[Closed] I've just reclaimed my manliness...

Ia it an "artisan apple" or "artisan apple and walnut granary loaf"?

You immediately lost all your newly acquired manliness points by using the word "Artisan"

Its the naughty step for you

In a dress

Doris!

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A real man would've torn it apart with bare hands, use of any sort of implement is a loss of points. Though power tools are of course exempt from that rule.

I've just reclaimed my manliness...

and

apple and walnut granary loaf

are not compatible

In my defense, my manliness wouldn't have needed reclaiming if I'd bought my usual wholemeal bap.

I'm going to go and sharpen a pencil with a Stihl saw to claim even more...

Artisan? [b][i][u]CHUFFING ARTISAN![/b][/i][/u]

One way trip to the centre of the sun for you.

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If its got apples and walnuts in it, then surely its a cake?

Why are you dunking cake in your soup?

Dunking materials should be, above all else... absorbent. You need to have a word with yourself, and after you've given yourself a severe talking too, purge yourself of all your poncey apple and walnut granary related thoughts, and face the facts

What you'll be wanting is this....

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And for your manliness points to count for anything, then I hope to god you're dunking it in Heinz tomato soup, which your eating direct from the tin?

I'm going to go and sharpen a pencil with a Stihl saw to claim even more...

Now you're getting the idea. Now did you use a kango to open your tin of soup?

Apple? In bread?

Straight to the pit of rotating knives, please.

I shot the top off the soup with a barely legal firearm... 😉

And the bread was rather delicious...

VIVA EL PRESIDENTE!

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Welcome to the Peoples Socialist Republic of Colouring - In.

Fidel "Binners" Gastro - President. 😀

😆

Let the tyranny commence!!!

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Listen to Binners, the man talks sense!

No.
No you have not reclaimed your manliness.

Listen to Binners, the man talks sense!

I don't know about that but he writes a load of rubbish 🙂

Real men just tear chunks of bread and lob it in the soup.

You can still redeem yourself if the soup is rufty tufty though. (Carrot and Coriander wont cut it).

I suppose you're off for an extra manly trip to the thee-ay-tah this evening to see Extra Strong, Soft and Kendal Cake in their homage to the works of Freddie Mercury, John Taylor, Badger Bloke and the other one, eh? The Mints Sing Queen?

Why is Kim Wilde crying?

You big bunch of cyber bullies... If I don't feel so goddam manly, why, I'd flounce!

(Carrot and Coriander wont cut it).

That's why he used a saw. Do keep up at the back.

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It is I, Perchy of the Resistance.....

Listen very carefully, I shall say zis only once....

Pies with lids. 😉

Why is Kim Wilde crying?

She's spent the morning looking out a dirty old window.

artisan apple and walnut granary loaf

Jeebus.

OP, look and learn ...

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Bought a delicious-looking [u][b]artisan[/b][/u]...

* fires up the artisan brazen bull *

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She's spent the morning looking out a dirty old window.

Well played! 🙂

Don’t want to worry you, OP, but I ripped the bread for my soup apart with my bare hands earlier. My level of “manliness” isn’t exactly high…

Rachel

In the OP's defence you do have quite big hands for a lady. 😉

Years back when i was a 9 stone weakling me and my mate decided to get some of that bulk up powder.
We went to the Muscle shop and purchased said powder. I then jokingly asked the girl in the shop if she could undo the lid for me.
The look of utter contempt she gave me has stayed with me for 30 years.

Go easy on the OP, he woke up this morning with dirty knees and the feeling that something strange had happened in the wood shed last night. The bread cutting ranks high up on a list of tepid achievements, in an otherwise disappointing life. 😉 😛

A saw?, pah!……… [url= https://beardsandaxes.wordpress.com/2013/09/01/chop-you-own-wood-itll-warm-you-twice/ ]Jamie Hibbard[/url] would use an axe to chop his loaf then blog about it.

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To further my defense, I didn't even wipe the saw... I can still taste MDF and pine sap.

It really is artisan bread!

If only you had toasted it in front of your log burner.

Wipe? Real men lick the blade clean. Sheesh!

I toasted it on a Swedish candle made from a full Sequoia trunk and used Toyota Priuses as kindling... Is that Chuck Norris enough for you?

Is that Chuck Norris enough for you?

Chuck Norris would have sliced the bread by staring at it.....

then he would have toasted it. In the freezer.

I suspect Chuck Norris would have smashed his way into the artisan bakery, and made his own artisan bread... Out of real artisans.

artisan apple and walnut granary loaf

cyclingweakly - Member

I toasted it on a Swedish candle made from a full Sequoia trunk and used Toyota Priuses as kindling... Is that Chuck Norris enough for you?

Wtf is a bap?

I presume you mean a barm?

I can still taste MDF and pine sap.

So, now you're starting to sound like Jilly Goolden. Man points deducted.

I suspect Chuck Norris would have smashed his way into the artisan bakery, and made his own artisan bread... Out of real artisans.

Chuck Norris would only eat[i] artesian [/i]bread.

My lunch was a bag of crisps eaten at the wheel of my van whilst stuck in traffic between appointments 🙁
(Morrisons own brand salt and vinegar if you were wondering)

Didn't even have any water to wash them down with as I had to use the last of it to mix a small amount of quick setting cement to fill a rat hole.

Yep, I'm living the dream.

A [i]bap[/i] is a scottish term for a normal bread roll, no idea what a barm is though?

Manliness is a word you read in your girlfriend's copy of Women's Own. You failed at the first hurdle you sad bastard.

I've just reclaimed my manliness...

So how did you lose it ?

Bought a delicious-looking artisan apple and walnut granary loaf to dunk in my soup today, but then realised that I don't have a bread knife at work.

So I cut it using a large wood saw... And I've never felt so manly!

That's all.

So how did you lose it ?

Did you not read the bit about the [s]fruit cake[/s] artisan loaf 😉

Next it'll be quiche...

Cut with a jigsaw.

A bap is a scottish term for a normal bread roll, no idea what a barm is though?

I live in that awkward no-mans-land of the north-west when it comes to describing those small, ovoid bread products.

Over the centuries, we've absorbed various onslaughts from the north, as Glaswegians descend on Blackpool with their deep-fried spam baps. We've repelled several advances from those tight-fisted ****s to the east, with their "tea-cakes", and we've welcomed exotic travelers from the south with their cobs and breadbuns.

So most terms are acceptable in this part of the world, but if it's floury it's a bap, and if it's crusty it's a cob.

I hope that clears things up.

Over the centuries, we've absorbed various onslaughts from the north, as Glaswegians descend on Blackpool with their deep-fried spam baps*

Only if it's "taps aff" or a hen night.

*baps is a commonly used euphemism for breasts.It is a "pune" or play on words. See also: Diddies.