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A few days ago on the Widowed and Young website I saw on there that one lucky family would be chosen to have a Christmas weekend away in the Peak District this weekend. It was a short notice thing, but thought why not, I never win anything anyway.
Had an email today saying they were able to accommodate 2 families, and we had been offered a place! Instantly panic set in. No time to prepare or get things sorted. I am sure the kids will love it. They have a buffet, magician, kids entertainer, party and disco on Saturday night. And santa is making a visit with a personalised special letter for each child and a present. Only 2 families from widowed and young are going, the other 28 families are all single parent families.
I have mixed feelings though. I know when I get there it will likely be ok, but nervous and panicky at the moment as it will be the first time away as a family without Lyanda. Guilt and dread are also making an appearance. Lyanda's dad and my parents have all told me they can appreciate what i am emotionally going through but to go and enjoy it the best I can with the kids, so nice to have some emotional support.
Thanks to you all making the gnusmobile a reality, this has become possible. Tomorrow will be a test for the gnusmobile. It is self catering so apart from Saturday evening, I need to take enough to feed us all from tomorrow until Sunday morning. And clothes. And 5 Gnusmases. We will be leaving there lunchtime Sunday so hopefully be a nice couple of days break for us.
Brilliant.
Just go with the flow. The change of scenery will surely help!
Good luck and enjoy it.
Sometimes those last minute unplanned breaks can be the most enjoyable. Have a good weekend and make some good memories.
Fantastic.n you'll have a brilliant time.
Hope you all have a good time. 👍
Enjoy Gnusmas and family!
Fantastic.
Go and enjoy every minute! Absolutely deserve it... And enjoy the road trip!
Where in the peak? Shops are available here too oi you need anything 😉
Enjoy!
Road trip for the gnusmobile! Try to stay in the moment if you can, but you're smart enough to know when you need to listen to your emotions too.
The place is called Hargate Hall. It is between Buxton, Bakewell and Castleton apparently. I haven't told the kids yet, but i have arranged with the schools to pick them up tomorrow at 12:00 and then we will go on a road trip. I might not tell them and leave it as a surprise.
I know there are shops up there, if I can get everything done tonight then it's less to worry about tomorrow. That was the thinking.
Nice one.
Enjoy the break.
👍 have a great time.
Enjoy. Take your woollies, it's breezy out there!
All other things aside, please try not to feel guilty about being able to take your kids away. Would she have wanted that?
Cougar - I know what your saying, and that's the bit I'm struggling with. I know she would want us to enjoy ourselves, but doing these things without her is going to be tough. I will try my best to enjoy, probably be a lot easier when we are there.
And I only wear shorts so wearing woollies is going to be difficult. I will be sure to have a photo taken of me in my shorts in the freezing cold weather up there.
Easier said than done, but just try to relax and enjoy the time with the kids. You’ve all been through so much and deserve a nice break. Oh and definitely post a photo of yourself freezing in your shorts 👍🏼
That's not too far from us. I'm tempted to come over, walk up to you and give you a big hug, then leave, all without saying s word
Hope it all goes well and you enjoy the break. Look forward to hearing you had a good time and the kids loved it!
I'm sure you and the kids will have a lovely time. It's a great location and you'll be annoyed you don't have a bike with you (unless you have).
I never knew Lyanda, but do you think she would have preferred you to stay at home and stare at the walls?
Have a good weekend.
Cougar – I know what your saying, and that’s the bit I’m struggling with. I know she would want us to enjoy ourselves, but doing these things without her is going to be tough.
Of course it's going to be tough. But of all the available emotions, why feel guilt? Sad, sure, but guilty? Stop it.
I get your point.
Firstly congratulations!
I had a bit of a shock when I read Hargate Hall. My granddad lived alot of his childhood in there when it was a private house owned by his uncle. Can you please take some pictures? He's no longer around but i think my mum would like to see.
His advice from one amazing human to another would be go at it and enjoy!
Firstly I’m excited and pleased for you all, you all deserve a break.
Boringly my second thought was the car. I chucked a couple of £’s in thinking it would be used for short trips. I hope it’s up to this task, but do you have breakdown cover? If not is there any money left from the ‘pot’?. If not I would chuck some small change in again if it’s still open.
If you're carrying Lyanda in your heart you are NOT doing it without her.
Not sure what time you will have but some nice little walks on the Monsal Trail (ex railway line so easy for kids). Blue John Cavern is close by but don't think you can carry kids in there.
Go, enjoy, it will be wet, windy, cold and full of memories, if the weather does actually clear up you will see lots of stars in the sky, shining as brightly as ever.
Bon voyage! 👋
“nbt
That’s not too far from us. I’m tempted to come over, walk up to you and give you a big hug, then leave, all without saying s word”
#strangest
Go have a good time, as said above Lyanda wouldn’t want you sat at home, she’d want you all to go and enjoy yourselves, she’ll be there with you all
Hopefully you're not reading this (because you should be getting ready).
Pace yourself young man. Tell Lyanda what you are doing and just enjoy.
