[Closed] I need to introduce some new Business Bullshit

Is "please popularise the expression" some kind of business bullshit? cos I've got no idea what you want

See, where you're going wrong is it actually has some sort of logical sense to it.

Far better having someone repeat back some nonsensical twaddle you made up.

After the popularise comes the monitise💰

I rather like "don't screw down the nails".

I can probably use that tomorrow - but I'm thinking more in the context of 'let's take this bit of work so far, but leave room to pivot it to something else if need be'.

[i]Don't screw down the nails on that policy paper, the Secretary of State will have changed his mind by next week anyway.[/i]

[i]Is “please popularise the expression” some kind of business bullshit?[/i] - Sorry, I have been in called with Accenture and Deloitte all day.

Make the expression popular?
Use the phrase?
Say those words in your meetings?

I appear to have lost the power of English.

Scuttler - I am looking to democratise the conduit of creation to avoid the exploitation of asset monetisation by the entrenched communi-culture

finbar - feel free to add a third meaning to it. The more the merrier. It is a phrase that seems to make sense at first glance and totally depends on how you frame it to determine what that sense is.

To use a phrase that's popular in my office currently, that interpretation is just my hot take on the issue.

See, where you’re going wrong is it actually has some sort of logical sense to it.

Also, is it the wrong way around? "We need to screw down the nails on this."

You could say:
We get paid for knocking nails in not screwing them down.
Screwing the nails down means screwing our margins up.

I hate to say it WCA, but your colleague's explanation of 'right tools for the job' makes far more sense to me (in so far as these things ever do, anyway). You're trying to screw in nails, what you need there is a hammer.

Definition 3 could be "don't overthink it" perhaps? You're trying to drive a nail with a screwdriver when what you actually need to do is just **** it one.

I wrote both definitions and the phrase. We just flipped a coin to see who got what

I'll be socialising this on my next collaborative think-in

Yeah, OK! ...and when someone looks quizzical at option 1, we can say "you know, like Perfect is the enemy of Good? It's like that"

Don’t screw down the nails on that policy paper, the Secretary of State will have changed his mind by next week anyway.

Still makes no sense, which I know is the point, as you don't screw down nails.

The 'correct' phrase which could be used in same context is "don't tighten the nuts"

I'm retired now so I no longer feel the need to ideate, whether inside or outside of a box, and I really CBA to ringfence this particular unicorn.

We need to screw down the nails on this.

YES!!!

Ah, so WCA wants a bullshit phrase used so much that it'll eventually get used by one of his customers via the roundabout route.. got it. I don't work in business, so I'm about as much use as a threaded nail

I’m about as much use as a threaded nail

👊

When you've a hammer, everything looks like a nail...

I use often, but I do a fair few project/programme post-mortems...

would this be a bad time to bring up the hammer screws i just bought in screwfix?

Still makes no sense, which I know is the point, as you don’t screw down nails.

Exactly. Think along the lines of The Apprentice and you'll get it.

All screws are hammer screws if you try hard enough.

We prefer abbreviations for everything.
N.C.T and a H.C.B?
Y.D.R.

Sorry, I have been in called with Accenture and Deloitte all day.

Ive had quite a few projects like those over the years, and we're probably overdue another one about now for the usual "sorry we've just spent millions on transformation management consultants so we can't afford pay rises this year".

It's bullshit meetings like those that mean I cannot wait 'til retirement.

[looks at calendar] Only 25 years to go. Bollocks.

With meaning #1, there's a very distinct risk that you'll appear to be a moron with no clue about DIY*.

We need to screw down the nails on this.

That just sounds like a stupiderer version of "Dot the i's and cross the t's" that similarly implies that the user doesn't know about DIY IMHO.

I quite like usage #2...

IANA business leader though so I'm not sure I'm the right person to screw that nail on this.

*Whereas of course, we know you're an expert at DIY

I managed to get our Sales Director to use the phrase "hunt for the long tailed armadillo" in a public conference presentation he gave.

We can do this.

Sorry, I have been in called with Accenture and Deloitte all day.

You absolutely have my sympathy, you poor sod

And now just finished a KPMG call.

Trying to remember why I gave up booze and what alternatives there are in the current situation. I have about half a bottle of Oramorph that might ease my mind

Laudanum Fentanyl, perhaps?

I’m about as much use as a threaded nail

I suggest you read up what a ringshank nail is....they are damn useful.

The definition needs no further refinement. There's no need to screw down the nails on this more than we have. I'm ready now to socialise this helpful phrase, envisioning adoption across the piece.

