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...and fallen head over heels in love with her. This woman 'gets' me, we love the same things, she's stunning, funny, wonderfully imperfect. seeing her smile lights up my whole life. What is even more amazing is that she seems to feel the same way; she tells me she loves me, that I'm her soul mate. I cannot describe the effect these words have on me. Incredible.
Just two tiny problems. Firstly, I'm happily (or so I thought, seriously) married. Two small children. A perfect life. Ha. Secondly; She's engaged to be married in three months, to a man who does, despite what I would like to think, deserve her. They have been together for nine years and have a two year old child also.
We haven't slept together. We haven't even kissed. Our friendship started innocently enough; chatting about what we initially had in common, our work and our children.
This is killing me. I know I can't split my family up for the sake of my own selfish needs. I wouldn't even ask her to split hers up. For what it's worth we have both said that we wouldn't think twice if it weren't for the children. But they put a very different slant on things.
Coping strategies, advice, similar experiences... all welcome. Also feel free to tell me to MTFU and crack on with the rest of my life; I am very aware that I am wallowing in a pit of self pity that is entirely of my own making.
Modz; New login for the sake of this touchy subject only, sorry.
Stop it. Grow up.
You only live once.
Better to beg for forgiveness than gain permission.
Choose your cliche and go for it.
Been there, done it.
Walk away now.
You'll pay no attention at all to me, you won't even read this, you think it'll all be OK.
Just walk away now.
Build a bridge..
Don't do this, a lot of pain follows..
Do. Not. Go. There.
Also feel free to tell me to MTFU and crack on with the rest of my life
Okay. MTFU, and crack on with the rest of your life.
I suppose it depends on whether or not you meant it when you said some vows to your wife?
Go for it. What's the worst that can happen?
Stop it. Grow up.
Thank you. This is pretty much my plan. I am just struggling to figure out quite how. I am unaccustomed to such ridiculously strong feelings.
Need pictures
Love drunk.
On a more important note, your kids feelings are more important than yours.
Either go for it or don't, but make a decision and stick with it.
I've met the most incredible woman in the world...
Yeah, but you haven't really. I mean I'm sure she's nice and all but that's a bit OTT...
Be flattered and think you've still got it, then crack on being a family man.
Would have scored higher for being a meme post if you had used your usual login.
Could you come to some kind of sharing arrangement?
Get over it.
Do some fun stuff with your family - focus on them and what you have.
franksinatra - Member
On a more important note, your kids feelings are more important than yours.
POSTED 1 MINUTE AGO # REPORT-POST
So much this it almost hurts to think anyone would think otherwise.
On a more important note, your kids feelings are more important than yours.
This^
I'm actually amazed by the sensible responses so far;what forum is this again?
Does her house have more than one set of doors?
How vulgar! 😉
Despite that, does she have carpet in the bathroom??
Sorry, but this thread seems awfully familiar. Almost deja vu.
Suspect that will be the one single post from that account - light the blue touchpaper, stand back and watch...
I'm actually amazed by the sensible responses so far;what forum is this again?
Happilymarriedtrackworld or divorcedforcheatingonwifetrackworld.
your kids come first - don't be a dickwad
Suspect that will be the one single post from that account - light the blue touchpaper, stand back, unzip and wa-[s]tch[/s]-nk...
FTFY.
[i]Be flattered and think you've still got it, then crack on being a family man.[/i]
This ^
Or something else.
To be blunt, have a tug, congratulate yourself on still being a chick magnet. Get over yourself. Go play with your kids!
If you need the sleeping with a beautiful woman itch scratched go to a whore.
That and "GROW UP".
Are you a child? Still in School? And you ask on here? Unbelievable
pity you cant spend some serious time with this most incredible woman, guarentee if you could you would understand what an incredible woman you are married to?
[i]FTFY[/i]
You spying on me again?
You spying on me again?
Of course not! ....erm...just don't check under the bed for a bit.
MTFU, ride your bike, have a w**k and get on with your life.
