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How? He can’t make himself enjoy wasting money on takeaways…or enjoy the takeaway.
You know, I'd like to see some figures attached to this. What's a typical takeaway cost? What's a typical home-cooked meal cost? (and how long do both take?) Do you even know?
Swap this round for a minute and say instead he detests (no medical reason) spicy food but his wife likes it so whenever his wife or whoever orders a spicy takeaway he doesn’t want to eat the spicy food.
Then order a korma, or an omlette, or a burger. Or don't order anything, why doesn't wifey buy a takeaway just for herself if he doesn't want one? Expense immediately halved right there.
Sure, he'd have to make his own dinner, but that might not be a bad thing if he currently attaches zero value to the time and effort involved in the alternative to a takeaway.
It’s no different than a vegan eating meat and saying how they enjoy it to keep someone happy. You can tell a vegan meat is YUMMY… but you can’t reasonably expect them to enjoy eating something they find distasteful in principle.
Yet if the vegan was telling the meat-eater that they thought eating meat was terrible... so the omnivore only ate meat as a treat maybe 4 times a year, often waiting until the vegan had gone away on a trip...?
would posit that she doesn’t do it much not because it’s a waste as you assert but rather because your disapproval has made her feel massively guilty about it. What does your “boys trip” (whatever that even is) cost whilst she’s agonising over a six quid curry? The fact that she “treats herself” as soon as you’re out of the equation doesn’t just speak volumes, it’s deafening.
Ordinarily I agree with most of the stuff Cougar has to say. Today I am converted to a True Believer and will be first in line to sign up for the Cougar Cult.
I’m not sure that would make the OP feel any better, nor make the world a better place (too much consumerism already).
unfortunately it’s good for the economy because that’s how our society works. Doesn’t have to spend it on consumables. Also I may not have been entirely serious with that part of my post.
I’m frankly stumped by anybody on a MTB forum having £5k surplus. That’s like three complete drivetrains at current prices.
Edit - Something, something takeaway. Just eat a takeaway FFS OP!
What’s a typical takeaway cost?
Depends. Last time we used it Pizza Express via Deliveroo was as expensive as eating in the restaurant, only you got cold pizzas, looking somewhat bashed around, delivered late.
Having my sister die a few years ago certainly nudged my attitudes a bit more towards enjoying life now rather than always putting things off to the future. Not that I’m hugely extravagant, I’m still sure I will die thinking I could have spent a bit more a bit sooner!
Also seeing a miserably tight elderly relative sitting on a fortune and refusing to spend modest amounts on things that would make their life much more comfortable and pleasant. What’s the point of that then? No pockets in a shroud.
unfortunately it’s good for the economy because that’s how our society works.
Well in the short term at least. Longer term, very unclear eg global warming etc
I’m still sure I will die thinking I could have spent a bit more a bit sooner!
Really?
I'm relatively tight (save more than I spend etc), but I don't spend because I don't want to - not because I'm denying myself anything. I could buy XYZ, but I'm perfectly happy without it. I expect to be sat on my death bed with exactly the attitude (assuming my brain hasn't atrophied due to dementia etc).
Shhh! Humans don’t do long term and where tied in to this me consumerist mindset so enjoy it whilst you can 😉
He might like cooking, I'm not keen on eating out myself. If I do it's something quick to cook because hanging around for food when hungry makes me wish I'd stayed in and cooked myself. Takeaways? Not my thing either unless I have a load of guests that need feeding and would rather spend time with them than in the kitchen.
I know time is money and Bill Gates would waste time/money picking up a hundred dollar Bill but there's fun to be had in doing things that waste time. I'm currently digging the foundations of an extension with a pick and shovel and seiving the gravel out to use in the concrete. It makes no economic sense at all in terems of time wasted versus money saved but when you compare it with paying to go work out in a gym it's quite low on the scale of folly. It's stragely satisfying digging a hole.
Last time we used it Pizza Express via Deliveroo was as expensive as eating in the restaurant, only you got cold pizzas, looking somewhat bashed around, delivered late.
Can't say as I'm totally shocked, I've had similar experiences with most of the "big" pizza chains. Papa John's was the worst by a country mile but they're all a shower locally.
He might like cooking
We're into the realms of wild speculation now, but I rather suspect that the OP is not the regular cook in this partnership.
I'm beginning to wonder if the OP's other log on is WRM...
Cougar
You know, I’d like to see some figures attached to this. What’s a typical takeaway cost? What’s a typical home-cooked meal cost? (and how long do both take?) Do you even know?
I've no idea what a typical take away costs nor how long it takes, last time I remember it took ages (I see someone else added that later) but it's not simply cost it's VFM... if what you buy isn't worth paying for. I don't really think it's simply cost for Mr T either... it's paying a bit more for something worse.
just adding in here
We’re into the realms of wild speculation now, but I rather suspect that the OP is not the regular cook in this partnership.
He say's 30% ... but then also he's working 5 days vs 2 days ... when someone has already made dinner by the time you get home it's a bit redundant.
jumping back.... cooking takes as long as it takes. I tend to have done the prep or break stuff down. For example Sundays is often roast chicken so Sunday evening I'll strip and boil the carcass ready to make Monday lunch... and then when making a soup or broth I'll marinade the left over chicken for Monday dinner (often Taco's or Burritos)
(At least that was Sunday/Monday this week)
Tuesday is DT so Jnr brought dinner home from school.. and tonight its a Primavera with the rest of the chicken.
No contiguous time of more than 20 mins or so spent in the kitchen... mostly popping through to stir or turn etc.
What did it cost?
That largely depends on your definition of waste... by one metric I've used leftovers since sunday... so a bit of gas or did I buy the chicken thinking it's 3 meals? TBH I (nor I think Mr T) are that bothered by the absolute cost but getting value out of what we spend.
