[Closed] "If you've got nothing to hide then why do you care if I read your emails?"

I feel for both you and your wife.

On one hand, you shouldn't have your privacy "unnecessarily" invaded (even if it is your wife) on the basis that she's checking up on you

However, I really feel for your wife too. I can't imagine ever feeling the need to check someone i loved's email. There must be something really screwing with her head to cross that line.

As other have mentioned...Relate. Or just talk.

That said, I would be inclined to put an ad in gumtree for an xbox 360 with 50 games for £49. That should at least keep her busy in the run up to xmas 🙂

if my wife did this I'd have a good laugh about it and then subscribe to some developer mailing lists. She'd lose interest pretty quickly. She wouldn't do it though, we trust each other see.

I struggle with long sentences

Rule i have is you can read all my e-mail and check my phone and open my letters if you wish

if you think i am ever going to let it lie after you have done this then you are very wrong

TBH only a sad paranoid control freak or an insecure fool does this

Everyone needs some privacy but it does not mean you have anything to hide

PS go into the bathroom when she wants a shit - she may understand the point then

OK, apologies. You've had counselling so was any of it helpful? Or did the counsellor not ask pertinent questions? Presumably you can go back for more sessions and with a different counsellor, if necessary?

At the end of the day, if you have kids then you both have to give it your best shot.

My wife and I just use the same email account for everything.

I do find shared accounts weird! I know 3 couples who have shared accounts but no individual accounts (to my knowledge). One of the couples even have a shared Facebook account. The account is in his name but you can tell who posts (His spelling and grammar is awful). I just don't get it!

The same with shared email accounts. How do you order Christmas/birthday presents etc? Do you delete the confirmation email before your other half sees it?

Counselling still underway. I'll bring this up at the next one & see how it goes. Thanks for the advice everyone (mostly 🙂 )

Toilet roll next to the wall, ffs you sickos

Toilet-roll-against-the-wall proponents are, in essence, Jimmy Saville sympathisers. I hate to say it.

OP - I'd definitely be asking why she has a passcode on her phone, either it's open between you or not.

+1 on joint email/Facebook accounts being weird, unless as an RSVP for a wedding or something

I have the ability to check up on everything my GF does, but never feel the need. She very occasionally casually thumbs through my text messages, which doesn't bother me as I'm not doing anything sinister. That said I didn't text my ex to wish her a happy birthday yesterday in part because I couldn't be bothered to explain to the GF why I was still doing that after 6 years.

PS go into the bathroom when she wants a shit - she may understand the point then

Toilet wall next to the wall. I've heard a lot of crazy stuff in my time and I'm quite opened minded but seriously WTF is wrong with some people I feel dirty even thinking about it.

I struggle with long sentences but your wife reading your emails is plain wrong its smacks of serious trust issues in your relationship.

I have absolutely nothing to hide from wife but I would still be pissed off if she thought it was okay to just go through my emails

seems that toiler roll orientation attracts more ire than partner email peeking.

Uuuuhhh huuhhhh.

Why isn’t she OK with giving you full access to her messages and emails if she has nothing to hide?

I call psychological projection!

Your wife's suspicious because she feels that everyone else acts like her.

oooooh, look at you lot wi your lah di dah toilet roll hangers 😀

My bog wipe sits on top o t'bog, or t'floor if im using it. Not fussed which way it 'angs like.

Is your wife Teresa May?

If my wife didn't read my e-mails I'd never know which ones need acting on or replying to.

However, I have asked my son to remove his account from the ones Outlook automatically opens as getting half way through an e-mail that ends "je t'aime" before realising it's not to me is a little disconcerting.

I wouldn't be too bothered about the lock on her phone, her need to check up on you doesn't need to be reciprocated by default.

As has been suggested, sounds like she has trust issues and regardless of your previous email antics she needs to put her trust issues to bed or it will lead down a road to ruin sooner or later.

RM.

EDIT: Bog roll against the wall? I won't sleep tonight now...

Lock on her phone is imminently sensible. What if she loses it?

She should of course volunteer the code to you if you ask for it, and before she has chance to clean it up; after all, what has she got to hide?

If she refuses this request, she's set the standard, change all your passwords immediately. Being open is fine, being closed is fine, one rule for one and another for another is bloody not.

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Samuri

I'm pleased someone married you. I always thought you was a decent geezer

If they are doing that it ain't a good sign.

My last girlfriend started that kinda shit and invented an affair for me that I wasn't having. We got though that one but then she started belittling some heart felt campaign I've been on for some years and it ended. I find her very good company and almost started it up again but then she did me a huge favor and started loudly decrying something I knew to be fact but which didn't suit her inherent predjuidices.

Best not to have your enemy at your side...........get out.

@greedo, the reading of emails etc has to stop but to do that you have to address the root cause.

I think if it doesn't stop things will deteriorate and it will be terminal

My email is in my profile if you care to contact me offline. I have some experiences I can share.

Mrs Toast speaks much truth, as do a great many others. For myself, had I a partner I lived with, then inspecting each others phones for text, messages or mail would be verboten. Any shared devices, like pads or whatever, would be set up so that either emails were disabled, or we had several accounts that were public/private. I wouldn't [i]dream[/i] of checking someone else's mail or text, the very idea makes me squirm uncomfortably, but I have known very close friends with partners who do such things, and it never has a happy ending. Such people are inherently controlling to an unhealthy degree, and generally almost impossible to wean off that behaviour, they just can't help themselves.
Greedo, I'd have passcodes on my phone, were I you, and just say 'goose, gander' when confronted about it.
But that's me; anything for a quiet life, but there are limits to what I will tolerate.

How do you order Christmas/birthday presents etc? Do you delete the confirmation email before your other half sees it?

Er, I go to the shops...........

Assuming the OP and his mrs both have jobs and they have the kids - how does she have time for this crap?

Joking aside, even if I were up for a bit of the other, there's no way I could find the time, let alone be 'on it' enough to cover my tracks!

9th wedding anniversary tomorrow as it happens - we must be doing something right (or she's just really tolerant). Actually, I think the latter..............