[Closed] Internerd Dating help

meaning it as a compliment

Johnny, if I have one thing well and truly learnt, it's that anything which isn't 100% obviously a compliment can and will be taken the opposite way from how it's intended. Minefield that. 🙂

indeed! I now leave a long pause of thinking time in those situations, works a treat.

There is one in every group of women, and if you don't know which it is, then its you!

Yes but MSP in my list of 4 things, 50% is subjective, meaning I know the rest about myself as fact so it can't be me!

Thanks STM and CG 🙂

Be yourself. You'll attract alot less hits but you wont have mentalist/pointless dates either.

i did this.
it was a good move too.
currently very very happy. there are a hell of a lot of mentalists on the most well-known of the dating sites, but with a bit of patience (and probably luck too) i found my perfect match (pun slightly unavoidable).
my experience seems to have been very like that of satsoma's, but without the living together element so far (it's still early days, but i can see it happening one day though)...

In case you need any reassurance, BD, I have it on good authority from a woman who is single (probably), good looking (in my opinion) and not too mental, that you are not bad looking and good fun for a night out.

So you'll do OK.

Moses, I asked you not to tell him that. You've made me all embarrassed now 😳

Sorry, Stoner.

But it was the way you blushed every time you looked at him that gave it away. I'm sure he noticed anyway.

If single women in their 30's can only have 2 out of 3 of the Following Characteristics

Atractive - Sane - Single

And bikes can only be 2 out of 3

Strong - Light - Cheap

What is the engineering solution?

I got a cheap strong bike and worked on making it lighter. I found a sane attractive girl...

You're overthinking this aren't you?

Perhaps a blowjob?

As a woman with some (not particularly successful!) experience of dating websites, I'd say stick to the truth at all times - you'll get found out if you don't. Don't put up a photo from years ago, as when you meet up they wont recognise you. the things that tend to make me look twice are humour, shared interests, and someone with something different to say. If I read "I like going out with friends, but am also happy chilling on the sofa with a dvd and a glass of wine" one more time I may have to scream 🙂
Other than that, I think its' just pot luck to be honest! I'm beginning to think my luck on these things has possibly deserted me... Or maybe its the "two out of three things" issue?!
Good luck 🙂

[i]Don't put up a photo from years ago, as when you meet up they wont recognise you[/i]

The photo I used last time I did internet dating a couple of years ago was obviously exactly right - met up with some girl in a cafe for the first date. I'm stood in the queue, got a text asking where I was. Told her, she replied to say she was nearly there. 2 mins later she walked in, looked around, saw me and said in a far-too-loud voice "Ooh, you look just like your profile pic!"

😳

Hmm so that'd be *everyone* on the cafe hearing that then...

Perhaps a blowjob?

Well thats very kind of you to offer- perhaps you could post that in the classifieds?

you would probably still haggle over price and then complain that it was not as described

Wow I never realised how many dating experts were on here lol

😆

From what I hear from friends who do this kind of thing, you have to shave at least 7 years off your age, more if you are over 40. It's like telling the doctor how much you drink, if you tell the truth they will double it.

Good luck ! Sounds grim.

When i fancy being in a relationship again i'll look back at this thread for advice 😆

I've just finished re-reading "Gym Girl". 😉

Some sage advice on that thread

bd.............just looked at your picture.....littledummy from me from now on.. 8)

xherbivorex - Member
i did this.
it was a good move too.
currently very very happy......... i found my perfect match (pun slightly unavoidable).

nice to hear that - i seem to remeber a series of posts from you a while ago that were all rather doom and gloom.

