Interviews what a jip...

I once interviewed a bloke with the same name as me, just so he could turn up at reception and say "my name is TwoDogs, I'm here to see Twodogs*)

* not my actual name 😁

On the other side, we've a candidate that keeps applying to us for jobs - same roles, just we've had some internal movement. We found them a bit too 'in your face' so don't want to shortlist again.

Also, was interviewing a woman with a colleague, and next to our office was a building site where they were driving piles. Our room was shaking a bit....the woman interviewee said "ooh it's like sitting on a giant vibrator".

I bet she still wakes up at 4 in the morning wanting to crawl under a rock thinking about that one

Had 3 interviews recently at 3 separate companies, got the job at the 3rd but they were so different.

For the first, I had to go through 7 rounds of different evaluations to get to the interviews and one of the blokes was trying to be so smart with his questions and aiming to impress those around him. He alone put me off working for them.

2nd interview. They asked no difficult questions, it was like they did not know what they were doing. The recruiter told me that after I left they asked him loads of questions about me which was frustrating for all of us.

3rd interview. Hard, difficult, grueling but nice people with no trick questions. It turned into a conversation which is always good. Got offered and accepted the job.

On reflection, I have ended up in the best place but it is hard to tell yourself this when you come 2nd on the previous two occasions, you only realise later.

Funny stories and comments please!

I only have tales of woe....!

- Outward Bound - phone call mid-holiday to say 'can you come for interview in two days for a senior role on Ullswater'. After driving down from Aviemore with the family (and holiday curtailed), after three hours of being shown around and meeting all the team I was taken to a room for interview. Where I was told the senior role at Ullswater had been filled internally the day before, and would I consider a lower post in Wales? He was upset I did not even stay to be interviewed.

- Scottish Outdoor Education Centres - senior role, I interviewed well, waited 5 days for a decision - so called them to enquire. Was told (by secretary, the CEO would not speak to me) that they could not decide between me and someone else, and what was the lowest salary I would take to secure the job? Err, no... (and that centre closed a year later, poor management and huge hole in finance).

- West Dunbartonshire - filled in full application for full time, permanent role. I was called on closing date to be told 'there is no job, we just need new freelancers. You are ideal, can we offer you a couple of days work?'.

I've surely posted this before, probably more than once, but it's still funny.

We once interviewed a bloke called Satnam. Cue lots of 'satnav' jokes, by the time the candidate arrived we were all quite giddy.

The lad arrives, we go to meet him still barely recovering from the giggles. My colleague a stride in front of me greets him with an outstretched hand and completely deadpan says "hi, I'm Bob... find us alright?"

I got put up for an interview by some recruiting agency who'd advertised it as technical sales and support (this was in chemical engineering).
Got there to be interviewed about basically making marketing calls. I have no idea about marketing so the interviewer and I were talking at cross-purposes for 15 minutes before we both finally agreed that this wasn't the job I was looking for.

Two days later the recruiting agency phoned to tell me I hadn't got the job.

I pointed out that I knew this already and it would greatly help if they could describe the job accurately. They didn't care, they just got paid for setting people up for interview, even if it turned into a total waste of time for the company and the interviewee.

That, plus a couple of other issues made me absolutely hate recruitment firms, they were all utterly useless.

More seriously,

I'm in a not wildly different position from the OP. I've just been TUPEd (which is probably a thread in itself) so the one thing keeping me in my current role has just been removed.

I'd kind of hoped that job adverts had moved on from the one-sided bullshit of 20+ years ago, but no. The vast majority are still a massive list of what they want, what they expect, what the ideal candidate will be, largely massively overspecced... and then right at the end some sort of ephemeral afterthought that says "competitive salary and benefits."

No. **** that right off. It isn't Thatcher's Britain any more, recruitment is a is a two-way process. Never mind "why do you want to work for us?", I have over 30 years' experience, why should I come and work for you? This attitude needs to change.

