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Seriously though?
My usual response of stick it up your arse, with retaliatory insult isnt always the best outcome. Usual jibes of pie eater etc I couldnt care less about, but when a mate, or spouse of mate throws an unexpected curved ball of "are you planning to lose weight", "you could be so much faster if you lost two stone", etc etc lands it can actually feel pretty fekin insulting.
Btw - I am a large chap with middle age spread of varying dimensions, but fit, and can do 80+ mile rides, ski, sail, hill walk etc.
Flame away if you like 🙂
Just take it on the double chin
Slow clap
Just tell them to naff off, most people are hardly models.
They unfortunately do have a point though that being fat makes you slower and kills you quicker.
If you are happy with that then crack on
My usual response used to be hark at Brad 5hit , but I get the opposite now I'm called skeletor at work since I started training for the ultra marathon I've just done
“you could be so much faster if you lost two stone”
Just tell them that their mum likes it slow 🙂
As a fellow porker, I just remind them that lighter people are far easier to kidnap and there's a lot less effort required to dispose of the bodies
Just take it on the double chin
Made me hoot.
Come on OP man up, I'm 2+ stone over and want to lose them but struggling to do it/get motivated. One day.......
Perhaps they are genuinely concerned about you? It might be something they have been agonising about raising with you and has come out slightly aggressively. Or maybe they are just out of order.
Just tell them it's not your fault. Everytime you bang their wife/mum/sister she makes you a sandwich.
"I can get thinner,you will always be very ugly"
The legendarily famous incident of sledging at cricket, and possibly the best retort ever, was between Glen McGrath and Eddo Brandes
McGrath: "How come you're so fat?"
Brandes: “Because every time I **** your wife, she gives me a biscuit.”
Would you rather they lied to you?
If it's the truth, I think you just need to grow some maturity rather than feel upset about your ego. Maybe it's the push you need.
I broke my arm three times in succession in my 20's.
My boss (20 stone easily) asked if I was going to give up sport*, then the OH's auntie (referred to as 'fat aunt ........' by the OH) made the comment "Ohhhh, I don't know why you put up with him and his hobbies".
Which lead to the now infamous outburst "If one more fat person wants to comment on my broken arm, I'm going to comment on their weight". She's since lost a LOT of weight, like a full normal person's weight. And I no longer have to compulsory attend family events. So on the basis of that, lose some weight.
FWIW I've dropped from 110kg+ to <90kg (and still falling) and it's like having an engine up hills. I can actually chase people up hills on the roadie club runs rather than always being the last one at the back plodding. Once I'd figured out the ballance and improved my diet a bit it's really not that hard. Just cut out the excessive meals (eating a roast dinner or BBQ till you want to lie down in a dark room all evening, now just have a few roast potatoes and veg not potatoes, parsnips, yorkshires, suede, stuffing and veg, or one burger + bun + salad rather than one of everything). Still eaten half a pack of chocolate hobnobs today but will go for a ride to burn them off later.
*I'd missed less days than the company average, about half the average in fact over the two years of broken bones and zero for other illness.
Man up, fatty.
I could do 80+ mile rides, ski, sail, hill walk etc but the first person to seriously tell me I was fat I didn't tell to **** off. I bought myself an Omron blood pressure monitor, did C25K and lost 3 stone.
I never looked back, the benefits are endless. Even my immune system seems to work better.
Lose the weight and when it's gone decide if you want to put it back on again. I don't think you're currently in a position to judge what you *really* want.
Or ignore them (and me) and carry on, it's up to you.
are you planning to lose weight
Nah ... your Mrs doesn't seem to mind
you could be so much faster if you lost two stone
Yeah but then your Mum wouldn't be able to catch me !!
It's not about the size of the nail.....it's the weight of the hammer
Pretty much what outofbreath and TINAS said, Lost 3 stone in the last year and the change is incredible, fitness, speed, confidence, even how people talk to you changes.
I used to think Kate Moss was a cock for that statement about nothing tasting as good as skinny feels (I'm not skinny btw!) but it turns out her sentiment was pretty bang on....
"large", is that one of those special words you use to disguse the real word we all think when someone says it ?
Anyway, in reality you would be faster and live longer if you lost weight. Also losing a bit of weight may make you feel less sensitive about it and not see it as an insult.
I lots 5kg and the difference was very noticable out on the trails.
Even my immune system seems to work better
Weirdly, whenever I go on a diet I get ill far more frequently.
“large”, is that one of those special words you use to disguse the real word we all think when someone says it ?
I describe myself as "a big unit".
I can't help it. I have an overactive chippy gland .
It's me 'ormones or other such reply including big bones
Sit on them
Anyway, in reality you might be faster and you might live longer if you lost weight.
