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One of my girlfriends friends is getting married soon and the invitation suggested cash would be a better option than a toaster or electric carving knife (although they would be happy with people just attending). So the question is how much is the ideal amount to give?
Price of a nice 3 course meal, a glass of champers and a disco dance and some nibbles,....so about £60 round here....
what do you think?
What do you feel comfortable with?
In the far east everyone gives cash.
I think the minimum should be the price of whatever meals they are serving.
I have been invited to wedding too but I don't feel like going ...
🙂
Gave my mates seventy nine qwuid the other week on their wedding.
I'm pretty sure we're getting tea and cake and then hog roast a doughnuts later ... Should be a pretty tasty day but I'd feel a bit stingy giving them £20. My other half would much rather we buy them a gift but I'm not sure if they have something in mind to spend the cash on.
Personally I think it depends on their means, if they're young and just starting out I'd be a lot more generous than if they're already quite comfortable. I got married quite late (40s) so we just asked guests to make a donation to charity if they wanted to, as we felt it would be inappropriate to ask for gifts in our circumstances (both comfortably off with two sets of cooking paraphernalia etc).
They are mid 20s but have lived together for a couple of years and own their own home so they have everything they really need, I'd estimate their joint income at 40-50k. I'm thinking maybe the price of a nice meal out and then hopefully they will spend it on something interesting.
If you're not happy with cash, then buy them something to do together.
50 quid or so is what I use do on a present.
it's a very personal thing, also depends on how well you know them. If you don't want to do cash something that means something as a gift rather than just something to start life with.
Madness. Two people decide to do something because it makes them happy, and others give them money? Weird.
I can't understand people's thinking when they buy gifts when cash is requested. Surely buying them a gift in those circumstances means you will be certain of getting them a present they don't want....
Sometimes a very personal gift means more than money, there is no obligation to do either, the clue is in the word gift. If any of my friends asked for cash over gifts and I gave a personal gift I don't think they would be upset.
I'd say about £50 depending on how well you know them and if you're there all day or evening only. I always prefer when people ask for cash, makes life so much easier!
Off road segway experience for two.
No brainer 🙂
We got married last month, asked for Trailfinders vouchers, a few close friends said they wanted to get us physical presents, and we got some lovely things, which was great. Some people gave us cash, cash/voucher contributions varied from £30 for a couple, to >£100 for individual guests. Obviously that people chose to give anything is great, if the couple judge you because of the amount you give them they're tossers!
We asked for Aussie and Thai money for our honeymoon, we'd been living together for 7 years and didn't really need anything..we made a very small gift list for those that were uncomfortable with this, worked out well...
I think its a bloody cheek when they ask for money .It comes across as come to our wedding do and can you pay for your meal
We asked for Aussie and Thai money for our honeymoon, we'd been living together for 7 years and didn't really need anything.
So why did you ask for money? No, really, I'm not trying to get at you - I'm just mystified. My sister got married recently. She'd been living with her b/f for 10 years or so. She didn't ask for, or expect, gifts, and certainly not money. I'd have been horrified if she had. (In fact I bought them a pair of rather fantastic espresso cups as a sort of token.)
(In fact I bought them a pair of rather fantastic espresso cups as a sort of token.)
That's right, I remember seeing them on Ebay 😀
🙂
<checks e-bay>
Dr J...When I say we asked I prob worded that slightly wrong... we simply said that as we didn't really need anything if anyone wanted to donate to our honeymoon then that would be more welcome than gifts we didn't need or would never use..It's obviously a touchy subject, but when you can come back a show people what you spent there money on (excursions etc) I think it justifies itself in a way.
The price of a meal sounds like a pretty good yardstick to me 🙂
£50-100. £20 is an insult IMO, you'd be better off giving nothing. The higher figure I put is if you known them quite well. My benchmark for financial gifts is based on what I think it costs to invite me/us then upwards from there if I know the people well. Remember also you are giving as a couple, 2 people so even £50 is £25 each. We had a thread on how much people spend on a night out and plenty of people said around £100 😯 Why not give the same as a wedding gift, each ?