[B]a) He had 'normal' pictures but also photos of him mountain biking which was a really good talking point b) He was funny in his messages but wasn't trying too hard c) He remembered all the stuff I said to him and referred to things in later conversations, which showe me that he wasn't getting me mixed up with loads of other girls he was talking to other girls he was talking to d) He took it slowly, messaged me for a few weeks, had a couple of phonecalls and then asked me out on a date. e) He was up front and told the truth! Very important...if you lie about yourself on a dating site, you WILL get found out eventually.[/b]

Text book stuff for the seasoned internet dater, shows good info management skills, guile and the ability to delete all txt and email history 😉

Rocketdog, that's evil. And I'm sure it's not true. 😉

Tuesday morning update. My fetching photograph, honest but witty profile and some friendly and charming ice-breaking messages garnered a single, concise verdict:

"[b]your[/b] (sic) [b]funny[/b]"

If the internet is filled with attractive, sane single women who can use apostrophes correctly, they have not made contact. 🙂

I my experience BD the females of the type you'll want to chat to won't make first contact as they don't want to be seen as too eager, plus they love to be chased so you have to do the work, those that contact you first. Well you can draw your own conclusions.

Before I found someone I liked I became a bit addicted to "the first date" I loved the thrill and you tend to say the same lines so get very skilled at it. It was a game I played loads of times, I'm not proud of it but it was fun but in the long run unforfilling. Sorry to satsoma that was a bit cruel and i'm sure her chap is a top guy, I was just basing the comment in personal experience

[i]"your (sic) funny"[/i]

Did she elaborate on whether you were funny ha ha or funny weird? 😉

I think you need to change your maxim to

single, sane, fit, is as anal about grammatical errors as me
pick two

This may make things slightly more tricky for you particularly if your going to use email as your main method of communication to begin with.

Although as you point out your be able to rule out those who failed English Language much more quickly than you would in a bar.

Sorry to satsoma that was a bit cruel and i'm sure her chap is a top guy, I was just basing the comment in personal experience

No problem, I can take a joke 🙂

dont know much about internet dating but my brother (who is a slag of royal proportions) gave me some tips a few years back which helped me no end. these are tips for the first few dates etc after which there is no point in doing anything except being yourself or you'll end up with a girl who likes your alter ego not you.
1. try not to talk about yourself, steer the conversation around to be about the girl your talking to.
2. remember everything they say about themselves eg names of siblings/friends /parents etc
4. be quietly confident, especially around other men (this is why girls like bad boys apparently) but don't come across as cocky
3. don't show off about money/cars/bikes/houses that you own, be vague but with a knowing smile if questioned on this front
4. text message them more then you think is necessary
5. dont try to be funny, but find them hilarious
not sure if this is helpful for internet dating but it worked great for me in real life.

Put this in your profile... 😈 😀

All You who Sleep Tonight - Vikram Seth

[i]All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above -

Know that you aren't alone
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.[/i]

I think he wrote it before teh internets.

so can we have a linky to your profile, so that we can point it out to all our attractive, single, sane female friends?

[i]so can we have a linky to your profile, so that we can [s]point it out to all our attractive, single, sane female friends[/s] [b]mock it ruthlessly[/b][/i]

Fixed. 😉

Can't be bothered to read all that stuff - but you should listen to me as I met my wife via the Guardian singles pages 10 years ago. We've been married for 7 years, have 2 kids, no plans to divorce and last weekend she won a bike race.

I have to say when I started using the singles page it was with a view to finding a partner rather than a fling, so if you're in that position, here's my advice:

Firstly, answering ads is a waste of time. You will be one of many and may not even get beyond the first hurdle of meeting. Whereas if you place the ad you will get some responses, and probably from someone who has thought about what they want.

Secondly, be brutally honest in your ad. Can't remember mine exactly, but it was something along the lines of:

"I'm doing up a house and I go biking, windsurfing and do other sports a lot, so I don't have loads of time. I'm looking for someone who is fit and outdoorsy and who can get by without access to a hairdryer at the weekends"

You will still get some responses along the lines of:

"I love mountain biking but I got a puncture 3 months ago so haven't been lately. Maybe you can fix it for me."

Ignore these.

If you are lucky you will get a response from someone who sounds genuinely interesting.

My wife's response included the information that she had recently taken a year out to cycle to China.

