[Closed] I'm going to be a dad. Help!

My partner is due in < 2 weeks. I have done no planning. Not a baby person, do not like kids, just going to deal with situations as they occur. No point trying to prepare for everything just be flexible. Some really stupid people have babies and they manage fine.

Most books are bullshit. Talk to family if you can. You'll be fine, might take a while I was expecting a bolt of lightening or something when kid was born, it never happend. Then a few months down the line you suddenly realise you'd jump underca bus gladly for this thing. Its great dontvworry, enjoy it.

^ that

I know this might not sound helpful, but try not to worry about reading stuff now. For every piece of info you'll read, there'll be 10 other conflicting things out there just to confuse you. We've been given directly conflicting advice from midwives, gp's, health visitors and nurses all from the same surgery!!

This isn't meant to worry you, my point is that you will just work it out for yourself and get the advice as when you need it (Singletrack Dadsnet gave me some tips!)

Whatever a particular book says about what to expect, it will not take into account that this is your baby and your baby has not read the book and is different from all other babies, just like mine is!

After 14 weeks, it's still hard work (really hard) but there's been great times and more great stuff to come. She's never consistent, behaving differently every day, but she's healthy, happy (mostly!) and growing and that's what matters.

P.S our essential items : automatic bouncy chair, robopax pram rocker, Thule Chariot pram for off road pushes, Tommy tippee bottle prep machine (people will scoff but removing the thought from preparing bottles is well worth the £60)

You'll do fine.

Only bits of advice I'd offer are:

1) Don't take any advice. Do your own thing, you'll almost certainly not make a mess of it. Advice will be conflicting and just confuse you.

2) Remember the 10 minute rule. When baby is crying incessantly and you're at your wits end. Put him/her down in his/her cot and walk away. They'll be fine. Have 10 minutes to yourself. If they're still crying after that, go back and calm them. Repeat as required. Children are extremely resilient. Parents probably less so. You are more likely to break than the baby. I can fully understand why babies are shaken. Not through lack of love for them, but because parents don't recognise when they need to walk away.

For me three kids has been the best thing ever. 19, 17 and 15 now and the time has flown by.

Enjoy and congratulations.

Rich.

Some really stupid people have babies and they manage fine.

Well some do but the important point here is that a lot don't.

There is nothing I've done or experienced in my life that even comes close to joy and importance of being a father but it's also by the far the hardest thing I've ever done. You learn a lot about yourself in a very short space of time. You can't prepare for that but it does help when other people around you acknowledge that it is hard and that sometimes you feel you come up short.

My little invaluable tips would inlcude the following:

Take as much time as you possible can off work. You can now take up to six month shared parental leave and you really should take advantage of that assuming you can afford it. If nothing else, take at least the first two to three weeks off.

Whatever your partner decides to do with feeding, opting for a bottle feed at some point during the night will do two things. First it will give your partner much needed sleep and respite. Second, it will accelerate your bonding with your child, well it did with me. Those feeding moments were such a joy.

Take as much help as you can from everyone around you but hold it all off for the first week or so. It really worked for us that we had just the three of us at home for the first two weeks. Everyone is different of course.

Take lots and lots of pictures. They change so fast that a few months down the line you completely forget just how small they were.

Good luck - it's a joy and so rewarding.

Congratulations. You are about to embark on the most exhausting, expensive and chaotic journey life can throw at you, but the most rewarding and amazing! I agree with the above, there is no instruction manual, don't be sucked into any of the books out there, every baby is different and unfortunately there is no way around it, you as parents have to find your way through and find your own path, there are no short cuts unfortunately. Don't let your wife be bullied into doing anything that she doesn't want to do or doesn't feel like is right for her or baby - mothers instincts are almost always correct, and she is as important as the baby, and fathers should take a back seat and put mother and baby first. There is only one piece of advice I would offer - never wake a sleeping baby.

One thing a midwife said to us just before our first was born stayed with me and through the birth and first 12 to 18 months of their life. She said that baby will thrive despite us and not because of us. And never have truer words been said - you will make mistakes. Often, but baby will be fine, you just need to accept you will make mistakes and not let that make you feel like you're doing a crap job.

