[Closed] Keeping Calm. How!?

woody, re the tyre.....thanks mate for the offer, but i needed some proper semi slicks. sorted now.

re the stresshead......i was just the same has you, i now cycle to work on the path where possible. which is most of the way.
no more stresshead. 8)

Classical music in the car when things get fraught. It really works for me. Maybe a single headphone?

I'm the same. Would be interested in the [b]sensible[/b] answers to this.
I ride along a long narrow road and give the finger to all those who get too close.. 😳 commuting by bike should be a way to relax and get out of the traffic.

if you shout at someone there inbuilt reaction is to be defensive. if you calmly explain they *may* have they're view changed.

remove yourself from the situation; ie find a quieter route.

Is there a off route option to part of your ride, or can you break the route up into a slightly longer but quieter route?

My commute door to door is 3 miles of busy city commuter traffic, but I chouse to do a round loop of 7-8 miles in, mostly traffic free tracks paths and canalways, which takes longer, but totally stress free from silly drivers 😉

Already on pretty much the quietest route. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't happen every day, but when it does - BOOOOOM!

how long have you been commuting by bike?

i was quite aggressive for the first couple of years, i think its partly through being scared. However Ive been knocked off twice, from behind, driver didnt stop either time..... I think that now i just accept that one day I wont make it, near misses just make me laugh now, point and laugh

Woody can you describe the type of commute you have in a bit more detail, are there the same hot spots that crop up, can you avoid them?

IMO (that's an important bit), a short fuse like that can indicate stress in other areas of life, like work, family etc. Whenever I catch myself boiling over (never, as it happens, on my bike commute but sometimes in the supermarket or just someone walking very slowly!) it's usually because I'm bothered by something else entirely.

Based on my experience as I'm am similarly short tempered in certain situations ..

My guess is you are stressed before you start the ride in anticipation of potential incidents, thus when they occur you are ready to pop, you have rehearsed in your mind what you'll do and that itself creates stress. You can control that stress level before you start with some relaxation techniques, trying to clear your mind, etc. You are threatening violence because you feel threatened or indeed actually were in danger due to motorists behaviour, it's natural to feel like that. I would suggest you practice the speech you'd like to give, the first few sentences at least. Then when the incident occurs wait a little, count to 10, let the other person speak first etc, then just give your speech calmly.

BTW I wish I could follow my own advice more !

10 years soob! I'm just the same now as I was at the start, possibly a little worse since the Jnr W2Ks came along.

ski - it's not just commuting, though I vary my commute naturally anyway as there's a couple of routes I can take.

I used to be 'cycling avenger man' too. Loads of run ins, including drivers screeching to a halt and getting out etc.

Nowadays I suppose I've just accepted that some people are dicks, whatever you say to them they will still be dicks and quite honestly I don't need to allow their dickishness to penetrate my life.

Point and laugh now.

I find if I was to react to eveyone that got too close it'd be about every three cars. Don't get me wrong, occasionally I still react to the inconsiderate sod that gets about as close as they can without touching and it totally spoils my ride. That's what I try and remember to avoid reacting.

Also thanking those that do actually take time to wait instead of making a dangerously close pass helps me; they feel as if they've been kind to another road user and can bathe in their glory, you can be happy you encouraged yet another driver to recognise your vulnerability as a road user.

I've had enough rides spoilt because I let myself react when in reality, nothing actually happened to react to - I'm still alive and rollin'...!

Think about what going BOOOM!, or flipping the finger, achieves. Usually, at best, nothing and at worst a unpleasant confrontation.

If someone cuts you up, or passes too close, there's no argument that they're acting like a dick. But by rising to it you're, well, lowering yourself to their level.

At the end of the day you control your temper. Try counting to 10 (seriously, it works), or just laugh it off.

What helped was realising that losing your temper gets you nowhere.

A rational exchange starting with "does my safety matter to you" has a chance of changing behaviour (if you are able to).

Defensive riding may help you Dez.

[i]Nowadays I suppose I've just accepted that some people are dicks, whatever you say to them they will still be dicks and quite honestly I don't need to allow their dickishness to penetrate my life. [/i]

This, very much. Be the bigger man.

In high stress situations (such as the driver cutting me up this morning), I very quickly get to the point where I can't think straight

I'm the same, adrenalin kicks in and all rational thoughts dissolve into rage. Let me know how you get on trying to change this.