Anyone looking for a cybersecurity professional and practiced Internet gobshite? 😁

Anyone looking for a cybersecurity professional and practiced Internet gobshite?

Maybe... why do you want to work for me?

Maybe… why do you want to work for me?

You'll pay me money, and money can be exchanged for goods and services.

@cougar EDF seem to always be looking for security, worth a punt? They also advertise the salary band.

Like you I can't be arsed with cryptic salaries.

When I was a manager in Social Care I had a agency temp doing some finance work for me. He was a lovely guy, in his 50's but had been struggling with drink and was having to build his career up again. He got an interview in the Social Work HQ team as a finance assistant. Permanent job, good salary, he really, really wanted the job but he was nervous as hell. I spent a bit of time coaching him but he remained a nervous wreck.

The interview was in the same building so he went off and came back 30minutes later, he looked grey. He literally looked ill. I asked him what happened and he shut me down, just wouldn't talk about it. It took a few days for him to open up to me. It turns out that they asked him to tell a joke. A shocking, cheap and unhelpful interview question, really poor form asking a candidate to do that. Anyway, he froze then describes this out of body experience where the joke started falling out of his mouth and he knew it was wrong and he couldn't stop it. He wouldn't tell me the joke but (and remember this interview was in a social work department), he did tell me that the punchline involved Hitler and break dancing spastics.

Not particularly funny, but about 14 months ago i got approached to go for a job at a housing association in a strategic management role.
First getting to know you interview 1-on-1 with the recruiter went swimmingly.
Then it gets to the assessment day (on Teams - urgh)
Got given 15 mins to prepare for a 10 minute presentation on the strategic direction they should take to achieve Net-Zero. They're taking the piss with it to put me under pressure, but i nail it as i know my stuff*. The only people on the teams paying attention are the recruiters. The people from the association look very disinterested and ask very generic questions at the end, barely paying attention to my answers. I get no chance to ask them anything Red flag 1.
After the presentation I go straight into an hours discussion with a different recruiter (business psychologist) to discuss my results in some reasoning tests, personality type stuff, etc.
Red flag 2 appears in the emphasis she's placing on the tests; I point out they weren't my best work as I was elbows deep in my master's dissertation at that time and had a massive project on at work so weren't reflective of my usual standard, referencing workplace achievements, findings through my MBA, and personal experience. Oops I've just shit all over her specialisms and critically dissected them.
Funnily enough i didn't get the job. First recruiter sends me a very apologetic email when he finds out.
Looking up on linkedin a few months later and the person who got the job was definitely known by them already.

*Best bit of feedback after was that i was a bit too ambitious in the direction i proposed they take. Two weeks later a govt white paper was issued that was pretty much verbatim what i'd said in my presentation.

Happy i didn't get this one, especially as they are in the news right now for a very tragic failing in their duty of care to tenants

54 - and I've never had an interview!

Happy i didn’t get this one, especially as they are in the news right now for a very tragic failing in their duty of care to tenants

But here then is the truth of the matter - a crap recruitment process represents a crap organisation...? Bullet dodged and all that.

I pointed out that I knew this already and it would greatly help if they could describe the job accurately. They didn’t care, they just got paid for setting people up for interview, even if it turned into a total waste of time for the company and the interviewee.

That, plus a couple of other issues made me absolutely hate recruitment firms, they were all utterly useless.

There may be the odd outlier but this is my experience. There is no place in hell hot enough for most of them and I have been in IT for 35+ years and been on both sides.

I didn't get a role for a great firm recently, because the woman who would have been my boss didn't like my answer to why I wanted to work there (pragmatic but reasonable).

The internal recruiter (who I got on really well with) was surprised and a bit disappointed, and apologetic. I said don't worry, I didn't get the right vibe from my potential manager anyway (very po-faced and lacking insight) and some of the questions they were asking to manage expectations about the role were borderline red flags as well.