When you meet, hopefully you will immediately fancy the woman in question. If you don't then probably best not to meet again, rather than relying on the fact that you fancy her once you're pi$$ed. If you do fancy her, explore some fundamental issues such as politics, religion etc early on and see if any of those things are going to scupper you. Also if you have an agenda such as kids, don't hang around before mentioning that - I went out with a gorgeous girl I met via the Guardian a few times before, apropos of nothing she said "I just want to say I don't ever want kids" At the time I'd not even thought about that, but as soon as she said it I thought "sh1t" - so if that is on your agenda, don't go too far down the line before you mention it.

I guess in short, I am saying that it's best to be honest from the off rather than disappointing (or disappointed) later.

But it can work, so just get on with it.

[i]Don't[/i] use a picture of your nineteen year old self...

[img] [/img]
...especially if you improve with age. 8)

[img] [/img]

(Seriously, rprt says it all - what are you waiting for? GO!)

Add "must be able to punctuate properly" to your list of wants/needs. Obviously...

Really, make a tick list*, make sure you use it on the date.

*Girls love this sort of thing.

PS
Postie was asking after you...

You may also want to remove the words "testicle cuffs" from the likes in your profile page.

I'm not going to get too hung up on grammar and punctuation, but if the [i]only thing you know about someone[/i] is that they haven't mastered it then, well...

It'd be like if we managed to detect a signal from an advanced extra-terrestrial civilisation, and their message said "Music of Simply Red Very Good Is". Would we send a manned mission to their planet? Would we bollocks. Unless they sent us the secret of eternal life and some pictures of their oozy tentacles first. 😀

BigDummy - Member

I'm not going to get too hung up on grammar and punctuation

I disagree. You have to sell yourself so you need to make a decent job of it so that means checking and re-checking. Obviously this is not a strong point for some folk but they should ask a friend to check over your profile and give their opinion.

Same goes for a decent pic - get a friend to take some, put on some decent clothes, brush your hair, floss your teeth etc.

I wish you good luck. 🙂

Oh, [i]my[/i] profile is beautifully punctuated. I'm just willing to cut other people a little slack. I afterall do not regularly wax my scrotum or own an Audi TT, so it's only fair to let other people drop the odd grammatical howler without ruling them out of consideration. 🙂

And thanks. 🙂

Don't talk about your 'big dummy'. I'm guessing that even some experienced lady cyclists haven't heard of one, let alone 99% of the female population of a certain age.

Oh and don't be afraid of the slightly (cough)older woman. I'm older than mr. bunnyhop and it has never caused any problems ( well known to me anyway).

Don't talk about your 'big dummy'.

Depends what sort of sites BD's signed up for... 😉

Actually, BD, me and your bro know some cycling ladies who might fit the bill. In fact, he's stalking one quite heavily.

I'm older than mr. bunnyhop and it has never caused any problems ( well known to me anyway).

The newspaper said it'll kill you. No really, they did, it was in the papers the other day. Next week it'll extend your life though.

Isn't internet dating a bit like salsa classes? In as much as you sign up hoping to meet all sorts of sprightly, eager women and end up rubbing up against a load of sweaty middle aged men with exactly the same idea. 🙂

I dread to imagine what the ratio is. Although it's possible that most sweaty middle aged men in my position are watching dwarf porn and tugging themselves raw into vaseline-filled socks rather than joining dating sites, so you never know. 🙂

my mate reckons they are about 10:1 male to female. Not sure what sites he is referring to as I declined to ask.

I'd cut out the middleman and get on Gaydar if I were you. 😉

10:1 Probably right judging by what female friends who've been on them say.

Which begs the question... where do single women actually look for love?

Pubs and clubs are sausage fests, the net is full of filthy old men, where are the women??

Which begs the question... where do single women actually look for love?

Pubs and clubs are sausage fests, the net is full of filthy old men, where are the women??

