[Closed] I've met the most incredible woman in the world...

Is this woman Jess Ennis, cos if it is then you should leave your wife. She is on the list.

Mmm did you not post a month ago using that login?

Tat is rubbish. I could still bang one out thinking about Big Helen who I knew when I was 16 and that was 20 years ago!

Big as in tall or round or did she just have an excellent pair of personalities?

Just because you are separated dosent mean you can't be a fantastic dad to your kids.

I had a few friends this year have terrible illnesses, cancer, motor neurone, so do,what makes you happy I say
Good luck

this as well. life is too short and precious to waste*
.. life should be exciting, challenging, full of emotion, passion and a real love to wake up and see what the day brings. If it doesn't and you are just plodding then you are wasting the time you have on an acceptance of a mundane life with no real value...

*with the caveat, don't be a total self centred dick about it, but be honest in your rational self interest

I was going to post, just dive in and do whatever is the most fun today. But, and it's a big but, the parent thing. Not the for the sake of the children thing. Being a parent to young children, especially if you are the stay at home principal carer, changes everything so completely until your children are self reliant, that sometimes there just isn't room for the previous adult relationship. Usually there will be again sometime down the line, sometimes things have been thrown off kilter that people fail to reconnect the same way. Even when everyone knows it's the right thing to do, this often takes hard emotional work to get back to what seemed natural before.

[i]My, you are quite the detective[/i]

I know, I know clicking on 'forum activity' is bordering on Poirot in the super sleuthing stakes.

[i]...and fallen head over heels in love with her. This woman 'gets' me, we love the same things, she's stunning, funny, wonderfully imperfect. seeing her smile lights up my whole life. What is even more amazing is that she seems to feel the same way; she tells me she loves me, that I'm her soul mate. I cannot describe the effect these words have on me. Incredible.[/i]

And you are one seriously cheesy chap.

You fell in love with your wife once upon a time didn't you? You chose to bring two lovely kids into the world. She was the one you chose to do that with, wasn't she?

and if you are still the same people as you were at the start, then you will feel the same and wouldn't be going through the doubts now.

People change over time(they don't always change in ways complimentary to the other partner or situation), circumstances change, life changes. If you are lucky you change together and get stronger, it's as equally valid that you change into totally different people who wouldn't even look at each other if you were both single.

On Mumsnet, this relationship would be described as an [b]Emotional Affair[/b]. Do yourselves a favour, and stay away from each other, while you sort out your current relationships. Otherwise, it'll all end in tears.

You fell in love with your wife once upon a time didn't you? You chose to bring two lovely kids into the world. She was the one you chose to do that with, wasn't she?

I met my wife a few months after a very painful break from a woman who I was crazy about, but unfortunately was actually crazy. My wife was everything that this ex girlfriend wasn't; nice, trustworthy, honest, blonde, buxom, wholesome, decent. I was intensely attracted to her, and if I'm honest, the fact that she was very unlikely to put me through the same shit that I went through with the lunatic was a big part of the attraction. I owe her a great deal, probably my sanity for one. I have never had any intention of leaving her. It has been tough over the last few years, and I do think that maybe she doesn't feel quite the way she says she does about me, but I've always been willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, and try.

And now, you've fallen for someone who really understands you and has a connection with you and therefore want to bin it all off? Don't be so **** weak. Man up, princess.

But surely it's worth making sure you tried everything to save it first though Tazzy, eh? To be able to look in the mirror and know you'd done everything possible, including the hard yards, to make it work?

Man cave and badgers it is, then. For the rest of my life. Ace.

that really is not good for your mental health!

Big as in tall or round or did she just have an excellent pair of personalities?

last one. Hmmmmmm...

I've met the most incredible woman in the world...

No such thing.

Grow up.

Get a grip.

Tazzy, thankyou for daring to ply the lesser trod path. i appreciate your input. I have no idea what the right way forward is. One thing I can be sure of though, is that there are a lot of posters on here in possession of their own badger strewn man caves...