She may make you happy but will that short term joy be worth the look your kids will give you when they find out the real reason their parents split up?!
Pics of the wife.
Maybe somebody here could care and love for her. Any single guys here?
You can't help who you fall in love with ................but you've made a commitment to your wife and children ....
if you didn't see this other person for six months would you still fell the same ??
crikey - MemberBeen there, done it.
Walk away now.
You'll pay no attention at all to me, you won't even read this, you think it'll all be OK.
Just walk away now.
Attention paid, read it, appreciated. I'm under no illusion that it'll all be ok.
This isn't a wind up thread. It's actually my life right now. And, I kid ye not, it's not about sex. I honestly just yearn to be [i]with[/i] this woman. I understand that that sounds pathetic.
All the erm, straight talking 'to the point' posters, thankyou. I suppose it is exactly what I need, and certainly deserve.
I've done this on several occasions, turns out they weren't. Fortunately no kids were involved and I didn't **** anyone else's life up in the process (except for a boyfriend or two, but all's fair I love and war, eh?)
So the moral of this is think very bloody carefully before you act, as it will impact others.
Ok, I was wrong.
So, what would you lose if you split up with your wife? That's what you need to think about.
Check if she has white shag pile carpet in the house and you need to take your shoes off, also check for crystals behind the bog and wash basin, and can you easily reach the wash basin to piss in, not to high.
I'd lose a second rate relationship and some first rate kids. Or at least easy access to them.
There's a **** of a lot more to it than that, I can tell you.
But hey, the grass is always greener, as the old cliche goes.
them two rug rats are yours.. they ve gone to bed tonight assured that the most important man in thier life will love and protect them forever..DO NOT EVER LET THEM THINK OTHERWISE
them two rug rats are yours.. they ve gone to bed tonight assured that the most important man in thier life will love and protect them forever..DO NOT EVER LET THEM THINK OTHERWISE
Check if she has white shag pile carpet in the house and you need to take your shoes off, also check for crystals behind the bog and wash basin, and can you easily reach the wash basin to piss in, not to high.
I don't get it, sorry. I might just be having a sense of humour failure. Crystals?
Then invest some energy into fixing the 'second rate relationship'
totalshell - Member
them two rug rats are yours.. they ve gone to bed tonight assured that the most important man in thier life will love and protect them forever..DO NOT EVER LET THEM THINK OTHERWISE
POSTED 52 SECONDS AGO # REPORT-POST
Almost made me choke - so true.
a second rate relationship
Does the other half consider it in the same light? I know of at least one couple who've come to an arrangement whereby the lead a couples life (or something close enough) around the kids but pursue their own ends in private. When the kids got to 15 or so they separated and moved in with their respective partners.
Stop being a selfish tit.
Think what your wife and kids would think if they even read this - never mind if you left them.
Control yourself.
Life is not perfect.
Just because you want something does not mean you need to have it.
🙄
Then invest some energy into fixing the 'second rate relationship'
I have been doing, for a couple of years now. Takes two. My wife is all about the kids now, I've felt like an inconvienience on and off for some time. I have tried, and this is the first time since I've been with her that I've had my head turned. I am, despite the impression I must give right now, a fairly decent bloke. Although I certainly dont feel like it right now.
A standing prick may have no concience
Its the limp prick that has the consequence !
[s]
I have been doing, for a couple of years now. Takes two. My wife is all about the kids now, I've felt like an inconvienience on and off for some time. I have tried, and this is the first time since I've been with her that I've had my head turned. I am, despite the impression I must give right now, a fairly decent bloke. Although I certainly dont feel like it right now.[/s] my wife doesn't understand me
🙄
This is a cliche. As someone (41 this year) who's dad did this to our family all those years ago - it never gets any easier.
As has been posted up there ^ - this novelty will soon wear off. Bringing up kids is tough, your priority switches from day 1...it's not about you as a husband and wife, it's about you as a mum and dad.
This bit of excitement will soon settle in humdrum ordinariness - what if you had a child with the new woman? You think that it would be any different?
