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Honestly. Was watching "Motorway Madness" or somesuch last night.
It struck me that when i was a very stupid criminal, i at least had the sense to insure my car, have it MOTed and not carry about the tools of the night. You obviously leave them at a sensible spot.
Anyone else here willing to admit to a badly spent youth?
When some of my mates decided to [s]steal[/s]borrow cars in the village for a late night drive,they always put petrol in before returning them.
I never went on these trips,"You are going to get caught" I would tell them.
They never did.
I once did 72mph in a 70.
Anyone else here willing to admit to a badly spent youth?
I am.
I'm hoping it'll feel better after a rest and a cup of tea.
I smoked weed once, fun lovin rather than stupid was my style of criminality.
A good few years back, I read in the local paper, someone I vaguely new in my past, got pulled over by the police, at 1am for being on the phone. He had nine ounces of weed in the boot.. ..
Some of the lads I went to school with used to get up to all kinds of nonsense. None of them were the brightest sparks. All ended up doing time. One ended up paralysed from the waist down after a high speed pursuit in a nicked Cosworth didn't end well.
One total misnomer, having witnessed plenty of it first hand, is the tabloid assertion that 'dealing drugs is easy money'
Ok then... if its that easy, you go and do it for a weekend and see how you get on
Yes. Would have faced jail time if caught. At the time we just enjoyed partying and we're all consenting young adults having fun. Never robbed or beat any one up. Happy fun days.
I self-checked out in a supermarket once in a bit of a rush. Couldn't seem to quickly find red onions in the 'Look up items' so I checked that mofo out as a white potato.
No dutty Babylon is gonna take me alive!
Yes. Stop me before i kill again.
Anyone else here willing to admit to a badly spent youth?
I grew up in Liverpool.
All the stories you hear about life in Liverpool are true... and then some.
It makes me laugh that people think Bread was a sitcom, it was actually a decent representation of life in Liverpool.
Dear future employers and government agencies. I spent my youth knitting socks for the local orphanage.
Needle user eh?
Unhealthy interest in abandoned children, eh?
....as if the foot fetish wasn't bad enough?
The ones who appear on those programmes are arguably stupid.
The ones who never get caught - probably not so stupid.....or maybe just lucky.
Bloody foot fetishists, get with the Metric programme like everyone else.
Bloody foot fetishists, get with the Metric programme like everyone else.
Then they would be metre-ologists.
Like John Kettley....
my two stars of the week successfully do two dwelling house burglaries taking cars from drives, valuables from inside house , leave no forensic evidence and faces concealed from the cctv on the houses then stop off in a brightly lit cctv rich McDonald's to use the victim's bank card to buy £15 worth of burgers while not hiding their faces.
Ok then... if its that easy, you go and do it for a weekend and see how you get on
Absolutely.
One of the reasons I stopped, finding yourself in increasingly dodgier flats, small time dealers constantly expecting the door hooved in by the polis, or even worse some crazy bastard dealer tooled up.
And that was only for a bit of weed. F that.
...dealing drugs is easy money
As has been mentioned, it really is not. It's blooming hard work and carries risks and responsibilities.
Try hiring a car after your first capture. You'll need a fake ID. Try applying for a mortgage. Same deal.
Not to say that it was all bad. Lots of good times zipping up and down the motorways in fast cars with loose women.
I'd rather have done things differently. How about you?
I once did 72mph in a 70.
You're worse than Hitler.
Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.
(c) Jason Statham
As a young man growing up in a small village with my own car from the age of 17 I was often the driver when heading out and about with friends.
One day we were driving into the local town when the lad in the back of the car shouted "That's Danny" and pointed at an unremarkable looking 15 year old walking along a pavement on the outskirts of town.
We pulled over and gave this stranger a lift. Had a bit of a chat and dropped him off in a less salubrious part of town before heading to the record shop.
I thought nothing of it until I heard, some years later, that Danny was one of the town's major drugs dealers and at the time - 20+ years ago - was earning £1500 a week. His parents apparently thought he was very good at saving his pocket money....
It took me another 15 years to hit the same gross earnings doing the legitmate way.
Who says crime doesn't pay? (He's probably dead/in prison.)
My brother tells a story of someone he shared a cell with. broke into a house, nice telly, decent stereo, other odds and ends but no way to get it home so he called a taxi. Taxi driver was a tad suspicious about someone taking expensive stuff out of a nice big house and transferring it to one of the more scum parts of town so dropped the boy off then called the cops, conveniently being able to provide the addresses of both the perp and the victim as well as a list of some of the stolen stuff.
