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This has been bugging me since it happened.
I was in John Lewis cafe earlier today, doing a bit of work on my generic portable device. I am sat near the back of the cafe, with no-one else around apart from a young Asian* girl, about 20-ish sat behind me.
So I am tapping away on the keyboard, and I hear:
"It's only water, now shut your ***ing face"
I turn around, and I see an Asian* guy has joined her. About the same age. smartly dressed. I think it must have been a joke or something.
...but no.
Over the next few minutes....*shut your *ing face"...."you want me to slap you?"...."I'll punch you in the face right here".
I should add, I was about to leave just before this started, but as I was the only one about, I figured I should hang about for a bit just in case he did start lamping her. On the punching the face bit, I just turned round and stared at the guy. Didn't say anything, just stared at him. Not trying to be a tough guy, mind, just didn't really know what else to do.
After this it was:
"Look what you've done, causing people to stare" etc.
Her reaction to this sadly conveyed this was not the first time this has happened, and she had slipped/been forced into the victim role by this *.
Anyway, at this point, I had to book. As to be honest, The threats seemed to have stopped since I kept looking at the prick, and I had resigned myself to the fact no good could come from me intervening. Figured I would give the security a word on my way out just to keep an eye on the situation. As it goes, I couldn't find any, and staff didn't know where they were. So just left my morals at he door, and pissed off.
Now, I've never really been in a situation like this, and it's doing my nut that I didn't do anything more. Even though I know exactly why I didn't, and a million reasons to back this course of action up.
You walk over and punch him in the throat = you're going to have a bad time.
You tell him to stop = you're going to have a bad time
...not to mention whatever you do to him, is probably going to be relayed tenfold on her behind closed doors.
The oddest thing, was this was occurring in the genteel surroundings of JL cafe, and put me right off my Bakewell tart.
I really didn't need this shit on my birthday 🙁 ....I'm off for a pint.
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*I mention this as they were Asian, well ****stani, so they may even have been brother/sister, and she had incurred the wrath of the family somehow. Stand down, Liberals.
Don't really have any helpful suggestions.
But happy birthday!
unless physical violence actually happens dont get involved, or phone police on 101, and if violence starts ring 999.
As above, I don't think there is a winning answer there.
Anyhoo - it's your birthday so get spannered.
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RM.
Was she fit? (answer may change my suggestion of what you should have done)
Happy Birthday
(PS not a lot you can do, really f'ing irritating as thought it is 🙁 )
walk over and 'is he threatening you, shall I call the police?'
Catch 22, Happy B'day.
Just imagine what things would be like for her in private, different culture. Maybe she'll end up cutting his favourite organ off in his sleep.
I would say that you did the right thing. ie tried to find security to keep an eye on it but didn't intervene. A shame that they weren't around. Maybe you could have insisted staff find security and maybe stayed a bit longer until they arrived but I wouldn't criticise you for not doing so.
Intervening would, in my view, only have been necessary if the threat had escalated to a point when violence towards the lady was imminent or perceived as such. You would have been morally correct* to do so and legally allowed as you are entitled to prevent a breach of the peace.
A difficult call and don't beat yourself up on it.
*=my morals - other morals are available.
Rich.
It's certainly a tricky one; it's great to think that intervening could make a change; there is of course the possibility that it would give the victim a fresh perspective and the confidence to leave an abusive relationship (something a kindly policeman once did for me after a psycho ex went on one of her regular tirades) but by the same token, it could just fuel tensions further and have knock on effects behind closed doors.
It's always emotionally draining to be around situations like that, so sharing it to get it off your chest is about the only thing guaranteed to make anyone (you) feel better. Hard to know what any of us would've done in a similar situation, but you've showed your good intentions and that's the main thing.
Happy Birthday and don't let the buggers get you down!!
i once stopped a bloke from hitting his wife outside a local pub by getting him in bear hug.
she preceded to fist me in the side of the head....... 😀
One of those innit as very little you can do at the time that will lead to success a nice outcome /Hollywood ending. At the staring bit i would have said i am satring because of what you have and are doing not what she has done for she has done nothing you bullying **** and then see where it went from there....downhill is my guess.