Can't you just demand your wife for more nookies in different positions? 😯

In all seriousness, and leaving aside the amazing female that has caused me to take a great big look at mt current situation, one of the things I am concerned about is whether (what may develop into) a relationship of simmering resentment and mutual toleration would [i]actually[/i] be still better for children than one of seperated parents who are happier as a result. I have zero experience of this, so serious question.

Can't you just demand your wife for more nookies in different positions?

OP. Don't do it! Make sure you do everything you for your marriage and if that doesn't work out long-term then maybe it's time to finish that relationship before starting another....?

I've met the most incredible woman in the world...
No such thing.
Grow up.
Get a grip.

Bollocks. I am lucky enough to spend my life with the most amazing person I've met.

Tazzy, thankyou for daring to ply the lesser trod path

no daring in it. I've seen too many people in really unhappy relationships/ marriages stick together through some sort of twisted "it's the right thing to do, it's what society expects of us" totally **** themselves and their kids up.

One close friend couldn't cope with the thought of being a failure for not being an uber dad/lover/success/happily married shiny person as others appear to portray to the world.

He didn't want to leave his wife and kids and be try to find happiness as single bloke who loves his children, rather he tried finding excuses to be at work or be out of the house and not see them at all for the supposed stigma of leaving and what he thought it would do to his kids....he took his own life in the end and left a total mess behind. (hiding in a man cave can only work for so long)

I met my wife a few months after a very painful break from a woman who I was crazy about, but unfortunately was actually crazy. My wife was everything that this ex girlfriend wasn't; nice, trustworthy, honest, blonde, buxom, wholesome, decent. I was intensely attracted to her, and if I'm honest, the fact that she was very unlikely to put me through the same shit that I went through with the lunatic was a big part of the attraction. I owe her a great deal, probably my sanity for one. I have never had any intention of leaving her. It has been tough over the last few years, and I do think that maybe she doesn't feel quite the way she says she does about me, but I've always been willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, and try.

I know this isn't helpful at all but when I read this I just think of it Charlie Sheen doing the voice over bits in Platoon, you know, the wallowing, slightly self pitying over dramatic voice.

a relationship of simmering resentment and mutual toleration would actually be still better for children than one of seperated parents who are happier as a result

The most important thing is that kids are loved, and know they are loved by both parents. These parents do not need to be together, but they need to be grown up enough to always be able to talk sensibly about the kids first regardless of how they feel about each other.

OK

So. Plan.

A) Cut off all non appropriate contact with this woman, painful as it may be.
B) Make real and concerted effort with wife, continue to enjoy the happy times with the kids. If this works, ****ing marvelous. but...
C) If the B) doesn't work, seriously consider seperation, but WITHOUT involvement of third parties, and try extremely hard to keep it civil and sensible, and be the best possible dad I can be.
D) Wonder for the rest of my life if I've done the right thing. (this probably applies to all possible outcomes, I'm a bit of a ponderer.

Thanks for your input guys. I especially enjoyed the badgers...
I'm off to bed now with a slightly clearer head than I did a couple of hours ago.

Far to many people can't stand to be alone these days and as a result will shack up and settle down with anyone. I found a girl like your describing and consider myself the luckiest man alive. But I would bet a lot of the "MTFU" or "grow up" advisers on here are the same guys that have to get permission to ride their £3k bikes once in a blue moon, between ferrying the kids around, being generally bitch whipped and eyeing up younger women in the supermarket. I bet if you sat with these same guys while they where drawing there last breaths, they would tell you different. It's your life pal, not the wifes, not the kids.. yours. Sounds selfish but its a fact. If you feel this way about this woman go for it. But also be prepared to ride the shit storm that WILL follow.

How about this? You have a grown up chat with the Most Incredible Woman in the World and be honest. Tell her how you feel, then tell her that for the sake of your kids you are going to spend the next year trying to save your marriage. You want and need to have nothing to do with her whilst you put your energy into this. If after a year or so, you feel the same way, your marriage is not working despite you trying everything you can to fix it, and she still feels the same way then you will be round knocking on her [s]back[/s]door.