...who says crime doesn't pay
No-one with half a brain. Of course it does or there wouldn't be bike thieves. Or drug dealers, or fences or money lenders (sharks), the worst of them all.
I'm genuinely interested. It can't just have been me and my mates. They're all in jail or dead now (i miss their company).
Not for one second do I think that there aren't others like me.
Not for one second do I think that there aren't others like me.
So, without asking you to out yourself, what made you stop: enforcement or your own decision?
No-one with half a brain
I know a couple of blokes who make more money in a week than you and I make in a couple of month.
criminals, yes, stupid, I don't think so.
how about you?
All good fun, if terrifying at times. Got some bonkers stories about being in some ridiculously ill-advised situations with some very wrong people
The trick is to quit while you're ahead. Easily said
I truly believe not many set out to do it, it just sort of develops until you say 'hang on a minute. How the **** did I end up here?!"
We met some proper criminals at the Europcar hire desk at Palma. I'm still disputing the bill with them now....
The stupid criminals I met were the arsonists who hung around to watch the fire and the burglars who tagged the house they were visiting.. the fraudsters were the clever ones. We did do some silly things, no one got hurt and life was very exciting but glad I didn't make any of it a career choice tbh.
Lad I went to school with, gobby and not the brightest spark used to generally revel in being unpleasant. He left school, worked as a carpenter and one day decided to hold up a petrol station.
He was arrested at half eight on a Monday morning. Suffice it was to say that the proceeds from his escapade were very disappointing, something like £45 and a couple of packets of fags, certainly not worth the subsequent custodial sentence for armed robbery.
None of us have seen him in twenty-seven years.
Never, ever go back to the scene of a crime. They're waiting for you. CID 101.
Why stop omitn. Good question. Eventually, you realise that you can earn a better living without all the hassle.
You can carry on robbing cars and houses in the middle of the night or you can **** off to uni and learn how to draw, paint or take photos.
If you're determined to stick to stolen cars and other people's stuff, at least do it with alacrity.
I mixed with some 'wrong un's' 20 years ago and got involved with some daft things I shouldn't have - oddly I did it more for the fun of it than anything else.
Are criminals stupid? Well yes, street level criminals are anyway. If you had an ounce of sense and could write your name you could find a job back then - it might not keep in you in Fubu tracksuits, but you don't have to sleep next to a pile of weapons or hoping tonight isn't your night to get nicked, but alas most of them do - even in the 90s when information wasn't so freely available, if you were 20 and had a criminal record it was a lot harder to get a job so it was a choice to either sign on, steal things, or sell illegal things, most did all 3.
After a 5-10 year cycle of crime and prison they might learn a thing or two about subtlety, but even then they'd **** up in all sorts of ways from a lack of social skills - for example it didn't take long to work out that if you're tasked with transporting a few Kgs of class A drugs it's best not to use your ratty Orion Ghia with blacked out windows, bald tyres and a loud exhaust because the Police tended to see that sort of car in a negative light, pull them over, find 3 lads inside - who were usually high, drunk or both with a list of criminal convictions and well, a search would usually follow.
No, with thousands of pounds and long prison sentences at stake - it's worth investing £100 in a hire car for a few days, leave the ganja alone for the morning, not dress in the usually skally uniform and drive sensibly - because why would the police pull over a nice new, clean non-descript car being driven well? In fact if they did and it all went wrong, the court may ask them to prove they justification for the stop - it's completely idiot proof - except wrong 'uns being wrong 'uns they can't help but be wrong 'uns – so they’d skank the hire company, rent it for a day or a weekend then keep it for weeks and weeks, but the hire car company report them stolen after a few days so instead of a cleaner than clean car they’re actually flagged at a stolen car, so they get stopped, no justification needed, searched and all the drugs found.
I ended up in court as a witness once after seeing a car being stolen in Edinburgh. After getting into the car and driving round the corner it cut out (I think the immobiliser cut the fuel). In a bit of panic the lad asked a nearby pedestrian to help him push if off the main road 'cos I chored it and the place is full of polis.' Unfortunately for him he was stood outside St Leonards police station and the guy he asked for help was just turning up to start his shift.
The lad pleaded not guilty.
When I worked for Coca-Cola one of our vending drivers stole a days takings and fled the country, his van was found at a ferry port. After a bit of reconciliation we worked out he had escaped abroad with around £125 in loose change.
It's not good fun. It's terrifying. It's an early grave.
It's all about cleaning the car with wet wipes before you drop it off.
These days, I'm an honest man. Wouldn't hurt a fly and all that.
