You don't need to be an 'investor' to invest in Singletrack: 6 days left: 95% of target - Find out more
I was walking across ASDA car park a few minutes ago, there's a family coming the other way. Mum, dad, little girl on dad's shoulders, pre-teen boy close at heel. The dad says, "hey, kids, look over there! Who's that? Is it grandma? Is it?"
Both kids lose their shit, like they've just seen a TV star or Peppa Pig or something. The lad starts waving like a madman, then sets off running across the car park. "Quick, run!" shouts dad. Then the girl starts screaming, "Grandma! Grandma! Grandma! Grandma!" over and over.
Just as I'm passing them, I hear the parents talking quietly to each other,
Mum: "Is it really?"
Dad: "No."
😆
Ha ha 😂
Quality!
There’s a great illustrated book called ‘100 great lies to tell kids’
My Favourites were:
”All pubs contain powerful magnets which drag daddies towards them by their fillings”
and
”If you put a cheese single in a DVD player it plays a short documentary about cows”
Kids are great, so smart and so dumb at the same time.
There's an ice cream van at the end of this long walk
If you put a cheese single in a DVD player it plays a short documentary about cows
great lies to tell other people's kids ??
A couple of years a ago when my daughter was 14 I took her to work with me, she was on the phone to a friend when the clients dog came over and she starting playing with it.
Friend: "what kind of dog"
Daughter "dad what is it"
Me: "Bengal Tiger"
She repeats to friend and you could just hear the sigh and then a pause and giggles.
It was a Golden Labrador, she is constantly reminded of this one.
😆
I've never had a desire to reproduce, but there's a small part of me that wants to just to be able to screw with their minds. Which is probably why I made the right decision.
Have always thought it would be brilliant to swap all the names of the colours when teaching them. That could literally take years to undo.
I’ve never had a desire to reproduce, but there’s a small part of me that wants to just to be able to screw with their minds. Which is probably why I made the right decision.
Cougar, you are a gem!
I hate kids me & I've told my lad that if he has kids I'll disown him, True.
then sets off running across the car park. “Quick, run!” shouts dad. Then the girl starts
In a car park. Where there's cars.
Yeah. Quality.
If you put a tortilla on a turntable...
In a car park. Where there’s cars.
You are right, the clumsy little buggers might scratch one
Trail kids. Pah!
In a car park. Where there’s cars.
Yeah. Quality.
It was a car park. There wasn't a moving car in sight. But feel free to know more about a situation than someone who was there when you weren't.
There’s an ice cream van at the end of this long walk
That can end in tears... not the kids either. 😢 Mine will remember promises (bribes) for days 👿
That can end in tears… not the kids either. 😢 Mine will remember promises (bribes) for days 👿
I still remember walk that did NOT have an icecream at the end.
To be fair though its still a great bribe and will probably* still get me shifting along at a good pace.
*Definitely. Ice cream is gods food.
My son complained his legs were "really,really sore" on the walk home from school yesterday.
He was just being lazy.
I suggested we pop on the bus to the hospital and see if they needed to be amputated.
The "soreness" disappeared.
Quality.
🙂
It was a car park. There wasn’t a moving car in sight.
What about out of (their) sight? Or about to move? Personally, I’m always very careful for my own safety in supermarket car parks, let alone that of excited children dashing about.
Carry on.
I tell mine that ice cream vans play music when they've run out.
Jeez, Woppit sounds like fun....
Jeez, Woppit sounds like fun….
Nah, I'm with Woppit on this one, car parks are not the place to let kids run around..
I’ve never had a desire to reproduce, but there’s a small part of me that wants to just to be able to screw with their minds.
I was so proud when my daughter figured out most of what I told her was nonsense and she started lying and bullshitting back to me.
I hate kids me & I’ve told my lad that if he has kids I’ll disown him, True.
But you must already detest him, making the threat of disowning him irrelevant. Unless, did you adopt him as an adult?
As kids if my brother and I started fighting / arguing while out shopping my mum would start dragging one foot behind her, like Igor from Young Frankenstein.
Never in the history of mankind have two kids started to behave so quickly.
As kids if my brother and I started fighting / arguing while out shopping my mum would start dragging one foot behind her, like Igor from Young Frankenstein.
Flossing has the same effect. Apologies to anyone that saw that in Sainsbury's last weekend.
I managed to convince my kids that I was a founding member of Boyzone, and also that we had a Mexican branch of the family with an uncle called Pedro.
