[Closed] I think I may have just made up a joke, can someone verify this please...

Do you have children? At best the best compliment is asking if that is a Dad Joke

Well it may be yours, but on the other hand, you're welcome to it.

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Depends on you definition. If a joke's defined as having a setup followed byy a punchline, then yes. If it's supposed to have a setup and a funny punchline.....

Have you got pine nuts?
No but I do have a length of soft wood.

No but we've got woodcock.

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I'm still convinced that I made up the joke... Knock, knock, who's there Dr,...Dr Who!! Joke.

Instances pre-dating 1983 will need verifying...

Great joke, no really, I see a future for you in Stand Up...

... Paddleboarding. 😉

I think you should go and sit quietly for a minute and reflect on what you have wrought. Then you can come back and apologise to the group.

It's good, but not that good 😀
Back in the early 90s when my daughter was a wee sprog we had a pub lunch whilst on holiday.
Turkey dinosaurs were the order of the day and when the waitress came over to ask if everything was ok, i piped up, i think the turkey dinosaurs are off, she stood there rather nervously and was just about to go get the manager when i cracked the punchline for the funniest joke in the world.... yes i recon they gotta be a least 65 million years out of date.
Oh how i laughed 😆

With jokes like that you'll go far!

The further the better!

I made up this joke when I was young about 11 or 12

Q: What is the definition of a mince tart? A: A Yorkshire ripper victim

My dad got really angry and sent me to bed 🙁

Ooh ooh, I've got one! This dates from the mid 90s (I think) and was made up on a soggy morning in a field somewhere, with a hangover after some tent based party. It was absolutely terrible then, and it hasn't got any better with age. So, for better or for worse:

"Did you hear that the police busted a rave full of sheep?"

"No, what were they done for?"

"Apparently it was on the basis of amplified, repetitive bleats"

I'll get my coat..

Funkrodent - I hope that's not a sheepskin coat...

Woman walks into whole food shop

Woman: "I've got a new bread maker and I'd like some unusual flour please."

Shopkeeper: "Spelt?"

Woman (tutting): "F-L-O-U-R"

talking of 'Dad' jokes, I was told off by daughter because as we were coming out of Nando's, I said, somewhat conspiratorily, to a couple who were just entering "pssst, don't have the chicken!"

Punchline - not really a bolt from the yew.

I've heard the OP joke before,

'Boo!,' said the French fry

'Oh, what a frite,' said the salad.

[/dad joke]

Why do French people only have one egg for breakfast.

Because one egg is 'un oeuf'

I'm not sure if I made that up or not, but it is my best Dad joke. Although in retort, my daughter did claim that my mouth is where jokes go to die.

Although in retort, my daughter did claim that my mouth is where jokes go to die.

😆

They all laughed when OP said he was going to become a comedian.
Well they're not laughing now....
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I think its a great joke, in fact our joke writers guild will be honoured if you would join, a small fee of £500 cash or pp gift is preferred 😆

i remember a mate of mine telling his dad a joke....

"how do you wipe dandruff off a c-u-next-teusday?"

"like this..."
he then proceeded to flick at his dad's shoulder.

his old man back handed him and sent him flying across the room.

i found it really funny.

What do you call a man who jumps of the Eiffel Tower into the river?
... In Seine !

Made up and told to my Dad on top of Eiffel Tower aged 11 ..

The pizza chef in our local Dominos was found dead in the storeroom under a load of cheese and olives. Police reckon he topped himself.
Is this any good?

My (then) 5 yr old boy, on a walk in the country, responded to his (then) 3 yr old sister's question about what cows have for breakfast, with Moosli.

I accept that he almost certainly isn't the first to come up with this, but come up with it he did, which I think is pretty good for a nipper.

That said, he seems to have peaked early on that front as despite being locked in a room with pen, paper and a Bob Monkhouse dvd he's yet to come up with anything else!

Here's the only joke I ever invented:

Did you hear about the editor who was anxious about his writers' typographical errors?

He was worried sic.

Not yet giving up my day job!

Funny stuff, especially pigface 🙂

The only "joke" I remember making up as a kid was when my mum and dad asked me where oil comes from... I answered...

Greece!

(...Grease... Yeah?)