Then order a korma, or an omlette, or a burger. Or don’t order anything, why doesn’t wifey buy a takeaway just for herself if he doesn’t want one? Expense immediately halved right there.
Back to VFM ... and my suggestion is "why doesn’t wifey buy a takeaway just for herself".. and not feel bad about it? (or say whilst using stereotypes Mr T like a beer and Mrs T a bottle of wine - they can afford both.. but I think Mr -T would like to see the cork put back after and then not wasted if Mrs T doesn't want to drink the bottle.
Sure, he’d have to make his own dinner,
Again.. my suggestion was that he just makes his own dinner.
but that might not be a bad thing if he currently attaches zero value to the time and effort involved in the alternative to a takeaway.
That's assuming he doesn't... I personally don't see it as effort though indeed I quite enjoy cooking, bleeding brakes and servicing suspension. (preferably washing hands inbetween)
Yet if the vegan was telling the meat-eater that they thought eating meat was terrible… so the omnivore only ate meat as a treat maybe 4 times a year, often waiting until the vegan had gone away on a trip…?
It really depends on the why... it's easy to jump to conclusions but "it's just simpler" is perfectly valid. My ex boss/mate used to do this.. his wife (who was a fantastic cook and loved cooking) was vegetarian but it wasn't a secret him eating meat or anything. In the same way his kids ate whatever at school .. his wife just never felt comfortable cooking outside their caste diet. When his wife was away the whole family ate meat at home... when she was at home they ate vegetarian. When we were on business trips he'd eat meat..
I reckon you're struggling to spend money because you currently have no savings,so are subconsciously feeling insecure. The house is paid for and you have a decent pension pot for your age(but you can't access it for another 17 years),but no cold hard cash in the event of a disaster. if you lost your job tomorrow you'd be as up sh1t creek as anyone else,and would have to do the same as anyone else, ie get another job sharpish or downsize the house - which you presumably wouldn't want to do.
Save some serious cash (100k should do it), and then I reckon you'll feel better about "wasting" money on takeaways and Ryanair add-ons.
For what it's worth I pretty much don't like wasting money on the same things as you, especially the Ryanair stuff, that really grinds my gears.
Having said all that - What doesn't make sense about all this is how you have no savings, even if you've been paying off a hefty mortgage ,being as tight as you say and earning as much as you say I'd expect you to have built up some considerable cash savings. What has all the money been blown on ? 200k per annum (if you're into the pension allowance tapering) is about 10k per month after tax.
Is it like the George best saying, "I spent a lot of money on women and booze,the rest I just wasted"
Edukator
I’m currently digging the foundations of an extension with a pick and shovel and seiving the gravel out to use in the concrete. It makes no economic sense at all in terems of time wasted versus money saved but when you compare it with paying to go work out in a gym it’s quite low on the scale of folly. It’s stragely satisfying digging a hole.
I do similar and its also satisfying reusing waste material and even more satisfying not taking it to the tip in one direction and buying aggregate on the way back.
funky
unfortunately it’s good for the economy because that’s how our society works
I know that's tongue in cheek but as I said earlier it's a sad reflection on society if most people think a takeaway a week is normal.. or buying a £5 coffee is "normal" etc.
I agree with footflaps
Well in the short term at least. Longer term, very unclear eg global warming etc
but I'd go further or at a tangent as well.
An economy that requires people to make their sandwiches, hot drinks, takeaway on a regular/everyday basis is going a bit wrong IMHO.
Ultimately it means someone has to be even poorer to the point after a low income worker has paid tax and NI, their employer has and paid for transport etc. etc. someone has to earn an even lower income.
Further 'good for the economy' is a vague concept.
Sure it contributes to our GDP, but why is that actually good?
I mean we get to claim "we are the n-th largest economy by GDP" but that doesn't really mean much if we have people can't afford to live.
It's awesome of you are Mc-Star-a-manger-osta of course but how does that benefit "society"
I’ve no idea what a typical take away costs nor how long it takes, last time I remember it took ages
The point was in terms of man-hours that they're spending in the kitchen rather than spending quality time with the family. It might well take "ages" to deliver but ordering takes two minutes.
I reckon you’re struggling to spend money because you currently have no savings... no cold hard cash in the event of a disaster.
Aside from five grand a month surplus cash. What disaster are you anticipating, Godzilla?
(100k should do it), and then I reckon you’ll feel better about “wasting” money on takeaways
I make a point of never going to McDonald's unless I've got £100k in the bank.
Aside from five grand a month surplus cash. What disaster are you anticipating, Godzilla?
That's what I'm getting at above,if he's got 5k per month surplus ,why doesn't he have any savings? Something doesn't add up.
In the op he said
. Don’t have a huge amount in the way of savings accounts right now
What also doesn't add up is how he 'only' has 5k per month surplus, on 10k per month after tax,with no mortgage, a 4k car,and no other vices, he should be putting away much more than 5k per month
That’s what I’m getting at above,if he’s got 5k per month surplus ,why doesn’t he have any savings? Something doesn’t add up.
Massive meth habit?
Ultimately it means someone has to be even poorer to the point after a low income worker has paid tax and NI, their employer has and paid for transport etc. etc. someone has to earn an even lower income.
Sums up our broken societal model rather well. At one end people earning a less than liveable wage and at the other people worrying about their £5k a month surplus income. Would be nice to have a sensible middle ground but we basically live within the confines of a massive pyramid scheme.
Just got back from the gym 🧐 takeaway?
That’s what I’m getting at above,if he’s got 5k per month surplus ,why doesn’t he have any savings? Something doesn’t add up.
Maybe he's only just paid off his mortgage? I think we're on the same page though, how can you have 5k/month slush and "no savings" unless you don't consider 5k to be savings.
What also doesn’t add up is how he ‘only’ has 5k per month surplus, on 10k per month after tax,
Did he say that? I missed it if so.
