[Closed] In-law staying over for 6mos .. Yay or Nay?

Managed my folks over for 10 days over christmas, was a bit too long....

Is 6mos 6 months???
That is way too long.

I would insist they get a hotel or something- that would drive me batshit mental.

6 days is just about manageable, but I wouldn't fancy any longer.

Maybe tell them you have contracted some terrible contagious disease?

Be polite,smile,give them the print out of the numbers for homeless shelters you got off the internet.
Wish them luck with their quest for a bed.
You can give them the other option that they pay the mortgage,bills (electric,gas,etc), all food, cooking and cleaning while they stay. There should be a sub clause that any disagreement or rowing means instant eviction.

Father in law not around any more?
In which case you are a wonderful, kind and compassionate human being opening your house to your mother in law for 6 months. Remember she won't be around forever either. If she starts insisting you watch coronation street though, where's that bike.....

no, no, and no. there will be resentment. there will be annoyance.

do you have a garage to hide in?

It's not really one for the masses to answer. Only you know what you want, and how your wife (and her mum) will act if you say you don't want her mother there.

We live in S.E Asia and have had my parents and my wife's mother come over. Usually for about 4 weeks at a time. Although they're all easy and lovely, after 3 weeks, you do long for a little space - that's what bike rides are for though!

Do you have kids, OP?

Yes gladly. Why not?

Heck no! my folks stayed with us for 6 months when dad cocked up entry/exit dates of houses they bought and sold. If there was a next time I would rather pay them to say in a short term let place than live here.

I've done 5mo with father in law. It's gone pretty well. Looking forward to moving out though, it wasn't really supposed to be this long but house buying has dragged on. We've previously had holidays of up to a month together (also my wife and I with my parents).

'I have no idea how to deal with old people or how they behave'

Now's your chance to find out 🙂 You may also consider meeting and (even momentarily) engaging with a selection of older people. They don't all smell of wee and have dementia, but they do all enjoy a Werthers. Word!

I agree with hora. This is your family. Why not? If we won't be put out for our families, it doesn't say much about us.

Treat how you want to be treated. If you treat others like this then it'll be obvious to others. When it comes to be your time to be old you'll be sat infront of a gas fire moaning about the odd email or call from your children who emigrated/too busy/friends who cut those they didnt deem closest enough when in need etc.

Plus if its an in law its your partners parent. I gracefully put up with over a decade of casual racism from my MiL as my other half loves her unconditionally. We aint 14 anymore.

I have no idea how to deal with old people or how they behave'

They behave just like humans so that's the best way to deal with them.

Pump em full of drugs and shove them in front of a TV. Works for care homes.

Hora and Drac have it right, I reckon. Treat people as you would like to be treated, were you in their place.
Anyway, she's probably only my age......

If they're going to wander off periodically to explore the UK/Europe then all good but 6-months would drive me mental. Depends how they are as house guests though; some people are pretty difficult to live with and if they don't compromise it's going to be a nightmare.

I could happily have my mil to stay for 6 months. Father in law would be hard work though.

Its not that I resent old people, I just have no idea what to be around them. Mum died when I was young and Dad marry another and kicked me out of the house, grandparents not helping either as I was a Menace//PITA back then.. So I literally grew up on my own with same age friends in the streets.

For once my thinking kinda bit like Hora in this particullar situation, got a kid now and want to show her how to treat an old folks .. But then again half a year of me living in the guest room 😐 , anyways, thanks guys for the replies, guess will have to put up with it.

To satisfy my curiosity - how old is this "old person" anyway??

6 months for [i]you[/i] in the guest room?

Around 63-65.. But not used to active life . The sort that just sits in the sofa and watch soap tv thingy all day or sleep.. This is bit of stereotype. But all I know to be honest, sorry.

This is your family

It's someone else's family.

"Can my mum stay for a few days" seems perfectly reasonable to me. Six months is taking the piss IMO.

At the very least I'd be expecting her to pay board. If she can afford to go on holiday for six months, she can afford to pay her way; right now I'm trying to work out whether I can afford to go on holiday for six days. In the country I live in. In a tent.

Is she fit?

half a year of me living in the guest room

Wait, what?

Because the guest room is in the 2nd floor, other half said due to her fitness its better she will stay in the masters as it has ensuite (shower/toilet) and its just in the 1st floor next to the living room and the occasional climbing stairs from kitchen in groundfloor would not be too much.

Im not that bothered i think? Just dawned on me 6mos is literally half a year 😯 , now i will drag my feet to go to Range to buy some shower curtain to fix the bath so I can do my shower there for the next 6mos 🙁

Roll with it.

We moved in with my folks, it was going to be a year while we converted one of their buildings into a granny-annex for them, and we got their place.

After 3 months they moved out into a small cottage about 50 yds away - guess they couldn't live with young folk 🙂

the occasional climbing stairs from kitchen in groundfloor would not be too much.

What?? - shes "63-65" for ****s sake, not 95. My Mum is 97 and even she can still occasionally climb stairs.
I'll retract what I said before if you're expected to move out of your bedroom for somebody who's only my age. Tell her it's the spare room or nothing 😈

Who the hell goes on a six month holiday to a foreign country when they can't climb stairs?

And, she can spend six months in a house where she can happily climb one flight of stairs to get to the bedroom, but not two? Suggest that, due to her fitness, she stays somewhere with a bloody lift.

This is turning into a Little Britain sketch. How long have you been married, out of interest?

Fantastic moment for your son or daughter to bond/get to know the grandparent!

You can also have a night out whilst your grandparent looks after him/her.

Look at the positives- you WILL have arguments but these help smooth the ripples out to become a harmony. DONT bitch about your in law to your other half at ANY point. Talk.