Good summary OP!

How about this? You have a grown up chat with the most incredible woman in the world and be honest. Tell her how you feel, then tell her that for the sake of your kids you are going to spend the next year trying to save your marriage. You want and need to have nothing to do with her whilst you put your energy into this. If after a year or so, you feel the same way, your marriage is not working despite you trying everything you can to fix it, and she still feels the same way then you will be round knocking on her backdoor.

That sounds like it will fit in nicely with A), and give B) a timescale to work to. I am actually sure that 'Ms Incredible' will understand; she afterall is in a similar situation.

Yup, good round up. I can totally understand the "One life, live it" stylee posts too but strongly feel that once the choice is made to settle with another person, you should honour that commitment, dare I say, for better or for worse 😀

Best of luck!

assumedidentiti.. did you start a thread about cyclists not stopping to see if you and kids were ok when you had a puncture a few months back?

assumedidentiti.. did you start a thread about...

Cloudnine - delete that - I would.

Why, user-removed? is he trying to infer my identity? I'm not worried, he's well off the mark. delete it if he wants.

did you start a thread about cyclists not stopping to see if you and kids were ok when you had a puncture a few months back?

ah, that would be me..

fairly happily married, no amazing new women in my life.. me and mrs yunki are barely speaking in anything more than grunts and nods though, but that's more down to overwork than anything else.. (unless the wife is assumedindentiti 😕 )

Hi sweety 😉

Cue Simon Bates/Our Tune....

Aaaaah the allure of fresh flesh. It offers everything you don't have and usually nothing you do....

Just that if I'd gone to the trouble of creating a new identity to garner opinions on a troublesome personal matter, I'd be slightly annoyed at others outing me (wrongly in this case).

Try to sort any issues with the mrs first, it's not worth trying to juggle two women!!!

Just that if I'd gone to the trouble of creating a new identity to garner opinions on a troublesome personal matter, I'd be slightly annoyed at others outing me (wrongly in this case).

My wife was everything that this ex girlfriend wasn't; nice, trustworthy, honest, blonde, buxom, wholesome, decent.

She sounds lovely. Why not post a couple of pictures of her so the one or two decent singletons on here can have a go at being the most amazing man for her?

Sound hurtful?

It is, and it's exactly what you're proposing in reverse.

I appreciate your current relationship might not be all you want, and if that continues over time then you may have to make some very tough decisions. But try to make them with your head. Right now, it's your other head that's doing the thinking, and that never ends well.

Apologies.. I was going to lead onto a joke but it doesnt look like it will be funny.

Give her a good prodding and see what happens there after. Winner.

[i] I am actually sure that 'Ms Incredible' will understand; she afterall is in a similar situation.[/i]

Will she not be mrs incredible in 3 months though? Or will she put the wedding on hold whilst you decide what you want to do.

Welcome to Married Life. You stood up in front of your family and friends and gave your solemn oath to foresake all others etc. etc. and now someone attractive has walked along. Guess what? This happens a lot. Now as somebody else wrote on page 1, go and play with your lovely kids and reassure them that Daddy loves them and he loves Mummy because you made them and they need a stable family life more than you can ever know.

When I was a child things weren't right between my parents but they stayed together because of us kids and because they were very devout Catholics. I can still remember the rows and the funk of terror that came over me each time that they might separate and our family might fall apart.

Zokes- thst is an interesting point..and a good tester for the op. If he thinks, omg that's terrible I can't imagine her with anyone but me, then they may have something to work on.
If he thinks "well she deserves to be happy and I obviously do not fulfil that criteria given her behaviour etc, " then he may decide to very grown up and let het find happiness rather than being stuck together in a world of discontentment feeling undervalued due to not wanting to be alone and an ancient adherence to vows, or some stupid belief that staying togeather for the kids regardless of their situation is the right thing to do.

