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Thank you for your message.
We're really sorry about the delay, I have spoken to our team and we are going to try our best to prioritise getting this finalised as soon as possible.
Right, that was yesterday.
A personal favourite of mine is Easyjet's "the flight is delayed due to the late arrival of the aircraft".... so it's late because it's late then
They're only prioritising getting it finalised, not actually finalising it...
No, they're only going to try their best to prioritise it, and there is the phrase 'as soon as possible' added at the end.
Total weasel words.
I like to think they have a team of highly trained linguists and lawyers working on their responses. I bet they didn't speak to their team, but how could you prove it?
It's more likely an underpaid 20 year old who thinks longer words look more professional.
They can't say "we will do this by x date" because they're not the ones doing whatever it is and don't have any authority to make sure it gets done.
My business bank are so crap I ended up getting our "relationship manager" to call the call centre instead of me. That way I get him to suffer the pain for himself and avoid smashing the phone in frustration.
Oooh an update after two emails 3 hours apart failed to get a response.
"<span class="s1">Thank you for your patience whilst we aim to get this completed as swiftly as possible. It has been an extremely busy couple of weeks impacting the speed in which we have been able to process. Your transaction has been marked as a priority and I am in communication with our team to ensure that this transaction is finalised."</span>
So after 24hrs they have been able to prioritise it, still no timings though...
I was told by my van insurance company at last renewal that they "only try to guarantee beating all other quotes" when I pointed out the promise on the renewal letter. Even the bloke sounded apologetic for this stupidness when I laughed at it.
I rang to register the warranty on a washing machine yesterday. Cue the hard sell on the extended warranty...
"The standard warranty would not cover the bearing if the drum had been overloaded"
"But how would you know it had been overloaded?"
"The hinges would be loose and stuff"
"Erm OK, but what if it had always been used within it's intended parameters?"
"Well that would be fine and would be covered by the standard warranty"
"Great, so tell me again what evidence you would have to prove it had been overloaded?"
*long pause* at which point I decide to end the endless loop we could end up in as her accent (Essex) was really starting to grate on me!
Don't recall seeing any hinges on the bearings last time I was in the back of my washing machine.
Just this afternoon the woman sat next to me said that the warranty company on her partner's new/SH car wouldn't fix the wipers because electrical faults aren't covered. But the garage told him that it's the linkage that's broken, so I suggested he should ring them back.
It’s more likely an underpaid 20 year old who thinks longer words look more professional.
i know, I was joking.
"Is there anything else I can help you with today" after they've categorically failed to help you with the reason you called.
.
^^That is one of my favourites along with “have you tried logging in to the website” when you’re calling your broadband provider to tell them that the connection isn’t working.
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Thank you for your patience whilst we aim to get this completed as swiftly as possible. It has been an extremely busy couple of weeks impacting the speed in which we have been able to process. Your transaction has been marked as a priority and I am in communication with our team to ensure that this transaction is finalised
It's so eloquent I could almost believe it was written on behalf of an African prince wanting to use my bank account to transfer all his wealth out of the country.