I don't mind the actual interviews, they can be quite engaging, but all the faff of applications and trawling LinkedIn etc. are what gets me.

Anyone want a content manager?

20 years ago I was interviewing someone for a technical role. He was making a mess of the first couple of technical questions, I thought it was nerves so I asked him what he did out of work to calm him down. Cue half an hour of monologue about how his life was shit, his wife had left him, his dog had died etc.

The interview never got back on track and he didn't get the job.

There may be the odd outlier but this is my experience.

Dealt with one good IT recruitment agency (or quite likely person). Actually checked if suitable for role and basically did a pre-interview first with some good feedback.
Only one though.

The job already has someone lined up for it is always fun. There is someone else at my company with the same name who I occasionally get email for. Got one a couple of months back from HR basically going "we know we have to send this out to the public. How do we write the requirements to make sure its the internal person already selected?"

he did tell me that the punchline involved Hitler and break dancing spastics.

MrsMC is a social worker with cerebral palsy and I just Lol'd. Sorry, not sorry.

I had an interview maybe 10 years ago for the same type of job I was in but better conditions. After a while I got in touch with them to ask if I could get some feedback as I'd obviously not got it and it turns out I have too much detail in my answers. It also came to light later that they already had someone lined up for the job.

Having said that the last 2 jobs I've had I've been asked if I fancy going in for an interview so I've been quite lucky that way.

@Cougar Drop me a PM if you want. I can ask around and see whether people are recruiting. A shame that you are in the UK, I need at least one more person in the team I am in over here. Saying that, I know a lot of people that are recruiting over here for people in cyber.

Funniest interview tale I have does not even involve me. I was in another meeting when our office organiser put her head around the door and asked if I could come and help with something (as a first aider). Turns out that one of the people in my team had been interviewing a student for a summer job when the kid has just fainted.

By the time I got there he was back on his feet, but it turned out he had eaten nothing for like two days, been working nights at a pizza place to make cash and then studying all hours to get ahead of his course. That, the drive, the warmth of the office and the stress has just messed him over. Poor kid. I got him water, walked with him to the supermarket and bought him lunch and a lucozade and made him eat. We wanted him to not go anywhere, but he insisted on driving home and it turns out he had a car accident on the way back.

A few years ago I interviewed for a role. It was between me and one other person. They offered it to me. But they took £3k off the salary because I had a BAhons and not a BEng as was in their criteria. That was a big red flag, if they were looking to cut costs already at that point then I couldn't see much investment in development (mine or theirs) taking place in the future. Told them (via a very pissed off recruiter) no thanks and that that was the reason why. If I'm good enough for the job then offer me it, don't start scrimping before I've even accepted.

Anyone want a content manager

No, I want one hungry to succeed! (Also sorry, not sorry).

By the time I got there he was back on his feet, but it turned out he had eaten nothing for like two days, been working nights at a pizza place to make cash and then studying all hours to get ahead of his course. That, the drive, the warmth of the office and the stress has just messed him over. Poor kid. I got him water, walked with him to the supermarket and bought him lunch and a lucozade and made him eat. We wanted him to not go anywhere, but he insisted on driving home and it turns out he had a car accident on the way back.

OMG.

But did he get the job?

No, I want one hungry to succeed! (Also sorry, not sorry).

And this is why I'm the one who gets paid to write puns.

😉

We once interviewed a bloke called Satnam

It's a Sikh name with religious significance. I can sort of see the funny side but it hardly screems diverse, inclusive workplace.

My first ever proper job, after polytechnic*...

I caught the train** to London on a hot August day wearing suit and tie as was normal back then and traipsed across to St Thomas's Hospital for an interview in a cancer research lab. On arrival, I found that I'd dropped all of the paperwork somewhere on the way so didn't know who to ask for, where in the hospital to go, etc. I found my way to the right place and was interviewed by the professor, a senior researcher and senior technician. Every time anyone asked a question, Richard, the senior researcher, would answer for me. He even answered his own questions to me. After being shown around the lab I was offered the job.

