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I'm planning to do something that I should have done years ago. Five years at least. Ten years would have been a bit quick off the mark but here we are now, well overdue.
How on bloody Earth do you decide which one of the millions of available engagement rings to buy from the thousands of shops?
Don't worry I can narrow it down. She doesn't like gold so I'm thinking platinum. She wants something clean and simple with one stone. She's got no real desire for genuine diamonds and she wouldn't be impressed by a huge financial splurge. She'd rather have a new kitchen.
So it sounds easy but I'm baffled by the options and also the 'rock bottom' to 'completely absurd' pricing structure. At what price does cheap crap become half decent? And when does half decent become quite nice? I don't think I can afford the jump from quite nice to very nice.
Will I get ripped off on the high street?
Is there a preferred online retailer?
Is there a YT/Canyon style direct sales place with good VFM?
The annoying thing is for me if I sit a £1000 ring next to a £10,000 ring I couldn't tell the difference with a gun to my head. I don't have an exact budget in mind yet because I don't know the difference between a Mondeo and a Mustang if you know what I mean.
Not sure I can be very helpful, but in a similar position to you. Except it will be a surprise, and I don't know what size to get, either.
Can you just buy a ring for the surprise and get it re-sized afterwards?
Just to add to the questions!
White gold might be a better bet than platinum-sometimes it can look too clinical although there are some well designed pieces that look nice.
You are more likely to get a white gold with cubic zirconia ring than a platinum one. It often takes a very experienced jeweller or a person with a diamond tester to tell the difference so in my humble opinion as someone who has made a number of engagement rings with both CZ and diamonds it’s a good choice.
P.s. if you ever do get a diamond, make sure it comes with acertificate- there are some fakes about
Edit:
Yes, you can get it resized within reason. Can you find another ring that they wear and measure that to get in the right ballpark?
I visited and bought from this, rather naff sounding, place in Hatton Garden; https://www.cooldiamonds.com/
A few years later I got talking to someone in the diamond trade and he told me I'd made a good choice in using them, but can't honestly remember why.
I managed to work out my wife's size by measuring a ring that she wore on the same finger on her other hand. It was near enough to wear, but I think she got it re-sized a touch when we went back to them to buy the wedding rings.
NI was massively helped out by the missus as we'd been together 12yrs so she just had a look one day and pointed at one she liked. £1500 from Beaverbrooks - white gold with a sparkly thing in the middle.
I was in this position a few years ago (and also should have done it sooner!)
I trawled round a few shops but felt like a rabbit in the headlights so called a diamond merchant in Hatton Garden and arranged a visit (can't remember the shop name but the guy was called Vivek). We set a budget and he went to a safe and brought out some bags of diamonds and emptied them onto a table. He explained the differences and I picked one.
Setting it into a ring was included in the price - I chose platinum band that could be resized later. Did the deal, picked it up a couple of weeks later and job done.
It was an amazing process, and the ring itself was valued for insurance at double what I paid for it. Highly recommended!
I went custom designed. Saw a couple I liked the general look of and did a custom design with a jeweller.
Great process. Was totally a surprise so it involved me gauging finger whilst she was asleep. Made from platinum, no diamond just two different contrasting gem stones.
Cost £1000.
Nice to custom design it so it's got a bit of additional attachment rather than off the shelf.
These guys -
Must get round to actually getting married at some point 🙂
My wife’s engagement ring cost £18 (16 years ago). That’s the one she wanted! She still wears it with the £23 wedding ring she wanted.
Don’t be lulled into the “3 months wages” marketing crap.
I toured all the usual high street jewellers when I was doing that - the experience made my teeth itch. Creeping, sleezy, gushing staff fawning over overpriced tat.
Eventually I sought recommendation from close family was was pointed to Goodwins in Edinburgh - brilliant service. Sat down with a calm, matter of fact, motherly type woman who sat me down and spread out a selection of rings, the cumulative value worth more than our house.
She talked me through all the stones, their attributes, the cuts, various gem stones the options of metals and took a good few hours with me helping me to decide.
