due to the large green nearby
Nearby, but not actually adjoining your wall?
If you want specifics then its about a 15ft away. The width of a car plus a bush line away. I specifically let the bushes grow to give them some cover plus my house. Can you not do similar in front of your fence. My front windows and my 2 cars are directly in line with the two trees which form a goal for the kids. The only time I ever complained was when a boy kicked it so hard it hit a window, bounced back over the bushes and back to the lad. He did it on purpose and when his mates saw how angry I was they self policed it as I was not regarded as the grumpy git who always complained. Even then it was only when my baby woke up. Over the years I have appreciated being able to watch my own children run about while I was able to sit on the doorstep watching them. I accept that other parents might feel safer about that too.
Somehow, your own kid’s noise is never as annoying as other people’s…. It isn’t just the annoyance, it’s also the genuine damage being caused to the fence / gate and the very real fear that every time we have a drink, dinner or bbq outside, a ball will fly over and smash the crap out of everything or send burning coals all over me, the wife and the five year old
If you read what I said, my kids played there for 5yrs. Been there 16yrs. Onto the 3rd generation of kids (Not mine) and with this hot summer they have all come out in the school holidays playing football with jumpers for goals etc. I even gave them one of my sons old footballs to use when they lost theirs.
I get the balls hitting my cars all the time and once in a while they hit my windows. Constant noise but I like the noise.
And if you read what I said, you'll see I can't do anything on the other side of the fence. My wee lad plays on the green too - there's a massive trampoline and all the neighbourhood kids have a great time running around shrieking - brilliant! They're safe in a slightly enclosed space. On hot days, I get our huge paddling pool out and all the kids spend the day in and around it. Don't mind the noise at all.
What is annoying is the constant thump of ball on wall and gradual destruction of the fence. What is dangerous is the constant threat of the football landing in out faces / dinner / baby robin's nest.
Your situation, hobo, sounds completely different to ours.
Can you not put something on your side of the fence to stop the ball coming over. Its a 4ft fence, a row of nice bushes/trees might help stop the ball and discourage the lad. In the old days my mum knew we had been up to mischief because we would be covered in creosote, is there a modern equivelant? His parents might take note if he keeps coming home in ruined clothes.. Not sure, but you are on a hiding to nothing if you think a kid is gonna worry about you having a quiet G & T while you have a barbeque in the back garden.
You could always do what 90% of the country has done and ask the council to put up a no ball games allowed sign so that they get rid of kids ability to play anymore. I went to where I grew up recently and just about every one of my old stomping grounds had been metal fenced off, houses built on them or signs saying no ball games.
If you want the negative methods then here are some suggestions
1) His balls. If he hasn't got a ball he cant play. Dog shit or whatever. You've already complained about your barbeque. Next time the ball comes over put the ball on the barbeque and ruin it
2) The grass area. Really nasty and if your own kids/other kids play there, not nice. Collect dog shit and cover the area around the side of your house. After a few headers of the ball covered in dog shit he will move on
3) His parents. Man up or go in a group and tell the parents it needs to stop.
4) Council. Get a no ball games sign put up
5) Barbed wire trim to the top of your fence
Cant help but feel this is similar thought process to someone who doesn't like mountain bikes on a bridleway and starts putting branches across the path or nails on the floor. Feels horrible
Cant help but feel this is similar thought process to someone who doesn’t like mountain bikes on a bridleway
Which is why I came on here seeking opinions! I don't want one dickhead kid to spoil it for all the others so almost all of those suggestions are out.
The mosquito thing sounds like a winner but it'd be a shame if all the other kids stopped playing there too. No chance of a group complaint as it's our wall and fence taking the beating - doesn't bother anyone else. I have no qualms about facing up to his dad but really, it's an unwinnable war once you go down that route. Even if the parents do have a word with the boy (unlikely), kids are inventive and I suspect I'd end up with dog poo on the door handles, eggs all over the car etc...
Blessed silence this morning - perhaps the tiger trap with sharpened wooden spikes has worked?
Maybe deliver the bad news with a spare pack of Haribos from the last Wiggle parcel.
And tell him you're a paediatrician?
Some kids cant ride a bike or even aford one, thats why they kick a ball around for reason,frustration at not having a bike
My son has 3 bikes and he still just want s to kick a ball about all day long.....
think I’d go potty if kids were kicking balls against the side of my house day in day out
Course you would. [i]Anyone[/i] would*.
*maybe not deaf persons
Somehow, your own kid’s noise is never as annoying as other people’s….
Children are like farts, you hate other peoples' and savour your own
think I’d go potty if kids were kicking balls against the side of my house day in day out
Course you would. <em class="bbcode-em">Anyone would*.
*maybe not deaf persons
Nah. Deaf folk could *feel* the vibrations and watch their nik-naks dance around on the shelves 🙁 Whatever else I may feel about this kid, I have to concede he can kick a football like a donkey.
That old mattress in the corner of the green* - stand it up against your wall. Goal / silencer gains.
*Every green has one
Rights of the child applies here. Pay him not to play? Incentives a Tenner now, and 50 if he keeps quiet for 6 months. Buy a goal set? Make friends with him?
Deploying mosquito, dog shit and threats is the most childish and selfish response. You would deserve dog shit on your house.
Get a couple of long poles and a big f-off net above the fence. Angle in such a way that the ball can't get into your garden and just gently rolls back down to the annoying kid. Done.
Those Mosquito things are actually very effective - although you do have to deploy them sensibly - some ****er put one up next to some council tennis courts, and just left it running 24/7! We were in our early thirties, playing tennis on a Saturday afternoon, and it got so bad we had to pack-it-in and go to the pub. Probably wouldn't be able to hear it these days 🙂
I think if you fitted one but only turned it on when the kicking became particularly antisocial, that would be reasonable. It would also give you some scalability in your response - climbs over fence having been asked not to: mosquito goes on. It's not about being a grumpy old man, it's just about (gently) encouraging a change towards more considerate behavior.
But also - get one of the wee protective cages to go around the unit. In the above tennis incident, if there was a half-brick lying about, the little plastic emitter would have been history.
Spread superglue all over your wall
EDITED to add, I suspect the kid doesn’t like being at home as he’s happy to stand out in the pouring rain at 10 pm
Maybe see if theres as youth work service - within the council or local branches of charities such as Barnardos etc - doing any outreach / street work locally (Perhaps his school even.) who can approach him and maybe offer something more interesting to do with his evenings
It seems like annoying you is the nearest thing to fun and friendship he can get - at least he gets noticed.
Bluetooth speaker placed strategically tuned to Classic FM will see him off.
Quick update. He was at it again on Monday - boof, boof, boof, from late afternoon. Still at it at 10.30. BOOF..., BOOF, BOOF. Did exactly what I expressly set out not to do - went out and lost my shit. Pointed out the many other walls in the neighbourhood which have the same qualities as mine, managed not to swear and RESULT! He still kicks the ball about but doesn't kick it anywhere near the fence / wall.
Even heard him telling his mates to keep it away from our end of the green in a slightly panicky voice.
So thanks to all those who suggested a hard-line approach. He isn't a bad lad - he hasn't spray painted a willy on my wall or twocked my car. I just needed some reassurance that sometimes, some kids need a ****ing shouting at.
Now go and say thanks to him and give some positive reinforcements.
Nah. He knew what he was doing and I'm not going to thank him for not being a dick, although it did cross my mind in that first rosy glow of a peaceful evening.