I was the only interviewee to turn up, I found out later. Thirty years later, I still maintain that I was ideal for the job, which involved long breaks, little work and regular post-work drinking in the pub opposite.

*Ah polytechnics, those were the days...
**Ah, cheap train travel, those were the days...

@Cougar Drop me a PM if you want. I can ask around and see whether people are recruiting. A shame that you are in the UK, I need at least one more person in the team I am in over here. Saying that, I know a lot of people that are recruiting over here for people in cyber.

Honestly, I don't know where "over here" is but I work from home and I have zero appetite for going back to a traditional commuting model. Induction / training or occasional site visits would be fine but I'm damned if I'm sitting in rush hour traffic for three hours every day to get into an office for absolutely no practical reason. I'd rather flip burgers for a living.

That said, if you want to keep an ear out, I'd genuinely appreciate it. Thank you.

It’s a Sikh name with religious significance. I can sort of see the funny side but it hardly screems diverse, inclusive workplace.

I take your point, and I agree. The culture was kinda laddish and I hated it.

I couldn't give a rat's arse about any religious significance, but mocking someone's name is poor form. In my defence it was like 20 years ago.

@Cougar I have a sneaky feeling, from past posts, that @Willard is in Sweden.
Ignore me if that's wrong

I ran a few interviews for project engineers at a large-scale food processing site. I used to get a few random things from the stores (like a temperature transmitter, and a flange-gasket of some type...) and ask the interviewees what they were, and if they didn't know, what might they be. The role was very much not desk-based, hot on breakdown trouble-shooting, and if you didn't at least pick up the random thing and give it a close look then i lost interest in the candidate... I don't think HR liked it though 🙂

I had an odd experience interviewing a candidate over teams during lockdown. The candidate joins the meeting at the appropriate time but without her camera turned on. I explained it would be much better for the interview if we could actually see each other while we were talking but she was very reluctant to turn it in still. After a little more discussion she finally agreed to turn the camera on but told me that should would just have to pop away for a few minutes first as she needed to go and get dressed. Unfortunately that was a fairly good indicator as to how the rest of the interview would go.

I hung up on telephone interview once. I perhaps should have said "sorry I don't think this is for me" but they were being pretty unprofessional (s****ing about my age and being rude about why at my age I would want the role :/ ) so **** 'em

After a little more discussion she finally agreed to turn the camera on but told me that should would just have to pop away for a few minutes first as she needed to go and get dressed.

Hah. My unofficial guidelines for scoring candidates used to go something like:

1/10 - Turns up
2/10 - Turns up wearing clothes
3/10 - Turns up vaguely prepared for an interview
...

Fortunately we never had anyone at 1/10.

That, plus a couple of other issues made me absolutely hate recruitment firms, they were all utterly useless.

They're all terrible, I've no idea how they manage to survive - I've tried to deal with a number of them, and I have zero positive things to say about any of them.

Google review of where I used to work.

"A dying company. Went there for an interview last year for industry placements besides ok facilities I mean the outside is cleaner then the inside. I was asked about several “concepts” what would you invent to stop boat corrosion and ironically guess what AkzoNobel was working on anti corrosion formula. If I was actually stupid enough to tell the interviewer my actual ideas they could have taken my idea claimed it for their own and had the resources to do it shame i’m not that stupid. How low does a company have to go to ask undergraduate students for ideas on how to solve worldly problems.

Not only that but one of my flights got cancelled on the day to depart my second flight I missed seconds after rebooking my cancelled flight and then I had to book a late night flight after being up in the morning 4:00 am btw leaving at 11:30 with my interview at 7:00 in the morning oh and guess what ? I got rejected because Cambridge candidates will always come first. In between all of this I discovered over the past months my declining health was a result of lead poisoning which was at its peak during this time.

