[Closed] I need to unburden myself.

I need to tell someone this, finally. I think I might be looking to punish myself for mistakes made in my previous relationships, by seeking out potential relationships and sabotaging them. I don’t feel that I deserve a happy relationship because of my actions in the previous one. I was verbally abusive and petty and on a couple of occasions physically abusive. (This is an abridged account of a seven year relationship of abuse it does not cover the true extent of my transgressions, including no less than 4 counts of unfaithfulness, (in varying degrees.)) Whilst on a family holiday I left my wife asleep and visited a prostitute. I have no doubt this led to a cycle of guilt and a path of sabotage to bring about the end, which was fulfilled by her meeting someone whilst on a business trip. As an escape for me I offered no resistance or at least only a façade of one. I did not fight for it in anyway nor did I truly want to because I knew full well I was not deserving of it, this is why I don't deserve it. For this I am truly sorry and ashamed.