Well, I fall into the category with the current highest divorce rate (over 50). All I can say is that judging by the quality of responses that are soiling my inbox, it's probably easier not to bother!

Seriously, I can get to spend more time with my beloved bikes rather than some bloke saying "you love your bikes more than me". Been there, done that. 🙄

soiling my inbox

s**** 😯

>watching dwarf porn and tugging themselves raw into vaseline-filled socks

You mean you're not ? 😯

FREAK!

I dunno about proportions, but a female "friend of a friend" who has registered with an encounter site (i.e. sex rather than relationships) says she gets about a dozen propositions a day. Which I guess keeps her busy.

M

CG I totally appreciate your last sentance (if you swap bloke for bird) but I still have a nagging need to err.. ensure my lineage, preferably with a half decent looking, sane woman, who can at least tolerate a cycling obsession.

Who says romance is dead!?

Fit, Sane, Single.
I am so utterly utterly badgered if me and OH ever split up. So badgered.

OP, I'd suggest saying something like you ride clipped in but I'm not sure most women would get the joke. Which is the thing, really, do you want a biking/outdoors type? If so, a pic of you on a mountain or riding your bike will attract those sorts of people.

I think there are lots of divorced blokes about, who have naff all but a Ford Mondeo, a rented flat and a few bad habits to their name. The divorced women tend to have a house and sorted themselves out through necessity.

When it comes to finding a bloke, I suspect a lot of women realise it's going to be near impossible to find someone one something like an equal footing in life.

BigDummy - Member

I dread to imagine what the ratio is. Although it's possible that most sweaty middle aged men in my position are watching dwarf porn and tugging themselves raw into vaseline-filled socks rather than joining dating sites, so you never know.

TBH BigDummy, from your previous posts i'd have had you down as one of those you describe. although, possibly dolphin porn. not sure. don't want to delve too deep.

I cant offer any advice on the dating scene. I asked a girl if i could carry her books home when i was 15 and havent been without her since (18yrs)

I do however take great interest in my wifes friends at work 😉 There are a few that fit the 30+ catagory and single. One is particularly interesting. Attractive, fit (Played football quite seriously), funny, well paid etc etc. All the things i would look for myself. But she has been single for about 3yrs.

Before that it was a few blokes from time to time but always someone with a flash car etc etc. Nothing run of the mill.

Anyhow the reason i bring this up is because she has suddenly admitted to being in a relationship with a guy from their work. This guy is mr plain. He is 35 and has a bloody hair implant ffs. Totally bornign and even if i do say so myself, not exactly good looking.

My wife asked how she ended up going out with him and she admitted that although he doesnt 'float her boat' he is really nice, cooks for her, is always nice to her and......yep is really nice. She knows he isnt mega wealthy or gonna be playing football with her but he asked and has been nice to her so far.

My advice is, have the balls to ask and be nice. Your personality will take over from there and if it was meant to be it will work

TheSouthernYeti - I would keep quiet about your obsession!! Definitely the sort of thing to get the ladies worried.

tron - I accept that can happen when young children are involved. But I just wonder whether people can't be ar$ed with the whole process.

thomthumb - yes, that is how it feels! I look at their profile and think "why would I want to meet you?". But then again I kid myself I'm a classy lady as well as top totty. 😉

hate to break this to you BD, but as of today i am now officially not married, things will get more difficult for you i guess 😉

Well I have not read everything, but from all your posting it seems to me that you have genuine human qualities, some humour and are a rather educated and intelligent bloke. So it shouldn't be too hard for you to find someone.
As for dating web site. The So and I met on a website to meet people that label itself as a non dating website (hum). We both had some fairly empty profile. Just with plenty of pictures. Then you use the website messenger, you use your private messenger and then you meet up.
It's a bit like chatting to a girl in a pub, you first chat with her because you like what you see, then make a few comment, get a drink to chat a little more then get a phone number and a date.
Don't get too stressed about the profile. To be blunt with you, it's mostly on look. Just make sure you have several nice and quite recent pictures of you.
You can mail me if you want.
HTH

Internet dating is like selling a car. Your profile is the advert to get someone interested in getting in touch. Email/text/phone is convincing them to come along on a date (view the car) to ask details about it's owners, service history and performance. If you're lucky they may take the car for a test drive and decide to keep it for a while before trading it in for a different model when it starts to show it's age and/or is replaced by a shinier model.