In a similar vein my children and I were out walking in the forest and there was a family walking towards us with 3 kids and a small dog. One of the children threw a stick and the dog shot of after it. Instantly the whole family ran off in different directions and vanished into the trees. The dog grabbed the stick turned round, ran a bit and then just stopped. The look on its face was priceless. Almost made me want a dog. Then I remembered the walking around with bags of poo and that cured that urge.
A mate's kids this one.
They were out walking in the Peak District, kids moaning a bit. He pointed at the shooting cabin a few hundred metres away and told them to stop moaning and run to the cafe and he'd get them an ice cream each.
Cue two kids running away to it only to find it's a deserted cabin and not the promised cafe. They still glare at him now if he reminds them of that one.
I've got two little nieces who are exactly the right age to mess around with like that. Managed to both competely confuse but also amaze one of them with some really basic "magic" (sleight of hand...) last time I was over there.
When my eldest was about 7 we went to a local natural history museum which was in the being refurbished. There were plenty of glass cabinets with stuffed animals etc. and one empty one in the middle of the room. Telling my lad that was where they kept the invisible dog sure kept him busy for a few minutes looking for it. Shame his Mum came by and asked what he was doing so i had to fess up. He loves it when we retell that story now he's 15 (or maybe not).
Managed to both competely confuse but also amaze one of them with some really basic “magic” (sleight of hand…)
I used to do this with my daughter too (The Gaelic word for magician is druidh).
Mum: “Is it really?”
Dad: “No.”
(Of course not, she died two years ago)...
In a similar vein... watched The Martian the other day with my missus, she wasn't paying much attention by the end so after the film I managed to convince her that when Matt Damon's character bends down to look at the little shoot sprouting from the ground back on earth - reality hit that he was still on Mars, near death clutching a tiny potato shoot and had hallucinated the whole rescue part.
Idlejon.....that’s brilliant.
Everyones staring at now me wondering what I’m laughing at?
Managed to both competely confuse but also amaze one of them with some really basic “magic” (sleight of hand…) last time I was over there.
This can backfire... did the 'I've got your nose' trick to my cousin's kid when she was about 5 - cue screaming meltdown, shrieks and tears because she didn't have a nose any more, and dirty looks from all the adults around*!
*Apart from my Dad and my wife, who both thought it was hilarious.
I told my stepdaughter that I used to be an actor and was on TV a lot. Funnily enough, she was always out of the room when I was on and she "just missed " me.
Idlejon - we had a Colombian branch with an uncle called Pablo. She spread that round school
Idlejon – we had a Colombian branch with an uncle called Pablo. She spread that round school
Did you ever mention it on here, because I’m wondering where I got the idea! (And I’m sure I used Pablo not Pedro as I said up there.)
The Asda promise "85% of people in our store will be uglier than you".
Kids are like farts; you only ever like your own.
walking in the Peak District, kids moaning a bit. He pointed at the shooting cabin a few hundred metres away and told them to stop moaning and run to the cafe and he’d get them an ice cream each.
I did exactly the same with the Jubilee tower at the top of Moel Famau a few years ago.
Also, about 10 minutes ago I managed to convince the woman sitting next to me that Dave Roberts who works with us is Nicola Roberts from Girls Aloud's dad. Quality.
My wife has convinced many, children and adults, that she was a "guitarist" in the Robert Plant video. 🙂
Even to the point of playing video and them guessing which one she is.................
That would be Robert Palmer.....#humblebrag
even more convincing if you'd gone for the right Robert.......
I thought it was going to be a tale about kids getting squashed to death
Or the mention of Asda meaning it was going to turn all chav tastic
Disapointed
My ex-boss is a Canadian called Paul Kay.
He works in London but has worked in many cities.
In the first Jason Bourne film when Matt Damon is rifling through the security deposit box there is a Canadian passport with the name Paul Kay on it.
My boss told his kids that he is a spy and that is why they have to keep on moving around.
They are still unsure whether to believe him.
He is actually in IT middle management although as someone on here would no doubt point out "that's what he wants you to think". The perfect cover, nerd-central.
even more convincing if you’d gone for the right Robert…….
Yeah, I read it as his wife looking like Jimmy Page. 😁
I once had my little sister convinced that the unicorn myth was started when sailors bred a donkey and a rhino, to create a hybrid called a rhinonkey.
A fleeting comment about wild haggis on holidays in July has turned into a family wide obsession with my kids and their cousins, uncles, grandfather and seemingly now a load of kids in their school. It was actually mentioned in a parent t teacher interview.........
There are very few Haggis in the wild now .
Sad.