Good luck!

Firstly, massive congrats to you and mrssteelfan. Being a dad is the most enjoyable and satisfying thing I have ever done. I never even knew that emotion this strong existed. My boy is 2 1/2 now and I have loved every minute of it.
As for books; a friend of mine wrote a half decent one from a dads point of view (i.e; completely practical)
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Commando-Dad-Elite-Carer-Birth/dp/1849532613

Start stockpiling baby wipes and nappies now.

My first is due September. It's normal to feel a bit apprehensive, its a big life change.

I've been reading The Expectant Dad's Handbook, by far the best book I've been handed so far.

I'm looking forward to meeting my little one, she's going to be ace 😀

Keep riding your bike our you'll go mental. Good luck and congratulations!

If you are not all ready,get fit,it will help.
We had kids before people went to the internet for answers,so it helped that our NCT group were thee most lovely and supportive crowd. We were all in it together (no family near by)with our first kids,so shared all the ups,downs,while trying to muddle through.Now more than 20 yrs later we are still in touch with lots of them.
Hope everything goes well and ..DON'T PANIC! 🙂

Congrats. 14 months in now and my boy is a lot of fun. Challenging at times but a great laugh. I found the first 7 months very hard. Had no more than 4 hours sleep broken into a couple of hours here and there. Nearly broke me. Nearly walked out nearly got fired etc... then he started sleeping. Everything is easier when you have soon sleep!

Hopefully you have some friends and family close by to support you. As above take as much time off as possible. I'd also consider looking at your job if it is long hours stressful or a long commute it will make things very tough.

Also however bad you feel, the wife is worse!

Sounds doom and gloom but it isn't that phase ends and like I said I love him to bits. So much I want a second, with a view that I'll just write off the first 6 months...

Looking forward to taking him round my local woods at lunch today!

As others have said, it can't be that hard. But sometimes it feels it...

I'm not that much older than you, but my 3 are at an age were we're expecting a 'grand child' call, so tbh rather you than me.

Only advice, make sure your wife stops work as soon as she can. And if financially you can manage, one of you doesn't work until it's school age.

When I had mine, even the day they were born had to be taken as holiday from work, no paternity then.

Congratulations. It's a big change but a good one. Difficult but rewarding.

To use a bike analogy there's lots of uphill struggle but plenty of rewarding joy as well.

You'll work out all the practicalities in your own way. People's advise is always full of nostalgia as we all tend to forget the sleepless nights and worry and remember the good bits.

Having said that the I've got some advise for you...do as much as you can. Dont take a back seat and let your wife do it all. The more you get involved the more you'll get out of it. Support your wife as much as you can and try not to get into arguments about who's doing more or who got up last time. Do the chores and general try to be helpful. A happy mum makes a happy child. Most of all though take time to enjoy it and be there for your kid. It goes very quickly and they will soon be grumpy teenagers.

Like everyone else says, stop reading stuff. To start with at least, kids are simple - feed one end, clean the other end, get it the right injections at the right time. Do all that and it'll be fine.

It's very tempting (and I say this as someone who likes buying the right workshop tool for anything) to be a stereotypical bloke and read all the manuals as if that's the way to understand a baby as if it's a car. Also tempting to go buy lots of stuff. Try to resist both impulses.

Look after yourself and each other, that's the most important part.

Oh and do baby signing with them. It works and you'll love it when the point at a doggie and do the sign. Monkey still makes me laugh every time.

I'm sat here reading this thread having been up most of the night with a new born. I'm now watching our 2 yr old arrange a hedgehog tea party (did you know that hedgehogs eat toast and chillis for breakfast?).

As others have said - it's the hardest but best thing you'll do. The first four months are the hardest but just remember it does get easier!

Oh and I agree completely with ignoring the Internet, books and well wishers - find what works for you!