That is pretty cynical DaveGr 😯

I suspect a lot of women realise it's going to be near impossible to find someone one something like an equal footing in life.

Internet dating is like selling a car

Do you need to post pics? If I were to use a dating service again I'd go with an ad in the Guardian SoulMates section. Does that need a picture these days? When I used it it was just a recorded message.

Personally I'd prefer not to have pics prior to meeting, but then I didn't want to know the gender of our babies either, so maybe it's just in my nature to like surprises. I'm pretty sure that asking to meet women who are fit and outdoorsy is probably sufficient to turn up a few nice looking ones.

Of course you have to post pics! I need to get across my 'foxy lady' image. 😉 Would not consider meeting anyone unless I had seen a pic.

I need to see that they have brushed their hair, shaved, made a bit of an effort. 🙄

Edit: some of these older blokes have no bl**dy idea. Their name is down for the old folks home or with the cardiac surgeon cos all they want to do is cook/eat in restaurants!

shaved

Back, sack and crack? 😯

Auntie C-G, you have too high an opinion of men.

Restaurants = get you drunk without you noticing
Cooking for you = you won't taste the Rohypnol

[b]Wanted[/b]

Good women to cook, wash lycra and make cakes. Must be good in bed and have a niche bike. (Singlespeed a bonus)

Own teeth not important, please send photo of bike

zokes - slow down. 🙄

Moses - are you insinuating that I'm being cynical about men? You're right!

Tiger - this is the 21st century, catch up mate. 🙄

And why is a singlespeed a bonus?

l do not regularly wax my scrotum or own an Audi TT

I would also add the caveat "Sorry I am currently unable to send money to Eastern Europe and now have a tremendous fear of the Minsk accent."

That probably lowers your odds, but will save you time...

Wanted

Good women to cook, wash lycra and make cakes. Must be good in bed and have a niche bike. (Singlespeed a bonus)

Own teeth not important, please send photo of bike

The whole premise is that the gentleman is more interested in his hobby than the women in question. It's a very poor attempt at humour and in no way should be taken seriously.

The singlespeed is a reference to the fact that niche bike snobbery is alive and well on STW.

21st century [i]darling[/i] but we still have to explain the jokes 😉

Silly me! Women aren't supposed to have hobbies but, seeing as you've asked, my singlespeed is an Inbred 853 steel. 🙄

Actually I can accept that I'm weird ... and that's why I can't be ar$ed any more!

Silly me! Women aren't supposed to have hobbies

but, seeing as you've asked,

my singlespeed is an Inbred 853 steel.

Actually I can accept that I'm weird ... and that's why I can't be ar$ed any more!

I merely made a bad joke (and a tongue in cheeky one) and totally unprovoked was told to get with the program with rolly eyes, now I can accept being told to get with it but rolly eyes well that just taking the biscuit..

Women ... don't you just love us? 😉

Women - can't live with them, can't bury them under the patio

So - are Cinnamon girl and Big Dummy going to get together? We could have our very own soap opera going on.

[i]echo bunnyhop[/i]

that's a band, isn't it?

TJ - I can't believe what you wrote!

The last place I would look for a real man would be a hobby forum populated by middle-aged, middle-class IT slackers who drive Audi's very badly and spout bollox all day. 😯

But CG - bigdummy is one of the better one on here surely? 🙂

Go on - we need a bit of romance on the forum.

I was going to offer the key to my brand new combine harvester, but I'm not so sure now.

Thanks for that TJ. I particularly love it when people arrange unsolicited knock-backs for me. 😀

Sorry BD 😳