It's traditional in many cultures to give money in place of gifts, in some cultures a couple get both. The money and gifts are intended to help a young couple get a start in life.
FWIW I was recently remarried and we got mostly money with a few gifts. My wife and I have pretty much all we need so aside from a few very specific and personal gifts money was best, for those who had traveled from the UK to France we suggested to them that their presence (given the cost of the trip and the time required 3-5 days) was more than enough.
I went half way for a recent wedding and bought John Lewis vouchers. More 'gifty' than cash but gives them freedom to choose at their leisure.
Just went to my other halves cousins wedding. The family is pretty close so as the wedding list had already been completed months ago, we went with vouchers and around £60 for them to convert into what foreign money they would need on their honeymoon, back packing around Malaysia for 3 weeks
Pay at least the cost of your "plate" (cost of the venue).
The sooner everyone just gives cash instead of tat gifts, the better
We asked for money towards a tandem - the shop we bought it from had "gift vouchers" for varying amounts of money. People seemed fine with that, although we did get some small personal gifts too.
When I got married a couple of years ago we had a john lewis gift list of the standard, cooking stuff, plates, towels etc. put a whole range of stuff at varying prices on. Couldn't believe how generous many people were.
4 people were absolute stinges though, 2 couples with the best paid jobs of all the guests(one earning a couple of hundred k a year in the city) clubbed together spending about £30 per couple, despite the fact they brought 4 kids with them too. I told the caterers to p!ss in their soup.
We typically spend between 50-100 quid depending on how good friends they are and on what they are after. I'm more inclined to spend more on an actual gift than a cash donation - no logic, just you often see really cool things on gift lists.
tbh It really depends on your (both of you) relationship with the couple.
If you are just 'outsiders', then £50 is fine. If the 'girls' are close, leave it up to them. If it's you that is close with the bloke - be a bloke and just ring him up and say that your Misses wants to buy something, what do they need (give him a budget).
4 people were absolute stinges though, 2 couples with the best paid jobs of all the guests(one earning a couple of hundred k a year in the city) clubbed together spending about £30 per couple, despite the fact they brought 4 kids with them too. I told the caterers to p!ss in their soup.
I hope not to be invited to a wedding where I will have my earnings and gift scrutinised. Perhaps you shouldn't have invited them.
4 people were absolute stinges though, 2 couples with the best paid jobs of all the guests(one earning a couple of hundred k a year in the city) clubbed together spending about £30 per couple, despite the fact they brought 4 kids with them too. I told the caterers to p!ss in their soup.
You either invite them because you want the pleasure of their company, or you leave them off the list. Sounds like you only care about how much money they give you.
I've had a bad experience with this recently - our friends got married last year and they asked for money towards a honeymoon as they already had a house etc. I was happy to do this as they hadn't been away as a couple due to certain circumstances, well imagine to my surprise that they actually never went on this honeymoon due to the bride being pregnant (which they knew about at time of asking) and pocketed the dollar! I was not amused at this and it still irks me to this day! If I had known this I would never have given them the money and instead bought them a gift for the baby! Now as they are quite close friends we have never said anything about it, but I kind of wish we had!
Pay at least the cost of your "plate" (cost of the venue).
Fine but the overprice crap food at my sisters wedding was 45 quid a head and worth about a third of that even allowing for caterers bringing it to the venue
footflaps, mikewsmith,
That was tongue in cheek - clearly we invited them becuase we wanted them there. I was just highlighting the variation in gift amounts - though we were a bit surprised as they were close relations, and my wife (before we were together) had spent hundreds at their weddings / been a bridesmaid etc.
I did give my stepson cash towards his honeymoon though
You either invite them because you want the pleasure of their company, or you leave them off the list.
Unless you have the smallest possible wedding, there will be some people there you don't much like. A solid half of the guest-list at mine were friends and family of MrsDummy's father. They disapproved of everything, including the presence of white people, music and booze, and made their disapproval very clear using elaborately-conceived gift-based insults and loads of side-eye.