WTF do you do to be 'senior IT' and take home 10k/month after tax? CTO?
Just got back from the gym
Pity you don't live closer, a couple of hours with a pick and shovel would get you fitter. Who needs weights or machines when there's two and a half tons of gravel, sand and cement to be shoveled into a concrete mixer?
Pity you don’t live closer, a couple of hours with a pick and shovel would get you fitter. Who needs weights or machines when there’s two and a half tons of gravel, sand and cement to be shoveled into a concrete mixer?
Boxing, beats all of the above 😉
Boxing Helena?
Nope, boxing up my piles of surplus cash!
Having grown up in a southern European country on returning to the UK that was one of my most glaring observations: How tight us (well, you) British people are!
My Italian mrs was horrified when she went for dinner at her mate’s house, who then asked her for something stupid like 60p for the cost of the meal 😀
Im sorry, much as I generally despise the average Brit, you can't lay this one at our door. Her mate didn't do this because she's British, she did it because she's an arse 🙂
We’ve never once had an argument about money in 14 years.
I think that's probably more due to
My wife earns a decent salary, ... I ... earn considerably more
Than
On payday both our wages go into a joint account, we then pay ourselves an allowance each into our own personal accounts
😉
Did he say that? I missed it if so.
He said
I’m 40, earn enough that pension allowance tapering is starting to be an issue
Pension allowance tapering starts when you earn 200k per annum,which works out to just under 10k per month after tax
Nice humblebrag OP.
Not very admirable at all.
Pragmatically, you can basically set up your own charitable trust through CAF so that you can put money into it when tax-efficient and donate it onwards to charities etc whenever you like (i.e. later on in life when you may be paying only basic rate tax or none at all).
Bung some in pensions & ISAs for the kids.
Make sure you have enough of a slush fund/insurance for everything hitting the skids (say nasty car crash which leaves you & the Mrs unable to work and needing a lot of care).
Once you have these bases covered you'll most likely be more relaxed about spending the leftover moolah on things to make life easier, to make happy memories, to make life fuller. What those are - very personal - while you're still working, a lot will be "buying quality time".
Anyone else wondering what the op's wifes' thread might read like on mumsnet?
Hold on just a second!
How big is this bloody chicken that you get a roast and 4 other meals?
I'll be your wife OP
Growing up my grannie would give me £1 pocket money each Friday. She'd follow it by saying "Save your money". Later in life she had a series of strokes then died in hospital and left it it all to my grandad who's dementia left him housebound and also unable to enjoy it.
Spend some and save some. You only get one life and one family. Enjoy it while you can and create some happy memories for you and your family.
P.s. I read the first page then skipped to the end of page 5 as I figured it'd be filled with arguments over minor points
currygate rolls on, lol. We dont get takeaway very often because its not a treat for both of us, in the same way we don't ever sit and watch rampage together cos that's not a treat for us either. I might do it on my own (as my wife got a pizza for herself tonight - I wasn't in), and thats just fine.
There were some questions about boys trip vs takeaway - I don't mind spending money, but I just like to see value out of it. A takeaway for 2 is maybe £35 or £40 round here, a boys trip (2 uplift days, a travelodge) is what, £100-150? I can see waay more value in a boys trip (a whole weekend of fun) above getting 3 currys in. Similarly, I'd rather walk 2 miles home in the pissing rain than spend £10 on a cab.. My wife goes away on weekends away as well, and I think that's great. This year we'll probably be abroad as a family for maybe 6 weeks? Again a reasonable amount of money spent, more probably than a single week per year in a really posh hotel, but I'd find that option really hard to stomach
Ice creams - happy to buy them but again, I'm much happier nipping to the tesco than buying them on the beachfront shop. If there's no tesco nearby, we'll do the expensive option, but its definitely not my preference..
No significant savings - I mean, I have some, but it doesn't really make much of a difference compared to the pension or the house value, which is what I meant. By the time I retire I'll have plenty and I will build up more of a bugger this year, but I'll be able to do both, regardless of whether or not I'm a tightwad.
For people really wanting to do the maths on take home, my base salary is around 135k, and my annual bonus is about 50% of my basic. I don't think being open about what I earn in this case is a humblebrag, as I'm anonymous.. this hopefully isn't the first time people are finding out that salaries go this high, so I don't know what it'd really be proving. I'm no-where near c-suite in my role, and for an example, this is what you can earn at google in various engineering roles - salaries go way higher than mine - there's not a single role on that page that wouldn't be earning 6 figures in the uk.. https://www.levels.fyi/company/Google/salaries/
I make a point of never going to McDonald’s unless I’ve got £100k in the bank.
I make a point of never going to McDonald’s.
I don’t mind spending money, but I just like to see value out of it.
Nothing wrong with that. I am similar. I don't see value in designer clothes over highstreet, or posh car over something basic. I think it shows good character to be attracted to the shinny consumer model but earn a really good wage. It's playing the game to get as much out as possible but not being the sucker who gets it all extracted
there’s not a single role on that page that wouldn’t be earning 6 figures in the uk.. https://www.levels.fyi/company/Google/salaries//blockquote >
This is what I find so difficult about tech I am fairly average c++ developer but on project that most regards as the toughest they have ever worked and only just step into higher rate with a bonus. Good on you that you have found your niche and enjoy it enough not to want to quit early and can see yourself working until retirement.
Agree, that's not that big a salary and many earn close to that where I work.
Nobody seems to have addressed your self declared tightness issue though. As I am similar I am not sure I think it really needs to be "fixed" that much either. You are a frugal person rather than a wasteful person and have you own value in things while others have theirs.
Your problem is that you earn more than you actually need/want to spend. You could do a job that leaves you with £4K less per month and still be as happy as you are now presumably?