Was brilliant service and they offer a free polishing / claw checking service. Every year or so we go back get the ring polished and go get a glass of fizz at a nearby nice bar.
So if you are in Edinburgh, go to Goodwins. If you're not then find somewhere in a similar vein. Avoid high street chain stores like the plague
Don’t be lulled into the “3 months wages” marketing crap
Exactly. We got bikes instead.
I think standard outlay is three times annual Salary 😉 ( sorry Bad US Office reference)
Don’t be lulled into the “3 months wages” marketing crap.
Yeah, bollards to that crap.
Good info so far chaps, I'll have to check in later. Sometimes when I'm at work, something comes up and I have to actually deal with it. It's unbelievable.
If she's not fussed about diamonds or bling, why not just get something made locally that's meaningful to you? Surely it's the thought and effort that counts rather than the value? You could get something really lovely made, with your own design input, by a local silversmith with a gemstone in it - rather than an off the peg diamond number.
Some practicalities: will you want a wedding band to sit up against it? That might affect the shape of ring. Does she do lots of labour/mucky jobs? She might be better off with something inset into a band rather than a stone perched on the top where it can catch on things. I know I'm not the kind of adult that can be trusted to remove a ring before lifting a paving slab, or doing the dishes, etc - is she?!
We got our wedding rings here, they also do engagement rings.
https://ecowoodrings.co.uk/collection
No need to spend an absolute fortune.
Just got engaged myself this weekend. No ring yet but good to hear that Tiago gets a good review as it’s very local to me.
Don’t be lulled into the “3 months wages” marketing crap.
Might broach this with her though as she’s got designs on blowing my entire bike fund reserve!
another to add to the "should have done it sooner" list!
Normal high street purchase for the engagement ring and wedding rings. Didn't really spend much on either TBF, kind of had an inkling of what she liked beforehand (as in: doesnt really like wearing jewelry in general).
Practicality is a good thing to consider, Mrs F is a nurse so doesnt want to have a rock sticking out of a band, an inset ring would be better.
I did it last week! I also didn't want to spend 1000's but found something a little different from here: https://www.alisonmoore.co.uk/
The soon to be Mrs Loverofminkys was delighted with it!
Good luck!
10 years ago now, but we discussed it before hand, we'd been together nearly 19 years at that point and had 2 kids so the romance had well gone!!... we looked at some rings so I knew the sort she liked, they were along the same lines as I was going to pick anyway so that was good. I got her ring size the same way as someone above by measuring a different one she used to wear on her other had ring finger. We then decided we were going to go to the jewellery quater in Birmingham then out for the night. So we set off from Leeds after dropping kids off at gradmas.
My future wife was busy doing her nails in the car and didn't notice me turn off the motorway north instead of south until we were way on our way to the lake district. I'd already bought a ring off the web, can't for the life of me remember where though sorry, palladium (cheaper than platinum but looks just as nice) ring with a half carrat diamond, cost a bit but nothing silly like 3 months wages, less than a grand.
We then walked up helvellyn (i'd packed her hiking stuff) and I proposed properly at the summit and cracked a bottle of champange out of my ruck sack and a couple of glasses. Weather was amazing, it was a freaky weekend in October were temps were mid to high 20's! Then stayed the night at the Inn on the Lake. Romance retrived!!
Mine cost me nothing.
I just had to choose from a selection of family rings 😁.
A dark square emerald (some debate in jewellers if it was a green garnet) with two smallish diamonds on the side. It's a nice ring and while it sound fancy it stands out less than a larger diamond but very different from all the single diamonds her friends have.
If she wants one stone then fair enough but more stones doesn't necessarily mean more stand outish.
The important aspect is how you ask her. Wait until her mouth is full of go-ahead bar and she is mid accusation you're stealing one of the mars bars at the summit of a wee hill.
Congratulations by the way, first month of engagement and we haven't fallen out about weddings yet.
This may not be how you want to go about things, but perhaps go and choose it together?
The important aspect is how you ask her. Wait until her mouth is full of go-ahead bar and she is mid accusation you’re stealing one of the mars bars at the summit of a wee hill.