Good luck 😀

Now have an 8mth old (at 44) with wife no.2. Have 10yr and 8yr old with ex-wife. I'd forgotten how tiring, stretching, yet amazing having a newborn is. I agree with a lot of the advice above. Understand that you will experience tiredness the like of which you have never experienced before. There will be times of great frustration. You and the missus are probably going to disagree at times as you will be having to make lots 9f decisions when very tired. This is normal and you will get through it. On the plus s8de this little miracle will appear and things like the first smile, the first laugh, the way you see their little personality developing are truly magical. It's a crazy adventure, it will stretch you but you'll get so much out of it.
One piece of advice, try to get the baby into a routine - certainly by 5-6 months of feeding and sleeping at consistent times. Helps enormously. But don't be a slave to the routine. And remember you're their dad, not their best mate. From time to time you need to assert your authority. Reward good behaviour and enforce consequences for bad. Do that and you'll be reet..
Good luck and enjoy!

Never be more than 3' from a muslin cloth.
Buy them in packs of 12 from mothercare.
You're welcome.

Babies are ace

It can be tough at first

Some good advice up there
There's always lots of that to be had, family nearby can be very useful, if not then nct can be good for some support.
There's an awful lot of pressure on mums to have the perfect pregnancy, the perfect birth, breastfeeding etc etc
Most of which is rubbish, biologicaly many things can be out of your control, so strap in and enjoy the ride!

Mostly though it's about finding a routine;
sleep, nappy change feed, repeat..... (applies to mum n dad too)

Takes a while to find that but it makes life much easier for all 3 of you

My personal tips....
Mixing bottle feeding with Breast, gives mum a break and makes weaning easier (tomy tipee prep machine is great)
Baby bjorn bouncy chairs are good
Don't have them in bed with you too much, makes sleep training harder
Grove clocks are ace for when they are older
Don't be afraid to buy second hand buggies etc, nappies from Aldi,
beware of buying too many gadgets, sterilisers (microwave and a big tuperware will do) nappies bins...

Enjoy!

Make sure you're at the birth.
I found 'How to solve your child's sleep problems' a very useful little book.
Accept offers of any good second-hand stuff, they outgrow it very quickly.
I know older fathers than you who made a good job of it.

Book your paternity leave in plenty of time, my old employer was a bit of an arse, as although they knew my wife was pregnant I didn't book it with the 2 or 3 months required notice although this may have changed. Book paternity off even if it's only a week to support your wife you'll both be needing lots of sleep at different times.

Aldi nappies are fantastic and considerably cheaper than the rest, considering a nappies job I can't see why people pay more.
There is nothing wrong with hand me down stuff kids grow so fast & are not brand aware.

Most of all enjoy it they grow up so fast, I blinked & my oldest has just turned 10.

Thanks for all the advice guys. It looks like I will probably be a stay at home dad because financially my wife earns heaps more than me and runs her business from home which she started last year and it's going very well.It means we will both be around during the first year and if needed I can always get some freelance work.

I'm terrified!

You should be. Pregnant women are tyrants, children are even worse, but you have to be nice to them or everyone will think you're a heartless beast. Also, try not to think about how weird it is that your wife has another person living inside her.

Congratulations! The first 9 months are hellish, I don't think you could ever be prepared for what's to come. Then it starts to get a bit better. You're in for a lot of fun 🙂

As above ignore most of the advice and don't worry if you you're ambilivalent to them for the first 6 months or so, I know I was with both ours, now they're older ( 12 & 8 ) it's totally different. Expect your world view to change a little as well.

chill.

There's all the practical stuff like sudocream, muslin nappies, all that. But mostly you'll manage. Start to get used to the idea of broken nights, They cry...alot. It's not your fault, you've probably done nothing wrong, it's the only way they can communicate.

Congratulations! I took a year off when my wife's maternity leave ran out and in retrospect, am very glad I did so. Tbh, I didn't deal very well with spending the first winter stuck inside with a baby, so just make sure you get out of the house to as many cheap / free events as you can. Sitting in a circle with a bunch of mums and babies, singing about pirates may not seem ideal but it beats sitting at home watching the rain with a screaming child.

Get on all the local baby groups on FB - lots of cheap 2nd hand clothes / toys and good info about social events. Ours is three now and a source of almost constant amusement 🙂

I was 50 when we had our last child.

It's dead easy having children. That's what wives are for. 🙂

But don't believe anything you read in child rearing books. They're all different.

