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I found out earlier that I'm now a grandad. My eldest son (who I spoke about in this thread) is now a father.
https://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/my-eldest-son-committed-suicide-last-night-😢/
Bittersweet is an understatement. I am currently pacing the house with emotions running wild and don't know who to talk to about it, so thought I'd share the news and vent here in my usual tradition.
My grand daughter was born last Sunday, but I only got told tonight. She is the spitting image of my Son from the photos I've seen, I am unsure how to reach out to the mother. Certain situations, circumstances and people surrounding it all (it's all very complicated and difficult when it shouldn't be and I can't go into it all publicly) are making it a lot harder than it should be. I'm not sure I can put it on my social media in fear of it being turned against me by certain people that might somehow see it, it is all honestly that bad.
He should be here to enjoy fatherhood and I know he would have made an amazing Dad 😢 RIP Son
It's also bittersweet knowing the baby is the final link to my Son outside of us, the next generation. I can only hope he's looking down as proud as anything at the life he helped create.
Congratulations, reaching out just take it slow and gentle but be persistent. New mum may be a bit overwhelmed herself.
Can I suggest doing a photo album/ scrapbook for the grandchild. It will help them understand who their father was.
Wow, quite a thing to discover! Your sadness is understandable, but I'm sure you'll find a way of building the relationship over time.
Congratulations and feeling for you. Just let them know you are always there if they need you.
Thanks for your posts over the years as they have helped me with an understanding of my relationship with my estranged daughter.
Please keep posting as your and other people's problems have helped me a lot with my life.
An emotionally complex situation but a new life that can be filled with hope. Congratulations on being a grandad, I hope that the difficulties sort themselves out positively.
Gnusmas, congratulations first of all, I understand you must have very mixed emotions right now.
I would echo exactly what @big_n_daft said. Take your time, be patient if that is what you feel is required
. If it was me, i would perhaps just do something simple like send a card saying congratulations (wiht contact details if she hasn't got them?), to let them know you are there and you care. I am sure she will reach out to you given time (especially if childcare is on offer 🙂 ) but don't rush it. It's all about the baby right now, and the health and wellbeing of the mother.
All the best, thoughts for you and your son, and congratulations again!
Martin
dble post. This forum ! (shakes fist)
I'm with bigndaft and howsyourdad on this. Mum may well be all over the place anyway with a newborn, so a card with your contact details and an offer to keep in touch and support is probably as much as you can do for now.
Definitely start putting together some photos and stories about your son to pass on when the time is right, whenever that may be. But be prepared for the fact that it may be years before that time comes, sadly.
Gosh what a shock for you (but a very lovely one).
Agree with above.
Send a card with your details and let the mother know you are there when she is ready.
Congratulations.
Definitely send a card giving your warmest wishes to the new mum.
I’m not sure I can put it on my social media
I would definitely avoid this - new mum may not want this kind of attention and it's not your place to direct it towards her and the baby.