Agree with that bit - I did it by the fireside one chilly autumnal evening in a holiday cottage. My wife never even heard me ask her to marry me the first time - once she saw the ring she basically just started screaming (in a good way mind you!).
If she wants ‘white metal’ & not ‘yellow metal’* get platinum, not white gold.
White gold has a coating which wears off over time & needs to be re-coated. Not expensive but worth bearing in mind.
* prison parlance for listing prisoners valuables.
White gold has a coating which wears off over time & needs to be re-coated. Not expensive but worth bearing in mind.
Not all white gold. I never rhodium coat any of my white gold pieces, modern white gold is a much whiter colour than it was in past times, and many more bespoke rings won’t be plated. Worth asking at point of sale though.
Natural 18ct white gold has a warmer tone than the more stark appearance of platinum
My wife never even heard me ask her to marry me the first time – once she saw the ring she basically just started screaming (in a good way mind you!).
Ahaha, yeah I forgot to ask the question, just sort of sat there like a Muppet while she cried and eventually asked if I was asking.
Basic Josh stuff, I'm a dosey idiot.
Not Glasgow based are you JimW
I knew a James W who was a jeweller who went to selling.
Another vote for platinum. White Gold can tarnish over time.
My Oh proposed with a stand in, and we picked the ring together. Platinum, brilliant cut solitaire. he admits he would not have picked it in a million years!
Not Glasgow based are you JimW
Sorry, no. Herefordshire.
If you can't agree on how blinds should be closed, how are you going to choose the right ring?
Can measure her finger whilst she is a asleep or can you measure a ring she already has?
Could you ask one of her female friends for advice as to what type of ring she would like?
Just don't lie about the price. When I worked in home insurance the lady of the partnership had her ring stolen and put in a claim of £5000 - the amount her fiancé had told it had cost.
We asked for a receipt. The lad then had to fess up that he may had added a couple of zeros to the price tag. Was all rather awkward...
+1 for jewellery quarter I'm Birmingham.
Go as a couple , wander round and you will see an incredible variation on rings in a very short space of time.
Not sure if this is true or marketing guff I was told when getting my better half’s over 20 years ago....my wife is not a fan of gold and wanted a silver ring. So we decided to look at platinum engagement rings and maybe just go silver for the wedding ring, but oh no, apparently you can’t wear silver and platinum together as they react/tarnish or something like that, so once I got the platinum engagement ring I was tied to getting a platinum wedding band too!🤷♂️
we had been together for ages and had looked at rings on and off and she had seen one set in silver that she really liked. So one day I popped in and asked if they could do the same In platinum which they did. I had the ring for about 4 months waiting for the right time etc before popping the question. Once we told family my brother in law said I should of told him I was proposing as they have a family member who imports diamonds etc, hey ho. I went to this family friend for the wedding bands though and saved a chunk of ££, when getting the bands he took me aside and asked how much the engagement ring was and then showed me the rock he would of given me for the same price 😭😭.
Screw tradition, I used a Haribo ring. One size fits all and it tastes nice 😉
Helps if your missus to be has a sense of humour and doesn't value all the traditional BS.
apparently you can’t wear silver and platinum together as they react/tarnish or something like that,
It’s as much to do with relative hardness and therefore wear as tarnishing. That’s why if you have an 18ct gold engagement ring, you should have an 18ct wedding ring -if a 9ct wedding band the engagement ring being so much softer will wear really quickly and vice versa. Same applies to platinum and gold
Have you considered not getting an engagement ring?
We didn't have engagement or wedding rings
Choose it like you’d choose a bike.
She gets to wear it, she should get to choose. Just because you think carbon or platinum is where it’s at, doesn’t mean she does (and it’s her opinion that matters).
Some folk like bespoke one offs, some like the cost effectiveness of a mainstream design (more for your money).
And finally, just like a bike, make sure it fits. Take her finger with you (and the rest of her if the fingers aren’t detachable).
I ended up designing some rings for myself and MsGinge when we got married (with her prior approval) and getting them printed out in stainless steel; think it cost about £25 each.
edit: the rings on the outside are a result of the 3D printing method and aren't part of the design but I do quite like them.
