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Re worded this several times now!
Stuck for words is probably the reason!
Posted about this before so here goes, my daughters best friends mum has cancer, she's only 41 and the daughter is ten. The wife is good friends with the lady in question. We've got the daughter at our house tonight (even tho our kids had to go to gymnastics) so they can tell the little ones grandparents things aren't going well. Basically she's in a bad way as its now in her lungs and liver, it guts me so badly but I don't know why! Perhaps because its all "so close to home".
Had to come upstairs for a long shower whilst the wife chats an plays with the daughter.
Do I just carry on being the stupid/funny dad of her best friend.
All very very sad.
Thanks in advance for any advice.
Yes, just carry on being an eejit (after all matey, it comes naturally 🙂 )
Do I just carry on being the stupid/funny dad of her best friend.
Yes.
It'll depend on how much the little one has been told and what she's been told.
Behave normally but don't be insensitive.
Nothings altered , she is still the mother of your childs freind and your wifes freind.She just has cancer.
Think if you got cancer how would you like your freinds to respond.
You could also get hold of a copy of Lost for words, from cancer bacup.
My b-i-l took his own life when my nephew was 10.
You have to acknowledge it. Maybe at a time she's on her own with you ''I know what your mum is going through and I can't help but you'll always be welcome to come and play here with 'x'' and if there's anything you think I can do to help you or your mum then tell me.
It's desperately sad but she has to face it and so do you.
I'd suggest talking to her mum too and asking how they want you to play it.
You can imagine your child in the same position. I still get a bit tearful for my sister and her children's loss when I think about it because I've seen the results.
Be there for your daughters friend and her mum is all Incan suggest and don't pretend it's not happening.
But also still be laughs jokey you because that's all you can do and she deserves you making that effort.
Depends on the kid. People often need normalcy in these situations I think. Be yourself.
Personally I absolutely hate people making a fuss, so I don't want sympathy or anything, in general.
Yeah mate, carry on as normal.
We're in the same situation, but maybe 6-8 weeks further on. My wife's friend / daughter's friend's mum had a mastectomy 2 years ago, but now has secondary cancers in her brain, and maybe elsewhere (brain was spotted quickly and the bulk removed but not completely, the rest was blasted with radio, she's waiting for a scan on the rest of her). But she's been prepared that it's not going to be an if, it's a when outcome.
We can't treat them any differently, because Fiona won't let us. You just need to be sensitive and take it as it comes, some times they are normal kids, other times you can sense they are worried and just need an arm round them.
And don't forget the husband / partner. He has to hold it all together, and the person he promised to spend his life with isn't going to be around for a big chunk of it. We royally ****ed up when she had the breast cancer, he was so practical and sorted about it, so of course we helped out with school pickups and the like so they could do hospital trips for the chemo, and on the outside he dealt with it all. Inside he nearly fell apart, but couldn't show it and we never gave him chance to. Don't let that be the case for you. And it's an excuse to get the whisky out and have a chat.
you do have to carry on.
my motherinlaw has cancer and she only has 3 weeks to a month left. today was hard for everyone cos was my little girls first birthday today and we all where happy but u could sence how upsetting it was cos motherinlaw wont get to see another birthday and my little one will never know her granny. my otherhalf is just all over the place and i have to stay stong for her. we are getting married at end of the year and that has realy got to other half as her mum will not be there.
just have to be stong for them and carry on.
Carry on and man up then! Obviously telling the grandparents hasn't gone well and shes now staying for a sleepover on a school night! She's very happy about that but isn't daft and knows something has gone off tonight!
We will do our upmost to help.
Thanks fellas!
Keep being fun and let talk if they want.
I've got to go to one of my best mates funerals tomorrow. He died earlier this month aged 31 from cancer leaving behind his wife with a 1 year old. I was one of the only non family members he saw because I did not keep on "you poor thing", "I'm so sorry", "you're so brave". Just treat them as normal and if they want to talk they will.
My MiL has just been diagnosed with Cancer. After the shock we all just trying to make life as normal as possible. It is sad but by keeping a normal life it just takes her mind away from the illness
When there are no words, use hugs. Good luck.
You will be amazed at how well they will cope - just be a crutch if needed, otherwise be you.
Children need to see as much normality as possible. My bestmates Mum died at 42. Too young.
No advice of use but keep up the good work.
My younger brother (he's 35) has the big C - been fighting it for 6 years, but now it back in his Liver and won't be going away.
We have a hardtime dealing with it, and helping my 5 year old daughter to deal with it, she knows he is ill, and she isn't allowed to jump all over him but that is about it.
I know at some point over the next 18-24 months he'll probably be gone, and a little bit of me will probably go with him. ;o(
my advice would be act normal, but sensitive, offer to help but don't be too pushy.
I was diagnosed with cancer over christmas (not the best present I've ever had). I had a phone call today with an appointment on Monday for my first radiotherapy planning (markup) meeting. I wouldn't have have a clue about giving advice on how to behave with people, everyone's different and people have to deal with it in their own way. One of my 3 kids hasn't mentioned a single word about it to me yet, but when they're ready, I'm sure they will.
I tend to lurk on the forum and post now and again but felt so strongly about this because of what happened to us. 5 years ago our daughter was diagnosed with cancer and inside while we were falling apart outside we put on a brave face and got on with getting her through treatment. What helped us was having our friends around us coming to visit and going out for a drink just to have a bit of normality and have a break. We developed a routine where friends would come to us with decent food and have a chat what we hated was people avoiding us as they didn't know what to do or say. I'd say be as normal as you can with your friends daughter if she wants to talk then listen. It will also be important to support your daughter too esp if she knows her well and become distressed if she sees her friend get upset as her mother deteriorates.