On a more practical note, be prepared to support your wife above and beyond. Lack of sleep is a relationship killer. I always attended to the after dark feeds etc so my wife could get a decent sleep. A woman's body gets a real hammering from childbirth and feeding so rest is essential, so you're better able to handle a bit of lack of sleep.

Life as you knew it is over, so get used to that, but it don't get caught up in the helicopter parent mode - allow your child to get hurt so it learns consequences (obviously within reason).

And have another child. Your kid is going to be an orphan sooner than most, so a sibling to be around after you and your wife are gone will give them some family.

One piece of advice, try to get the baby into a routine - certainly by 5-6 months of feeding and sleeping at consistent times.

Mostly though it's about finding a routine;

Start stockpiling baby wipes and nappies now

This. You cannot have enough, buy every two for one offer there is starting now. If by some miracle you end up with a surplus of baby wipes, you'll soon realise the Dads only secret is that they are the best bike cleaners in the world.

I don't agree with the "ignore books" advice. I think you should read up, but take it all with a pinch of salt. There may be a time whereby something you've read or experienced or heard rings true and helps you out. By and large thought it's right that it's yours to go right and wrong, there are no instructions.

Pay attention to Wrecker; we went the Routine route also and its a huge plus. Baby knows when's breakfast lunch and tea and sleep time is, gets to learn night and day fairly quickly, Mum knows and is able to plan naps, her lunch, bottle prep, daytime tv etc. No routine and you'll both be doing this on a reactive basis around the clock. It follows through also, our two ( 3& 7 ) have never had any issues about when bedtime etc is.

I'd also say get your wife to ante natal classes if she's not got any pregnant mates around - not so much for the learning but becuase she'll come out of it with a few new mates going through the same experience and it's really good for her sanity to know that she "not the only one"

Congrats, and enjoy!

My boy came along when I was 46 he is now 5 . I was worried about being an old dad but it has not been an issue so far. Do get or stay fit fatherhood is physically hard work . The first months are mad and you and your wife will be stressed and sleep deprived give each other room and be forgiving.
All advise is tailored to a different child and may not apply to yours. Babies needs are simple and you learn as they develop it all works out.
At 5 the hardest thing is remembering the names of a dozen soft toys all the star wars characters the nexo knights and the cast of 3 ice age movies and lego mixels and being able to work them into a made up story .

Make sure you enjoy the pregnancy too, me and the wife had some great times. Bear in mind that each time you have a lie in, or sit down with a brew to watch a Sunday pm film, or just Bob down to the pub for tea or something similar, you won't be able to do that so easily soon!!

[b]rwamartin[/b] has it spot on.

My first is 3 months old now, and I'm 4 years older than you, so don't let that worry you. In fact, while i'm probably more tired than I would have been at 25, I'm also a lot more chilled and less stressed out about the whole adventure.

Have fun, and make sure you both create some space for the other one to have some 'me' time. (Otherwise, just sell your bikes). Oh and ignore everyone who says "this is the easy bit" to you... as far as I can see you'll be hearing that for the rest of your life now...!

If thats what you want then it will all turn out fine.
You are living my worst nightmare now though, I know how I would feel if she told me she was expecting!
Good luck.

Good advice above.

I never had any real desire to be a Dad but as soon as Jr turned up all that changed. He's 2 1/2 and is ace. All the sleepless nights, dirty nappies and worry are forgotten the first time they call you Dad or come to you for a hug. Number two due in December so it can't be that bad eh? 😀

Congrats. I became a Pappa for the first time 3 1/2 yrs ago at the ripe old age of 47

You'll be fine, just ignore all advice and wing it. You'll know what to do.

Its great being an old Pappa - I have so much more patience and am more chilled than the muppet I was in my 20s.

You want some more contradictory advice? Don't faff around with bottles, just breastfeed, whilst it can take a few days to get the hang of it, (for both mother and baby) once mastered, it's just so simple - and of course free.

And some more? Don't waste money on disposable nappies, except on holidays. Just bung dirty cloth ones in a bucket with whatever they sell these days to soak them in, and once bucket is full bung straight in washing machine. Using a disposable liner means you can tip the solids straight down the loo before bucket-ing the nappy.