Asks for my help on their own ideas
Has me book 3! Flights for an interview I may never get.
Suffered all of this and the interview while suffering from lead poisoning yet ....
Rejects my interview.
Shame on you"

I am quite old, 50’s so been around a while now

Young man! Not old at all.

The last time I had an interview I just told the rather extroverted boss to give me the money and I would get the job done (really I did). Told him I was not there to mess around, not going to pretend to use some fancy words to describe what I was not nor pussy footing around and he gave me the job. Once on the job I over delivered and he was very good to me. Not a single issue with him while others were so scared shite of him. They thought he was a bully but he was just an old school no nonsense person. He retired after a few years. While he was there nobody dared to mess with me. LOL! After he retired, the next boss was also fine until she retired too then things went down hill from there after this pussy footing slider took over and made me redundant, coz he sold off the division. That was the good time.

Now if I want a job I just have to ask (some hourly) coz of my track record. i.e. deliver on time and on budget. Non of this pussy footing talks.

LOL! The last HR person asked me whether I should be under probation I told her I had been on probation throughout my life!

I just asked a candidate to draw the root cause analysis and process flow of a bad cup of tea on the whiteboard.

I just asked a candidate to draw the root cause analysis and process flow of a bad cup of tea on the whiteboard.

LOL! That's easy the water, specific tea leaf, tea submersion time, number of submersion, and brewing temp. Want to be more specific then find out how the tea leaf was "cooked" or prepared and the region it comes from.

Now pay me handsomely. LOL!

p/s: best tea I drank was prepared by two old sisters in their 80s and 90s when I was in Thailand. No tea comes close since. Wish I had asked them to teach me. What a lost art.

@Cougar I have a sneaky feeling, from past posts, that @Willard is in Sweden.

Always thought that might be a nice place to visit but it'd be a bugger of a commute.

I just asked a candidate to draw the root cause analysis and process flow of a bad cup of tea on the whiteboard.

LOL! That’s easy the water, specific tea leaf, tea submersion time, number of submersion, and brewing temp. Want to be more specific then find out how the tea leaf was “cooked” or prepared and the region it comes from.

My response would be to ask you to elaborate on what "bad" means. For all I know there's nowt wrong with it, you're simply a coffee drinker. It's not possible to do a RCA until you have a solution and it's not possible to derive a solution beyond blind luck before you've accurately defined the problem.

I see this all the time on STW, someone will post a question going "my car won't start" and well-meaning responses will be variously "I had that, it was the starter motor / is it out of fuel? / you need a new battery" but few people ever ask questions. My car won't start, what's the Root Cause Analysis? Christ knows, let's first establish whether or not you've pumped a tankful of petrol into a diesel vehicle before we worry about the how and why this might have happened.

Hey, would I have been a successful candidate? 😁 Or written off as a smartarse?

@jonba I'm failing to see how any of that is the fault of the company, sounds like they got off lightly!

Two stand out,

The guy who came 'very' prepared for an interview; notepad, pen, water, banana, sandwich. To be fair he was professional and only ate the banana, whilst writing down each question fully, then making notes on his answer, then telling us he was ready to answer. Then slowwwwwly answering the question whilst pausing to see if he was on the right track. Remarkably, he got the one of the jobs despite my better judgement (because public sector panel recruitment process) and turned out to be exactly the kind of walloper I was dreading.

other one was an enthusiastic candidate who decided to get creative, and used some large sheets of paper (we had previously put up on the walls for process mapping) to embellish his answer. as they were only lightly attached they kept falling down, so he eventually drew on them on the floor on his hands and knees...three of us on the panel trying not to laugh at a guy who looks like he is basically hiding under the table in front of us whilst explaining his answer, then popping up with a flourish to show us his handiwork.