I've never actually been hit by a vehicle in either a car or a bike, but I've definitely had a couple of angry moments over the years when people have done stupid things near me when I'm on the bike.

One thing I do in the car, is try to notice every time when people do polite and nice things, like let you into traffic. Once you start counting those, you notice that they happen much more than the annoying drivers*, and have a much more positive outlook on driving. Otherwise you get in the mindset that everyone else is a ****er, and you're a superior driver and you're at risk of being an arrogant idiot yourself.

With annoying drivers, I consciously try to say '****' under my breath once, then forget about it. On the bike, I'll sometimes shout 'woooaaah' or similar if someone does something that really seems dangerous, as I think it's good that they know that they have had a near miss.

When it comes down to it, I think it's always good to try and remember that pretty much no one sets out to be an idiot, and whilst it is threatening to you, it usually isn't actually deliberate.

Joe

* at least they do in rural Derbyshire - might not be such a good tactic in some towns!

quite honestly I don't need to allow their dickishness to penetrate my life

[i]*searches for Team America video..*[/i]

Nowadays I suppose I've just accepted that some people are dicks, whatever you say to them they will still be dicks and quite honestly I don't need to allow their dickishness to penetrate my life.

Point and laugh now.

Kind of this for me too.

Stupid is as stupid does.

Provided I don't actually get hit, near misses and dangerous/idiotic driving don't really bother me. I think I've accepted it as 'normal', and therefore expect it rather than get offended by it.

But I'm not the sort of person who gets easily angered in general though, so maybe this helps.

I have tried some of the above, counting to 10 etc, but there's always an incident that sparks me off again.

I think it probably doesn't help that I saw my mate get banged up badly by a car whilst out on a ride, and I've seen the aftermath of a few other incidents too.

I probably do need to take a broader look as I can be a bit of a hothead on occasion, but being on the bike amplifies it by 1000% seemingly. Still interested to hear if anyone's used any kind of "therapy" for this kind of behaviour. Email me if you'd rather not air it publicly 🙂

Try and reduce in other parts of your life too, your stress-o-meter is already high which is why it just takes a bit more to pop.

Give yourself more time to travel, assume others will do daft things and try and be the bigger man.

As frustrating/stressful/scary the situation is, it will soon be past tense and holding on to it is just letting them win. Even if they are an inconsiderate @#£%&*!

Showing the other person you can't control yourself just gives them more ammunition against you and stops them from listening. Even if you are right in their eyes, your behaviour makes them superior.

NLP's a manipulative gimmick, CBT is a combination of effective therapy techniques. You seem open to talking to someone as you mentioned it, I think it sounds like a good start 🙂

Carry a replica gun water pistol and shoot the offenders... the momentary panicked look on the face of the offender will give you a warm fuzzy feeling for the rest of the day and a real sense of calm.. or just tape an air horn to your bars and let that be your release..BWaaaaaaaaaaaaarp!!

I tend to wave cheerily now instead of giving the finger and shouting 'good morning' rather than swearing. It lets me acknowledge that something has happened without inflaming the situation. It also has the added benefit that there is nothing they can do at that point - they can't should at you for smiling and waving so they are left pent up and you can happily go on your way. I've even once had a nice conversation with someone after doing it.

I've also done the chase the car down, scream and pull open the driver's door thing. It may get an apology (it did) but it still leaves you wound up after you win so it doesn't really work for me any more

your stress-o-meter is already high

That's the thing - I have no reason to be stressed at all. I have an easy life 🙂

If it is high, it shouldn't be and I want to get to the bottom of why it is!

By the way I also shout at drivers sometimes (rarely), it's annoying that they can rarely hear and often disappear straight away 😡 But, then I try and let it go.

It's cars.

If someone bumped into you on the street both of you would be all apologies. Try to remember that it's just people, talk to the person, not the car

Years ago, one of my favorite lines I used* to use, if they had their kids in the car, was...

[b]'do the world a favor and don't grow up like your Mum/Dad'[/b]

Did not cool the situation down at all, but in the short term, boy did it make me smile as cycled off watching the driver explode with rage 😉

*I have grown up now and would never dream of using that line anymore, cannot remember the last time I have had 'words' with a driver, finding a quiet, fun off road route worked for me.