I've been trying to introduce a phrase for ages, but have yet to hear anyone else using it.
'As the pig walks', self explanatory really, the opposite of 'as the crow flies'
It seems sensible to me, but getting things widely adopted can be tricky. Good luck

I suggest you read up what a ringshank nail is….they are damn useful.

You keep your ringshanks......................

I give you the Nailscrew !!

https://www.nailscrews.com/

WCA - I read that screw-nails thing and the phrase “another screw in his coffin” sprang into my mind. And now I can’t get it out.

WCA – I read that screw-nails thing and the phrase “another screw in his coffin” sprang into my mind. And now I can’t get it out.

There are some 'special interest' videos on that very topic but not on YouTube I suspect

I got called a corporate citizen with direct interactive hardware.

Felt a little sick after tbf. it jumped right off the lips of the person saying it too.
One of my colleagues asked if wage slave was a better term..

Glad it was on teams

We need to screw down the nails on this.

That just sounds like a stupiderer version of “Dot the i’s and cross the t’s” that similarly implies that the user doesn’t know about DIY IMHO.

Surely that's the point!

It isn't supposed to make sense, it's supposed to be utterly moronic but plausible enough to sound catchy.

My brother and his partner used to drop the phrase 'yeah well its all bread for ducks really' into as many conversations as possible, but also in as many contexts as possible and with as many different inferred meanings as possible.

"coming down the pub?"

"sorry, can't got to wait in for the plumber"

"thats a shame"

"yeah well its all bread for ducks really"

or

"finshing at lunchtime tomorrow  looks like its going to be a blazing hot weekend the so the boss is letting us all away early"

'You lucky bastard"

"yeah well its all bread for ducks really"

Screws and nails? Reminds me of a story a friend tells about his granddaughter . . .

After attending church one Easter Sunday, the little girl (then aged about 5) asked "Daddy, Daddy, why did they nail Jesus to the cross?".

Her dad tried to explain in an age-appropriate way, but she interrupted: "No Daddy, I mean why didn't they use screws?".

Hammer in, (un)screw out. Otherwise you're doing it wrong.

In your efforts to popularise this phrase I hope you don’t go chasing squirrels round the tree in order to get results.

I think i am going to have to signpost you to the external communications department for a redirect on this one.

Although in my job, telling the trade guys not to hammer in the screws would kinda make sense

I think you are a perpetrator of both mono and polysyllabic terminologically misappropriated inexactitudes myself.

I can easily use this for collaboration on a document for an ever-evolving project. "We don't want to screw down the nails because x will migrate to z but not in the timescales we need to socialise a first draft".

Audience will love that shit too.

I’m on board with this. Feels especially relevant as today at work I fitted a bolt with a sledgehammer.

Going slightly Apprentice ish babble crap.

'Let's not use a screw when a nail will do' - Going OTT
'Don't hammer the screw in' - Cutting corners doesn't work
'It's time to put the screws in' - Seal the deal
'Stop hammering the screw' - You're making loads of noise and still doing it wrong.

You have put the name in, the job is done.

You don't need to go and try to screen them in well, that is unnecessary and pointless wasted effort

You can't screw a nail in...... thats surely the point: it doesn't work, the nail isn't threaded and doesn't have a screw head on it.

If you try, you'll get nowhere, because:
A) you are using the wrong tool
B) you are trying to apply a higher standard than has been specified/is necessary

I suggest updating the bullshit to "lets not try to screw the nails in" - which then makes perfect sense.

As the pig walks

Yes!

I suggest updating the bullshit to “lets not try to screw the nails in” – which then makes perfect sense.

You lot are beyond help.

The bullshit is exactly that because it doesn't make any sense. See ringfencing unicorns, what does that even mean?

Lets build this boat and see if it flies!

I always liked "let's think outside the box and close the lid"

what does that even mean?

You're too late if you want any sense - that cat licked its paws and left a long time ago and now nobody wants to pull the spines off the cactus.

[i]nobody wants to pull the spines off the cactus.[/]

I once heard "That project has hedge hogged and no-one wants to pick it up now"

thats surely the point: it doesn’t work, the nail isn’t threaded and doesn’t have a screw head on it

I remember those meetings, where there was always someone who took examples literally and felt like they had to explain the obvious. Always one capybara soiling the landfill.

“That project has hedge hogged and no-one wants to pick it up now”

I quite like that….. will use it tomorrow

Surely "Don't screw down the nails!" Could me don't do something that superficially looks like the right thing to do, but if you thought about it for a second, as actually useless. See for a great example, Sunak's announcement of the day of a rebate, which isn't a rebate, but a loan.