I've had a few interviews lately. Some in Public Sector which ask nebulous questions about how your behaviours apply to the role, not what you know and will bring.
I had another couple with the NT. I have never dealt with nebulous crap. In my feedback I was told that I never answered how I would work strategically. I looked at the questions (I tend to write them down) and asked "which of the questions was I meant to answer that in?" The manager got in a flap and said "I should have known", I responded with if you want a particular answer, then ask the question. Turns out an airhead got the job.
Last one, with my current employer was fantastic. It was a conversation, no trick questions, they were genuinely interested in what I know and how I think it could be applied. The second interview was with the CEO and MD, 24mins in the CEO apologises for not asking any of the questions he was meaning to. The MD, said it's fine and she has everything she needed.
The interview where I've been on the panel where I got the most from was hard. Applicant was clearly the best on paper but suffered from severe anxiety. We had to really coax them through the interview. But we got what we needed from them. They started the role and were excellent. They let on in their induction that they have lost so many jobs because of their anxiety. So we set up an OH programme to help them. They blossomed and got a promotion and sailed through the interview. I was pleased with that outcome.
Clever dicks and automatons are the worst to lead interviews, unfortunately they tend to be those that lead them.

Three unsuitable candidate experiences I've had when interviewing:

1). Guy took an obviously personal phone call (with no attempt to end it quickly) as I was giving him a quick tour of the office - I gave him the crappy technical question set as a result...

2). Guy stank of booze and looked pretty dishevelled, felt a bit sorry for him as I likely figured he was an alcoholic but not a risk we could take (and he flopped on the technical interview part anyway)

3). Teams interview and the guy was obviously trying to surreptitiously use google on his phone to answer technical questions, one of the other people interviewing even googled it at the same time and it was obvious he was reading back the first hit

I've had the odd practical interview.

I had to make one corner of a traditional drawer for a job once. Book-matching and jointing veneer and cutting some dovetail joints.

Can't remember how I did but I got the job, and stayed for two years until I got bored to death of cutting dovetails 😂

Always thought that might be a nice place to visit but it’d be a bugger of a commute.

Nah, commuting in Sweden is a doddle. No traffic anywhere.

Commuting TO sweden on the other hand, that's best done from somewhere that doesn't involve a flight...

Applicant was clearly the best on paper but suffered from severe anxiety. We had to really coax them through the interview

I'm increasingly of the view that interview questions should be provided to candidates in advance of the interview. You are trying to assess their knowledge and personality, not their ability to interview.

I battled my way through the snow to their office to discover that they'd changed to a phone interview. Worked quite well actually, was able to relax in a conference room with a speakerphone and cup of coffee, and they didn't have to look at my face.

I’m increasingly of the view that interview questions should be provided to candidates in advance of the interview. You are trying to assess their knowledge and personality, not their ability to interview.

That depends on the role, surely? If you can't handle a job interview without going to pieces, you're probably not suitable for a job which involves making presentations to the board.

We had a lad once, interviewing for an apprenticeship position, absolutely terrified. He was literally shaking. He was massively into football, watching and playing, so we got him talking about that* and he visibly relaxed (but was still very nervous). We gave him the job and he's turned out great.

(* - one reason why I like to see interests on a CV)

That depends on the role, surely? If you can’t handle a job interview without going to pieces, you’re probably not suitable for a job which involves making presentations to the board.

Nah, i'm terrible at interviewing myself, get very very nervous. Because it's unexpected and unplanned.

I've presented to a board of directors dozens of times. Rarely had any unexpected questions. And i always know what the subject matter is, so it's rarely unplanned either.

Still hate doing it though.

I have been to interviews deliberately set up to put you under stress. panel of 3 behind a desk, small chair for you placed in the middle of the room. Nowhere to put your papers and cup of water. that sort of thing

I’m increasingly of the view that interview questions should be provided to candidates in advance of the interview. You are trying to assess their knowledge and personality, not their ability to interview.

If you give them questions up front, you're testing their ability to research and answer questions, not their knowledge.

That's not a bad thing - but assessing their knowledge and experience is valuable too.

Nowhere to put your papers and cup of water. that sort of thing

interview without biscuits...

