"I REFUSE TO H...
 

  You don't need to be an 'investor' to invest in Singletrack: 6 days left: 95% of target - Find out more

[Closed] "I REFUSE TO HAVE A STEPFORD FOOF!" More mumsnet gold

44 Posts
38 Users
0 Reactions
84 Views
Posts: 7121
Free Member
Posts: 36
Free Member
 

Why would I want to jzoosh me foof? Are they doing cock n ball lifts next week? DH is far more in need than genital gravity defying than I am.

she's not rong.


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 4:54 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

😯


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 4:56 pm
Posts: 2180
Free Member
 

Ah, that moment in life when you lay on your back in bed and they touch the mattress.


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 4:58 pm
Posts: 7
Free Member
 

Mumsnet makes you realise there's a lot of stuff that women are fully aware of but refuse to admit to in real life/in front of men 😯

Sugar and spice and all things nice, not so sure 🙂


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 4:58 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Mmmmmmmmm.... ladygardening.


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 4:59 pm
Posts: 0
Full Member
 

today's culture of "body beautiful" I feel duty bound not only to keep what's on show acceptable to look at but also the "nether regions" need to look their best . On closer inspection with a hand held mirror I was appalled to find the old "balloon knot" was not looking it's best and the years had taken their toll, without further ado this splendid product had spruced up the offending area and now it's as good as new , I may get my teeth done next .

😆


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 5:01 pm
Posts: 8177
Free Member
 

Personally, I'd be quite happy to receive a vagina facial.

😉


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 5:13 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

woody2000 <shows yellow card> 😀


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 5:15 pm
Posts: 8819
Full Member
 

Hey, I thought we'd agreed that it would only be Hora that keeps an eye on mumsnet?


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 5:16 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Clearly, it's not her net we're interested in.


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 5:17 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Thanks cloudnine!

Excellent work.


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 5:18 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

I like this comment.

29 and one baby by forceps, my fanny is already ****ed

Anything 29 is all wrong anyway.


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 5:26 pm
Posts: 28475
Free Member
 

Just the idea of it gives me the Wiggins! grin

Que? Is this some kind of Mumsnet meme?


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 5:32 pm
Posts: 77347
Free Member
 

I think it's a sort of ladygarden topiary involving bushy sideburns.


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 5:37 pm
Posts: 251
Full Member
 

Is there clematis involved?


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 5:42 pm
Posts: 7270
Free Member
 

Is there clematis involved?

Only if they are particularly loose.


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 5:51 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Is there clematis involved?

Lots of it in the woodland around Center Parcs apparently...


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 6:00 pm
Posts: 11381
Free Member
 

This thread is such a joy to read. I was having a right mardy-bum day, and then I realised that not only did my bum probably need bleaching, it also needed attitude correction to stop it being mardy...
In truth, I can see my own "bum'ole" without being a contortionist. I have an ileostomy, so my bum's on my tum. I merely sit upon the redundant one.
I'm 57 now, and couldn't give a flying **** what my undercarriage is up to. Ninety percent of me bush dropped out when I was ill, so it's got the aspect of a devastated wasteland with some bits of bolted asparagus fern... wink

Aaaannnnd I'm spent


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 6:05 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Aaaannnnd I'm spent

I think that's the funniest thing I've ever read on here. Bravo!


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 7:13 pm
Posts: 17366
Full Member
 

66deg - Member
I like this comment.
29 and one baby by forceps, my fanny is already ****

Ah, a 29er +


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 7:39 pm
 hora
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Every been with a girl with a hairy chocolate star?

You can't even raise it in conversation. As more than likely youll be on the bookie dole queue..


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 7:40 pm
Posts: 5626
Full Member
 

They are rather potty-mouthed over on Mumsnet.

Taken from the Stepford post.

**** the ****ing **** off to the ****ing far ****ing side of ****ing **** and when you ****ing get there ****ing **** off some ****ing more.

That's likely to you a very big ban hammer in these parts.


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 8:20 pm
Posts: 71
Free Member
 

jzoosh me foof

Is one of the most incredible phrases ever.