And the final piece of advice - do whatever you want!! Ignore everyone else!

After this one have some more kids, Epicylo made a v good point

Ignore other parents on how great their wee darlings are sleeping and eating, they're probably not great at all.

Some mums seem to get really competitive for some reason, they are all different believe me, we have 4 kids youngest is 4 on Monday the others are 6, 8 & 10.

As i type I have my three week old sleeping quietly on my chest while wife has a nap too. it's a brief moment of bliss.

my advice for dads well being:

get out and ride as much as you can pre baby

try to protect a day an evening a week for doing something active - it's very easy to put on loads of weight once they are born

get an amazon prime subscription. the best things ever for nappy purchasing.

take as much time off as you can

realise that babies aren't as hard work as we think they should be. I know this because I have two, and the majority of the work is keeping a 2 year old occupied and happy.

Try not to take things your wife says/does too personally. Pregnancy/motherhood sends em round the twist!

The first few weeks will fly by - take videos and pictures. lots of them.

You'll be fine. I have a 9 week old and never really wanted kids. Now I can't really understand why I didn't want them. I haven't ridden my bike for 3 months (the weeks immediately before birth are kind of out of bounds in terms of leaving your partner for anything other than essentials) and I'm not really that bothered. Which is weird as cycling (mostly on my own as I'm a bit of a miserable git) is what I love most. And now sitting with my son seems to be a pretty ace way to spend the day. Although I am kind of looking forward to a ride one day soon!

Everything people say about changing life perspective is true too. It's awesome.

We are 7 1/2 weeks in. Things are fine - different to before, but absolutely fine. We mentally prepared for Armageddon with screaming, no sleep and only just surviving, but the reality is much more civilised. We have had a few nights where Tarka only woke up once, but mostly he wakes twice for some scoff and a pee. Babies can seem pretty crap for the first couple of weeks - it is quite normal for Dads not to feel much towards a newborn, so don't panic if that happens with you, but things will slowly creep up on you when they start smiling.

Some tips;

-Don't listen to other's advise, as all babies react differently. Try new things out (winding techniques f'rinstance)
-Aldi nappies are ace and cheap as chips.
-Buy all your stuff second hand - our £1700 buggy / seat thing was £400 from a Facebook group, and our £400 off road buggy was £100.
-Book NCT classes - you'll either learn lots (we didn't) or meet some great friends (we did) who will all be going through the same things at the same time. This has proved a fabulous support network for both of us - the girls go out for coffee and buggy walks, the boys eat curry and drink beer. Set up a WhatsApp group for middle of the night crises - one for mums and one for dads.
-Breastfeeding is cheap, clean, always there and cannot possibly involve middle of the night feeding for Dad. Winner.
-If bottle feeding, take turns to do the night shift. There is no point both of you waking up overnight and both being grouchy the next day. If you are not on night shift, sleep in another room with ear plugs in.
-Look after your wife - she may appear to be doing well, but send her our on her own for a walk / coffee / anything to get out of the house regularly.
-Subscribe to Amazon Prime to save trips out for little things you could get posted out
-Get a snot sucker (we have a Nuk bulb thing) to clear blocked noses. Hold bogey size competitions.
-If you ever see baby grows with a zip from ankle to neck, buy them all. Makes changing 200% easier. Poppers are better than buttons, but still slow.
-Take pics with a proper camera. They grow (and time passes) very quickly.
-Stock up the freezer with lots of pre-cooked meals; lasagne, bolognaise sauce, whatever you like. It turns supper from a mission into a microwave job, and you still eat well instead of calling for a takeaway.
-If you have a girl, resist the temptation to make her wear an odd forehead-ribbon-flower thing. They look silly.
-If you have a boy, resist the temptation to start 'stocking up' on Lego Technic, model railway layouts and Nerf guns. Your wife might not like it. Mine doesn't.
-Guests should be welcomed as they always bring presents, but make it abundantly clear that they have to help themselves to drinks and ideally bring cake / meals for you all.
-Get a tumble drier if you haven't already got one. Same deal with a dishwasher.

