[Closed] How to live in the countryside

So very true

🙂

like it!

Spot on 😀

Loved that! Here's Stewart Lee's take on it:

That is so TRUE on so many levels. Love it

brilliantly accurate.

I agree that you now have to go as far west as the edge of the vale of evesham escarpment (plus a bit to get beyond broadway) now to escape the "london influence".

I used to work on a farm between Stow on the Wold and Bourton on the water and now most of the villages there are dead in the week and beredtrousered in the weekend. 🙁

Plus, if you ARE pissed off by being woken up on a Sunday morning by the stupid church bell noise, a complaint to the local council will get it stopped. Hurrah!

Nice one..... so very true.

Plus a complete absence of Stewart Lee. It just gets better and better...

Scarily true! 🙂

Going the other way, though -
No, you do not need to wear wellies in London. EVER. Stop it.
No, you can't just park there.
etc.

Am now worried what the village will give me as a nickname! (Having recently moved back to the rural folds....!)

Pretty accurate.

On the cockerel subject, an incomer to my Grandad's village who got on the parish council once tried to get cockerels banned from the village, and enforce a curfew on mowing in the evening.

It's fair to say they didn't succeed on either count.

And, I call it 'my Grandad's village' because he has more right to it than anyone else, probably, having spent approx. 90 of his 95 years there (and those before in the village next door), on his small farm, keeeping chickens, mowing til all hours, was a founding member of the cricket club and is the only living parishioner with grazing rights to the village common, though he doesn't exercise them, only occasionally threatening to in order to piss off a 'townie'......

That's how it works 'round yer ya see..........

CaptainFlashheart

Depends where you moved back from, what you did and whether you have family in the village.

A guy who moved into our village from Wembley I believe some 10 years ago or more is still referred to as 'London Bob' although rather more affectionately now as his kids have grown up there and his wife runs the local nursery, but, you get a name & it'll stick!

Thanks OP,
Having been small village dweller this is scarily accurate.
It made me laugh.
I remember some lovely people from across the border complaining about the farmer spreading manure in the field next their holiday cottage while they were there (one of the 4 times of the year they were there).

Wonderfully observational and completely true! I aught to send this to my parents down south, who's patience of the 'new' locals is severely tested every time we get complaints about the farm machinery being too noisy, smelly, muddy, dusty or big. It's fair to say that harvest is always entertaining...

TTP reached and breached some time ago capn.

Happens up here too, head for the East Neuk of Fife and lovely wee fishing villages like Elie are on populated at the weekend by RR touting, red trouser bedecked K-nobs from Edinburgh.

The weegies are all too coked up of a weekend to get out of town as well as out of it! 😀

Very true, Soob! 🙂

*Must remember not to take the Evans guns on a family shoot day if/when i get invited!*

A copy of that should be included with the details of any house being sold by city estate agents that's outside of city limits.
That's [i]any[/i] city, not just London, but it should be given greater exposure in London.
Brilliantly perceptive.
And horribly true.

I grew up between Banbury and Chipping Norton. We did have a Prussian Baron in the village. But Chipping Norton, while undeniably the posher of the two, was generally OK. The moneyed land owners were old school and part of the furniture. Now it's TTP central!

I spent a decade living in Manchester, and it became my adopted home. It's a wonderful city.

And now I too am the comer-in to a small Lancashire village. And there's plenty of dosh round here (mainly farming), but this is a mixed rural environment (we're the never-here-in-daylight daily commuters) with most people working near where they live.

I've never met a poor farmer

I've never met a poor farmer

Chap next door pretty much has string holding up his trousers. Except, he also owns two farms (each son runs one) and manages to scrimp by enough to own a racehorse. Must be such a hardship.

Blimey that could be this village.
Day 2 of our residency I was advised by a top old fella that we'd "not be local until there's 3 generations underground in the churchyard!" Friendly little place. 😀

Shortly after we moved to the Peak District, we were asked in the local shop "Are you local?" Because I wore a suit the locals were convinced that I was a "Taxman" (I'm not ) - I did find it odd that people didn't speak to me

I remember a great exchange in the old Outside café at Calver....

Townie: Do you do lattes?

Girl behind counter: Sorry, you can have it black or white....

(Sadly, it has now been revamped, but does do a great latte..ahem! 😳 )

Day 2 of our residency I was advised by a top old fella that we'd "not be local until there's 3 generations underground in the churchyard!" Friendly little place.

All pretty true except the parish counsel thing, who are generally a lot of busy bodies.

Is that Jason donavon in ' that there picture ' get off my land kind off thing 😯

rogerthecat - Member
Blimey that could be this village.
Day 2 of our residency I was advised by a top old fella that we'd "not be local until there's 3 generations underground in the churchyard!" Friendly little place.

