[Closed] Jupiter Ascending

AVOID! Rubbish, truly rubbish, 2hrs of my life I'll never get back.

I thought it was enjoyable nonsense.

I've got it on DVD but I've still to watch it. I quite like enjoyable nonsense though, currently watching John Carter 😀 .

John Carter is so much better!

It's rubbish- imagine the worst bits of the 2nd & 3rd Matrix films through a "Dune" filter and you're close to the ocean-going, 24 karat, Olympic standard Turkey this film is. One for the fans of the two leads or the die-hard Sci-Fi mob.

I saw it at the cinema when it came out, luckily the tickets were free from a competition. Otherwise I would have been devestated if I'd had to pay!

If you're on drugs you may like it.

Chaning Tatum with pointy ears ice skating through the air, if that dosnt explain why you shouldnt watch it then nothing will. I saw it on a plane, i thought it was great, perfect for easing you to sleep...

seosamh77 - Member
I thought it was enjoyable nonsense.

Absolutely. And that makes it much better than the Marvel conveyor belt of banality.

John Carter is so much better!

😯

kept feeling the urge to shout out "Shut up Meg"

I don't trust STW with films any more, we really liked Interstellar, but the hive mind hated it.

This thread has caused a whole shitload of Jupiter-entitled items from Amazon to show up at the bottom!
Anyone interested in a bar of Jupiter Lifebuoy Toilet soap, only £2.95, apparently...

John Carter was fine, just needed another 3hrs to explain the huge holes in the story lost to editing. Jupiter Ascending just got round the HUGE plot holes by the characters complete acceptance of everything said and asked of them, however ridiculous stupid on completely nonsensical.

Good fun I thought, lots of stuff blowing up and Eddie Redmayne in some of the strangest acting ever. Plenty of deus ex machina though.

John Carter is better and the acting by Ashton cutchers mrs was terrible, watched it on a flight after too many vodkas and remember it being ok

My wife and I watched it on the plane on the way back from JFK.

I normally like crap films, I tend to see the good bits in films and try to enjoy them as much as I can.

In this case I have to say it is the worst film I've seen in a long time. The bit in the middle when she had to get the sign off to be a member of the royalty or something?? That was completely lifted from the HHGG. It was so wooden and you didn't really care what was happening.

Awful.

Utter garbage

I was so disappointed with it. I can sometimes enjoy a film purely for its visual appeal even if there is little or no plot, and Jupiter Ascending looked very promising. But the plot really is the most dire crap i've even seen in any film. Watch it by all means, but lower your expectations to the lowest level you can.

Fairly accurate:

OK thanks, watched Black Sea instead.

Got it on BluRay the audio was shite. Never ever said that about a film before, but when they fail with the basics then I have to mark it shit of shit. I have never ever had a Video, DVD or BluRay where I have had to adjust the volume every minute, well for this movie every 15 seconds from 10 to 50 on the TV. A basic fail from the people responsible for mixing.

Saw it on a flight, its not that bad though I'm glad I didn't pay to go watch it at the cinema.

Really a very bad film

I enjoyed that ^^^ 'Honest Trailer' so much, cheers. Will be giving it a miss. Life is short.

...can control bees due to their ability to recognise royalty.

I never made it through The Matrix either. (Have seen friend's faces when I first disclosed this allegedly appalling situation to them):

[img] [/img]

That got me as well Malvern Rider!

I think our take-home from this should simply be that Mila Kunis can control bees, due to their ability to recognise royalty. Whenever I see her on the telly, I'm just going to say "she can control bees, you know".

🙂

You can tell it's rubbish as Sean Bean doesn't get brutally murdered half way through the film.