I was properly non-plussed about the idea of a baby - I love children but not babies. In real life, it has been very straight forward and gets gradually better the whole time. Enjoy it - you'll be fine.

When the little one's ready, get the IKEA high chair. It's awesome.

More great tips from the STW hive. Thank you so much!

Congratulations. You'll be fine. If you only ever read one book on bringing up children, make sure it is "Toddler Taming". A nice dose of common sense.

Oh and parents that read books on child rearing aren't really the target audience.

As for advice: Babies can cry for 26 minutes for no reason at all. After you've checked both ends, bedding and room temperature, put them back and leave them to it. Not easy advice, but see above!

Mine made it to adult and adolescence unscathed.

EDIT: and to save you some bike money, this is my top tip: CHEAP pram, EXPENSIVE buggy. Everyone buys the latest and greates do it all Thunderbird 7 multi-device. Six months later and it will be in the garage (taking up bike space) and you'll be pushing a Maclaren like every parent. They all learn the hard way - buy used 😉

You need to agree and your wife's view trumps yours but if you can breast feed and use real nappies as opposed to disposable ones you will save a fortune . Breast feeding is also really convenient , re useable nappies and baby wipes are no more of a hastle than disposal ones and help save the planet ( at the expense of your washing machine )
Oh and the ideal number of muslins and baby grows is n+10 .
Whatever size baby grow you buy pre birth your baby will be a different size.

And 5-6 months? FFS you should be aiming for 5-6 WEEKS to have a routine.

All mine were sleeping thru by then.

+1 for the ikea high chair.
After a year my only advice is trust in what you feel. If you are concerned with how the baby is then see a doc.
But beyond that just do what you think is right as you won't be far off.
Just don't be afraid if one or the other of you is getting too stressed with the child to tell them to go somewhere else for a while and let you take over.
It's awesome but bloody hard work. Wouldn't change for the world now though.
And you can keep riding but you need to be realistic many rides a week is out, but getting out shouldn't be impossible

- Stockpile the childcare vouchers now if you're planning on sending the child to nursery.
- Buying used stuff is all well and good, but be prepared for Mum to put her foot down on certain things.
- Do some things for yourself. I try and get out once a month with mates, bike trips, watch some sport, go to the movies that sort of thing.
- Breastfeeding is great. Help your wife out as much as you can to help her do it. This means meal prep, good meals with good quality food and balanced nutrition.
- Sometimes babies just cry even if they've been fed, have slept, have a dry nappy and have been winded. Keep your shit together when this happens.
- Do not martyr yourself.
- Do not argue about who is more tired.
- You have something like 18 weeks of unpaid parental leave a year. I took over a month off on top op paternity to spend with my family. It was awesome.
- Take lots of photos and videos. You will not recognise that little baby in the photos in 6 months' time.
- Be prepared to bed-share or co-sleep. Having this little creature completely dependent on you slept next to you in bed is an incredible thing.
- Save as much money as you can to tide yourself over the hump when statutory payment stops for your partner.
- Parents can be a bit funny about how you parent.
- Remember as a father you need the freedom to parent how you want.

Enjoy it. It's great!

If early days, try not to get too excited, being pregnant does not necessarily end with a baby in your arms.
Your wife will never be the same again. You will learn what patience truly is.

Our first is due in a week..... This thread is a godsend, thanks all 😀

Brilliant advice on here already.

My advice (As someone who worried about being a good dad before the birth) is to relax, you will be fine. The fact you are concerned, indicates you have a good attitude towards your forthcoming responsibility.

Enjoy them being babies and small. They grow up so quickly!

With regards breastfeeding, yes breastfeeding is the best option and there is often a lot of pressure put on mothers to do so. Absolutely give it a go. HOWEVER - if she struggles then your wife should not feel that she's been a failure in any way if she chooses to formula feed. A well fed baby is what your after, not keeping others happy.

We struggled with breast feeding initially and our first child was not gaining weight and we didn't realise it. We helped him along with some formula and the breasfeeding kicked in after a while.

It's not always obvious whats going on so don't hesitate to check with the midwife.

Rich.