From the child's perspective,

My mum cheated on my dad when I was 3, ultimately this ended up with her divorcing dad and marrying new pleb, she is still happily married to new pleb and I'm happy for her. I will however never forgive her for cheating and it has ruined out mother son relationship.

If she had just left him to be with the new guy I think I could have handled it with much more compassion as I understood what happens in love. It was the act of betrayal in the first instance that I will never forgive.

OP if you want to get with this new woman then do so, if your sure that's what you want then tell your wife your leaving and start your new happy life.
Just don't cheat!

Classic fallen into a routine. Gets interest and gets immature heart-spark.

DO NOT sleep with her.

Concentrate on your wife. Kids can detract from 'you' as a couple, wear you down.

If you sleep with her its a mind****. Epic mind****- your work will then suffer and you wont ride your bike just pretend you are so that you can meet/an alibi. She'll tell her partner shes going shopping/gym 'alot'. The sex will be epic- anything naughty always feels better as its a secret/intense.

Oh and after your wife finds out you'll lose circa30%? Of your wage to the CSA.

Grow up and start to pay your wife attention.

Actually Tazzy, I hadn't thought of it from that perspective, and it's an equally valid point. I suppose putting the boot on the other foot might just clear things up either way

So what happens when you've dumped the wife and got together with miss perfect, and then things eventually get a bit stale with her too, and then a new miss perfect comes along? Or a new mr perfect for her?

Will you be able to trust each other, given how the relationship started?

"Staying in an unhappy relationship"

Ever think you made it unhappy?

People DO grow out of love but you know it. In this case end it before looking is best?

LOADS of women out there. Loads of blokes too. OP, why not let your wife experience the same emotions as you and sleep with someone else?

Slightly trolling but true.

My dad left when I was 17. We've not spoken since and never will. I'm now 41. Think about the pain of not seeing your kids for a week, then a month, then 20+ years. He's never seen his grandson, never met my wife, etc etc

Is it worth that?

When I was a child things weren't right between my parents but they stayed together because of us kids and because they were very devout Catholics. I can still remember the rows and the funk of terror that came over me each time that they might separate and our family might fall apart.

Will she not be mrs incredible in 3 months though? Or will she put the wedding on hold whilst you decide what you want to do.

Weeksy my father was terrible. I have only one regret when he died suddenly in 2010. He never saw his first Grandson nor did his Grandson meet him (just as important).

I think learning to be more of a man and teaching your kids about forgivess are more important (to me now). I learnt that too late but I'll teach my son never to hold a grudge, resent etc even if another is wrong.

I think learning to be more of a man and teaching your kids about forgivess are more important (to me now). I learnt that too late but I'll teach my son never to hold a grudge, resent etc even if another is wrong.

I used to think that, but IMO some people are simply a malign influence and there's no reason to have them in your life just because you happen to be related.

When I was a kid, my parents fought dreadfully all the time and I often wished they would split up so I could have an end to the anxiety. Having said that, the OP's marriage doesn't sound anything like that unhappy.

You haven't done anything yet, keep it that way. Write down a date 6 months or 1yr from now, try what you can to make what you have got at the moment work and see if you still want to leave then. What you are experiencing is distraction and a desire for someone you don't really know. No one is perfect and your kids are your number one priority you need to be able to say hands on heart that for their sake you tried. Recently, to me, it sounds like you have just been coasting, put some effort in you might enjoy the view at the top.Successful marriages will take some effort and compromise.

So despite this other woman you are still in a happy relationship and it hasn't been prompted by a there being "something missing" in your marriage?

Understand the strong feelings... but does sound like that early honeymoon period you get with most new relationships. Very easy for that to cloud your judgement. Know people who go from new relationship to new relationship as that initial period of infatuation wears off. Unfortunately i suspect a period of separation from this new woman is only likely to make those feeling stronger, especially if you still end up seeing this woman out and about regularly (guessing she is a work colleague.)