I'm afraid I'm in the 'grow up' camp.
EDIT: Make time for each other. go on dates, get someone to look after the kids for a night and go somewhere to reconnect. You both must have felt something pretty strong to start a life together - perhaps you both need to remind yourself of that.
I thought you said you were happily married, OP?
My wife is all about the kids now, I've felt like an inconvenience on and off for some time. I have tried
Does your wife know how you feel?
If not you need to talk and let her know,
If she does again you need to talk and let her know how serious you feel about things, instigate some date nights so its just you and her getting to know one another without the interuption of kids.
Try cooling things with the 'Other woman' and see how she responds ,being devils advocate she may be playing you or having second thoughts on her own relationship/impending marriage and using you to help break it.
Think long and hard about your current family ,its very easy to get your head turned if your feeling slightly unloved/unappreciated and make the wrong decision.
An ego is a terrible thing op, I suggest you find some other way of massaging yours.
Have you considered going to Relate with your wife?
I thought you said you were happily married, OP?
Yeah I did say that, didn't I. I suppose what I meant was that I'm happily familied, or something. My relationship with my wife has been one of the less perfect parts to what would appear from the outside to be a very normal picture. I have always believed in working at relationships to get them to work, but it's not getting better quickly. It has felt like I was the one doing all the running, and I have been frustrated in the past by my wife's refusal to even accept that things are not quite right. Despite all this, I would have described myself as happy, due to the overall situation.
Have you considered going to Relate with your wife?
I have. She won't.
I beg to differ. I'm in the "don't stay together for the sake of the kids camp" that way leads to dark times and ultimately you can still screw the kids up and give them a twisted sense of relationships. They are not daft and so many couples that can just about get along but pretend to be happy and smiley in front of the kids are just telling a darker story, than the truth that both parents love the children but work better appart. Showing propper love to the kids is better than spending time on displacemnt behaviour to cope with a bad domestic situation. How many folks have seen the rabid diy'er or bike collecting nut as if gives them justification to be in the "man cave" rather than just being honest abiut it. Sort that bit of your head out and then and onlly then think about finding someone to be the most amazing ever...never leave one for another as that's just thinking with your knob.
the grass is never as green as you think
if you do walk away from this other woman youll spend the rest of your life wondering what if ? but you know what if you walk away from your family youll be loosing a lot more coupled with her extra baggage and whether she actually would leave hers......
even if she did how freakin miserable would your xmas be seperated from both yout families
delete her number from your phone
ride your bike lots and think about why you married your wife in the 1st place
edit :just read your later post speak to your wife get to some sort of counselling
I have. She won't.
Given what you're considering (in fact, even without the other woman but solely allowing for your pre-incredible-woman relationship), might it be worth telling her you're approaching the point where it's Relate or bust?
Try cooling things with the 'Other woman' and see how she responds ,being devils advocate she may be playing you or having second thoughts on her own relationship/impending marriage and using you to help break it.
This has occured to me. One thing I can't get my head around is how she can be happy with the bloke if she's professing all this stuff to me.
Think long and hard about your current family ,its very easy to get your head turned if your feeling slightly unloved/unappreciated and make the wrong decision.
This is true. And very good advice, thank you.
Maybe she has lost interest in you as she already has another lover.If she doesn't she should.
You're obviously not enough of a man for her.
It does seem you have no spine so it would not be a big shock eh?
[i]the most incredible woman in the world[/i]
Is she made out of chocolate? Or come from a large brewing family?
If not, stop being a fanny..
Mmmmmmmchocolatemmmmm.....
You're obviously not enough of a man for her.
It does seem you have no spine so it would not be a big shock eh?
ahhhh the understanding world of STW 😀
It's better to regret something you have done than something you havn't.
Disclaimer: do not make life changing decisions based on lyrics from a Butthole Surfers track!
