[Closed] I dont want to be married to you anymore.........

🙁

Feeling for you, Tim. Chin up mate.

LOt of it about mate 🙁

wow - sorry mate.

Ouchy. Be calm. Don't burn yer bridges would be the only advise I could give

Under the circumstances, shouldn't the MIL just do one and realise she's in the way?

Tim, my heart goes out to you mate.

Hopefully its just a bit of doubt, and she'll come round, but at the same time I've seen it happen quite a few times after illness, depression etc - in a battle to move on from the past, people feel a need to get rid of any and every thing around them that serves as an "uncomfortable reminder" of the past.

Whichever way it goes, good luck, keep strong, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Ride! Lots!

Bugger 😥

😯

Courage dude.

Sounds shit, feel for you.

Stay calm and listen to your instincts - they never lie

Mate really really sorry to hear that, we are here for you.

Is t sOmething you are keen to save? Would counselling help and would she agree to it?

sitting in the spare room waiting for her mother in law to leave so talks can recomense.

what more is there to say? She doesn't want to be married anymore is a decision she is entitled to make. Personally I'd start loading the wife's belongings into her mother's car, however I hope you get it sorted (to your satisfaction).

That's a tough way to start a new year. Sorry to hear that.
Hope you can sort things out one way or the other.

that is brutal,
ive been there, (my first wife ran off with a 'millionaire' she met on the internet).
i also would say dont burn your bridges, and dont say anything you may regret later.
doubt this will help much, but hope it does.

i am keen for councelling so i hope that will be our next step, but it looks like we are spending the next few weeks apart.

ffs motherinlaw stop eating my chocolate biscuits and do one!

Talk, Talk and talk somemore, get some professional help if you can, relate etc and keep calm and dignified, Good luck to you both.

Tim,

Know how you feel, just had a similar conversation with my missus about 10 minutes ago. Shite. 😥

mikertroid 😥 Bloody hell its catching.

anokdale - Member
Talk, Talk and talk somemore, get some professional help if you can, relate etc and keep calm and dignified, Good luck to you both.

+1 it really is the only way.

Be strong, feeling for you comrade.

Communicate, if it truly is that broken - and you alluded to it 'both don;t feel the same as we did' - then best you can do is make sure you have said what you need to say and move on, quickly. Been there and done it and come out the other end happy, smiling and having learnt a lot about myself. It's not failure - its just life and sometimes stuff like this happens. Chin up, ride your bike, take the time to sit in the sun* and think of all the positives 😀

* I'm wagering that one day it will reappear 😈

mikertroid sorry to hear that, its not the best feeling eh?

dont listen to radiohead, it doesnt help!!!

Sounds like Mike and Tim need something shiney and new for their bikes.

sorry to hear that guys, feel for you, bad times

It seems like she may now feel to be a burden to you.
With you now appearing to be her carer. Would it be fair to say she mentally struggles to see you as her partner.

Have you shown that any emotions that suggests you feel like you've lost her. As in. She's not the person you married.

Did you show the pain that you felt, from her being poorly for those 2 years?

It could be she doesn't want to cause yo any more pain. And wants to see you happier.

If there is any hope, councilling may well help.

If all is lost, then for both of you, it is in the long term, the best thing.

Take care Tim.

Hope it all comes good one way or another.

been there and done that it gets better and easier chin up to you both

Tough break kid !, seems like you were of a similar mind anyways.

As others have posted, keep your dignity, keep calm and don't do anything you may regret later.

I know thats easier written than done, as none of us are having the emotions you are right now. (probably)

If this is the bottom, then hopefully things get better soon.

All the best.

Sorry to hear it tim. Chin up. Keep your dignity and stay in touch with friends. They're going to be important for the next few months.

I think what Sharki said summed I what I'd like to say.

Marriage break ups are really painful. I walked out of mine 9 years ago tonight. Everyones circumstances and different but speaking to your friends really helps. You'll find they have hidden depths.

Good luck to you both.

Can recommend going to relate, when my first marriage came to an end, at my instigation, I went on my own and with the ex. Helped put everything into perspective and helped me move on. Might sound daft but even though it was my decision it was still hard but we both ended up with someone far more suited and both happier rather than just bobbing along sharing a house.
Still crap when it was happening but as others have said, it gets better.