I think this is great- days out, babysitting/bonding duty etc etc.

So what if your in law likes watching tv? At 65 not all of us want to be running up a hill. I know a girl at work who is 34 and doesn't do any form of exercise. Her choice, her life. Who am I to cast judgement because I ride a bicycle (well push it up hills).

Thanks AndyR exactly my point, told the other half that if you treat her like a very old woman then she will believed it and act like so. I suggest that she broke her out of her ways sitting and watching soap tv thingy or sleeping all day and walk a mile or two everyday maybe more on the weekends.. But hey ho, i dont know how this thing works.

Shes kinda a Professor physics /chem something like that ..with the GCSE coming guess can help with the kid.. Well this was my thoughts.

There you go, problem solved. She can stay with Hora.

She can stay with Hora.

Can she cook good Chinese? 8)

OP - like you I didn't know my grandparents. Both my Grand Dads got it in WWII and tore up our family onwards from this. I knew my Great Grandfather as a kid and was close but he died way too soon for me to get more quality time with him 🙁

Going forward I want this rectified with spawn of hora.

Racist.

There you go, problem solved. She can stay with Hora.

My parents wouldn't think it appropriate to ask to stay for anything like that long. My in-laws are in China and there has been the thought that if they came over they'd want to stay for quite a few weeks. Not keen as the MiL is a pain - really fussy about food for one, no interest in eating anything other than what she normally eats.

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*coughs*INHERITANCE*coughs*

Thanks AndyR exactly my point, told the other half that if you treat her like a very old woman then she will believed it and act like so. I suggest that she broke her out of her ways sitting and watching soap tv thingy or sleeping all day and walk a mile or two everyday maybe more on the weekends..

See, right there, already underlying resentment.... imagine that resentment after 6 months 😯 It a no from me

My only trouble really is I dont have a clue how to live/deal with people in their golden years.. And dont want to offend them as she is in her holiday in the first place... Very unchartered territory.. As i am very used to live on my own. Guess those bit that have been mentioned is only temporary and I can live with, definition of being a family I believe..... , shortly it will be autumn/winter soon and I am back to my old life 🙂

Six months isn't a holiday. It's an occupation. 🙂

is only temporary

Chinny reckon.

shortly it will be autumn/winter soon and I am back to my old life

Are you deciduous or something?

My only trouble really is I dont have a clue how to live/deal with people in their golden years.

No different from anyone else, is my answer - there are as many 65 year old assholes as there are 35 year old assholes (or maybe not?)
Anyway - what's this "golden years" stuff? "Golden Years" as in David Bowie? - he's older than your MiL BTW.

he's older than your MiL BTW.

And can probably still climb stairs.

What does 'due to her fitness' actually mean, anyway? She's not ill or infirm presumably, you didn't say 'due to her health'. Probably do her good to climb a few stairs, then. Enter her into the London marathon and get her a gym membership, soon sort that out.

Just dawned on me 6mos is literally half a year

Every day's a school day on STW.

I've had my MiL stay for that long, as long as she's occupied it's not actually that bad. Which is a problem where we live now, there's not a lot to do during the day. (Our old flat was a lot better in this regard: it was close to the shops, the church, etc.)

There's no way I'd be in the spare room for 6 months, though - unless she's genuinely disabled there's no reason she can't climb an extra flight of stairs every now and then. And get a TV for her room to encourage her to stay there 😈

Think back to 6 months ago, seems like yesterday no?

It will soon fly by. Enjoy the spare room 🙂

As above, everyone's the same, treat as you would treat anyone else.

Also fair point about the stairs- the more stairs she climbs now the longer shell be able to climb them at all. Sounds like it's the only exercise she gets, so you'll be doing her a favour!

People are always banging on about the life-extending properties of extreme diets, when the reality is that your miserable existence just makes every moment feel like a lifetime.

A similar principle applies here - this could be longest six months of your life. Savour it!

6 months! I 'm afraid theres only one way that would end…..

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Shes coming over for a holiday for roughly 6mos

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

No, no, no, no. Family are like fish, lovely but go off after about a week.

Just to show that I don't always practice what I preach re. tolerance and patience etc. - last year my in-laws (85 and 81) came to stay, just for two weeks, with my wife and me in our small house in Greece.

And it was bloody hard work - too hot, nowhere "comfortable" to sit (ie no horrible leather reclining LazeeBoy chairs), too many mosquitos, too many stairs, only one WC and shower, no satellite TV (so no British soaps then), "nothing to do" in our very small village but didn't want to travel anywhere in a car either. To be fair, my MiL wasn't too bad (and probably enjoyed the experience) but my FiL probably couldn't wait to get back home.
At one point my wife commented to me that "all they seem to want to do is eat, sleep and shit" - she wasn't far off the mark, to be honest.

We have an elderly Greek couple as neighbours who are about the same ages as my in-laws (well, maybe slightly older) and Dimitris used to refer to them as "the old people"......

Karen and I found that a large ouzo or two at lunchtime helped to make us more tolerant.

Two weeks is a long time for some. We stayed in a tiny village in Kefalonia. It was beautiful, wild and quiet. Too quiet for me. After playing in the sea, laying restlessly on the beach and riding umpteen motorbikes around the island I couldn't wait for the day to leave. Just bored rigid.

Two weeks is a long time for some. We stayed in a tiny village in Kefalonia. It was beautiful, wild and quiet. Too quiet for me. After playing in the sea, laying restlessly on the beach and riding umpteen motorbikes around the island I couldn't wait for the day to leave. Just bored rigid.

As above, everyone's the same, treat as you would treat anyone else.

Absolutely.

So with that in mind, I'm coming to stay with you for six months. I'll be needing your bedroom. Get the kettle on.

So you might well be having two cougars staying with you......