I gave the now MrsTH a Lego one for the question popping, then went to a jewellers with her to get her one she actually wanted.
https://flic.kr/p/2mG5Bao
That’s the Lego one, obvs…
We ended up browsing second hand jewellers together once the "holiday of a lifetime" had started being referred to as a "honeymoon".
I've still not proposed.
20th wedding anniversary next year. She obviously was a keeper after all.
Have you tried asking her, covertly ?
It's rare that I get to roll this story out now, so I shall take this opportunity with both hands. Every word true.
Back in the day, late eighties (mid 20's), I had been living with the quite excellent Mrs Haloric (pre-marriage) for a few years, and a hint might have been dropped about marriage, but it would have to be pretty heavy for me so have seen it.
She talks in her sleep - a lot. It's very weird, but it's very real. At the end of a day, as she falls asleep she would often have a conversation with the her dog, recounting the days events. Some days it's absolutely hilarious, recounting minor slights she has suffered in the day, and the names for people who did it. In one such occurrence, she would tell the dog that 'I don't think he is ever going to ask me', which with a shock realised I was supposed to be stepping up.
Sometime later she returned from a shopping trip with the MIL to Brent Cross, where comments regarding a lovely ring were dropped. I feigned lack of interest, no details where divulged. That evening, I winkled the details out of her during sleep talk. I got a description of the ring (blue shiny rock, 6 lobes with white shiny) and that it was vintage.
The next day, called in sick (sorry work), and shot down to BC, found the seller, checked that Mrs H and MIL were coo-ing over it the previous day, stumped up the funds and trousered it. I asked the seller to say that some old fella had bought it for his wife if anyone came asking about it. Sure enough the MIL goes down there a few days later to get it as present and returns with that story. I am cock a hoop.
The ring is hidden in a sock. This is my 2nd year as a freelance IT consultant, and I finally have some money to my name, and I book a surprise trip to Seychelles for us both.
Slightly caught out by MrsH-to-be not having a valid passport, but all is resolved at the last minute. Am worried the ring will be discovered at flight security, but all is good.
We visit Mahe and do some island hopping, with the final few days on Bird Island, which is a light plane journey to the middle of the ocean. Mrs H has a thing for treasure hunts and I planned to make one on this island, and as we land I am given a map of the island - the universe is singing to me.
Next day, up early, sneak out, trek to the other end of the island (half a mile!), bury the ring in the sock in the sand, make a cross from two sticks and the other sock, trek back to the breakfast and, after a condemned mans final breakfast, hand over a treasure map made from the map I was given, with a poem about treasure.
Off we go, totally clueless what is going on, she finds x marks the spot, and while I am busy trying to make sure the old school camera is working she pulls the sticks out whilst I am looking the wrong way, and thinks that the sticks are the treasure. Cue a few minutes of frantically digging all over the place to find the actual treasure and - fortunately, she says yes.
30 years married, still going strong, has lost that ring once on a beach and I had to sieve a beach volleyball court with a tennis racket for two hours to get it back.
I appreciate it doesn't help with the makeup of your ring, but the effort and the spirit in which it is ultimately presented might in the long run be just as, if not more, precious to your partner. Good luck.
I used 77diamonds.
You can work out what you can afford and it allows you to select the qualities of the diamond. It didnt need to be a diamond but it is a rally nice stone.
If you have a decent jeweller doing secondhand schmutter there's usually some lovely stuff to be had at a reasonable price. It also crosses off the something old part of the wedding superstition.
When I proposed (middle of Charing Cross station) I didn’t have a ring. Just went on one knee and asked. She said yes and we went shopping for a ring together in the end getting a second hand ring from a jewellers in Brum. In wasn’t expensive, we didn’t have a lot of money then, but she still wears it nearly 30years later.
So I like the Lego/token ring idea and go shopping together.
I let my wife choose.
I also let his wife choose.
Took along one of my best mates when ring shopping - utterly clueless we both were. Thankfully I was recommended a decent shop (within the Argyll Arcade in Glasgow - 30+ jewellers in a small area, in amongst the guff there's a couple of decent places) who recognised us as being typical utterly clueless blokes but didn't take the piss. Simple classic style, good quality single diamond, didn't cost the earth. I know her size roughly but resizing afterwards was part of the deal.