[quote=crankboy ]my two stars of the week successfully do two dwelling house burglaries taking cars from drives, valuables from inside house , leave no forensic evidence and faces concealed from the cctv on the houses then stop off in a brightly lit cctv rich McDonald's to use the victim's bank card to buy £15 worth of burgers while not hiding their faces.
allegedly?
All good fun, if terrifying at times. Got some bonkers stories about being in some ridiculously ill-advised situations with some very wrong people
Voting Tory can feel like that at times....
A wise old crook once advised me thusly:
If you're preparing to commit a crime, first look at the profit you stand to make, then divide that amount by the number of hours jail time you might serve if caught.
If the hourly rate looks good then crack on.
I found it much easier to turn down the hair brained schemes that my mates and I used to come up with after applying that simple algorithm.
A boy I hung around with as a child (my mum constantly told me to keep away from him as he was bad news even as a 10 year old) was in and out of prison for various things such as shooting people with a crossbow, breaking into a house and subsequently being found by the police at the bottom of the garden wearing the resident's underwear and various other BAE and car joy riding etc.
The last I saw of him was about 25 years ago at the London Car Show with his minder and wearing a tag.
I do occasionally wonder what ever happened to him but I doubt he'll be on LinkedIn now 🙂
I do occasionally wonder what ever happened to him but I doubt he'll be on LinkedIn now
LockedIn maybe?
Chapeau, PP. 😆
[doffshat]
You're worse than Hitler.
Ninfan would say we are equal.
sort of develops until you say 'hang on a minute. How the **** did I end up here?!"
this for me....
when your guy can't supply you and gives you his guy's number.
there was money in it, but dealing with some shady characters and then watching some documentary featuring some Kiwi who got 5 years after being caught dealing in a club was the nail in the coffin for me.
much easier to be a user than a seller...
yoof who comes into work to buy sat boxes, reckons the 2 crims round here make £40k profit every 3 months from grows.
reckons the 2 crims round here make £40k profit every 3 months from grows.
I didn't realise there was such underworld demand for baby clothes or I'd not put our unwanted ones in a charity bag.
😆
I watched the Storyville program on BBC4 last night about the Silk Road drugs website and the guy behind it, Ross Ulbricht. This guy had the skills to set up and run the operation including all the encryption necessary to dumbfound the authorities and run up a personal fortune of an estimated $104 million.
However, he didn't have the nous to think that maybe the FBI might object to his activities and get out while the going was good. According to the program they tracked him down quite easily in the end. He's now in prison for the rest of his natural life.
I once got egged on to steal a bottle of milk when out camping as a 10 year old. I ended up putting it back after the nasty bastards that egged me on started telling me the polis would be after me and generally putting the fear of god in to me!
There endith my career as a thief! 😆
seosamh77 - Member
I once got egged on to steal a bottle of milk when out camping as a 10 year old. I ended up putting it back after the nasty bastards that egged me on started telling me the polis would be after me and generally putting the fear of god in to me!There endith my career as a thief!
You are Thatcher and I claim my £5!
😆
ton - Member
yoof who comes into work to buy sat boxes, reckons the 2 crims round here make £40k profit every 3 months from grows.
So, assuming it's split, the two are on £80k p/a? Not a particularly healthy 'salary' to go to chokey for.
That'll be £80k take home so equivalent to about £135k (ish) before tax?
Or do they take it as directors dividends from the business? 🙂
Not a particularly healthy 'salary' to go to chokey for.
unless you come from innercity leeds maybe?
That'll be £80k take home so equivalent to about £135k (ish) before tax?
You can 'net' £80k net from about £90k ish if you use all available tax allowances...
Pay £40k into a pension tax free, leaves a £50k PAYE which has a net take home of £36,467.20 (roughly), so total net of tax is £76,467.20.
unless you come from innercity leeds maybe?
Fair enough. I suppose it's a variant on the Coke bloke running off with £125. The sums aren't exactly life changing whereas the penalties definitely are if they're caught.
(edit) PMSL "£36,467.20 (roughly)". Ben, you are a wally 🙂
I watched the Storyville program on BBC4 last night about the Silk Road drugs website...
Just what I was going to post in response to the theme of
..sort of develops until you say 'hang on a minute. How the **** did I end up here?!.."
Really interesting story, the film's called "Deep Web" and I'd recommend it to anyone. Directed by Alex Winter (aka Bill S Preston Esq). Quite touching seeing the guy floundering in some clips when he was trying to maintain the facade of a normal life and not being able to really explain exactly what he'd been up to to his friends. Definitely someone who got in over their head, very very quickly.