Zokes, Tazzy, regarding your test about thinking of my wife falling for another. It doesn't really evoke any massively strong feelings other than a generalised fear of how it would affect the kids lives and a feeling of what a waste. Very similar to how I feel when I consider the nuclear option myself, really.

That then, is a very big problem, and one you both clearly need to work on to resolve one way or the other.

However, don't mistake lust for love with this other lady. You probably felt exactly the same about your wife when you first met her. Leaving your wife may well be the single biggest decision you make in your personal life, especially as both staying in or leaving 'a loveless relationship' with the mother of your children will have consequences for people who utterly depend on you.

It may be that six months, one year, you still feel that you can't resolve your relationship with your wife, and that it's better for everyone concerned if it's ended. But right now, were you to make that decision, you'd be doing it for the wrong reasons, and with clouded judgement.

Its not gone too far yet so walk away. Don't see her. It will take 6-12 painful months to get over her. And then you will realise how much you love your wife. And you won't regret it for the rest of your life.

stur - Member
Far to many people can't stand to be alone these days and as a result will shack up and settle down with anyone. I found a girl like your describing and consider myself the luckiest man alive. But I would bet a lot of the "MTFU" or "grow up" advisers on here are the same guys that have to get permission to ride their £3k bikes once in a blue moon, between ferrying the kids around, being generally bitch whipped and eyeing up younger women in the supermarket. I bet if you sat with these same guys while they where drawing there last breaths, they would tell you different. It's your life pal, not the wifes, not the kids.. yours. Sounds selfish but its a fact. If you feel this way about this woman go for it. But also be prepared to ride the shit storm that WILL follow.

Dont want to play the devils advocate here, but this response is very real.

This video for you OP and goodluck! .. Whats worth the price is always worth the fight 🙂

FFS try the goodies first!
She might have a fanjita like dr evils underground lair.

FFS try the goodies first!
She might have a fanjita like dr evils underground lair.

😐

Stay married and make her your Mistress.

it's just a temporary infatuation you are seeing the 'grass is greener..'

aka...

Have a tommy tank to get it out of your system and then realise it's not based on anything solid

Your a dad, end of. Once you have children what you want is always second. Don't be a dick and stop thinking about yourself.

People aren't reading the OPs subsequent posts. He has never expressed any intention of leaving his wife and kids. OP, Only time will tell. But your plan on the last page looks like a good start. Try to do the right thing, and avoid doing anything that you know is wrong, because its those actions that will poison any future relationship, no matter which way you end up going...

Some thoughts which may or may not apply....

A lot of men I know seem to turn into childish little tits when they have kids. "I don't get any attention.." blah blah. Get involved with your kids lives ffs, in a few years time they'll be offski with only what they have learned(yes from dickheads like you) to arm themselves against the world.

The post about your missus finding her own mr incredible was a good one. Maybe shes not too bothered about you cos she already has? Yep suck it up ,roll it around, how you feeling fella?

Don't put this woman on the back burner, that always leaves you with a safety net, and will cause your marriage to fail. Tell her its over.
Spend the next year or so trying to make a go of it. Tell your wife she HAS to go to relate with you cos you're ready to walk.(FFS don't mention the other woman BIG mistake)

If it doesn't work, get your self the hell out of there. Build a new life. Stay involved with your kids. fight for that right if you have to.

To the people holding grudges for stuff done in the past, you probably either weren't old enough or weren't there to hear and see the full story, there's always two sides. Grow up. Set your kids an example. Be bigger than they were. Life REALLY IS too short for that shit.

Good luck op.

Remember to tell your kids you love them

Two things to say.

1. Agree with the woman to stay away from each other for a few months and see how you feel then. You might decide you've just avoided the biggest mistake ever or you might know you really are right for each other.

2. This is my 2nd favourite kind of thread. The best ones are neighbour and in-law disputes.

She has herpes O.P.

Go and romance your wife and play footy with the kids - you chose this life.