I have spare money each month and just save it. I could find ways to spend more of it but why should I do that as I have what I want?
Curry is irrelevant, but a pre-nutial wpuldn't be, do you have one? And are you married to your "wife"?
kerley
Free MemberAgree, that’s not that big a salary
😳
+1 😳
To suggest that’s not a big salary is crass it’s more than 98% of the population and more than the Prime Minister. The families gross income in the top 1% and 5x the average. However I was in a meeting the other day with 42 people who all earn similar and a few much more and this was no where near board level in a large pharma company,
Interestingly now you’ve given your numbers I am a little confused, I earn about the same as you and our family gross income is considerably higher than yours but there’s no way we’ve anywhere near 5k left at the end of the month, we do have a mortgage but that’s only 1.3k. I shop at ALDI, have a cheap car and don’t wear Designer clothes I’m going to have to look where it all goes.
Being in the highest one percentile for UK earnings is not a big salary. Also up is down and black is white.
I don't think the OP is tight...old age makes you more sensible..trust me I'm one of the worst when it comes to spending money...but now I'm nearly 50..ive calmed a bit.
Stop worrying...if you feel like you've got too much money
Give it to meeeee
I don’t think the OP is tight…old age makes you more sensible.
It might make you more sensible 😉
Not all of us 🙂
Been reading this thread with interest as I recognise a lot in it.
I'm similar in my spending habits for most things. Occasionally I'll splash out but mainly I'll hunt for something that's "good enough" rather than top of the range and in the main I'll avoid buying things I don't need.
There's nothing wrong with avoiding rampant consumerism and being careful with money, but I'll happily pay more for a meal out, trip, experience etc. So I'd buy that artisan gelato on the seafront or pay extra for a small boat excursion on holiday but I also shop at Aldi and I haven't bought any new (non bike) clothes for a few years.
Oh, and start saving. Early retirement/doing something less well paid but more meaningful is my goal.
I think the OP has FOMO of people who piss all their money but his contentness of not needing more less shows true wealth not consumption. The wealthiest people need nothing and are happy with nothing. You obviously have a significant amount but don't seem to have the horrible "I want" mindset that people are stuck with consuming have. This is good.
Also it depends on your definition of tight. Some people think tight is driving a cheap car when you could afford an expensive one. I consider tight being trying to get out of a round, or not "lending" a mate who is down on luck £20 when you're on a group journey and everyone is splitting petrol, "I'll spot you £20 for the fuel Jack pay me back later" (but you never ask for it type of thing) or inviting people round for dinner and asking for contributions. But you don't seem to be that type of tight (otherwise know a a see you next ...). Seemingly wasting you time to save money on something that other would not spend their time on is night tight, that is your time to spend. The only issue is if you force others to have to spend their time doing something they don't want to do for your benefit.
Being in the highest one percentile for UK earnings is not a big salary.
Looking at salary is really skewed to the normal / lower earners measure. There are not many job (interms of % that pay that amount) but most people who make that amount a year wouldn't be on a salary of that amount, much likely to be smaller but take earning or accrue wealth in other ways. If your salary is only for day to day living expenses and not for saving you can make loads but only have more normal sized salary.
Sorry for the diversion. Its just the headline stats for things like this are no way a real indicator of money made. Not just on this subject but on many others stats get banded round to prove points and the considerable limits of the stat is never taken into account and it really winds up my OCD!
Cougar
The point was in terms of man-hours that they’re spending in the kitchen rather than spending quality time with the family. It might well take “ages” to deliver but ordering takes two minutes.
I was really talking about "takeaway" (in a strict sense) as in you have to go, order, wait, go home... I don't think I've EVER had takeaway food delivered... but judging by my local FB group (or posts on this thread) it isn't that simple.. seems to involve a lot of "when is it coming calls" etc.
I'll also say at a guess, 90% of the takeaways I've ever had in well over 50 yrs the ordering is between cod and haddock (when I was younger cod was much cheaper of course)
That aside though ... I think there is a whole exploration of
The point was in terms of man-hours that they’re spending in the kitchen rather than spending quality time with the family.
I can knock something up in 15 mins but I think the idea you are not spending "quality time" with a family or loved ones or friends because you're cooking needs to be examined/questioned/considered.
I've always combined these, my mother always did etc. but lets say we went out riding and got back to mine and I say "grab a seat in the kitchen while I rustle us some food up and grab a couple of beers for us from the fridge and open for us whilst we plan the next ride or talk about bikes"
After a couple of mins I say "hey cougar mate... can you chuck me an onion from the rack by the table" etc. and meanwhile we chat about bikes or whatever...
Weeksy
Hold on just a second!
How big is this bloody chicken that you get a roast and 4 other meals?
I think other questions are how much edible waste do many people create from an average chicken and how much meat is actually in a broth or burrito.
The broth for example probably had more meat than a supermarket one but most of it came off the bones boiling it up with the carrot ends and celery leaves/stump... (that might also be waste to some).
A generous Table spoon of green lentils and another of red and 1/4 cup of rice... another 2 weeks and I'd have packed it with some leeks from the garden as well..
tootight aka Mr T
currygate rolls on, lol. We dont get takeaway very often because its not a treat for both of us, in the same way we don’t ever sit and watch rampage together cos that’s not a treat for us either. I might do it on my own (as my wife got a pizza for herself tonight – I wasn’t in), and thats just fine.
There were some questions about boys trip vs takeaway – I don’t mind spending money, but I just like to see value out of it. A takeaway for 2 is maybe £35 or £40 round here, a boys trip (2 uplift days, a travelodge) is what, £100-150? I can see waay more value in a boys trip (a whole weekend of fun) above getting 3 currys in. ......My wife goes away on weekends away as well, and I think that’s great.
.......
Sorry chopped that but that's really exactly what I thought.
Still not seeing anything wrong...