YMMV but i am not going to listen to that sort of shit in public and in ear shot
FWIW the only time i did this they both turned on me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Happy birthday.
Call the cops
As above, I am always worried that if I put the arsehole down or make them look stupid it will be double portions for the unfortunate partner later on.
Only if punches were being thrown would I intervene.
Pint you say? An Old Perculier will do nicely Happy Birthday and don't brood on it - the look was enough
i once stopped a bloke from hitting his wife outside a local pub by getting him in bear hug.
she preceded to fist me in the side of the head.......
I was fairly sure there would be no fisting coming from her.
Probably why I didn't intervene...wa-heey 🙁
Yeah. The last time I intervened in something like that, the [i]woman [/i]started on me telling me to mind my own effing business. People.
Happy birthday, matey.
[quote=Junkyard ]FWIW the only time i did this they both turned on me
That is the classic result.
Though I have a suspicion Jamie has achieved his aim in starting this thread 😉
I really didn't need this shit on my birthday ....I'm off for a pint.
OMGZ we're birthday buddiez!!1!
er, on topic. Just gotta hope she gets herself out of the relationship somehow. A mate of my Mrs dropped the bombshell that she was leaving her partner by posting photos on Facebook of the bruises he'd given her! Can only guess his life is (rightfully) ****ed now.
Happy Birthday Jamie.
Surprised this happened in a JL cafe too to be honest, but hey not everyone subscribes do they.
Me? I'da left em' to it, but on passing probably said something like " keep your voice down, your disturbing my peace " then told one of JL's many Floor Managers on the way out.
Enjoy your pint Sonny 8)
In these situations ask yourself what would Jesus do?
Difficult choice to make, I think you made the best one under the circumstances. Happy birthday, I'm raising a virtual pint on your behalf! 😀
Done it once. Never again.
Many years ago (think I was about 20 at the time)
I was enjoy a beer or five in one of my regular haunts with a couple of mates. In marches a couple I didn't recognise and they take a table near us.
Within about 15 minutes they erupt into a blazing row. The guy just smacks the girl a full force backhander across the face. Without even thinking I just jumped up and pushed the guy and said "Hey WTF!".
The guy stood up, he had about a foot on me. As my blood ran cold and I though about the pasting I was about to get, the girl came to my rescue. By punching me square in the jaw!
The bouncer's intervened at this point and dragged the pair of them out. The girl screaming something about "leaving her man alone". After they kicked the two of them to the curb they had a good laugh at my expense "You'll no try that again will ye??"
And so to this day I don't get involved
OH and happy birthday
In these situations, ask yourself what would Jesus do?
Probably just sit there biting his nails.
You can say stuff like "no one wants to hear that" etc without getting violent yourself.
Presuming you are in a public place, with CCTV, witnesses, if it does kick off you might be able to sit on him till the filth arrive?
I never know what to do in these situations but it strikes me you can say something without being aggressive (albeit it may be taken in the wrong way).
Within about 15 minutes they erupt into a blazing row
This was all pretty one sided. Akin to someone kicking a puppy.....which, ironically, I would have let loose the dogs of hell on his ass if that had been the case.
Erm...Yo. One time.
Cougar - Moderator
In these situations, ask yourself what would Jesus do?
Probably just sit there biting his nails.
The ones in his hands or feet?
I think you did exactly the right thing!
Happy birthday!
Not sure Jesus has one but surely the standard response these days is to whip out your phone and record it for uploading to YouTube?
That way the teh internetz can track him down and dispense some online justice.
😆 @ ElShalimo - very sharp!
[b]leave it [s]Darren[/s] Ahmed!!!! He's not worth it!!!![/b]
Happy birthday Jamie! 🙂
Jamie the story reminded me of an incident 20 years ago in mozzy coast (a club) in Leicester. I unfortunately couldn't hold back (beer talking and a few influential big lads by my side) and preceded to "get involved" with an Asian couple who were having a ding dong. He did get hold of her and I made my feelings known. What resulted can best be described as a shit storm with all comers getting involved. I do sometimes think its a cultural thing but still find it very hard to accept when a woman is being threatened with violence.