FTFY
Weirdly, whenever I go on a diet I get ill far more frequently.
I never went 'on a diet', diets don't work, a sustainable lifestyle change is what you want to do.
Thisisnotaspoon
suede,
There you go. If you've been gorging on the leather goods, no wonder you were a bit porky 😁
Weirdly, whenever I go on a diet I get ill far more frequently.
Have a diet rather than go on a diet.
Of course the body's going to suffer a bit if you deprive it of nutrients, but it's not the second helping of chocolate hobnobs that are keeping influenza at bay is it?
Similarly if an average day has these 4 thing in it (which is probably 90% of the country)
Cereal
Latte
Sandwich
<5 mile Car journey
Then:
Scrambled eggs
Milky coffee
Salad
Do an errand by bike
That's possibly 800-1000 calories difference, without even having an inkling of going on a diet or actually having to commit to doing more exercise. Cut back a bit on dinner too and you're well into the realms of what people will try and say is unsustainable weight loss!
There you go. If you’ve been gorging on the leather goods, no wonder you were a bit porky
I always thought the crackling tasted a bit under done!
I used to think Kate Moss was a cock for that statement about nothing tasting as good as skinny feels (I’m not skinny btw!) but it turns out her sentiment was pretty bang on….
Exactly this & I had that same conversation two days ago. I thought she was a mad food Nazi when she said it. In reality they're the wisest words ever. Giving up over eating/drinking to improve every aspect of my life has been a terrific exchange. Kate Moss was spot on.
Weirdly, whenever I go on a diet I get ill far more frequently.
We're not all supposed to live into old age. 😀
I never went ‘on a diet’, diets don’t work, a sustainable lifestyle change is what you want to do.
This. I didn't go on a diet. I changed my life and it wasn't even that difficult.
I used to think Kate Moss was a cock for that statement about nothing tasting as good as skinny feels (I’m not skinny btw!) but it turns out her sentiment was pretty bang on….
I doubt a diet of cocaine, Marlboro red and the odd salad is going to leave you feeling that healthy
Her methods probably questionable, aye, but hey ho!
They unfortunately do have a point though that being fat makes you slower and kills you quicker.
It does make you slower but if you are fit it won't make you die any quicker, it's been shown.
So, in conclusion
Q:How to tell a friend to F off when they call you fat?!
A: Lose weight fatty
if you are fit it won’t make you die any quicker
"if you're overweight or obese, you can reduce your risk of coronary heart disease by reaching and keeping to a healthy weight."
https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/risk-factors/your-weight-and-heart-disease
Half the things we do that are any good make you die sooner. I'm sure it's well meant but, if you say to someone "being overweight means you'll die younger", how would you like it if they follow you around and say "eating bacon will make you die younger. Drinking alcohol will make you die younger. Riding a bike in traffic will make you die younger. Worrying about dying younger will make you die younger."
“if you’re overweight or obese, you can reduce your risk of coronary heart disease by reaching and keeping to a healthy weight.”
I suppose the argument goes that you could just be muscular and fit, not fat. But the reality is they're not in that category, the last 30 odd years have not been the "bulking" phase of their training regime in preparation for the "cut" which is absolutely definitely going to happen next week, once the weather improves, and they get a road bike, and that packet of hobnobs is finished.
It's like when people ask "what trousers to fit my cyclist's legs?", they've not got muscular legs, they're not Chris Hoy, they just have fat legs. Satirical problems for fit cyclists seems to be centered around lycra being baggy [shudders].
"I can go on a diet; however, you'll always be a ****."
I describe myself as “a big unit”.
Damn you, autocorrect.
Tough crowd here tonight....
Half the things we do that are any good make you die sooner.
maybe, but we are very bad at quantifying those risks. Its worth researching the numbers, each day of being 5kg overweight is equivalent to 7 units of alcohol or smoking 2 cigarettes i.e. 30 minutes off your life expectancy (1 microlife). microlives
Some activities e.g. exercise add microlives.
Damn you, autocorrect.
Must be the bane of your life Cougs.
I bet people get your first name wrong all the time. 😉
I doubt a diet of cocaine, Marlboro red and the odd salad is going to leave you feeling that healthy
Totally. Cut that salad out. That's how the pros do it
Half the things we do that are any good make you die sooner. I’m sure it’s well meant but, if you say to someone “being overweight means you’ll die younger”, how would you like it if they follow you around and say “eating bacon will make you die younger. Drinking alcohol will make you die younger. Riding a bike in traffic will make you die younger. Worrying about dying younger will make you die younger.”