I agree that you now have to go as far west as the edge of the vale of evesham escarpment (plus a bit to get beyond broadway) now to escape the "london influence".

Is that why I don't recognise a lot of that? Though to be fair I also live in quite a strange village, the majority of the houses in which have been built since the 60s, so the incomers outnumber the real locals - but we're mostly normal people who actually like living in the country, not retired city bankers.

Possibly, aracer, but to be honest nobody wants to live in your swamp, even the red-trousered.
🙂

It probably needs a couple of extra points about buying a log burner and a toy 4x4 because it once snowed and you live in the country now 😉

And the problem with red trousers is what, exactly?

Our village is pretty good about in comers - never had a problem, but then we did get straight into the social scene, which helped (pub, pool team, quiz team, biodiversity society).

Never criticise until you know who you're talking to, never shoot your mouth off on a subject unless you're sure of your audience (yes, I'm a fine one to say that, before anyone mentions one of my previous efforts) and get involved and things will be fine. Village life is great!

Needs one about fighting viciously the building of new houses in the village.

[url= http://www.amazon.com/Country-Dance-Henry-Brewis/dp/0852362447/ref=la_B001KCDNH4_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1385685990&sr=1-2 ]A longer version, a very funny book if you were from the country side[/url]
[img] [/img]

Needs one about fighting viciously the building of new houses in the village.

No way, that's clearly not on! New houses? That would spoil the place awfully. Not on, dear boy.

Meh.

I live outside the village ( which if im honest is more of a suburb now anyway) . I know my 8 neighbours 3 down the road and the 2 farmers near by + rustymac in the village. Thats plenty but the villagers comunity council will fight you to the death if you dare submit planning for more than 1 house.

[quote=Stoner said]Possibly, aracer, but to be honest nobody wants to live in your swamp, even the red-trousered.

Bovis appear to think otherwise, which is where trail-rat's post comes in 😉

And the problem with red trousers is what, exactly?

Love this thread.

The town where I grew up doesn't have incomers, nor do the villages. One of the few unpolluted areas!

Didnt realise you were from barrow on furness molgrips.....thats where you meant right id understand why it has no incomers 🙂

Village life - the best and worst in life.
Our last one:
[b]10 minutes[/b] after we and removals truck arrived, I walked into local shop to buy milk for brews all round to be greeted by 'Oh, you are the family from Sheffield moving into Gray Street - helloooo.' 😯
It was the place when a young girl died in the village, the WHOLE village stopped for an hour for the funeral. I think the only people still working were the police, turning tourists away from taking pics and getting a punch...
It was the place when the snow comes, you would pick up a shovel and a flask and head out to see who needed the path to the door clearing, a brew and a chat (all of which meant that all morning was spent on this recreational activity).
You did not lock your house.
.
Equally.
.
Everyone is related to everyone, and if not they just are best mates.
The village gossip was horrendous - if you didn't laugh, you would cry. The village saying was 'If you break wind on the bridge over the River Dochart, by the time you have walked to the bridge over the River Lochay (10min walk) - the gossip had already beaten you there, and someone would inquire as to how you sh*t your pants...
The narrow mindedness and deliberately obstructive nature of some was awful - and constant tension between those who wanted peace, quiet and no tourists, and those who needed the visitors to earn a living.
Too much alcohol is consumed, by too many people.
Too many drugs are consumed, by too many people.
Too much violence occurs, on a regular basis, by the same groups of people.
It is a place, that looks lovely, yet is under resourced, used as a 'sink' for challenging people from big estates in the city to find a council house, everything costs more, you do 25k miles a year to get around, the issues of rurality are massive
Loved it.
Not too upset about leaving.

[url= http://lookatmy****ingredtrousers.blogspot.co.uk/ ]Word in title NSFW![/url]

You all clearly lived in a metrolopis not a village. My parent's don't have 8 neighbours (unless you count family members and pets rather than just the houses) unless you cross into the next county.

WHat you have there tinas - is a house not a village- at best its a hamlet.

Indeed, its a mile to the postbox, two to a streetlamp!

When you live in a hamlet, village folk are townies 🙂

Randomly because i live in a row of 8 farmworkers cottages i have a street light in my garden( not through my leccy box) .....handy as owt and good for security.

Nice to know where your roots lie.

Always fun to be able to point people to one of the larger tombs in the village church, dated 1592 (I think).

No idea if I'm related, but if people want to make that assumption 🙂

Our village is split in two. The posh end and our bit. The posh bit has the ex City bods and retired folk. Our end of the village has 10 houses (including two farms) and that's it.