Tough call so don't be too hard on ya self!
Had you done more it could easily have got worse for her. Happy Birthday.
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Whatever that means...
Oh, and in Jamie style:
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Nearly forgot...
OMGZ we're birthday buddiez!!1!
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I have nothing constructive to add.....
A tricky situation, one which alas I too have found myself in far too many times. It's a symptom of the broken society we now live in.
My only advice is that when the "tough guy" walks over to intervene you punch them square on the chin before they've had a chance to ask you to stop swearing at your Mrs. 8)
Fireworks, eh?
Worth it for the guys expression...
My only advice is that when the "tough guy" walks over to intervene you punch them square on the chin before they've had a chance to ask you to stop swearing at your Mrs.
*stifles giggle*
If you get involved, almost universally the women starts having a go at you too.
So you get up, punch him in the throat, hoof her in the slats and ask her to thank you later.
"It's a cultural thing" is no excuse.
Unless someone is getting a pasting it is better not to get involved. Even then it could go badly.
Years ago, I was walking back from the pub with some mates and saw it kicking off up ahead.
When we got closer we saw a guy chinning a woman who was knocked out straight away and smashed her head on the ground.
Another group of guys saw this as well, and we all started to run after the guys who did it. A few seconds later a bmw pulls up and a huge guy jumps out with a large plank of wood, threatening to kick the sh1t out of anyone who comes near. The guys who did it jump in and they all drive off.
The kind of people who will punch a woman full force in the face are extremely unpleasant and could easily jump up and down on your head if you get involved and lose.
Afterwards we found out it was a well known 'family' who were known for violence.
You may end up as the knight in shining armour, or you could potentially end up in hospital.
A friend of my cousins was killed when he tried to intervene in a fight and got stabbed.
Had something similar a few months back and Asian, where they guy was calling her a FFing sxxg
and then went to went to hit her, I jumped in then he started moaning at look what you have done and then went for a bit of wood and I then picked up one too and said OK lets have some fun!
She then started to pull him away and then they was kissing each other and walked off holding hands ?
Just enjoy your Birthday!
Think twice of getting involved mind
Happy birthday, Jamie, and welcome back, JHJ.
Getting in between 2 people rarely works out the way you want it to.
Unless you are prepared to put someone out don't do it. Best bet is effectively what you did; make it apparent you are aware and if possible make it apparent you are speaking to security guard or the police about it.
I'd have had lemon drizzle instead
The day started badly when they'd run out of carrot cake 🙁
On the subject of gifs you could watch all day...
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Advice from professionals is not to intervene, but inform police etc. The woman will often intervene against you because she doesn't want to be punished later for "making" you intervene. Equally she may well suffer retribution later because you stepped in.
It's really tempting to be the knight in shining armour, but if the couple know each other it's not simple.
Asda next time......you'll be the only one not doing it.
For God's sake. The 'woman' was Jamie and the 'aggressor' was Mark. Plus, it was in a Waitrose..free coffee.
Happy Birthday, omnipotent one 🙂
How do you know he can't get an erec................ohhhh 'omni'potent 😳
For God's sake. The 'woman' was Jamie and the 'aggressor' was Mark. Plus, it was in a Waitrose..free coffee
John Lewis free coffee and cake actually. 😡
Jamie - Freeloader!
This was all pretty one sided. Akin to someone kicking a puppy.....which, ironically, I would have let loose the dogs of hell on his ass if that had been the case.
So you are an internet hard man after all....who likes puppies.
So you are an internet hard man after all....who likes puppies.
If that was a manifesto for a particular party leader, I must just get interested in politics.
So you are an internet hard man after all....who likes puppies.
Innit. If this had happenes in an internet chat room, I'd a slapped the punk down with some frowny emoticons.
I'm more worried that hoi polloi like Jamie are being allowed in to John Lewis.
It's the beginning of the end, clearly.
Just do it the way a friend of mine of morally dubious persuasion does it, run up to them from behind and right hook them in the back of the head and then run off.
However, my medical science background tells me this is a bad idea and a good way to end up on a manslaughter charge or worse.