I think I should make something clear. I am not actively considering leaving my wife or embarking upon an affair. I know right from wrong, and as tough as it is, Getting together with this woman would be firmly in the wrong camp, on so many levels. I'm really just looking for messages of MTFU, and suggestions of how to go about doing it. I'm in a little bit of a shtty place right now; but I don't intend to put my kids, my wife, her fiance and her family in a shitty place instead of me. It just ****ing hurts, thats all.
Edit; iolo, thanks dude.
ahhhh the understanding world of STW
Sympathy comes between shit and syphilis in the STW dictionary..
Right then. MTFU. if you cut all contact with Ms Incredible you'll be over her within a year, two tops.
Tell your wife about this other woman you've met, and how you feel about her
See what her response is
If its dont be stupid, we can work this out, I love you....happy days, make a go of it
If its, I don't give a shit, move out I don't love you anyway,...well happy days go with the other woman.
Just because you are separated dosent mean you can't be a fantastic dad to your kids.
I had a few friends this year have terrible illnesses, cancer, motor neurone, so do,what makes you happy I say
Good luck
Stop it.
You're thinking with your trousers.
I prescribe distraction therapy, as best summarised by Fausto Coppi: "Ride your bike, ride your bike,
ride your bike."
Right then. MTFU. if you cut all contact with Ms Incredible you'll be over her within a year, two tops.
Ulp. roger.
Might be too late but.. Biscuits anyone?
Tell your wife about this other woman you've met, and how you feel about her
See what her response is
If its dont be stupid, we can work this out, I love you....happy days, make a go of it
Wouldn't this just risk massively damaging the already fragile relationship, condemning it to a slow deterioration over the next few years? (I have no idea by the way)
FFS OP just pick up your skirt, grab your nuts and crack on with your life!!! 🙄
I'm really just looking for messages of MTFU, and suggestions of how to go about doing it. I'm in a little bit of a shtty place right now
how about: ignore the MTFU fools as that disregards the feelings that are very real to you right now, appreciate that there is someone with who you appear to have a brilliant connection with that in itself is special, but doesn't need any further action. Think of it like having super car but no driving licence, you can go and look at it, dream of driving it and still enjoy the way it makes you feel excited to near it at the potential it has, without getting nicked or dying in a fireball up a lamppost.
some people go through life having never felt that spark, they just plod through a predetermined generational work, marriage, kids, death, life plan.
or
you can appreciate that life is not simple, there are no rules, there is no fair and any gods (if they do exist) are wicked buggers that like to play games with mere mortals(usually ones involving a cattle prod and a gimp outfit)
xx
[i]Modz; New login for the sake of this touchy subject only, sorry.[/i]
Mmm did you not post a month ago using that login?
Anyway back to your supposed 'dilemma', most relationships are amazing it first, give it 6 months and you'll be as bored of her as you are of your current family.
I suggest you do some soul searching.
There is no point in staying together for the sake of the children. Sometimes it takes a third party to make you realise how miserable you are. I agree you shouldn't leave (especially for another woman) without first exhausting any chance you have with your wife.
Fight for your marriage.
You fell in love with your wife once upon a time didn't you? You chose to bring two lovely kids into the world. She was the one you chose to do that with, wasn't she?
And now, you've fallen for someone who [i]really understands you and has a connection with you[/i] and therefore want to bin it all off? Don't be so ****ing weak. Man up, princess.
It's never as clear cut as the moral MTFU responses on here would have you believe. Years ago I was with a girl who ticked every box for me, I was utterly crazy about her, but circumstances forced us apart. I still think about her at some point every single day, I don't think this will ever stop. However I am married to someone else now who I trust respect and adore, I would never intentionally do anything to hurt her. You need to find the right solution for you, no-one can really advise you on this, whatever path you take you will always wonder about the other.
Make sure you shag the new one before you decide. 😉
Right then. MTFU. if you cut all contact with Ms Incredible you'll be over her within a year, two tops.
Tat is rubbish. I could still bang one out thinking about Big Helen who I knew when I was 16 and that was 20 years ago!
How perfect would this woman be after giving birth to two children and bringing them up? As perfect as your wife was 6 months into that relationship?