Similarly, I’d rather walk 2 miles home in the pissing rain than spend £10 on a cab..
Likewise, still not seeing anything wrong ... yet its amazing how people just take cabs/taxi's.
I was at the minor injury clinic a couple of weeks ago and they wanted to refer me to A&E.
"Shall I call you a taxi"
"Erm nope I'll walk thanks"
look of shock and horror and the nurse has to get another nurse to witness I'm offered but not taking a taxi
beautiful evening , 5 mile walk ... broken wrist (legs are fine) - and I'd walked to the minor injuries in the first place anyway.
Ice creams – happy to buy them but again, I’m much happier nipping to the tesco than buying them on the beachfront shop. If there’s no tesco nearby, we’ll do the expensive option, but its definitely not my preference..
AHHHH...... I'm picking on the "We'll here".
Maybe this is where you should say, you go grab your icecream and I'll grab something from Tesco.
more than the Prime Minister.
Before or after expenses? 😁
I was really talking about “takeaway” (in a strict sense) as in you have to go, order, wait, go home… I don’t think I’ve EVER had takeaway food delivered… but judging by my local FB group (or posts on this thread) it isn’t that simple.. seems to involve a lot of “when is it coming calls” etc.
That speaks more about the takeaways they're using TBH. At my old house it varied wildly by establishment; some were reliably bang on with delivery estimates, some just parroted "halfanhourfortyminutes" which had no basis in reality. Here I'm spoilt for collection choice, the local curry house (say) is half a block away and a typical wait time for a simple order is about ten minutes.
Regardless, we get takeaway food on those nights where we're both knackered or home late or whatever and think "let's just order something." Going and sitting waiting in a Chinese for half an hour would defeat the object. If you know it's going to take an hour for delivery, ring an hour before you want it.
I can knock something up in 15 mins but I think the idea you are not spending “quality time” with a family or loved ones or friends because you’re cooking needs to be examined/questioned/considered.
And, honestly, this really speaks volumes about me. I've spent most of my adult (cooking) life using a kitchen fit for one. It's become my down-time, I'll stick an audiobook I can't be doing with people hovering about. This works for my partner also, after a day at work dealing with yowling kids all day, she wants to sit in front of crap telly for half an hour to decompress.
But this isn't about me. My point was, the OP doesn't see a value in take-away food. It may cost a little more, sure, but it's not just about the cost of ingredients. You can 'knock something up' in 15 minutes but do that every day, that's several hours of your life every month. What value is your time? At the OP's hourly rate, that's 2.5 - 3 grand every year just to knock something up rather than make anything particularly special.
If - IF - the OP is rolling home from work to a home-cooked meal that wifey has spent the last two hours of her life preparing, he might not see that work and thus may not be factoring in the time and effort as having a value. Or of course she might be like me and enjoy it. But the value of something may be greater than simply its price.
you lucky buggers... we can't get take-away 🙁
well, not delivered, so collection is the only option.
peering past the lacy curtains of other people's lives is weird.
Ice creams – happy to buy them but again, I’m much happier nipping to the tesco than buying them on the beachfront shop. If there’s no tesco nearby, we’ll do the expensive option, but its definitely not my preference..
Stood in Newton Abbot centre a couple of years ago, asked IceCream seller for 3 Soleros.
That will be £9..........
No it won't , I said hang on kids, walked around to Iceland and bought a pack of 3 for £2 !!!
I am in the fortunate position where I can buy stuff if I want it, but I will always look for a discount voucher, or shop around for the same thing. If I go anywhere on the train, then I will use Ticket Splitting to try to keep the costs down, if I am buying online then I will open new accounts to get new member offers.
I do a fair bit of haggling in my day job and have found myself doing it away from work. Wanted a small sofa for the dining room the other day, saw a clearance one in a furniture shop that was for sale. Told the salesperson I wanted it , but only wanted to pay 50% of what they were asking for it. Ended up with a 25% discount after a few negotiations. It's a good game.
One thing I can't stand paying for is parking, so will park further out and walk to where we need to go ( learnt that one young from my father).
Agree, that’s not that big a salary and many earn close to that where I work.
LOL at £200k + a year not being a big salary! 🙂
It's nearly 4 times the wife and mine's combined annual income. Not complaining though, we live well enough and the wife has her horse to keep her happy.
That's the answer - get your wife a horse. You'll really see the money drain out of the bank then! 🤣
To suggest that’s not a big salary is crass
Yes, probbaly would be. However what I actually wrote was "not that big a salary" with the word that being very important. It is clearly a big salary but not that big
my base salary is around 135k, and my annual bonus is about 50% of my basic
Agree, that’s not that big a salary
Ooft. I now feel incredibly underpaid.
To the OP, you are extremely frugal which is not a bad thing at all (although you clearly have no need to be so frugal due to the mahoosive salary). The takeaway example has been covered - I have come to realise that to my wife, who does the majority of the cooking, it's not so much about the food but the time and planning required cooking every day. To have a night off is such a welcome treat. We only have a takeaway once a month but she looks forward to it so much!
You save money by travelling at unsociable hours for holidays. Your family are very lucky as you are still getting numerous holidays so I don't think they will grudge that at all. I think you could to loosen up a bit and treat yourself but there is no sense in spending money just because you can.
I'm away to see what savings are in my piggy bank.
The OP is clearly having difficulty with the mindset he finds himself in and can’t seem to change his habits, despite them having a negative effect on him and people around him at times.
However as it’s money some people seem to think that help isn’t needed, just derision.
It’s hard to get out of habits which are bad or good. In this case it’s saving money and being sensible with spending. Which is good. But as with any habit sometimes it can go too far.
My parents were ultra safe with money their whole working lives - they weren’t misers at all to be fair - and they said to us that they wanted to spend the money they had saved when they retired and had time to do things. But they couldn’t get out of their money habits and now it’s too late to do the things they might want to due to old age and illness. Which is something we all have to think about.