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 8:29 pm
Posts: 33325
Full Member
 

Comedy gold! I loved this post:

My first thoughts on reading that daily fail link is what is going to happen to my vagina when I turn 40? Does it suddenly implode?! What is the difference between more mature foofs and younger ones?! I'm a bit scared now. 🙁

[s]29 and one baby by forceps, my fanny is already ******[/s]


Well on that last point, she's not wrong!
I've tended to avoid Mumsnet up til now, I think I might start lurking over there a bit more often, lots of mucky humour going on there. 😆


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 9:44 pm
Posts: 0
 

Supposing she had it done, and her bloke failed to notice... divorce?


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 10:05 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

From the same thread....

Re. anal bleaching - towards the end of last year, a MNer tried a home version of this with toothpaste, and turned her bumhole blue

just.. what??


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 10:21 pm
Posts: 8669
Full Member
 

The old balloon knot.

I'm out of control here.


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 10:27 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

As a single man but not a serial dater/man whore I like it when I come across an excellent muff. Tidy, well kept.....steamed is a new one but hey, I'm a new man etc. I keep my junk tidy....we both work out.


 
Posted : 23/01/2015 10:35 pm
Posts: 7887
Free Member
 

In tears. Whole bed shaking.

We need to up our game to compete with the best of Mumsnet!


 
Posted : 24/01/2015 12:58 am
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

I liked the slow cooker recipes on there, not anymore


 
Posted : 24/01/2015 2:24 am
Posts: 12
Free Member
 

Hilarious!

Why do they get ot do the swears but we can't?


 
Posted : 24/01/2015 3:49 am
Posts: 24498
Free Member
 

"Like looking at last year's hanging basket"

Tears rolling down here. I may have to cancel today's ride, I think I've sprung a rib.


 
Posted : 24/01/2015 7:27 am
Posts: 71
Free Member
 


Why do they get ot do the swears but we can't?

Because teh wimminz visit here sometimes, and they have delicate little minds, and we shouldn't sully them with our vulgarity. Oh... Wait.


 
Posted : 24/01/2015 7:50 am
Posts: 357
Free Member
 

Just goes to show what a bunch of amateurs we all are on STW! 🙂


 
Posted : 24/01/2015 8:01 am
Posts: 28680
Full Member
 

I've not even opened the link as I'm laughing/traumatised enough just from the comments from you lot !


 
Posted : 24/01/2015 8:10 am
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Mumsnet should combine forces with the Kurdish Peshmerga - ISIS wouldn't stand a chance.


 
Posted : 24/01/2015 2:16 pm
 nach
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

[img] [/img]


 
Posted : 24/01/2015 3:27 pm
Posts: 7887
Free Member
 

It was when I saw that I nearly peed in bed.


 
Posted : 24/01/2015 4:36 pm
Posts: 28475
Free Member
 

It was when I saw that I nearly peed in bed.

Have you considered going on Mumsnet and asking about decent pelvic floor exercises?


 
Posted : 24/01/2015 5:40 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

An old head chef told me that we mainly eat with our eyes. If said vafoof looks like a badly packed kebab you're not going to enjoy the ' meal ' as much.


 
Posted : 24/01/2015 7:08 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

[img] http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQjgPRw9P--YPGgfg2yrTWsjTNX0T8y0sRBtTcRv2MAmSPkwasUVO8O9BD-OA [/img]
Philip back in the day when every foof more hair than the average STW beard.


 
Posted : 24/01/2015 7:18 pm
Posts: 33325
Full Member
 

Philip back in the day when every foof more hair than the average STW beard.

By 'beard' you don't mean...? 😯


 
Posted : 24/01/2015 8:00 pm
Posts: 32265
Full Member
 

Mumsnet really is the gift that keeps giving!


 
Posted : 24/01/2015 9:37 pm
Posts: 357
Free Member
 

That Phillip Schofield picture is funny on all kinds of levels! 😀


 
Posted : 24/01/2015 11:57 pm

6 DAYS LEFT
We are currently at 95% of our target!