I can't imagine what getting a sentence of life without the possibility of parole must be like, the guy was in his twenties and set out with a an entrepreneurial but fundamentally libertarian vision of a free trade area outside the jurisdiction of any government, ends up kingpin of the biggest drugs marketplace in human history, ordering hits on people that have crossed him, never reaping any of the financial benefits and spending the next few decades in a small room.
Back in the days when I smoked a bit of this and that, I remember finding the line, for me. Somewhere between "if we all put in we can get an ounce together, it'll work out cheaper" and "if you get half a bar it'll be £x".
The day I was going to go out and buy some scales was the day I had a stern word with myself and accepted that paying retail rather than wholesale prices was a better way forward.
Not sure which would be make me more stupid. My failed attempt at crime or admitting to the act on a public forum.
boblo - Member
ton - Member
yoof who comes into work to buy sat boxes, reckons the 2 crims round here make £40k profit every 3 months from grows.
So, assuming it's split, the two are on £80k p/a? Not a particularly healthy 'salary' to go to chokey for.
If your prospects are minimum wage and asda it's not to be sniffed at.
it's not to be sniffed at
Definitely better smoked.
At one legal practice I had the misfortune to work at, it seemed like most of the lawyers were bent or just taking the p155 out of the firm, "needing" a top of the range ipad to "work" on whilst on leave, then calling the helpdesk for the password to install "additionally required" software to that we had set up for them. We had the invoice for FlappyBirds in almost immediately after the call ( senior partner ).
Then the solicitor who was trying to get a new job and mailed the company database to his prospective employer from his work email address ( he was sacked ).
Then the conveyancing solicitor who was diddling the stamp duty. The bad things about that was she had been struck off for it previously and HR hadn't checked to see if she was a registered lawyer or not. Embarrassing when the firm specialised in HR things.
So its not the daft/naughty buggers one remembers from school, its often the upthemselves stupid ones too 🙂
Can you tell how much I enjoyed the year I worked there ????? I have never worked with such a high proportion of self important, belittling stupid thieves anywhere !
Some criminals/prisoners are ingenious, some are thick. I sometimes wonder how they managed to get caught & sometimes.....well you just know!
years ago a cigarette machine got smashed up in town and emptied of cash. The lads were soon apprehended when the ticket sales lady at the local station was quick to report them to the police for buying tickets to London using pockets full of 50 pence pieces 🙂
"My failed attempt at crime"
Well. I suspect that you probably sbouldn't tell other people about it, right or wrong.
My own misdemeanours are long past, to the point of being uninteresting to the authorities.
These days, along with the rest of the human race, I make a sensible living without a club in my middle pocket.
Is that crim code for 'you kept a bat up your arse?'
Let's be honest. Breaking the law in a small way will **** you up. If you have some cash to spare and an open mind, perhaps you can make some money.
Mostly though, all decent-minded people will balk at the thought of robbing others.
I once stole a plastic Dalek from Woolworths. I'm still sometimes tormented by the guilt.
I once stole a plastic Dalek from Woolworths. I'm still sometimes tormented by the guilt.
I once shoplifted a scented rubber* when they were all the rage, I'd probably have been about 10. I spent the next fortnight crapping myself that the police were going to turn up at our door any minute. That was the beginning and end of my illustrious life of crime.
(* - pencil eraser, get your minds out of Leisure Suit Larry.)
Slow down chaps, I'm running out of paper here 😀
* - pencil eraser, get your minds out of Leisure Suit Larry.
This reminds me of working for an American Civil Engineering company and asking if anyone had a rubber.
They also thought "dropped a bollock" was highly amusing.
That was the beginning and end of my illustrious life of crime.
At least they let you Mod STW from prison...
They also thought "dropped a bollock" was highly amusing.
They weren't wrong, to be fair.
It always amuses me when otherwise wholesome American TV shows innocently drop British swearing into their shows. Peggy Bundy's maiden name for example.
Dear future employers and government agencies. I spent my youth knitting socks for the local orphanage
Yeah- but why were there so many orphans?
Peggy Bundy's maiden name for example.
Was it not the name of the county she came from as well?
Peggy Bundy's maiden name for example.
It was her brother Sticky* I felt sorry for.
*Yes. Really.
Peggy Bundy's maiden name for example.
My crime is that secretly I used to find Marcy attractive...
Me & 2 mates once *broke* into our school one night.
*broke* = using keys I'd nicked from the woodstore room.
We had some fun on the sports field with a couple of javelins & some footballs. 😆