I also might ask different questions, dependant on what their answers are.

As a freelance Data Engineer I have many interviews, twice I've been asked the most ridiculous question, (one of those times was this week in an interview for an energy company). When they ask me to provide a portfolio of previous work for clients to demonstrate my visual or technical style. The biggest issue is data protection and non-disclosure would make this a huge breach of previous contracts and trust; it indicates the interviewer is a cowboy. The second huge issue, is often the work I produce is limited by the client requiring an outdated look/feel or low ambition technical solution to fit with their business or team preference, rather than it being a best demonstration of my abilities.

Then lastly, good data solutions prevent a developer from extracting meaningful data products as part of the data security and intellectual protection!

I have been to interviews deliberately set up to put you under stress. panel of 3 behind a desk, small chair for you placed in the middle of the room.

I went to an interview once where I had to climb three flight of stairs in a suit in the summer and then immediately opened a door and the panel was directly in front of me. It completely threw me as I assumed I was going to sit outside a room or something.

A long time ago I was interviewed in a large conference room by 4 folk. Two sat each side of the rectangular conference room table with me at the head. Trying to engage with them all in conversation was fun and I ended up twisting my head backwards and forwards like I was watching a game of table tennis. I did wonder if it was tests to so if you started moving furniture around. I found out later it wasn't, they just hadn't even thought about it.

I've just realised that at 58 I've only attended 5 interviews as a candidate and there is a good chance now that I'll never attend another one. In all five cases I was offered the position, which just shows how poor they are as a way of judging a suitable candidate 🙂

interview without biscuits…

Healthcare mate. Biscuits are only for very senior staff waaaaaaay above my grade

Biscuits are only for very senior staff waaaaaaay above my grade

Whereas I had confirmation today that I recruited the *right* person as our new admin. She turned up with biscuits on her first day, adding to the office stockpile. She was shocked to learn that we get free tea, coffee, biscuits and a nice Christmas lunch in a few weeks... 🙂

Providing the questions in advance is not a bad idea, cross-referencing their responses with other questions can weed out anything extra you may need.

We did have a candidate that reminded me of Spud from trainspotting, to be fair they should never have got through short-listing but there's always one. They had an incredibly strong accent and spoke very quickly, and all their examples were very basic / shallow. The odd phrase or word came out every now and then that was discernible but it al felt quite surreal at one pint, a cross between Spud and the Drunk Guy from the Fast Show.

Healthcare mate. Biscuits are only for very senior staff waaaaaaay above my grade

'interview without biscuits' generally means you've ****ed up and are about to get a bollocking.

And behold, a new STW meme was born.

I think the military invented it long before STW or memes existed.

Was interviewing a couple of weeks ago and while having a chat with one interviewee she asked if we'd (2 of us were interviewing) ever used a chocolate finger as a straw.

She then went on to mime the technique, looking like she was giving the desk a blowie!

Weirdest interview I had was for DEFRA during lockdown.

The 'interview panel' consisted of videos of random office management types asking questions which you then had a set time to answer. No opportunity to ask any questions as they were just recordings and only 1 chance to answer without being able to correct yourself or rerecord.

Even worse was that when you were answering all you could see on screen was yourself talking, answering the question.

A very bizarre and frankly horrible interview method.

Surprisingly I didn't get the job (thank god) and I now have a much better and far more rewarding one working at a local university faculty supporting students with learning difficulties and disabilities. I absolutely love it. 🙂

I think the military invented it long before STW or memes existed.

Yeah, I always knew it as a meeting without biscuits but it is a military thing.

@Cougar - where are you based?
Airbus in Newport are looking for a Cyber Security Consultant. Remote working with occasional site visits.

Providing the questions in advance is not a bad idea

I had one which was basically an interview by questionnaire. Hated it. Couldn't clarify questions or read the room. Felt like a really lazy way to interview people; if I'm going to consider working somewhere, I'd like them to invest a bit of time with me up front.

