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Not sure if anyones experienced something simmilar.
My retired dad is drinking to the point hes got no appetite, and has lost a lot of weight, and has no energy, it seems to be a vicious circle.
I and some of his friends have voiced concerns, and he has admitted its an issue, but he doesn't seem to make any efforts to adress the issue. If we push to much he just gets angry.
Anyone had any experience of how to deal with this?
Thanks
Can you get him along to a GP for a chat and some liver function tests? I don't like the sound of not eating/losing weight/fatigue along with heavy drinking.
If he doesn't want to hear it from family, is there anyone else - friends etc who could influence him?
how old is he?
Had this with my mum, just talk to them as you would a friend, don't lecture them or make any judgements. Explain that the course they are on isn't good for them or you and that you love them.
It worked for my mum she has cut back a lot, I didn't tell her not to drink just drink a bit less.
Good luck hope it works out.
Hes in his mid 60s.
Yes I and a few of his friends have told him.
Hes lost weight as hes simply not eating, or eating very little. He's down at a bar every day before lunch time, hes retired and living in spain, so there is that culture of having coffee and brandy al fresco in the morning, but hes taken to just sipping brandy now he might have three or four, but they are not small measures.
I only see him twice a year when I visit, so it's hard to push too much as I dont want to fall out with him the few occasions I see him, but I do and have voiced my concerns.
I was thunking it might help if I write a letter saying everything I think in a tactful way.
Encourage him to lay off the spirits, only drink the drinks you can't see!
When somebody is getting their calories from alcohol it's time to worry.
OP tough times, some of what I am about to write is tough too. He needs professional help, he needs help from his peers and by that I think you know what I mean. That may all be complicated by being in Spain from a language perspective and also of course an ex-pat retired "permanantoy on holiday" sort of environment. He needs to understand and acknowledge where his life is and what he has become.
Thanks all, and thanks jabalya. He has ex pat friends, so ill speak to them, they have already said similar things to him. Bit I'll pressure them to nmbe a bit more forward.
He has a good group of friends who are just about tollerating his attitude.
drink more than him whilst in his company and let him see what a wreck you turn into, then he might get the point...
Pigface, totally agree. I didn't and regret it every single day. Life's too short. At least if you tell him how you feel and what the consequences are, by getting him for a GP assessment, he can make positive future choices. If you find talking to him awkward then, yes, a letter would be ideal.
I'll be sending him an email, I fly back today so I dont know what else I can do, we just had a conversation where I was pretty frank, he seemed to accept it, so we are parting company on rocky terms,I think he knows he has a problem, but it pains me to leave him on not the best circumstances.
I just hope.
The problem is that he probably doesn't see it as a problem (yet) so he might just see your concern as interference in his lifestyle.
We tried (or at least my mum did mainly) with my auntie to get her to understand what she was doing to herself (she was at the point of getting drunk on a morning so she could sober up and get drunk all over again in the evening) but she was actually quite content in her lifestyle and was very well respected at work (standing room only at the cremation service which was attended by the town mayor). Unfortunately her death was a direct result of the drinking.
3 or 4 brandys a day, is no problem
Ive got something similar with my sister, and even falling down the stairs after a "couple" of drinks on a sunday night and breaking her neck and back (plus 8 other bones) hasn't stopped her drinking
She has cut down a bit as fair as i can tell, but dispite going to AA meetings, her answer was "they don't think i have a problem"
When she had her accident, she wasn't sober until midday the next day, and if the accident didn't happen, she would have been driving her son and friends to school that morning.
My only suggestion on the matter, is can he come and stay with you for a bit and break the cycle? Maybe discuss with him getting some hobbies out there, to occupy the day, so drinking becomes less of a hobby?
3 or 4 brandys a day, is no problem
I assumed he meant that was what he drinks before lunch but carries on?...
Is this a habit that he's just slipped into or is there a reason? Perhaps try to remove him/encourage him away from situations where he can drink rather than a 'lecture' ? Time for a hobby perhaps?
Is he simply bored? Has he been retired long? Rather than directly address the drinking do you need to get something into his life to fill his time?