My relationship ended after 9 years as we just kind of grew apart, was difficult calling it a day but 7-8 months on i've never been happier, it doesn't have to be a bad thing it ending.

It's not easy. But try talking, try relate, but also be prepared for the point when you might need to accept it's over.

It might sound harsh, but there comes a time when you need to move on.

It's utter crud getting to that point though.

Sounds like you both knew it was over but out of a sense of loyalty or responsibility, due to the fact she has been ill, you felt it had to come from her.

Whatever happens, I'd like to echo the sentiments above and confirm from personal experience it is often for the best.

Hope it works out for you.

ffs don't be listening to radiohead. you'll be taking a bath with an electric fire before you know it.

Bloody hell its catching.

good luck chaps. i'm convinced there's a better life on the other side, however things turn out.
all the best.
D.

Good luck to both of you in resolving your respective problems - as above time heals. Don't find solace in booze though.

Tough times indeed, like the others say keep calm ,talk, if the worst does happen things get better over time

Don't touch booze at all. None. The very best of luck to you whatever happens.

Really sorry to hear that 🙁

What TJ and Zulu-Eleven said +1

I said it to my wife once, or maybe something similar, 10 years ago when I was not right.

We sorted it out though and 10 years from then we are still together and stronger.

I hope you and your wife get it sorted out

You guys are being so supportive to Mr Grey

Tim
The role of a carer is a tightrope of emotions & I can understand how you feel/have been through, my wife has secondary progressive MS (21 years of our 29 together)

The last thing you need is parents around IMO as they just cloud the issues. I Don't want to pry but has her illness had any effect on her cognitive function? As I often feel as though I'm the bad guy because I see flaws in her reasoning, thankfully this is something other health professionals have spotted so I don't feel too bad for pointing it out 🙁

That's really sad Tim, I hope you can talk through and have an understanding. She may be in a troubled place herself.

keep calm and dignified

I may not be qualified to offer any advice as to my shame I was unable to do this myself. When she asked for space it was probably one of the greatest mistakes that I ever made that I didn't give her that.

I hope you can find a way.

Good luck Tim.

When she asked for space it was probably one of the greatest mistakes that I ever made that I didn't give her that.

I will second that.

Good luck mate. Something deffo in the air as my misses announced a few weeks ago that she's off. 20 years & two wonderful kids down the pan just like that.

Life really can kick you in the teeth sometimes.

All the best - I was there 2.5 years ago and it was horrible but now I am happier than ever - it will get better but it will take time

Del - Member
good luck chaps. i'm convinced there's a better life on the other side, however things turn out.
all the best.
D.

Question to the OP- throughout the illness what has your wife been like/coped mentally?

It may be that she is depressed or suffering from depression and can not see the signs?

Does she have a hot sister?

Tim if you want to get out on the bike for a while then give me a shout. A bit of exercise and fresh air does help. When me and R split I did a lot of riding.

When me and R split I did a lot of riding

Shirley the opposite? 8)

Actually I found out what I had been missing for a few years. A female friend had split with her fella a few weeks earlier so we "consoled" each other 😉

As others have said, please go to mediation, get the issues out in the open. Illness has profound consequences on relationships and it'd be such a shame if you both went down the wrong path.

Sorry to hear about you other guys too. Lowey, keep focused on your bike or you'll fall off, again! Take good care guys. I blame the mobile 'phone.

for tim and the others my commiserations
like teagirl says get to mediation and try to keep communicating but don't necessarily agree to anything right now
- had the same 12 years ago and took a long while to get my thinking right afterwards.

However, things do get better.

Actually I found out what I had been missing for a few years. A female friend had split with her fella a few weeks earlier so we "consoled" each other

Funny thing- people sometimes don't see whats happening but seem to think sex naturally tails off in a relationship as 'normal' when it isn't.

Friend at work- her and her partner did it twice a month and she saw this as normal (the longer your together, the less emphasis on sex there is) when in reality her Husband was banging a nurse rotten at work.