Have a peek here too; this is more anger management specific [url= http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/emotional_health/mental_health/coping_angermanagement.shtml ]Link[/url]

Mine is " do you drive like that so that people who don't know you can hate you as well?"

Another reason why I like quiet off-road routes. My ride to work this morning may have been a bit damp, but it was entirely stress-free and I could happily daydream without being killed to death.

Read the chimp paradox. Covers this stuff well.

Although that doesn't help in short term!

It's cars.

If someone bumped into you on the street both of you would be all apologies. Try to remember that it's just people, talk to the person, not the car

Another excellent point.

Also, consciously look out for and thank people being nice to you (letting you out etc) and look out for situations where you can be nice (letting others out/pedestrians cross over etc). Don't make the commute a war of you against everyone else. Plus, it's nice to be nice and it'll put you in a better mood.

My commute is ok TBH, mostly quietish roads and offroad in parts if it's not too muddy. Commuting is really the only "road" riding I do, I ride offroad as much as possible for this very reason!

Herman - nice link. This sums me up well I think:

The other alternative is to suppress the energy until the next time you're angry. This may mean you release so much pent-up emotion that you overreact to the situation. Realising this can lead to feelings of shame or frustration when you reflect on your actions, and to further repression of your feelings.

Particularly the shame bit. I feel terrible at the moment as I shouted an obscenity at the driver this morning, and looking back I was right outside a school with mums & kids about. What a kn*b I must have looked!

emsz - nicely put 🙂

IHN - I do acknowledge people who give me plenty of room, stop at ped crossings to let people across etc etc.

how hard are you pushing on your commute, are we talking Strava KOM levels of effort ?

Klunk - I do push on at times, but not flat out by any means.

Last one from me on this subject, that has not been mentioned yet, but is quite controversial.

I know another riding buddies who commutes listen to music with headphones on, while they ride in, not for me, but discussions we have had in the past, about cycle rage, it seems to help them?

my advice would be to tone down the effort a bit and see if that helps, though exercise is good for stress it also elevates testosterone levels and when given the right situation not so good for the blood pressure.

corroded - Member
IMO (that's an important bit), a short fuse like that can indicate stress in other areas of life, like work, family etc. Whenever I catch myself boiling over (never, as it happens, on my bike commute but sometimes in the supermarket or just someone walking very slowly!) it's usually because I'm bothered by something else entirely.

+1 this

All about breaking the emotional attachment cycle.

When something happens that could get you wound up, stop. Break it down into facts not feelings - you will soon see that the initial reaction was unwarranted and unnecessary. After a while, this becomes second nature and you'll find it helpful in all areas of life. Total objectivity and emotional detachment under pressure are hugely powerful tools to remain on top of a situation, whether it's at work, driving or wherever. Although wives tend to hate it when spoiling for a row.......

ski - I've tried listening to music whilst riding before, really didn't like it. Maybe 5 minutes of something soothing before I leave might help though!

Klunk - I'll try that thanks, but I need to get to the more fundamental issue of why I react like this in the first place. After all, knocking 10% effort off every time I ride isn't a long term solution 🙂

[i]I know another riding buddies who commutes listen to music with headphones on, while they ride in, not for me, but discussions we have had in the past, about cycle rage, it seems to help them?[/i]

I always listen to music. It's either that or the woosh woosh woosh of shitty cars going past for an hour! I know which I prefer.

I used to lose my temper quite often. Then I realised that these idiots were just spoiling my ride. Nowadays a just take a deep breath, count to 10 and keep pedalling, content in the smug knowledge that as a cyclist I am by default a superior person to the driver.

Sometimes, for a laugh, I blow aggresive drivers a rather camp kiss. Sometimes it winds them up; sometimes they laugh. Either way it amuses me.

I'm not sure what's changed for me but i've calmed down a bit temper wise on the commute, this has somewhat perversely lead to more near misses as i 'take it easy' Maybe I need to go back to giving it more beans 😀

IMO (that's an important bit), a short fuse like that can indicate stress in other areas of life, like work, family etc.

BTW, riding a motorbike can be entertaining, 6'+, black leather (bulked up with armour), tinted visor - they rarely want to get into a "sorry mate didn't see you" or similar discussions.