So for some money is a day to day thing, which sucks especially in the current climate. The OP seems to have way more than enough but isn’t happy. So he’s got to think less about not spending money or looking ahead to retirement but what experiences and effects the money could have now before it’s too late. So that might be some great family holidays - personally I used to hate spending money on holidays until I went abroad for the first time with my wife (we went to California for our first ever foreign holiday and we’d been together 15 years!) and now I appreciate what travelling is like.
It might be giving more to charity. It might be helping out a friend.
The old adage “you can’t take it with you” is very true but OP you can have plenty when you pass this mortal plain to pass to kids etc and do some amazing things right now too.
Does that mean buying an Audi and shopping at Waitrose? Hell no. A £4k and shopping at Lidl isn’t signs of a miser (sign of an astute person to me!) but a small £100 saving on a holiday which makes the journey out miserable (I always think the journey is the holiday as well!) does seem excessive in your position.
I’m not one of those people who like to look down on people with lots of money (like a lot on here) - I’m happy for you that you’re in your position - just make it work for you and your family.
It simply comes down to earning more than your needs. Some people earn less that they need, some about right and others too much. If you are in the too much camp what are you supposed to do about it, ask for a salary decrease?, but stuff you don't need?
It happens to a lot of people as they get older. Salary increases over the years, costs go down (mortgage paid off being primary one) and desire to spend on stuff goes down. For example I had many flashy cars when I was younger but now couldn't care less as long as the car is reliable as I am just sat behind whoever is in front of me due to today's taffic.
you lucky buggers… we can’t get take-away 🙁
It's a double-edged sword. I assume you live in some leafy corner of nowhere?
I live, essentially, on the street behind the main road through what you might call a small town or a large village. I get great broadband, I can see the Openreach cabinet and the newly-installed fibre cab from my front window. I have most amenities within a couple of blocks, Tesco and Lidl are quicker to walk to than to drive, the nearest take-away is three doors away (but the last time I went there they short-changed me and overcharged me in the same transaction and then copped an attitude when I called them out on it so I don't go there any more). There's several pubs within shouting distance.
On the other hand... there's several pubs within shouting distance and I'm pretty near to the main road. It can get a bit boisterous when Burnley are playing at home and if there's the slightest of disruptions to the road then everyone uses this street as a rat-run. There's nothing that says "good night's sleep" quite like an Impreza dump valve at 3am.
I am in the fortunate position where I can buy stuff if I want it, but I will always look for a discount voucher, or shop around for the same thing. If I go anywhere on the train, then I will use Ticket Splitting to try to keep the costs down, if I am buying online then I will open new accounts to get new member offers.
I do a fair bit of haggling in my day job and have found myself doing it away from work. Wanted a small sofa for the dining room the other day, saw a clearance one in a furniture shop that was for sale. Told the salesperson I wanted it , but only wanted to pay 50% of what they were asking for it. Ended up with a 25% discount after a few negotiations. It’s a good game.
One thing I can’t stand paying for is parking, so will park further out and walk to where we need to go ( learnt that one young from my father).
I am totally the same except I hate walking for cheap parking - if I’m going on a shopping trip with my wife we will park right in the fancy centre car park!
I am slightly obsessed with helping people save money on buying things. People visit my house and if we talk about the house/furnishings (people seem to want to as my wife is an artist and great at interior design so our house looks super cool inside! Nowt to do with me!) and when we say we paid £80 for a triple solid wood wardrobe or £50 for a nearly new sofa etc they are super shocked.
I think a lot of people have no idea how to save money of buying everyday things, maybe they have the idea of shopping at Lidl rather than M and S but will have no qualms spending £2k on a dining room table and chairs (must be common as all the furniture places we went to recently seem to sell a lot of stuff at that price! Not ikea though). Bar our main bed (a special one due to my wife’s sleep issues) I don’t think all the furniture in our house cost £2k all together. But it doesn’t look like it.
At some point the saving money/inconvenience to oneself/looking like a weirdo equation just tilts enough, surely? Walking in the pouring rain to save a tenner on a taxi when you've an excess of £5k in the bank account tips one over into the "being a prick for the sake of it" column for me.
EDIT: I mean the jump from sensible everyday money saving into miserliness and hoarding is just a frame of mind.
my base salary is around 135k, and my annual bonus is about 50% of my basic
No, that's pretty big. And I work in IT as well.
No, that’s pretty big. And I work in IT as well.
My base salary isn't even that much if you remove the '1' from the beginning.
Walking in the pouring rain to save a tenner on a taxi when you’ve an excess of £5k in the bank account tips one over into the “being a prick for the sake of it” column for me.
I wouldn't have put it in such harsh terms unless they were making someone else do it. Forcing your wife to walk miles in the rain rather than spend a couple of quid is being a selfish prick for the sake of it; doing it yourself and getting home like a drowned rat with your chest all puffed out going "look at me, I saved a tenner!" isn't prickishness, it's merely rampant stupidity.
Obviously OP is from Yorkshire ?
Take it while it comes, you never know what is around the corner.
However - have back up. For me these days that would be savings and private health insurance.
We are in a fortunate position too where our earnings have gone up year on year for probably the last 15 years. We dont have quite as much disposable income as OP, but our net income has dropped £1,500 in the last month due to tax thresholds being exceeded and loss of earnings on my side.
Nothing wrong with being savvy with your money no matter what your income. However spending on things is not a linear response. Example - The first Michelin restaurant I went to was amazing, I was blown away by the food quality/service etc. However I have been to others since, in theory some of the best in the country and the experience was good but didnt beat that first experience.