Surely you are simply mis-remembering this:

I was very proud of this one in my former life as a waiter:

Asked by a customer "which part of a fish is the loin "

I replied "the cod piece"

It was met with a blank look, then "I know the cod loin is cod, but which bit"

*this may be as old as the folks but I'd not heard it so am taking credit.

I said to my travelling fishmonger, 'got any crabs on ya cock'
he wasn't happy.

I went wine tasting with Jilly Goolden once. She was getting hints of 'wheelbarrow', 'old sock' and 'marmite'.

I was getting orange, passion fruit, guava and mango...........turns out I was drinking Um Bongo

As I warm up for a much looked forward to road trip through France, how about this one:
-Frappé, frappé
- Quie est la?
- L'hoste
- L'hoste qui?
- Oui!

Quelle dommage!

Yesterday I was taking the doggie with MrAdamW for the evening walk in the park. Doggie did a wee on one bush then moved off and cocked his *other* leg against a different bush.

"Oo look!" I exclaimed - "He's ambi-dog-strous!".

I was informed a slight titter was booked in for August 25th 2028 at between 10:25:01 and 10:25:02, together with a firm look and a sigh. 😕

I said to my travelling fishmonger, 'got any crabs on ya cock'

I once responded to, "got time on ya cock?" with "no, my wrist."

It's a wonder I'm still alive really.

Loving the um bongo one!
Confess to slow old man that 'roll on ball' was my inspiration!

Dirty rider, surely there can't be two comedy geniuses out there?

A man walks up to an ice-cream kiosk and in a croaky voice says:

"large vanilla cone, please"

"Certainly sir... Crushed nuts?"

"No, laryngitis..."

AND

My favoirite, ever:

"Would you like to see my newt...?

...He's called 'Tiny'"

"Why is he called 'Tiny'?"

"Because he's my newt."

IWGMC

I lost my voice last week, you didn't hear me moaning about it though.

L'hoste
- L'hoste qui [i]ça[/i]?
- Oui!

I didn't make up a joke but I started one off in Spain.

Waaaay back in 1977 when I was an English Assistant at a Spanish Poly I told my room-mate the old chestnut about the kid travelling through the city in a taxi with his Mum. He asks: "Mum, who are all those ladies waiting on the corners?" Mum blushes red and stammers: "Er... er... they're sailors' wives waiting for their husbands to come home!" The taxi driver turns round and says: "Tell the lad the truth! They're prostitutes, that's what they are!" The mother is furious but says nothing. A few minutes later the small boy asks again: "Mum, do prostitutes have little boys?" The mum replies: "Of course they do - where do you think taxi divers come from?"

The effect was uexpected as my room mate almost pissed himself laughing. Anybody who speaks a bit of Spanish will know that this joke works better in Spanish than in English because the favourite Spanish curse is "Hijo de puta!" which means literally "Son of a whore" and is used very commonly in the sense of the American "Sonofabitch".

So the next day I told the same joke to one of my classes with the same result - instant hysterical laughter. I must have told the joke to 250 different students during that week and kick-started it in Spain because most will have gone straight home and re-told it. About five years later I was back in Spain and a Spaniard told me the very same joke, unchanged and using the very same words, so well did the joke work in Spanish. I reckon my joke ony had to find its way to the ears of somebody who worked for radio or TV and it must have gone national because I'm certain it was brand new to eveybody who heard it from me.

My claim to fame.

i dont like dogs,
and yesterday i woke up to see a german shepherd sh***ing on my lawn,
today he brought his dog as well

My two jokes:

(To my dad when I was about 14)

'I'm watching my weight'

'Yes, you're watching it go up'

(Eating ice cream with the family and an opera singer on the radio in the background)

'Is this Vianetta?'

'No, it's Pavarotti'

'

OP, top quality gag. Nicely done.

Sorry noltae, but you have pinched my joke (and no doubt a million others who lay claim to it as it is so obvious....

you would have to be mad to swim in the river in Paris. In fact, you would be insane

A few others I made up that I can remember...

What is a diversion? A welshmans' way of doing something
What you call a bunch of unconvinced people sat in a large container? A sceptic tank

Bookings being taken....talk to my agent 🙂

According to the board ironing is decreasing.

That's mine.