@cougar

Hey, would I have been a successful candidate?

Yes, but then I'd ask you how to generate the specifications and customer requirements for "tea" and then validate the tea making process so it didn't happen again.

@Cougar – where are you based?

At home 😁. Shouldn't matter if I'm working remotely.

I'm in East Lancashire.

Airbus in Newport are looking for a Cyber Security Consultant. Remote working with occasional site visits.

Thanks, sounds interesting. But that would hinge entirely on how they defined "occasional." Twice a week or twice a year could both be considered occasional.

Yes, but then I’d ask you how to generate the specifications and customer requirements for “tea” and then validate the tea making process so it didn’t happen again.

That's the easy bit. I make a great cup of tea. (-:

Isn't this basically Agile Methodology? Iterate through brews and get customer feedback each time until it's perfected. THEN once you've got the customer requirements clearly defined you can worry about making the process robust (script it?) and undertake RCA if it fails after that.

I once went for an interview for a summer job as an 'apprentice' to the Miller at a working water mill at Shugborough.

As the interview progressed it became clear that they were looking for an actual apprentice, as the current Miller was close to retirement and was willing to spend his last few years training someone up to take over his role. The job advertisement had clearly stated it was a temporary position, so it's not like i was ****ing them about. They were asking me, an 18 year old looking for something to do for a few months, if i'd like to devote my life to operating a Georgian water mill. I was, i was told, the only applicant.

Reader, i did not marry them.

I liked to subsequently use it as a jolly story about how even though i was the only person to apply i still didn't get the job, but strangely it is actually one of those 'fork in the road' moments that really 'what ifs' at me.

I was once left alone in a room to with 45min to prepare a ministerial briefing note on a subject I didn't know much about. They gave me a laptop to do it so I just opened up a private browsing tab on chrome, googled it, found suitable templates and content and got through that stage of selection with flying colours.

To those that asked, no, he did not get the job.

@Cougar Yeah, commuting would be a pain and now, thanks to things, it would be less easy to work here as well. Your skills would be in demand here though, any chance you can claim some sort of EU citizenship? Irish grandparents perhaps? Secret Estonian uncle?

Failing that, East Lancs might get you BAE Systems. I think they are still recruiting for cyber.

Having done interviews in my 50s after being made redundant, if I have to find a job again, I will be self employed or just live off my retirement funds (then die in a gutter somewhere!).
I could not go through it again.
Worst one was about an hour and a half from home, pissed with rain all the way there. Came out sunny when I arrived, too early, so I went for a stroll. A van came round a corner, through a puddle and soaked me head to toe, like some sad-sack unlucky Alf character in a sketch show. Oh yes.
So I go to the interview looking more of a mess than I'd have liked and joke about it with the massive prick who turned up to "interview" me. The prick who spent an hour telling me how great he was, how dedicated he was and how shit I was. He offered to train my skills back up to date, unpaid. I think he was the trigger for my depression actually. Good job he lives that far away or I might've paid him a second visit 😡 😆

I had an odd experience interviewing a candidate over teams during lockdown. The candidate joins the meeting at the appropriate time but without her camera turned on. I explained it would be much better for the interview if we could actually see each other while we were talking but she was very reluctant to turn it in still. After a little more discussion she finally agreed to turn the camera on but told me that should would just have to pop away for a few minutes first as she needed to go and get dressed. Unfortunately that was a fairly good indicator as to how the rest of the interview would go.

I left my previous role during lockdown for the role I'm in now. Was a Teams interview - I'd spent the whole morning gardening and rushed upstairs for the call, threw on a smart'ish shirt and got the job. Felt crazy given I was wearing mud stained shorts and stank...

Isn’t this basically Agile Methodology? Iterate through brews and get customer feedback each time until it’s perfected.

I'm glad you don't make landing gear for aeroplanes, keep making them differently until you have decided how many wheels the customer wants that don't fall off.