On the flip side my mtb is 2013 with 26" wheels and I cant bring myself to spend £3k on a bike as in my mind I cant afford one (think modern bikes are a rip off)
For example I had many flashy cars when I was younger but now couldn’t care less as long as the car is reliable as I am just sat behind whoever is in front of me due to today’s taffic.
Just before lockdown I went and test drove a Porsche. As a kid I dreamt of owning a Porsche or Ferrari etc. 2 years ago I was in a position where I could buy one (2nd hand). I went and test drove one, absolutely loved it and the whole experience ie even the dealership staff were amazing. However I walked away not wanting to buy one. Purely I think because I had achieved that dream of being able to be in a position to buy one.
ie Money doesnt buy you happiness just opportunity and the ability to make your life easier. You must spend it though and enjoy your life, I dont know anyone who earns a lot of money and doesnt work exceptionally hard to earn it, so therefore reward yourself with things that make your life easier.
No significant savings – I mean, I have some, but it doesn’t really make much of a difference compared to the pension or the house value, which is what I meant. By the time I retire I’ll have plenty and I will build up more of a bugger this year, but I’ll be able to do both, regardless of whether or not I’m a tightwad.
Trouble is though - you could loose all that money if you end up in a nursing home etc. Everyone I speak to says you need less money when you retire than when you are working. + I want to enjoy my time with our son whilst we are youngish and fit. No point having lots of money when your are retired and on your Zimmer frame IMO.
Money doesnt buy you happiness just opportunity and the ability to make your life easier.
Money is like oxygen, it's only really important if you don't have any. It might not buy you happiness but a lack of it will certainly buy you miserableness.
Money is like oxygen, it’s only really important if you don’t have any. It might not buy you happiness but a lack of it will certainly buy you miserableness.
Agreed - In the past I have had to stand up in front of a judge and plead with him why he should not repossess my house (I had fallen in to depression and had not opened any of the repossession letters) To this day no one in my family knows I had to do this or what was happening at the time
My wife had been declared bankrupt before I met her. So we both know what it is like to have had nothing, and we have both worked bloody hard to get to where we are now.
Op, you clearly don't need the money so why not go part time, take a pay cut and spend more time with your children, meet them from school etc. You're a long time dead.
It’s a double-edged sword. I assume you live in some leafy corner of nowhere?
Aye... we don't even get mainline gas ! lol.... We do have Broadband though and we have great Vodafone coverage (although no other phone providers work in the village) due to a couple of mast planners for Voda living in our village 🙂
I'm not complaining 🙂
isn’t prickishness, it’s merely rampant stupidity.
You mean to tell me they aren't the same thing? 🙂
Hanlon's Razor.
Op, you clearly don’t need the money so why not go part time, take a pay cut and spend more time with your children, meet them from school etc
I looked at doing this.
Employers dont employ people part time in well paid positions
Pay cut - I looked at various jobs in the likes of Rivers Trust/National Trust etc
Its all anti social hours or seasonal stuff that actually means you wouldnt see any more of the kids. Basically low paid jobs shaft the people that work in them.
My dad was tight as anything... He made us go without for his pension. He seemed to have one eye on retirement from his early 30's. I think this is something to do with his 'Silent Genration' upbringing by his older Victorian working class grandparents.
He saved and saved and then my mum dropped down dead before they got to enjoy it.
Funnily I am the opposite 🙂
Cougar
But this isn’t about me. My point was, the OP doesn’t see a value in take-away food. It may cost a little more, sure, but it’s not just about the cost of ingredients. You can ‘knock something up’ in 15 minutes but do that every day, that’s several hours of your life every month. What value is your time? At the OP’s hourly rate, that’s 2.5 – 3 grand every year just to knock something up rather than make anything particularly special.
If – IF – the OP is rolling home from work to a home-cooked meal that wifey has spent the last two hours of her life preparing, he might not see that work and thus may not be factoring in the time and effort as having a value. Or of course she might be like me and enjoy it. But the value of something may be greater than simply its price.
Well it is and it isn't about you because.
Or of course she might be like me and enjoy it.
but also I'm assuming:
a) Mr T's kitchen is considerably bigger, has access to a big freezer etc.
b) Mrs T chooses to work 2d/wk and it has near zero impact on her ability to buy stuff if she chooses zero d/pw or 5 d pw
Mainly though you're applying a lens of YOU to the OP. The 2 points above are just illustrating that really.
Like many on here (and I'm just replying using you) .. you subconciously pick and choose that lens.
What many seem to be missing is Mr T is just not comfortable wasting money on certain things he considers poor VFM. Take the taxi example...
doing it yourself and getting home like a drowned rat with your chest all puffed out going “look at me, I saved a tenner!” isn’t prickishness, it’s merely rampant stupidity.
I'm not talking tone here ... I'm pointing out wasting a tenner to save getting wet walking home seems pretty wasteful to me (and Mr T) because our VALUES are different BUT that's not the real thing, the real thing is I (and I guess Mr T) would feel very uncomfortable taking that taxi. The whole time sat in it I'd feel bad about wasting money for what I see as poor value.
I wouldn’t have put it in such harsh terms unless they were making someone else do it.
So you can see that clearly .. but I believe what you aren't seeing is Mr-T isn't taking the taxi because taking a taxi feels wasteful and bad. Outside of work I have no idea when I last took a taxi. I could certainly afford a taxi but if I take a taxi I feel bad about being wasteful.
(I THINK it's probably 10yrs ago when my son was in hospital VERY ill, I also got takeaway then but that was a specific time)
BUT ... let's split hairs to illustrate as that depends if you were to count an uplift as a taxi.
I'd say it can be argued either way... however the argument makes no difference to me because one makes me feel bad about myself. I see (or feel) one as wasteful and poor VFV and the other as making the most of a bike trip and good VFM.