Best part of it - apart from her saying yes, obviously - was she bought me a very nice watch in return.
Gratuitous engagement ring shot. Bespoke titanium. https://singletrackmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/fresh-goods-friday-555-the-big-life-changes-edition/
@jimw – do you have a website/shop?
@fadda.
Not any more. Website expired last year, stopped selling in galleries and shops a couple of years earlier. I wasn’t making much from it and events (principally CFS) overtook me. I still do commissions for friends, neighbours and their contacts locally but not very often. To be honest, not being a specialist stone setter, I find working with large and/or expensive stones a bit stressful. I can and will do it but I have to psych myself up a bit before hand. I have not had a disaster yet so am probably just being a wuss but…
She doesn’t like gold so I’m thinking platinum.
Palladium. Thank me later.
You could try Kate Smith who is based in the Jewellery Quarter in Birmingham. Get something bespoke and a bit different.
I gave the now MrsTH a Lego one for the question popping, then went to a jewellers with her to get her one she actually wanted.
's what I'd do. A placeholder ring for the, uh, placeholder ring before the wedding ring. I'm all for surprise gifts but dropping that kind of wedge on a piece of jewellery it should be perfect, she / you both should choose it.
Honestly, I always found dropping thousands on an engagement ring and afterthought money on a wedding ring to be arse-backwards, but there you go.
I just took the plunge and bought my wife an eternity ring (after 36 years) the 'but it doesn't feel like an eternity yet' excuse finally wore a bit too thin.
We had a day out in the jewellery quarter in Birmingham, spoke to a few people and finally found a store that we liked and felt we could trust. We went down the custom route in the end and got a little spendy but not outrageous. The advantages over the high street were cost, choice, expertise and the design service.
We ended up with these guys https://sonnysjewellers.com but there are dozens to choose from. Well worth the day out.
Get her a thoughtful budget ring for the proposal and then go shopping for the "proper" engagement ring together. After all she may decide that a titanium *bicycle* is less likely to disappear down the sink one day and cost less...
I spontaneously (alcohol induced) proposed in Venice without a ring and when we got back from holiday we went to nearly every jeweller in Manchester city centre to get a ring. We ended up getting something completely different to what she thought she wanted at the start of the day. It was pre-loved too.
Tldr : go together and buy a ring that fits comfortably and is what she really wants and is also within your budget
The annoying thing is for me if I sit a £1000 ring next to a £10,000 ring I couldn’t tell the difference
You can't and I can't and obviously there's no real significant difference......but they will know, they will know!!!
Used a black cable-tie to actually propose (Taj Mahal, the Diana bench, sunset, chicks dig that kind of thing), then hit the Jewellery Quarter in Birmingham when we got back to Blighty, so that Mrs Merman could choose exactly what she wanted which was far more sparkly.
I was in New York with mrs DOD for the millennium and we popped in Tiffanys, yep they really don’t do breakfasts.
We finally bought ‘the’ ring in an outlet village store an hour away from Manhattan 🙂
I did get my wedding ring from the bloke who did the Lord of Rings one ,if I had to wear a ring it had to be the ‘one’ ring to rule them all.
Silicone ring? Nothing says "I love you" like something that's hard to deglove yourself with...
Try snd get a rough idea of what she wants and then have a day out in the Jewellery Quarter in Brum.
There are a few suggestions above but to add:
Crystalink - we bought our wedding and engagement rings from there. Family owned, lovely people and were great when we needed them resized. They really helped me when choosing the engagement ring solo too. I can’t recommend them enough.
Bicknells - stunning show room, not the cheapest but very good service if you need assistance.
Marlow’s - a bit salesy but you’ll save a couple of quid there if you can deal with that.
Think carefully about big sticky out jobs. They will get in the way.
Choose something classy that means something to you. That’s what it’s about.