Lowey, keep focused on your bike or you'll fall off, again

Fear not Claire... I am still falling off regularly and with equal grace !!

best of luck with it Tim & Co,

I'd give a +10 for the suggestions to go to relate, they are good, i can really help.

best of luck with it Tim & Co,

I'd give a +10 for the suggestions to go to relate, they are good, it can really help.
They are good at helping fix people and can offer much needed perspective.

Well, ill health will have undoubtedly brought about a huge change in both of your lives. But how does your wife deal with this? Perhaps your role as carer has evolved rather than sitting down to work out how you can deal with the situation?

Is it not frustrating for her to see you go off riding your bike when perhaps she is unable to participate in an active lifestyle? It almost rubs it in that she has illness and you haven't.

I really think that going to Relate could help both of you, don't just throw in the towel. I wish you both well.

As for women announcing that their marriage is over - yep, I've done that. But it's very easy to turn a blind eye and pretend that things are the same as when you first got together/having children/children leaving home. Delete as appropriate.

Sorry to hear that. Add me to the list of those having serious relationship troubles. Spent christmas at my mum's after things fell apart with my missus of 13 years or so. We are kind of back on track now but there is lots of work to be done - we are going to try Relate.

I have been very ill/depressed over the last year which has put a strain on things. I imagine the current gloomy financial situation etc is putting strain on many people's relationships too.

bazzer - Member
When she asked for space it was probably one of the greatest mistakes that I ever made that I didn't give her that.
I will second that.

I asked my (now wife) to marry me. She said yes then later had doubts. We stayed in the same house but I gave her space to think and reflect on what she wanted. I had no idea where we were going to go (I even started to look for a new home) but after a couple of months she got herself straight and with absolutely no pressure from me she came back to me and said she wanted to marry me.

Oh, and the 'space' thing would seem to have helped in our case too. I stayed at my mum's over xmas, then went on holiday, then she went to see her mum in Scotland - spent about 3-4 weeks apart and it does help you to evaluate things more objectively I think.

I think it also helps for the simple fact that it gives the person in question the confidence to know that you aren't there leaning on them and demanding answers.

There is some saying about a relationship being like two pillars holding up a building (it is often trotted out at weddings but I think it has great merit). Something along the lines of being strong enough to hold things up but standing far enough apart to keep balance.

EDIT:

Here you go...
[i]And stand together, yet not too near together;
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow

- Kahlil Gibran (The Prophet) - About Marriage[/i]

Thanks for all the nice things said guys, sharki that was nicely put.

Mister p you have mail.

Well its never been a normal situation oir physical relationship suffered years ago because of her health, my fear of the implications of her getting pregnant etc etc.

We got complacent. Me the most.

Couple of months back her internet use went from minimal to 24/7 shes a keen writer so is in vsrious forums doing role playing ( not online sexy time i assure you)

She does suffer mentally with staying in all the time, she very very rarely sees her mates, and is increasingly shutting off the outside world.

Right now im not sure if that was her shutting me out, or a sign of something deeper wrong.

Space is definitely needed we have not spent more thsn 48 hours apart in 12 years.

Which when written out like that is a bit odd i spose.

Maybe we can get back to being husband and wife, right now i dont know.

Thanks again guys

I don't know you but I do hope it works out.

I hope things work out for the best.

well hows everyone doing?

still separated, im living with a mate now, things were pretty amicable, have recently become less so....

but all in all, things aint too bad, how are the other two guys who split from their wives at the same time as me doing?

im now bankrupt, but started a new job this week, in exactly the right sector, after a 5 year absence, for my old company I left 5 years ago.

all a bit wierd, its like i never left.

glad to hear things have picked up a little for you 🙂 .

Sounds as though you are moving forward and a new job too. Gosh, you are doing really well! Hang in there and stay positive. 🙂

It will all sort itself out and you'll meet someone else - might not seem so right now, but these things happen, challenge use and eventually you overcome them and move on...

have recently become less so....

SWT, do the sensible thing and cut it out of your life. otherwise in another 2 months everything will be your fault, typical swt wanting to keep a finger in every pie, options open and moral highground, well at least by her yardstick.

sack that, let her over analyse everything and tie her self in knots whilst you get on having a life with no contact with her... 50/50 chance she'll want to get back together just to knock you back down again and **** with your head.