I was discussing this with my wife and her thoughts were:

1. Take everything anyone says with a pinch of salt, particularly if they haven't had a baby in the last 18 months (you forget fast!)
2. Read up about the 4th trimester and how to best deal with that - ours were a struggle for those first three months.
3. If it feels hard it's because it is hard and it isn't because you're doing anything wrong.
4. There's no such as a typical baby and everything changes all the time anyway - bad phases don't go on forever.

Our younger one just turned one... It's really great but can be really really really hard. His random wakings ended up giving my wife chronic acute insomnia - it's lucky he's such a delight during the day as he's been the main cause of her almost completely losing the plot. We're recovering now but it's far from easy.

She just added, she found anyone saying "this technique is great, this book is really helpful" was terrible because if it didn't work for her it made her feel like a failure. All babies are different. It's worth noting that the most famous baby technique person, Gina Ford, has no children of her own - her techniques work for lots of people but don't work for just as many or more. If she'd had two children of her own and found the method didn't work for one of them, what would she have done?

I should add that I love being a parent!

Another addition from my wife - if she wants to breastfeed and is having struggles (which is very common), forget the NHS midwives and health visitors and go straight to a private lactation consultant. The NHS advice and expertise on breastfeeding is extremely inconsistent and hit and miss. Breastfeeding problems have to be sorted fast. Apparently the Kelly Mom website is good for a wide range of breastfeeding advice.

And if the baby doesn't like being put down, get a sling!

Good luck!

Enjoy them being babies and small. They grow up so quickly!

This is the sort of thing you read when you're going through the toughest time you've ever had, that makes you want to either jump off a cliff or kill whoever said it. How old is your youngest jamj? 😉

It's still raw for me but my daughter was seriously challenging as a baby (she's a delightful 3.5 year old now) and my son has been even worse (thank god he's a toddler now). My wife's insomnia is so bad she can't go to sleep with me breathing in the same room, so I'm either on the sofa or the spare bed in my daughter's room, and she's constantly exhausted. It's getting better as he grows up and is less hideous during the nights. We had one run of five nights where my wife couldn't sleep at all, apart from a brief collapse at about 6am, and unsurprisingly she went a bit mental.

So don't "enjoy them being babies" because it might be pretty ghastly for a while. But DO enjoy all the little delights, all the small moments and happiness and good things - they're what will sustain you through the tough times. Every day can have the highest highs and the lowest lows - it makes the life you knew before seem very bland...

Also, advice from most men of older generations is irrelevant because often they were little more than vaguely aware of there being some smaller humans in the house. How many nappies did our fathers change? My Dad was very involved with us once we were small boys but not as babies (he'd be 67 now).

What everyone else said , but the one thing I would recommend looking into is dream feeding . Basically babies will still suck on a bottle even when they are asleep so once you have a routine set you can get some milk into them before they wake up hungry . Made night feeds a lot easier for us . And stryder make the best balance bikes 😀

Listen to everyone's advice and then do what works for you.
My wee boy just turned 1. I'm 43. I'd never have coped 10 years ago with the cub and the missus PND (which is very very common).
Get involved, do as much as you can and your other half will love you for it.
Buy a Ewan the Dream Sheep. Fantastic piece of kit, sent me right off to sleep.
Good luck. It's ace.

With regards breastfeeding, yes breastfeeding is the best option and there is often a lot of pressure put on mothers to do so. Absolutely give it a go. HOWEVER - if she struggles then your wife should not feel that she's been a failure in any way if she chooses to formula feed. A well fed baby is what your after, not keeping others happy.

So much this ^^

Listen to everyone's advice and then do what works for you.

Hell yes, a lot of that too! ^^

This is the sort of thing you read when you're going through the toughest time you've ever had, that makes you want to either jump off a cliff or kill whoever said it. How old is your youngest jamj?

😳 😉 😳 Guilty! Our twin boys are 9. Daughter 11.

Best put a spare £50 note in your wallet, as it's good etiquette to buy everyone in the pub a cigar when you get the phone call to say the baby has been safely delivered. You might also want to get a taxi to the hospital at closing time instead of walking - earn some brownie points by getting there earlier than expected.