The future SMA set her heart on a Tanzanite ring (with some small diamonds), so we got it made in a local jewellers. It has bene through the wars - a few small diamonds have had to be reset and the ring was totally redone when it was cut off her after breaking her shoulder skiing! However the stones are lovely. So much so, that I got an eternity ring from the same jewellers about 30 years later with another set of tanzanite stones.
Dont pass off a good antique shop as long as you know her size. Found my other halves perfect ring in one for a fraction of the cost it would have been at a jewelers. Recently had it valued when she got it stuck in a car door and had to be repaired (saved her finger at aleast), despite the repair work its worth 6x the value I bought it for. She actually considered selling it to pay for a huge greenhouse...
Although not a standard engagement ring, more of an eternity ring (18ct white gold I think with diamonds and sapphires around it), presented to her at the top of Mam tor in 60mph winds and horizontal rain, good times
I took my fiance (now wife) along to pick the ring.
Firstly we picked the diamond. Size isn't always the most important thing. Try to buy one that's certified, a nice colour and cut. Then pick the band and have the diamond set in the ring of choice.
If she helps pick the ring then she should be happy with the it plus helps take the pressure off you.
Good luck!
What a bunch of soppy romantics we all are.
Best part of it – apart from her saying yes, obviously – was she bought me a very nice watch in return.
I was laughed at when I said I felt a bit jealous she gets to wear something.
I'm thinking a massive ruby set in platinum with a ring of smallish diamonds on a yellow gold band would suit me.
Give her a Scandal instead.
@stwhannah
I’m not a lover of jewellery, but that is a great looking ring.
Plutonium for the win...
Mr Toast took me to the Jewellery Quarter to look at rings. He got a good idea of what I liked, then chose one. It's beautiful - I don't like big rings (fnar, fnar), so it's just a single diamond in a gold twist setting. The diamond has a small flaw in the middle of it, but that's part of its charm and uniqueness.
Obviously not a great plan if you want it to be a surprise!
I proposed sooner than I’d planned on top of a hill, so didn’t have a ring ready.
On the way home we dropped in to a shopping centre and bought a £25 ring for her to wear before getting something proper.
A quick look around a few places in Glasgow, mostly uninspiring tbh, every time she tried anything on the staff said it was perfect & definitely the one for her. After that we dropped in to the Ringmaker, found one on display that was very similar to what I had in my head & had them design one with us. It was actually quite enjoyable and surprisingly quick (the design part, it took a few weeks to have it made along with our wedding bands).
She loves it, I love it and it wasn’t any more expensive than off the shelf.
If you're going for the white/silver colour, there's a bit of a difference in the metals:
Platinum is darker, not quite grey but I always think it has a kind of dark hint to it somewhere, almost like it's reflecting something black. It's hard and won't tarnish or scratch so easily.
White gold is a brighter/lighter colour, it can fade to a yellower tinge over time as the rhodium plating wears off. Easily sorted though.
With gold you also have the option of going for the cheap 9ct version!
Silver is also a lighter shade, probably the brightest, tarnishing can happen but unlikely with a ring as it's always rubbed clean by your fingers. You won't find silver with a diamond but there's some nice CZ stuff.
Much cheaper than the others of course.
Disclaimer:
I sell jewellery online 😉
Don't think we have much in the way of platinum engagement rings but if when you're after a good value good quality wedding ring... 😁
20 years and neither of us can be bothered to fill in the form.
I went with Mrs Weeksy and her mate to town, of course she wasn't Mrs Weeksy yet... but you know what i mean.
Anyway, i gave her the bank card and a budget, "see you later, i'm going to the pub to watch the football" and i went to the Walkabout and she went to a shiny shop and bought herself a ring.
Romantic, not really... but she got the ring she wanted and i got to watch Liverpool win 2-0.
My dad was a silversmith who occasionally made jewellery and he took us to a stone dealer in the Brum jewellery quarter where we bought an opal and a couple of small sapphires. We'd talked with him about designs we liked and he made the 18 carat engagement ring and later our wedding rings. My mum used to teach dress-making and she made the wedding dress!
Thanks for all the top tips everyone. Some good info here, I just haven't had time to reply to every good comment.
I think I'm going to start at Tiago as it's 5 minutes away from my house so thanks for that recommendation.