Agree with the comments re the woman turning on the person who intervened, had it happen to me several years ago, came out of a local taxi rank to hear a girl screaming, found her on her hands & knees the big fella has got hold of her be her hair she's bleeding from nose & mouth, her top is torn to shreds & I walk past finding it hard to keep quiet, he looks at me says Do You Want Some, Bingo fuse lit I wade in & he's on the floor, head but seemed to do the trick, she gets up & what a mess this poor girl is, her talons pop out & she's aiming at me, I stand there in disbelief while mate stops her from removing my eye balls,,, eventually she calms down understands what a tool he is, walks away telling him she's finally reporting him to the police & not to come hear, but had mate not stopped her I'd be wearing deep gouges down my face for the rest of my life, now my actions would be walk away but call 999
Jamie - Freeloader!
Nearly forgot...
OMGZ we're birthday buddiez!!1!POSTED 2 HOURS AGO # REPORT-POST
For the record - he's Goose.
I wouldn't have physically intervened, but the guy knew you had picked up what was going on. As I was leaving I would have said "I don't know what is going in in your relationship, but you (looking at the fella) know you are out of order, and you (looking at the girl) don't need to put up with that."
I would then swiftly leave the scene and report my concerns. In Scotland if what you have heard has placed you in fear or alarm, it is a Breach of the Peace. The Police are running a Domestic Violence awareness campaign at the moment, and this ticks all the boxes.
Unfortunately I am seeing an increase in this kind of threatening/controlling behaviour in teenage relationships. Apparently 1 in 5 teenage girls have experienced violence at the hands of their boyfriend. Sad.
As the white guy, your going to get the grand title of *insert minority here* basher so no win, walk off leave em to it.
For the record - he's Goose.
In the back seat, to the rear, as it were?
As the white guy, your going to get the grand title of *insert minority here* basher so no win, walk off leave em to it.
What a load of paranoid nonsense that is.
In the back seat, to the rear, as it were?
No, as in I went on to play Dr Mark Greene in ER.
Now, I've never really been in a situation like this, and it's doing my nut that I didn't do anything more.
To be frank you did a lot more than most people would. Something that perpetuates abusive relationships is it seems to those involved that no one notices - it gives the abuser impunity and it gives the victim the sense that theres nowhere to turn. That little bit of interaction could change things for both parties - you burst the bubble a little bit - its a little bit harder for either of them to feel that whats going on is either normal or OK.
And many happy returns.
On the subject of gifs you could watch all day...
Its not a gif, its a webcam.
As some said above, the woman will often take her partners side with the hope that he will give her the credit for this and not punish her over the incident. It's very easy to judge but unless you have been in an abusive relationship ( where one party, the abuser, is significantly stronger than the other) you cannot imagine the fear that pervades everything.
Jamie you did the right thing. However, the reality is this is probably that couples normality especially since it was being demonstrated so freely. Very sad and distressing situation but you did all you could in the circumstances.
Jamie - Freeloader!
No, as in I went on to play Dr Mark Greene in ER.
Did you get to shag Abby? I can't rember. If you did I hate you.
Mate has a brilliant scar on his bicep where a girl glassed him and basically scooped up a big chunk of his arm when he intervened after her 'man' gave her a pasting in a beer garden.
The only time I've been close to it was with a few mates chatting to a couple of girls when two ne'er do wells came over and rebuked them (using very agricultural language) for daring to have a conversation with any other member of the opposite sex. They all walked off together, with the chaps still robustly chastising their respective ladies, when one of them punched his girl in the face. She dropped like a stone and was out. We started in their direction but (thankfully) a couple of bouncers from the pub across the road had seen it all as well and got there first. And how.
But...
'different culture' and 'broken society' is absolute bobbins.
Also:
zippykona - Member
"It's a cultural thing" is no excuse.
POSTED 5 HOURS AGO # REPORT-POST
it's a load of bobbins anyway, seeing as it's only in the last couple of decades in some parts of the world where some domestic violence has sometimes been treated seriously. just about everywhere else in time and space it's been practically unpunished.