[Closed] Kids......

Wasn't sure I wanted kids before I had them, more Mrs B's idea. And it wasn't an easy journey to get them. And there are lots of things that I miss about life before kids. And it's been bloody hard work. But absolutely 100% worth it.

which means you've had at least one more "moment of intimacy" than I'd had when my oldest was 2.

Thanks Wallop. Looks like you a Mr W are living the dream at the moment, a good advert for not having kids.

Let's be clear it was perfunctory sex done as a task to make a baby. My hand gives more intimacy. Could count on one hand the amount of times my wife has given me a hug or held my hand or just spoken us in the past 2 years.

That right there is a very sad post.

No kids here, but plenty of friends and family have and are going through the process.

I've never felt the desire really & been fortunate in relationships nether has my significant others.

I have friends and family who have turned into totally different people post baby, and it's actually a bit vomit inducing to be honest. I can't subscribe to it changing me for the better etc - plenty of friends who perhaps a bit too open will vehemently deny it does and openly admit they don't like their new lives.

Tends to follow a similar pattern, a couple of loosener drinks & it goes along the lines of "yeah, we love them to bits, but would I/we do it again if we had the chance? Nope".

Fundamentally, I don't actually like children either, which makes the decision process easier 🙂

[quote=cheers_drive ]Let's be clear it was perfunctory sex done as a task to make a baby. My hand gives more intimacy. Could count on one hand the amount of times my wife has given me a hug or held my hand or just spoken us in the past 2 years.

In which case as I already wrote, get it sorted, otherwise you'll be writing posts like mine in a few years time. Sending hugs - it sounds like you need some.

Without a doubt wouldnt be without them, im firing blanks so we adopted and theyve been home for two weeks now.
Cant imagine my life without them and it means more bike time! (Bakfiets, which they love going in)

weeksy - Member
Let's be clear it was perfunctory sex done as a task to make a baby. My hand gives more intimacy. Could count on one hand the amount of times my wife has given me a hug or held my hand or just spoken us in the past 2 years.

That right there is a very sad post.

i admire his honesty.

very few people are willing to admit that.

i used to think i'd love having kids, but as i've got older and seen friends lives altered beyond my imagination (some of them resenting their new life), the state of the planet (honestly feel one of the most unenvironmentally friendly things you can do is have kids) and the realisation that i am a selfish, egotistical basterd i've turned against the idea.

which is a little strange as kids from family and friends seem to think i'm great fun and everyone tells me that i'm good with kids...

Anyone can be good with kids on a short term temporary basis... it's when you need to really take responsibility that your true mettle is tested.

it's when you need to really take responsibility that your true mettle is tested.

Gold Star for me this morning then - my almost 17 yr old daughter is enjoying her first hangover at this very moment. Nine hours ago I was holding her hair out of her face while trying to aim her vomiting head at the toilet. 😀

tegreatape pro tip use the bath not the toilet , its a bigger target so they cant miss, almost as easy to clean and they are ideally positioned to wash the mess out of their hair if needed.

Nah, I’m happy without kids.

Decision made early on, and never revisited it either.

I’ve interacted with kids obviously, I teach sailing/windsurfing and really enjoy teaching kids.. but I’m glad when they go back to thier parents.

Whilst I appreciate most parents think thier child/children are the center of the universe, and all around should bow to thier awesomeness, in reality they’re just annoying shouty stroppy brats like everyone else’s.

Christmas is better without kids IMO.

Cheers crankboy, that does make more sense. Duly noted for next time.

Kevs, congratulations on your new arrivals + well done!

Whilst I appreciate most parents think thier child/children are the center of the universe, and all around should bow to thier awesomeness, in reality they’re just annoying shouty stroppy brats like everyone else’s.

This is where limited experience of people that don’t have kids shines through. In actual fact although we do all think our kids are the centre of the universe, that is driven from the sense of love and responsibility we have for them. Those shouty kids that you experience are in the main experiencing something new or wonderous, in your case how exciting is windsurfing and sailing, open water, big fields, cars, outdoors and so forth to a child? They aren’t like us stuffy parents, they haven’t been “educated” to be restrained and emotionless yet.

And what you are mainly missing is that in balance, the sheer shouty joy and enthusiam they bring at some points of your life is equally balanced with the marvel of thier achievements and creativity, and the unrestrained love they show for you during the many quieter family moments including awesome hugs on the sofa.

Thier unaldutereated enjoyment of life and emotive expressionsist capability is humbling and humanitarian all at the same time, there really is nothing quite like it.

Wise words.

I always thought I wanted kids, but realised within an hour of my wife’s positive test that I’d ****ed up.

I love my daughter, but I’m not sure there’s been a day in the last 5 years when I haven’t thought about taking my own life.