Are you allowed visitors? I'd love to pop over and say hello (with nbt).
Can't wait to hear all about it next week.
Houns wrote
nbt
#strangest
Ok, Your name's on the list
The Hug List
Have a great time, just take it one step at a time, the Peaks is a great place.
Go on Tiger! Deep Breath & get on with it!
Spontaneous things like this always put the willies up me, and that's without all the stuff you have had to deal with. But, I always end up loving these unplanned last minute things the most.
Have Fun & don't feel guilty. Your Wife would have wanted you to embrace stuff like this.
Thanks for all the support again, really means a lot as usual. Talked to Lyanda last night, and asked her to help me this weekend. I think I'll need it.
If anyone wants to pop round then please do so. The activities start at 1:30 on Saturday so will be free before then and Sunday, looking to get a bite to eat somewhere before leaving after lunch. Recommendations and meet up possible Sunday too. You won't miss me, i will be wearing shorts and have 4 kids running riot. There is no WiFi there and reception is quite patchy apparently.
Have to come back at a reasonable time as my grandmother's funeral is on Monday. Kids don't know that though.
I won't have my bike with me, but my shorts and Raceface tshirts are packed and ready to go. Off to get the kids in a minute, then pack the car and make our way.
👍
This is a happy thing.
Nice. The Peak District is beautiful. If you have a spare half a day then Bakewell is a lovely town centre all done out for Christmas. If you want something less retail based then the Devil's Arse cavern in Castleton would be fun with the kids, it's a walk in cave and there is an entrance fee but it is cool as you get to wear a helmet with light. Have fun.
If you’re carrying Lyanda in your heart you are NOT doing it without her.
Very well said.
What that lot all said ^^^ have a brill time 😀
Car finally loaded, all the kids are in, just about to set off. A bit later than I hoped but not a problem.
Go Go Gnusmobile!
If you’re carrying Lyanda in your heart you are NOT doing it without her.
This +1.
When faced with situations like this ask yourself "What would Lyanda want me to do?"
Just go with the flow and enjoy - i'm sure your kids will love it, and i'm sure you wont be the only parent there riding a roller coaster of emotions.
Have a nice time Gnusmas
Lyanda is always in my heart and I know she is with me always. I meant it in a physical sense.
Stopped at services on the A5 near Telford to stretch legs, toilet breaks and a bite to eat. Doing OK for time, about 2 hours away still but everyone in good spirits. And the gnusmobile has been great.
And we're here. And I have signal too! Kids have all run off with the hoard of kids already here, Al of them running riots around the place. Having a cup of mulled wine at the moment.
Sounds like a fine way to spend an evening dude! If I'd have seen this earlier I'd have sorted coming over to meet up on Sunday, not sure I can fit it around working though sadly.
So chuffed to hear that the kids are having fun. Try & do the same yourself, yeah?
On a vaguely related note if anyone has a set of roof bar brackets for the Gnusmobile I have a roof box & bars going spare which may make multi kid trips easier. Could probably get them to South Wales in the new year too...
I'm normally a pretty emotionally stable bloke, able to divorce myself from these things. Yes I am empathetic but also pragmatic. Some call me stoic.
So- some random bloke gets a whole world of pain dumped upon him that rips into his young family's life and then goes on to remove one of them with no real warning.
So- some random people on-line do what they can to help out.
And then more rubbish happens, but your man carries on- never asking for help, just telling people how it is.
So- this bunch of disparate but interconnected individuals, inspired by a great idea, get things moving again.
And now your man is having a proper break. And that is a good thing.
This is brilliant!
"I had a bit of a shock when I read Hargate Hall. My granddad lived a lot of his childhood in there when it was a private house owned by his uncle. Can you please take some pictures? He’s no longer around but I think my mum would like to see.
His advice from one amazing human to another would be go at it and enjoy!"
But this, this is even better;
"Kids have all run off with the hoard of kids already here, Al of them running riots around the place."
BRILLIANT!
Thanks Ambrose, a pretty good summary. It is still amazing and unbelievable what you have all done. I wish I could meet everyone and introduce my family to this extended family.
Finally got the kids to sleep last night at midnight, they are all really excited and very tired. I went to sleep shortly after and woke up just before 7am this morning. Pretty good for me for a change.
We have our own apartment in Hargate Hall. 2 double bedrooms, a mezzanine floor with 2 beds, a living room, kitchen with dining table and a bathroom. Evan have a Christmas tree in our room! Tea and coffee flowing nicely too, but didn't think about bringing beer for evening merryness. So everyone can mingle in the main hall, kids have the whole place to run around safely and the option of chilling in the room too.
So far, a relatively relaxing time. Later on today is the big party. I have already seen the personalised letters from santa to each of them. They asked if I could proof read them first because of the content. I had tears in my eyes reading them, a really nice mention of Lyanda in each of the letters. A really nice touch which I hope they will appreciate and take with them.
Thankyou all again for everything you have done. And for making this weekend possible.