For me it was accepting that I can't control the situation. I get stressed by life when it is out of my control, having two kids obviously causes me a lot of stress if I try to control things too much, so by making the mental connection that sometimes (most times) you just can't control things has helped me to let go of a lot of the stress.

On the bike on my way across Bristol every day it has meant that I just let it go, occasionally I shout "Heyyyyy, come on mate!" but not aggressively more of a request to pay attention.

It's difficult at times though.

[i]Also thanking those that do actually take time to wait instead of making a dangerously close pass helps me; they feel as if they've been kind to another road user and can bathe in their glory, you can be happy you encouraged yet another driver to recognise your vulnerability as a road user.[/i]

Err, I think you'll find they HAVE been kind/considerate to other road users, so thanking them should be normal behaviour.

Unfortunately there a number of cyclists who aren't considerate to other road users, so **** it up for the ones that are. There are certain car drivers who also don't like cyclists getting in their way and happily use their vehicles to intimidate you.

As a cyclist, you have no chance against a car and a fist waving rant would actually give these people a level of satisfaction, so once you understand and accept that these people are around, I'd focus on keeping out of their way and staying alive.

For me it was accepting that I can't control the situation. I get stressed by life when it is out of my control, having two kids obviously causes me a lot of stress if I try to control things too much, so by making the mental connection that sometimes (most times) you just can't control things has helped me to let go of a lot of the stress.

Exactly this Sammy - echoes something I printed out for my team at work when I banned moaning in the office. Told them I either want to hear a suggestion for a workable solution, or nothing at all.

[IMG] [/IMG]

Err, I think you'll find [b]they HAVE been kind/considerate to other road users[/b], so thanking them should be normal behaviour.

That's hilarious. However, back in reality...

🙂

Get the bus, clearly you are unhinged.

Plus it's not like you're paying road tax is it!

clearly you are unhinged.

🙂

He may well be but who isn't given the right circumstances...

Get the bus, clearly you are unhinged

I think that may well tip me over the edge completely! 🙂

Besides, getting on the bus it would take me twice as long to get to work. And then I'd be REALLY angry! 😈

I'm calm as on the bike as I'm really out of the traffic and haven't done any road riding lately.

I was in the car the other day at a t-junction though and I watched 3 cars jump the lights, 2 of them going my way, 1 I have seen to the same there before. I went mental, I would literally have pulled the old git apart and beaten him with his own limbs if I could have got to him.

I think anger is often a displacement thing, I was angry at them for jumping the lights - but more angry about a situation I was out of control of and was in the back of my mind. Deal with the cause and likely you'll deal with the overall problem.

I might still kill a red light jumper one day though!

It's cars.

If someone bumped into you on the street both of you would be all apologies. Try to remember that it's just people, talk to the person, not the car

That's because someone bumping into you in the street won't cause you any harm. And few are prepared to accept that their driving is anything less than perfect.

Prozac.

davidjones - I had considered that (seriously). I wondered if my anger was in fact a symptom of mild depression. Hmmm....

I wondered if my anger was in fact a symptom of mild depression.

Possibly.

This might have been covered already (not read entire thread), so apologies if that's true.

Getting angry is part of your natural 'fight or flight' response. Nothing wrong with getting angry...when it's appropriate. And of course it's how we react when we are angry that really matters.

What triggers anger? Usually feeling threatened. So if you can work on removing the threat, you can dispense with the anger.

How do you remove the threat? You remember that we're all just people, and that no-one is as important as you. Just as no one is as important as me to me. Because I'm the most important (not to mention awesome) person on the planet, no-one, not a single person, is a threat to me.

Sure, someone could be a threat to my physical well being, but they aren't a threat to ME, the inner me, and that's the part we are most scared of getting hurt.

Treat everyone else as if they are young, mentally impaired, or just having a very bad day. They aren't as awesome as you, they're not perfect, cut them some slack.

I was diagnosed as having suffered serious bi-polar disorder since early childhood a few years ago. Had a year long session of CBT as part of my coping treatment. Wow. Just wow.

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience - I just remember that quote

If somebody has annoyed me, I just do my best to ignore it and get on with my day. Since if you start getting tied up about it and even more-so swearing and shouting at the div, then you're spending precious minutes of your life on some eejit.