I know nothing about relationships, but bear with me - you both have partners you love, both have kids you adore, but you have a connection and love to talk, without anything sexual?

Isn't that the definition of a good friendship?

People aren't reading the OPs subsequent posts

Dam straight , we've not got time to read 5 pages of the OP back tracking and changing his mind. I'm a dad, I'm busy.

He met somebody he has clicked with and is thinking he wants to change life A for life B, life A has his children in it. he wanted advise on coping with it, therefore stop think of yourself, your a dad, end of. Grab yourself a hand full of tissue and go think about her on your own, we're you not hurting the people your supposed to protecting.

I realise I may be oversimplifying the situation, but I'm not a big fan of parents who don't put the children first.

Well done you, johnkgriff, for firmly toeing the line, and stating the obvious. Except;

...I know I can't split my family up for the sake of my own selfish needs. I wouldn't even ask her to split hers up. For what it's worth we have both said that we wouldn't think twice if it weren't for the children. But they put a very different slant on things.

If he's not thinking about it, what's the point of th original post

"I've met somebody nice, i think id like to be friends", I meet nice people all the time and don't come on STW asking if I should be their friend.......

Also, I'm not toeing anyone's line.

To be honest not much on here gets me involved, but I've had a couple of mate come to me over the years with this kind of line and it is more often than not a preamble to - I'm leaving my wife (and possibly children) for X or Y cos she really gets me 🙄

OP, is her name Emily Green?

Is the OP a carefully planted Mumsnet troll..

Brilliant if so.. 😉

To be fair you only live once.

Why be miserable?

One of my friends has dumped his wife and kids for his own selfish needs. He's rich and doesn't give a dam and he's much happier until he gets lonely. His teen kids are messed up from it and his wife suicidal.

Why are you married to a woman you don't love? Does she love you? Relationship counselling?

stay married and make her your mistress

Otherwise known as the 'French Option' 😆

Dam straight , we've not got time to read 5 pages of the OP back tracking and changing his mind. I'm a dad, I'm busy.

You could have put in [i]some[/i] effort in though.

At least read the first post on page one and comment on that, rather than what you imagine it might have said.

but I'm not a big fan of parents who don't put the children first.

so you put the kids first, stay together and the children get brought up in a household with simmering resentment? that is far more damaging than a well managed separation where the children know they are loved. Far too many people leave it too long to point of catastrophic failure when the kids will get royally screwed up.

From personal experience I've just separated from a 19 year relationship (12 years married) , no one else involved, we just work better and are happier apart as we have become such very different people. My son knows he is loved, spends time with both parents and I've even signed over the house and lost about 80k in equity to ensure that the family keep the home so that there is minimal disruption to my sons life. If she finds someone else that can make her happy then that's brilliant, she's a top lass, we just drive each other mad and make each other sad when we were together. Staying together for the sake of my son or because it was financially convenient was a no brainer as we spent so much time trying to be apart form each other and he was picking up on the vibes despite our best efforts to put a happy face on things. I'm sure there are loads on here who will condemn me for being less of man etc... but you know what...bollocks to you...everyone's life is different and the only solution is to be honest about yourself, look at the situation honestly and sometimes leaving is the harder choice but the better way for some.

excuse you for bumping into and actually finding true love...

if she goes through with the marriage you will know that she doesn't feel the same...so you'll have to forget about it...

i would sit tight, and say nothing....

if she doesn't get married, you've got a decision to make..

good luck

My mum and dad split after 24 years my dad worked away and ended up cheating on my mum with someone else they used to argue allot when he was at home etc etc but even tohough my dad worked away them splitting up had a massive impact on my two brothers and me (them more so) things got much harder when my dad re married, my mother didnt cope very well looking after three angry young men which esentualy ruined her, my two brothers have both had very seriouse mental health problems as a result and have both attempted suicide at some point (the elder being far worse) so for me if you marry someone and (decide) to have kids you owe to them if possible to see them through to adulthood at least?