You are a top bloke gnusmas. Taking your young family on a trip that filled you with trepidation but doing it just for them.
We are all behind you.
Ambrose - you are a star.
We went to a wedding at Hargate Hall a couple of years ago, it's a lovely spot.
Hopefully you don't get as drunk as I did when I was there, what a mess....
Hi Gnusmas
I don't contribute much to the forum but i have been following your story for a while.
Just reading the bit about santas letters mentioning Lyanda brought tears to my eyes.
You are a stronger man than i am and i just want to wish you and the kids all the very best for the future.
Blown away by the support on this forum.
Have a great weekend
D
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<span style="font-size: 0.8rem;">Stopped at services on the A5 near Telford to stretch legs, toilet breaks and a bite to eat. Doing OK for time, about 2 hours away still but everyone in good spirits. And the gnusmobile has been great.</span>
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ah shame I didn’t know your route, I was over that way at that time at my Nans, you could’ve stopped off there instead or I could’ve met you all for a brew at the services
And it's happened, I really hoped it wouldn't. Santa has arrived and started talking about mummy's and daddy's to the kids and I have had to get out of there. I am the only widow here I have found out, everyone else is a single parent due to other circumstances.
Really struggling to hold back the tears and don't want to spoil it for everyone. I want to be with my kids but even they don't seem interested.
Starting to think maybe this was a mistake and should have done something a bit more low key first. I don't know what to do 😢
Be there for your kids, take your lead from them. It will be tough and there are tough times to come, but together you are stronger.
Are the kids enjoying it? If so, try and take inspiration from that. I can’t even begin to understand how you feel, but I know you’re doing a great job.
edit - John types quicker than me
I want to be with my kids but even they don’t seem interested
Is that because they're occupied enjoying Santa and meeting the other kids? If so, that's great for them. Whatever happens, you were right to go. Things will get better; each time you will learn more about coping. Events will trigger whatever you do, so it's not a reason to not go places.
I don’t know what to do
From what I can see you've done the right thing all along - not that you knew what to do I guess at any point, you just did what came naturally.
If you have a meltdown in the bogs then so be it, but if you manage to hold it together then that's what happens - you've made a lovely weekend happen for them.
(And in a similar thought to Mr Beard above, it's probably a great sign that they haven't come running to you and are simply being kids)
Got through that incident, all the other adults now know the reason for it and I have chatted to a few of them tonight. This evening and tonight has been better. The kids are still all running riot around the place and don't seem phased by what happened earlier. All is good as can be. Will be leaving around lunchtime tomorrow and have to gear myself up for the funeral on Monday.
Well done, and glad to hear the kids are still going mental 🙂
Can’t imagine what must have been running through your head earlier, but you’ve done a great job again and hope you get another good night’s rest.
Glad to hear the evening’s gone well, great to have you sound positive! It’s a journey for you, as well as your kids.
Great to hear they’re having fun and are unphased.
Got through that incident, all the other adults now know the reason for it and I have chatted to a few of them tonight. This evening and tonight has been better. The kids are still all running riot around the place and don’t seem phased by what happened earlier.
Good for you.
This might sound like tough love and in a way it is. You know I am full of respect and love for you, and can't imagine how hard it's been and continues to be. Keep coping, you are awesome.
Don't forget yourself in all this; you need to make sure you are being looked after too. If you aren't OK then the rest is harder to achieve. But......
as a parent, and even more a single parent, your priority is your kids. That's the covenant we make when we decide to have them and it's the most important one you have particularly now, with no-one to share the load with. Whatever they feel, is what's important, and if they are smiling and charging around at the sight of the big man in the red suit, then that is what you have to try to do too. When they are up, no matter how you feel you have to try to be up with them. When they are down; then you have to console and listen and try to steady them again. Your needs are the second most important thing in the world right now - which is pretty f'ing important but still below theirs. There will be times when that can't be achieved and that's OK too, you have people around you who care and will help, but make that your goal and purpose.
My wife lost her best friend to brain cancer 6 years ago. Her husband went through everything you are and still does, but he's the best parent out of all of us BECAUSE of that, not in spite of it. To paraphrase his words
'life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to go out and play in the rain'
Put your coat on Alan and go and get wet with your kids. Be happy when they are, you all deserve it.
Ambrose popped round for a cuppa yesterday, and it's only when I started to show him the photos of the weekend away I realised I hadn't put a link up here for you all. Really sorry, I completely forgot. Quite a bit has happened over the past couple of weeks. Here is the link for those who wanted to see.
https://photos.app.goo.gl/je6edrMLtU3t9QDd7
Great pics!
I didn't realise snakes were traditional at Christmas though... 🙂
Looks like the kids had a great time. Good work fella!
Nice one.
Did you get to sit on Santa's knee?
Mega! Thanks for sharing, merry christmas to you all. 🙂
Thanks for sharing the photos gnusmas.
My grandad loved that place and was still going up ladders at 97. He would love to see the pics, was always one for fun right up to 101.
I know there will have been mixed emotions but it looks like you made some memories!