We did dream feeding which worked great for a while, meant she went down at 7:30, dream feed at 11, sleep til 5am-ish, feed again, sleep til 8ish. This was pretty good for such a tiny baby. But it recently stopped working and we've dropped it. Gone back to one night feed and she's sleeping more peacefully around it.

Someone said about routine and sleeping through from 5-6 weeks. This is fine, routine is great, but your baby might not respond just like that and sleep through. Ours certainly doesn't, despite routine being instigated asap, because they're all different. You can't account for how much he/she will weigh or how well she copes with digesting milk or any number of factors.

And yes, whatever size clothes/nappies you've got, they'll probably be wrong! Our little one was really little despite being only two days early. We had her in clothes for premature babies for ages and she won't fit into half the stuff we've got for her for a long time yet!

I'm a bit late to the party, but I thought this was so accurate it needed repeating, especially the last two sentences:

anagallis_arvensis - Member
Most books are bullshit. Talk to family if you can. You'll be fine, might take a while I was expecting a bolt of lightening or something when kid was born, it never happend. Then a few months down the line you suddenly realise you'd jump underca bus gladly for this thing. Its great dontvworry, enjoy it.
POSTED 1 DAY AGO # REPORT-POST

anagallis_arvensis - Member
Most books are bullshit. Talk to family if you can. You'll be fine, might take a while I was expecting a bolt of lightening or something when kid was born, it never happend. Then a few months down the line you suddenly realise you'd jump underca bus gladly for this thing. Its great dontvworry, enjoy it.

POSTED 1 DAY AGO # REPORT-POST

This!!

You're about to become an expert on poo.

BTW breastfeeding isn't free. You'll find your credit card bill has literally hundreds each month spent on coffee and cake. My wife seemed to do a daily cake crawl around the cafes.

Don't feel bad if you don't feel an instant 'bond' with baby. With my daughter it took me 24 hours of feeling confused, shocked and a bit overwhelmed before I felt the connection. With my boys it took longer than I expected - didn't really happen until we took them home, several weeks after birth. I think when you are stressed and worried or maybe just run ragged - this connection can take longer.

Babies are crap: they scream and demand instant attention, and you won't even get a smile out of them for a few months. But they're nothing like as delicate as you think, as you'll realise if you ever have a second one. 99% of the time it's either food / cleaning / tired. All of which have a simple solution. The other 1% is easily identifiable with an in-ear thermometer.

Personally I'd definitely get a book, although it may not be 100% accurate 100% of the time it will at least give you an idea of what to expect, and a decent starting point. But then NCT classes don't exist where I live, and may be a better option. Certainly a more sociable one 🙂

I'd definitely go with the bottle feeding during the night thing, it might not be free like breastfeeding but it does at least give the mother a chance to sleep every other night. And on that topic, my second and most important tip: make space for yourselves, both as individuals and as a couple. If you are bottle feeding either of you is equally capable of caring for the beast, so mum can get out on a Saturday morning for a coffee with friends, and you can get out on your bike for a couple of hours on Sunday. And if grandparents are around, you can head out as a couple for a quick meal on Friday night, too. (If you're not bottle feeding pumps are available, of course...)

Like I said: babies are crap. They get better. I wouldn't change my two (12 and 16) for anything in the world 😀

BTW breastfeeding isn't free. You'll find your credit card bill has literally hundreds each month spent on coffee and cake. My wife seemed to do a daily cake crawl around the cafes.

Reading between the lines here, there are cafes that serve coffee and cake from breasts? Holy ****ing shit, why isn't this on the news?

I'm 40 and my daughter is 9 months, we left it later than our friends but it doesn't feel too late.
Listen to close friends and family and use them for support but remember your child is unique so what worked for them may not work for you. My wife has a few parenting books but isn't too bad at following the latest parenting fad, unlike some I've heard of.
Don't neglect the relationship with your other half, help when you can and give her a break and also be prepared to pick your battles and soak up the metaphorical punches when shes had it tough some days.
Riding and freedom has been cut down but it isn't radical as some people had told me, I always needed my own time.
At 9 months my daughter is now getting proper interesting and I love her more and more.