This is an attempt to create a bolloquialism.

You lot are beyond help.

It's funny isn't it. So many people missing the point completely, and trying to be cool while lecturing us about DIY. 😀

As the pig walks

Yes!

NO! Pigs don't walk, they fly. You ever seen a pig out for a walk? If you did, it was a nude sheep!

Now stop messing around and get these pigs off the ground. (A phrase used by the US Marines in Korea!)

It’s funny isn’t it. So many people missing the point completely, and trying to be cool while lecturing us about DIY. 😀

As someone that doesn't work in 'business', I'm wondering - is it just some nationwide in-joke to say stupid things that make one sound like a moron? Does everyone just assume everyone else is doing it ironically? Was Trump, in fact, writing sarcastically when he used 'unpresidented' or 'cocked & loaded'? I don't believe so, but perhaps I need to be whoosh parroted?

The more sophisticated examples are things that sound superficially correct, but given a second's thought it becomes clear that the user is well-aware of the usage and is trolling. Otherwise the recipient is always going to be unsure whether the person they're talking to is playfully trolling them or just an idiot.

little relevance to Q, but im going to steal a term form the energy thread - "tech Unicorn" ..

We did a course about report writing and the like (John Moon - look him up - Clarity and Impact) and it made a massive difference to the whole department - so much so, everyone in the business loved the clear and concise reports that didn't waffle and use 'fancy business bullshoot'. Win win.

As someone that doesn’t work in ‘business’, I’m wondering – is it just some nationwide in-joke to say stupid things that make one sound like a moron?

No, it's just generally moronic.

As soon as you start interacting with fannies who graduated with a business administration degree it's just torture. Scott Adams may be wrong about a lot of things but he was spot on with Dilbert.

It is not just business types.

Engineers 'fabricate' a bracket rather than just make the bracket, wood workers use CA glue as a temporary fix while I just use superglue.

You need some 'specialist' terms and expressions to show your value. It is just Business people have more time on their hands and need to prove their value more

Does 'fabricate' not have a specific meaning beyond simply 'make'? (I've no idea)

Business Bullshit Buzzword Bingo aside, there is a tendency I think for people to just assume that everyone else knows their industry. We have regular company update webinars (sorry, I'm doing it now) and I probably understand about half of it. I'm sure an 'ebbit dah' is important to someone but I haven't got a clue, sounds like a Welshman to me. Seemingly some numbers have got bigger and some others have got smaller. Is that good, then?

And of course, people in glass houses and all that. Technology disciplines do so love a good TLA.

It is not just business types.

Definitely not just business types - try some architect speak:

[url= https://www.building.co.uk/construction-issues/how-to-speak-architect/5065244.article ]In a Nietzschean manner, La Villette moves towards interpretative infinity, for the effect of refusing fixity is not insignificance but semantic plurality.[/url]

Definitely not just business types – try some architect speak

Good point. And don't get me started on academics, jesus. 'Context-free grammar' indeed.

https://pdos.csail.mit.edu/archive/scigen/

Already been done

"6. Lay down Your Decking Boards

Once the frame is finished, you just need to attach the decking boards to the frame. It is recommended to use two screws per joist in the frame. Make sure to leave a space of around 1/4 inch between the boards for water to flow down. It is recommended to get your hands on a high quality impact driver to screw down the nails..."

Business people have more time on their hands

Generalisation!

Where I work people are forever going on journeys to deliver things yet never leave the office. Customer journeys, delivering projects etc. Might be me but just sounds wrong. I think it’s a way to attempt to make extremely boring shit sound exciting, like when we used to surf the web. I have a mistrust of people that can’t talk plainly. Think it’s because I’m simple.

I’m going to try and get screw down the nails and nobody wants to pull the spines off the cactus in to meetings over the next week. I’d also like to volunteer to pick up the hedgehog. They’re ace

I’d also like to volunteer to pick up roll the hedgehog in clay and bake it. They’re ace for travel snacks

Engineers ‘fabricate’ a bracket rather than just make the bracket

In engineering workshop terms ‘make’ is not specific enough, it could encompass assembling from parts, or it could mean physically cutting/forming sheets, turning metal etc. ‘Fabricate’ means the latter, ‘assemble’ the former.

I’d also like to volunteer to pick up roll the hedgehog in clay and bake it. They’re ace for travel snacks

Moved on from squirrels then? 😉