I am aware of people that think paying for an uplift is poor VFM and I assume they spend more on taxi's... It seems strange to me BUT I can accept it. If they are sat in an uplift feeling bad because they feel a need to pedal up or it's a waste of money then they probably shouldn't pay for uplift.
What is perhaps weirdest is this has nothing to do with my income... I used to earn close to Mr T and I now earn (probably considerably) less than you. Earning well over 100k didn't make me feel less bad about taxi's and earning <15k doesn't make me feel less enthusiastic to pay for an uplift when possible.
What is perhaps weirdest is this has nothing to do with my income… I used to earn close to Mr T and I now earn (probably considerably) less than you. Earning well over 100k didn’t make me feel less bad about taxi’s and earning <15k doesn’t make me feel less enthusiastic to pay for an uplift when possible.
A key point to me. My attitude towards money is no different now that before when I was younger and if I have spare money it is just that, spare money. I don't feel I need to spend it for the sake of it and could ultimately do without it. Spare money makes money less important, whereas not having enough makes it one of the most important things.
I wanted more things when younger so bought them, I want less now so don't buy them.
Saying that, my posts much like everyone else's haven't really helped the OP who feels he is too tight. Just saying "spend more" is like telling an overweight person to "just lose weight"
Trouble is though – you could loose all that money if you end up in a nursing home etc. Everyone I speak to says you need less money when you retire than when you are working.
That completely misses the point. It's nothing to do with the money, it's all about the attitude to money, which is ingrained and not easily changed and in many cases not a problem.
Frugal people don't become more happy by spending more, they become less happy.....
Stood in Newton Abbot centre a couple of years ago, asked IceCream seller for 3 Soleros.
That will be £9……….
No it won’t , I said hang on kids, walked around to Iceland and bought a pack of 3 for £2 !!!
Now to me this is a bit sad. The 'treat' for kids is the walking up to the ice cream van, queuing excitedly while looking at the lolly pictures, changing your mind 4 times and then walking away with a big smile on your face unwrapping your lolly. Especially at the sea-side.
Being dragged round Iceland or Tesco to save a few quid isn't quite the same! 🙂
If you are struggling for cash then I understand the need to same money of course.
Now to me this is a bit sad. The ‘treat’ for kids is the walking up to the ice cream van, queuing excitedly while looking at the lolly pictures, changing your mind 4 times and then walking away with a big smile on your face unwrapping your lolly. Especially at the sea-side.
+1
I thought that post had all the trappings of a Viz character in it. Victorian Dad or something.
Mainly though you’re applying a lens of YOU to the OP. The 2 points above are just illustrating that really.
Not really. I'm just throwing ideas around. I did say "if," in capital letters even. I've no idea what the reality is (any more than you do) because the OP hasn't been particularly forthcoming with information.
My point in its entirety is that whilst HE might not be able to see past the mighty pound note, there are things of value that don't come with a price tag and there are other people involved who are directly affected. Eg,
"I don’t mind spending money... A takeaway for 2 is maybe £35 or £40 round here, a boys trip (2 uplift days, a travelodge) is what, £100-150? I can see waay more value in a boys trip (a whole weekend of fun) above getting 3 currys in."
Right there in black & white. He sees wa(a)y more value in a weekend away with the boys than three quiet evenings with his wife where she doesn't have to spend half her afternoon cooking. What his wife may feel about this hasn't entered once into the conversation in six pages. He's quite happy to throw money about when it suits him personally (£2k on a new bike) but the rest of the family can whistle for something as simple as a pre-holiday lie-in cos it'll cost £25 each.
Who's making these decisions on behalf of everyone else, is it by committee or is it what he says goes? If I were her I'd be saying "off you go then, we're getting the later flight and we'll meet you there." Assuming of course that Mr McDuck isn't holding her to ransom via the purse strings and she's got no choice. And if - IF! - that's the case, there's a word for that which the OP won't like.
(From those weekend costings presumably he also bums a lift off his mates to get there, top-and-toe beds with them and doesn't eat or drink for two days.)
"My wife goes away on weekends away as well, and I think that’s great."
Hands up anyone who's surprised?
I believe what you aren’t seeing is Mr-T isn’t taking the taxi because taking a taxi feels wasteful and bad.
I believe you're mistaking disagreement for misunderstanding. I totally understand that he thinks it's a waste of money, rather I'm suggesting that having a mortgage-free million pound house and a 200k salary, most of which they don't know what to do with, then choosing to walk home however many miles in the pissing rain rather than "waste" a few quid on a taxi is not rational behaviour.
What price do you put on happiness?
What price do you put on the happiness of your family?
Frugal people don’t become more happy by spending more, they become less happy…..
Perhaps not, but everyone else around them does.
Hey, OP, when did you and your wife last go on a date?
Now to me this is a bit sad. The ‘treat’ for kids is the walking up to the ice cream van, queuing excitedly while looking at the lolly pictures, changing your mind 4 times and then walking away with a big smile on your face unwrapping your lolly. Especially at the sea-side.
Being dragged round Iceland or Tesco to save a few quid isn’t quite the same! 🙂
If you are struggling for cash then I understand the need to same money of course.
Now if they had asked for a Mr Whippy with nuts and sauce on , then I would have happily paid the inflated price for them. But something I can purchase for near on a fifth of the price by walking 30 yards, I’ll go for that option .
It also meant I had money in my pocket for chips for them on the way home so win win.
Not struggle for cash fortunately, just don’t like being blatantly ripped off
Now if they had asked for a Mr Whippy with nuts and sauce on , then I would have happily paid the inflated price for them. But something I can purchase for near on a fifth of the price by walking 30 yards, I’ll go for that option .
Seeing as it was me who brought ice-cream into the discussion, I'll point out that I was thinking of proper locally made ice-cream-parlour type stuff, and not overpriced Soleros.
It also meant I had money in my pocket for chips for them on the way home so win win.
I have done this on many occasions, though.