I passed a haggis hunt on the way to work this morning
When I was a kid growing up in Yorkshire in the 70s there was the "Black Panther' (ie Donald Neilson) murder stories going around school. Anyway, me and my friend made up a story about murders happening around us and that he'd leave his 'calling card' message 'Look Out For Cat' at the sites of the murders but that he couldn't spell very well so just shortened it to 'LUFC'.
When I was a little kid living at home there was a random big cast iron bowl looking thing kicking about in a shed. My dad referred to it as the sacrificial goat blood letting bowl. I must have believed him at the time because twenty five years later he's up at my place and mentions some big cast iron bowl type thing and I piped up "That sounds like the sacrificial goat bloo...". I didn't have to see the satisfied grin on his face to realise I'd stored this lie away in the back of my brain for most of my life, the bastard. The missus got a good laugh out of it anyway.
I still don't know what the bowl was, what it was for or why my dad had it and I'm definitely not asking him!
I told my nephews ( the power kite duo) that dinosaurs still lived in Iceland . They actually believed me and went on and on about going to Iceland to see the dinosaurs to my poor confused sister.
I have never admitted to her that I might have suggested this fantastic idea was not entirely true
"Cue two kids running away to it only to find it’s a deserted cabin and not the promised cafe. They still glare at him now if he reminds them of that one."
Brilliant. The Lingy hut will be perfect I think. 🙂
Does this have to be restricted to children?
I left Uni with a G/f in tow, lovely sweet girl.
Remember Richard Branson and Pier Lindstrom’s ballon around the Earth attempt?
Well, they landed (obviously) a week or two passed and she asked me the question “are they still up there?”
Yes, I said. They broke through the atmosphere and NASA are sending a Shuttle to pick them up..
About a month later in the pub she pops up with “did the Shuttle collect Richard and Pier?”
We were with a large group of friends, hilarity ensued.
I did come clean, but you could tell by the look in her eyes that she wasn’t quite sure whether to believe me or not..
Such a sweet girl.
There wasn’t a moving car in sight. But feel free to know more about a situation than someone who was there when you weren’t.
Tbf it was a car park. People have been in car parks so know what they are like. Kids that gulibale are probably young and I’d not let my young kids run in a car park even on the paved sections in case they don’t stop at the end.
Role reversal (kids getting one over their parents): one of my work colleagues has twins. When they were 4-5 years old, if they were out with one parent they would sometimes give each other "the look", then set of running in opposite directions, leaving an angry parent with a decision to make (angry as it. typically happened on a busy road). 😁
Does this have to be restricted to children?
I left Uni with a G/f in tow, lovely sweet girl.
A friend of mine had a girlfriend who was into her art. One year he asked what she wanted for her birthday and she replied, "an easel."
Fast forward a couple of weeks, he announces, "I went down to the pet shop today."
"What for?" she asks.
"Oh, I've ordered that weasel you wanted."
She fell for it hook, line, sinker, rod, reel and copy of Angling Weekly. He kept it up for weeks, told her it was a special order (so obviously couldn't cancel it), really expensive because it was a pedigree, went window-shopping for cages, she was stood there going "um, well, I'm sure it'll be really nice..."
One of the most intelligent women I've ever known, PhDs and qualifications coming out of the wazoo and one of the country's leading experts in her field (been on telly for it and everything), but she did have the odd blind spot, bless her.
Convinced my mate's wife that a gazebo was a kind of African antelope. She's still not forgiven me, many years later.
I told my nephews ( the power kite duo) that dinosaurs still lived in Iceland .
I've never been to Iceland.......🙁
You'd get eaten by the dinosaurs.
#RustyForPrey
🙂
Had my kids believing that David Blaine was Dynamo’s dad. Kept me entertained!
Flossing has the same effect.
Oooh, really must try that…
Works whatever their age. If they're young, they'll stop bickering and join in. If they're older, they'll disappear to the other end of the shop and you can't hear them bickering. Wins all ways.
Also - moon walking, they love that too.
When my nephew was 5 we took him to a small country park. Just outside the visitor's centre was a maze.
He ran into it with glee and when we knew he was quite a way in, hubby and I ran and hid behind a bench. Nephew finally got out and spent a couple of minutes looking around for us. As soon as we realised he was getting worried we jumped out and he pretended all was cool and he knew we were there all the time, which was far from the case.
Does this have to be restricted to children?
Oh no, not at all!
Last Sunday, crossing the Severn Bridge my wife said she thought there was a small fire on top of one of the towers. I looked up and could see a red light.
”Yes, they keep small fires going to stop storks from nesting up there.” She realised I was making it up when I started giggling at the same time as giving a reasonably accurate overview of the natural diversity of the Severn. Including storks. And crocodiles, of course.