I'm purely questioning this stated fact:
if you are fit it won’t make you die any quicker
Let's agree our facts before we worry about following people around stating those facts.
Some activities e.g. exercise add microlives.
There was one of those news stories a while back about exercise and life expectancy. It pretty much boiled down to tim on the bike is pretty much added onto your life expectancy 1:1. I mean you'll spend 10/24 of those extra hours trying to sleep in between getting up to pee, and the other 14 dribbling from one or another opening. But you get it back.
Who is tim? I bet he's a graveller.
10/24 of those extra hours trying to sleep in between getting up to pee, and the other 14 dribbling from one or another opening
bollocks. Must have left my webcam turned on...
Losing weight especially through exercise tones up your muscles and reduces your cholesterol levels.
I don't mind keeling over with a nice quick heart attack. Gone in one. That will do me. But I dread having 3/4 of a heart attack or a stroke and finishing up a drooling burden on everyone. Being fed by a spoon holds no pleasure. So loose the weight and enjoy more of life.
For an active person, a very tangible benefit of losing weight is that your ankles, hips and knees last longer and hurt less.
Shit! If that’s true about cycling I’m going to live a very long time. I’m not prepared financially or emotionally for that.
Loving some of the “facts stated on here. I’ve met some fat old people, how?They should be dead from being fat. Having dodgy genes passed down, now there’s a way to **** up your life expectancy.
I’ve met some fat old people, how?They should be dead from being fat.
Why?
Because it makes you die earlier, fact!
*add sarcastic face as original post appears to have been taken seriously. Also did you know skinny people can die young?
Why?
Reasons
How? - Firing squads
If they're a good friend they won't take offence at being told to F-off properly, and they should know that you're offended too by the way you said it.
But having said that, if you can lose weight properly, as others up there^^ have said not through going on a diet but changing your diet and other habits, you will genuinely see a big difference. Since January last year I've lost just under 3 stone. Been trying to lose a bit of weight for ages, but after getting my diabetes under proper control again (wasn't hugely out but enough to make a difference with shovelling loads of sweet stuff down my neck because of hypos) not only have I lost weight but I now take a lot less insulin, generally don't feel hungry anywhere near as much and when I do don't feel like eating the amounts I used to.
Out running and on the bike it's made a huge difference too, I can beat my usual riding buddies up hills where I always used to be last before and get to the end of a ride feeling vaguely human.
As one of the guys I ride with said after I'd lost 2 stone "that extra weight would be like having 13 bags of sugar in your Camelbak"
I'm sure anyone would notice the difference that would make.
Over the last 18 months I've gone from 86 kg to 66 kg. About 10kg of that in the first year was down to exercise, but the next 10 in last 6 months was due to giving up meat, takeaways and alcohol.
Yes I am far faster up a hill, but to be honest I miss junk food, beer, and burgers. I may be healthier, but not sure I am happier.
That Kate Moss quote is plain awful. I used to be fairly fit, lean fast blah blah blah........cake Kate, cake tastes better than skinny feels. So does beer and curry and chips and crisps. Although I imagine if copious amounts of cocaine have wrecked your taste buds everything will taste a bit bland.
I suspect, OP, that you know they're telling the truth and don't want to confront it, which is what is upsetting you. I know there's a fashion these days for everyone being able to take offence for everything, but they're not taking the piss, they're saying it because they can see you're making your life harder and probably they're concerned about your health.
Of course it's your body, your choice, and as an active big chap you'll be healthier than an inactive big chap. But I'm sure you'd enjoy riding more if you lost a bit of weight.
As others have said, it's a lifestyle change not crash dieting you need. And cake can be consumed at the right times (around bike rides!). I'm not sure I would agree with the comments about it being easy - it's not hard, but it is relentless to avoid the things that'll make you fat.
I doubt a diet of cocaine, Marlboro red and the odd salad is going to leave you feeling that healthy
That's why I replaced the salad with a burger...
lol at Binners about Kate Moss.
You should always be able to tell a friend to **** off. That's why they are friends.
Satirical problems for fit cyclists seems to be centered around lycra being baggy [shudders].
I'm guessing you meant sartorial, but satirical fits this thread pretty well. Unlike jeans on my epicly muscular cyclist's legs.
As a fellow porker, I just remind them that lighter people are far easier to kidnap and there’s a lot less effort required to dispose of the bodies
Fantastic. If I'd asked someone "why are you so fat, Rolaand" and they came back with this, it'd shut me up 😀
Yes I am far faster up a hill, but to be honest I miss junk food, beer, and burgers. I may be healthier, but not sure I am happier.
Ah, an honest man.