We have neighbours from the Smoke though. They seem to be fixated with padlocks. They put in some 'ranch style' fencing, about 4 foot high with wire mesh under the bottom rung to keep the bunnies out. There is a gate in the middle of the fence with a big padlock on. I asked him why he had a padlock on when you can just step over the fence....it keeps people out apparently!

Before they 'fully moved up' I offered to put their bins out to save them leaving them out from Sunday evening to Thursday morning. They readily accepted but refused to give me a key so I could get in their 'ranch style' gates to get to the bins. I stepped over the fence and manhandled said bins over the fence for a few weeks and then gave up. They still haven't worked out how I got into their drive (sorry - security compound!)

Meanwhile, they have just planted an oak tree about 5 yards away from their house and 10 from ours. I offered a suggestion that it might not be wise but they were having none of it!

It was the place when the snow comes, you would pick up a shovel and a flask and head out to see who needed the path to the door clearing, a brew and a chat (all of which meant that all morning was spent on this recreational activity).

My neighbours and I do that. We live in the middle of a city.

We had the choice in our last move to go very rural but chose semi. I work from home and need to feel I'm not isolated. Also we have fantastic local shops a hop, skip and jump away. A great pub, yet still with brilliant doorstep mtbing.

We had the choice in our last move to go very rural but chose semi. I work from home and need to feel I'm not isolated. Also we have fantastic local shops a hop, skip and jump away. A great pub, yet still with brilliant doorstep mtbing.

Or, put another way, you live at the very outer reaches* of civilisation....

*some might say beyond them....

IanMunro - Member
When you live in a hamlet, village folk are townies

funny, but still written by posh types for posh types. I grew up in the country and very few people we know shoot, have gun dogs, etc. This was the Highlands though, so maybe it is different down south, darling. And since when was living in a village living in the country? A trip to the village was quite a treat, streetlights and everything!

I've never met a poor farmer

you've obviously not met very many then.

Slaughterford church, where my Great-grandparents are buried, their grave just out of sight to the bottom left. It's a hamlet, has nine houses in total, if memory serves, and one of those is the farm in whose field the church stands.
Trashed by Cromwell on his way to Bristol, finally restored in Victorian times.
Really lovely little church...

[img] [/img][/url] [url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/countzero1/1119351378/ ]St Nicholas Church, Slaughterford[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/countzero1/ ]CountZero1[/url], on Flickr[/img]

Wish someone would bring the brewery back into use, though...
Nobody who lives there now is an original inhabitant, they're all townie incomers.

Lots of poor farmers where I grew up. No shooting either except to kill vermin.

Farmer who owns the land that my houses were built to serve has had to sell up hes that poor.

1.25 million for the land and the wreck of a house.

Thats after he tried renting fields out to pikeys.

Or, put another way, you live at the very outer reaches* of civilisation....

*some might say beyond them....

If you're ever over this way pop in for a brew or something stronger, I seem to remember you don't drink tea or coffee, same as myself 🙂

How to live in the countryside?

Well, I guess that if we're talking stereotypes...

😉

I'll kick off with the behaviours you ideally need to display to fit in.

-irrational dislike of outsiders
-homophobic, racist views
-narrow minded
-parochial

Good job some considerate townies move in to help improve the area 🙂

Either trailrat is being ironic or he's missing the point by quite a wide margin.

Lack of smileys makes it hard to tell.......

Clubber - you are so right, many of the locals in our village don't understand the concept of equality and diversity

That link from xcgb up there....the christening photo.....am almost certain that I [i]knew[/i] that girl many years ago! 😯

Flashy - the kiddy is really cute though, is it yours? 😉

Thats after he tried renting fields out to pikeys.

Isn't that like trying to sell fridges to Eskimos ❓

Count, might I have bumped in to you riding my Cannondale Scalpel one exceptionally rainy day in Biddestone a few weeks back? You mentioned having a On-One 5,6,7 if that rings any bells? If so it was good to chat and nicely broke up a very long and wet ride... also, I can confirm The Count dresses entirely appropriately for country life and practices what he preaches 😀

Having lived in the country proper most of my life it does amuse me how perhaps 50% of people living in Bath (big city for us sheltered folk) seem to believe they in the most rural of all rural places even in the city centre and dress accordingly. Bath seems to be the "countryside" for Londoners. I guess there is always someone a little more "proper country" than you out there... at least you'd hope so

Wife in the North is a decent account of Townies mooving (see what I did there) in to the coutryside. I actually read it as there are people mentioned in it that I know.
Caused a bit of a stink from what SWMBO says.

funny, but still written by posh types for posh types. I grew up in the country and very few people we know shoot, have gun dogs, etc. This was the Highlands though, so maybe it is different down south, darling.

Depends how far South (East) you go - see Stoner's comments above (though I still reckon he owns red trousers 😉 )