If that’s true Gutterball then you need to seek help ASAP. Please go see your GP or give the Samaritans a call. Where are you based? I’m in the North West (Macclesfield) if you’re anywhere near and want to meet for a drink, chat or ride please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

None here. I have a niece and nephew to sit at my bedside when the bell tolls.
The fertility crisis is very real, I have a number of friends who are trying to have kids in their late 30s/early 40s and getting nowhere.
To the OP, what's it like raising kids in Croatia? Is it a more family oriented country than the UK?

Nah, I think because you have kids you have only one point of view.. and thats your own universe. I’m not sure when parents have kids that they can envisage nor appreciate us that don’t have them, nor consider our opinion much.. It’s sort of childblindness in society. It's telling that parents think us non parents should give some sort of nod of appreciation and consideration to you, and your family. When in reality you are no different than us, you just occupy more space than us and are noisier.

The shouty comment I made is true in its base nature, obviously you've missed the point of enthusiasm I'm keen to see in kids (teaching sailing, windsurfing etc.) to them.. If I didn't appreciate how and why and enjoy kids company I could just stop, or indeed never bothered.. but I enjoy seeing them learn and experience other situations that most of their parents have rarely encountered. If I stopped teaching em' it'd be a sad day, for both them and me. I’ve taken Tall Ships full of kids and disabled kids on weeks away, there wasn’t a moment during those years I thought “nah, wish I was somewhere else” Ok, I’ve stopped doing those things now.

So whilst I enjoy them, they're a proper pain. Limit your movements and actions, take away freedom and choice. And thats probably the crux of it for me, the limitations. Ah... I hear your brain ticking over coming up with "but theres so much more to the them, they don’t limit but enhance etc.etc."

Yet I sit back on Xmas Eve mulling over this question and think, I am definitely better off without them. I've been to so many places around the world, done so much and if I'd have had kids I most certainly wouldn't have been able to do any of that/this stuff i do soooooo easily, immediately without question.

And my feelings and attitude don't come from any broken home syndrome nor pander to the vision of "society needs kids, they are the future" My family life was full of excitement and intrigue, enthusiasm and support.. but most of it was being out there on my own or with mates doing the stuff.. Father hated the Sea, Mother loved it, Father was away with work 6mths on 3mths off and when home taught me a lot, Mother was always there or thereabouts.. but its defiantly my own nature thats brought me to where I am, not for the need to have kids.

And yes I have extended family, 2 stunningly funny nephews, and sister has 3 grown up kids of her own..

This holiday period is a good time for reflection, it’s nice to hear you all love your kids, so in the true spirit, have a bit of Whitney Huston:
You believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe

Merry Christmas Kids.

Not had kids, dont plan on having any, we're perfectly happy and a lot younger looking than our counterparts who have chosen to have them!

From an outsider it looks massively stressful and expensive.

Nah, I think because you have kids you have only one point of view.. and thats your own universe

Could say that about anyone, really. Maybe people who only do stuff for themselves are the most solipsistic?

It’s a daft argument - have kids, don’t have kids, neither choice is intrinsically better.

Hob Nob, strangely enough i had the exact conversation last night with one of my mates! Normally it's his wife being the smug one about having kids and we don't.......if only she knew what he was really thinking!! 🙂

Well, my (boy/girl) twins are now twenty. I'm very proud of both of them. Being a Dad has been one of the best things that ever happened to me. It changed my world around completely, made me amend career decisions and made me make some sacrifices which I've only occasionally regretted. Yes, it was hard work at first, but we didn't have many of the sleepless nights or tantrum horror stories we hear so much about. We've shared interests,and had an immense amount of fun between us (they both share my sense of humour). Both have shown sporting abilities and leadership qualities which has made them very rounded individuals, and now they are adults they share (and exceed) my love of fun and have thrown themselves into the social side of Uni life as well as excelling on their courses. There have been dark moments/periods such as when my lad got his face and eyes burnt by a firework , but he's shown immense resolve and determination not to let it hamper his studies and ambition, so all in all very much a net positive.

It's good we all have varied opinions and experiences.

Just finished a couple of hours on the SS CX speed pottering about the woods and exploring new places with Jnr. He's loved and and so have I. Spot of lunch and back home in a mo.

He's got the best smile on his face. 🙂

Merry Christmas.

[i]Nah, I think because you have kids you have only one point of view.. and thats your own universe. I’m not sure when parents have kids that they can envisage nor appreciate us that don’t have them, nor consider our opinion much..[/i]

So those that have had experience of both situations (first being without kids, then being with) have only one point of view, whereas those who have just the view from not having kids have a better perspective on it? Uh huh. Sorry, I've had some mulled wine, but that is bollocks innit?

You get to do stuff like this on Xmas Eve

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[url= https://www.flickr.com/photos/152318156@N08/38555192544/ ]2017-12-24_03-01-28[/url] by [url= https://www.flickr.com/photos/152318156@N08/ ]Steve Weeks[/url] - [url= https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.dariogf.flickr2BBcode ]Flickr2BBcode[/url]
VFD 710, undefined@3.6 mm, f2.0, 1/50s, ISO64