The Pinkster
Subscriber
As one of the guys I ride with said after I’d lost 2 stone “that extra weight would be like having 13 bags of sugar in your Camelbak”
Sounds delicious tbh
In my case, you don’t. You take a look in the mirror, have a word with yourself and sort yourself out.
I still bloody love a burger and a pint or 6, but if you run 40 miles per week and cycle close to 100 you can largely eat what you want. Thin feels good, but burgers taste better. Being fit as a butchers dog is better than both, and exercising loads means you can have it all.
My youngest enjoys taking the piss out of me when we’re on the BMX track.
Him: I know 4 fat people
Me: yeah
Him: you are three of them
Me f£@&@(
Him: Are you bleeding gravy
Me: ffff£&&)@; b€#¥%¥{
Him: heheh (rides off into the distance)
Mind you, I’ve lost a stone since February and built a lot of muscle. Trouble is he’s getting bigger and bloody faster!
I've lost 2 stone in the last 2 and a half months by making simple diet changes. Still, someone recently still felt the need to sit and lecture me on how I need to "keep going" and "you won't stay on course" etc. etc. etc.
Same person did some stupid crash diet, lost a load of weight and then went and put it all back on so they must be experts?
Go with the "I'm fat and I can diet, but you'll always be a ****" method
Is it a thing though, do friends actually comment about each others weight ? I've got friends in all shapes and sizes, tall, short, skinny and fat. Most of them aren't cyclists and it's never occurred to me to mention thier body shape to them in any meaningful way. Certainly not to their faces. A little bit of teasing perhaps amongst riding buddies, but most of that is self depreciation.
Commenting directly to someone about their weight isn't an intervention it's just rude. We all know if we're fat or not, nobody's in denial, and if they are it's there buisness not any body elses.
If you're annoyed that a friend is calling you fat, it probably means that you aren't entirely happy with your body yourself. If you aren't happy with yourself, you should do something about it* - the only critic who really matters is you.
*This may not necessarily mean losing weight
We all know if we’re fat or not, nobody’s in denial,
Actually I didn’t notice for ages. Not so much denial, more creeping waist syndrome. In my mid to late thirties I had fairly severe reverse body dysmorphia. I’ve pulled my head out of my arse now though, although I’ve yet to do a great deal about it.
This thread has assisted me in my decision to make a conscious effort to eat a bit less/better. And run/ride a bit more too. Cheers! 👍🏼
'friend' - You'd feel great if you lost another 30 pounds.
'me' - Here's a tenner, now **** off and don't bother me again
He was rght, only lost 10 so far and feel much better already 😀
Some activities e.g. exercise add microlives
But I bet that by the time I retire microlives will have been replaced by nanolives (better spec, lower carbon footprint). 🙂
Wow im humbled by all the sage advice and ways for me to just lose the beef. My wife (a teacher) came out with the best one though I think. She said put on your best sarcastic/ quizzacle look and say "excuse me did you mean to be so rude?!". That will do me . Off for a spoonies lunch special now - scotabroad aka "geeztwapehs" 😉
aplainwanananinginwananaw?
The Fat and the Furious.
Is it a thing though, do friends actually comment about each others weight ? I’ve got friends in all shapes and sizes, tall, short, skinny and fat. Most of them aren’t cyclists and it’s never occurred to me to mention thier body shape to them in any meaningful way. Certainly not to their faces. A little bit of teasing perhaps amongst riding buddies, but most of that is self depreciation.
Commenting directly to someone about their weight isn’t an intervention it’s just rude. We all know if we’re fat or not, nobody’s in denial, and if they are it’s there buisness not any body elses.
Friends have commented about how I'm losing too much weight and looking skinny (gone from ~97 to ~82kg at 1.84m). My BMI just scrapes under 25kg/m² now, if I was to be super dedicated I'd want to lose 5-10kg more to ride faster.
So many people in modern society are unhealthily overweight that being at the upper end of a healthy weight looks unhealthily skinny to some people. Of course if someone's telling you the opposite it's fine to ignore them - I certainly ignored the people worrying about my weight loss - but it's simply not true that weight is something people don't comment on. And nor should it be in a world of eating disorders and huge levels of obesity in society.
Geeztwapehs
Dundonian? You're ****ed diet or no diet.
Will you be having those pehs in a buttered roll?
I’m this fat because every time I f#@£ your wife she gives me a biscuit.
Let you have that one for nothing.
Beaten to it above!
Really though sticks and stones and all that!
The Fat and the Furious.
Was (genuinely!) the name of a US hot rod tv show on The discovery channel. The mechanics were all as you’d imagine...
Tell them that you need big hammer to knock in a long nail
"i am alright with my weight but thanks for sharing your opinion."
=
I don't give a sh1t about your opinion so FO.