🙂
Three things that are very outmoded in a modern wedding imo:-
1. Someone else other than the bride and groom paying for it.
2. Guests who are there because you feel you have to invite them.
3. Gifts in general and requests for money in particular.
Lastly, lavish weddings(especially beyond the bride and groom's means) = trash
When I got married about 3 years ago we asked* for cash/vouchers to buy new camping equipment! We got amounts ranging from £10-£200 pound. I was just happy that people wanted to give something.
*We didn't really want presents as we'd been together for 19 years so had everytyhing, but people like giving wedding presents so we made sure there was a use for any gifts.
If you like them £40-£50 is a great gift IMO, less is still ok though.
50 quid is about all I spend on the kids for xmas and birthdays not on wedding presents .
I bought my sister and her husband a shark diving tirp for there honey moon £125, i tried to do the lad afavour so he cant say i never did anything for him.
for non family around £50 to £75. depends on your means not theres, one of my friend refused to take anything as he new i couldn't affored it, he also said i do enouth for him in help with repairs to his bikes kayaks and help round his house.
Real friends will just be happy you could join there day
Unless you have the smallest possible wedding, there will be some people there you don't much like.
Really? More fool you.
As we were paying we only invited people we wanted to be there bar one couple to keep the Wife's parents happy. Not that we didn't want them there, we just didn't really know them. Guest list was 60-70 IIRC.
Different people get married for different reasons and have different weddings if it is a big cultural wedding with a mass of people the plan is probably to get as many people as possible to enhance family pride and raise starter cash for the couple so give at least the cost of the meal and venue or if you don't like the idea don't go.
If it is a small personal celebration then you have been invited because they personally know and like you and want you there so give whatever you want to or know they would like (if it is a gift of condoms for a 3rd world village make sure you hand the card over before the groom is too pissed to understand the point.)
We asked people who wanted to give something but did not know what to get to buy B and Q vouchers as we were doing up our house people spent between £20 and £50 on them for which we were truly grateful , when we were sober we also were also impressed by the condom aid donation.
Three things that are very outmoded in a modern wedding imo:-1. Someone else other than the bride and groom paying for it.
2. Guests who are there because you feel you have to invite them.
3. Gifts in general and requests for money in particular.
4. Hanging out the sheet from a window to prove that the bride was a virgin.
I'd say that the content of the gift is more important than the raw cost, and the next biggest deciding factor should be what you can afford.
I got married earlier this year. We decided first and foremost that we weren't going to expect gifts. People were spending money, in some cases a fair wedge, on travel and accommodation just to be there. That, we figured, was gift enough.
However, we reasoned that some people might want to give a gift anyway and it should be their call rather than ours. I suggested asking for donations towards the honeymoon; money was tight (cos, y'know, we were paying for a bloody wedding) and there was nothing we really needed. My OH reckoned that was rude, and that a gift list would be expected. And indeed, quite a few guests did ask for a list.
So, we put together two lists; a John Lewis one with the traditional gubbins, crockery and soft furnishings and the like, and an Amazon list with more esoteric items like Blu-ray box sets and board games. Our invite then said something like, "we really don't want you to buy us anything as your present to us is the fact that you're coming to share our day, however if you really want to then here's the list."
In the end, I was quite blown away by people's generosity. We had a fairly emotional day going through everything. Some people hadn't spent very much at all, some had spent hundreds. And you know, that's absolutely fine. We have friends who are on benefits, and friends who are on a six-figure salary. And it doesn't matter; every single thing we opened from the £200 piece of art to the hand-made card all made us think of the persons donating and how sweet they were to have thought of us.
Our wedding was the culmination of a lot of work, it was a wonderful day full of love and warmth spent surrounded by people close to us, and whether someone had spent a fortune on us or nothing at all is really, really low on the list of what was important.
Was there a bucket on your wedding list Cougar ? Cos I want to throw up now.....
a shark diving trip for their honeymoon
Is that a euphemism?? 😯 😯
My wedding had me, MrAdamW and 13 close friends.
We had a fantastic day. We told everyone not to buy us presents but to give to charity instead. We'd been together 11 years so had everything we needed.
Then we all had a nice dinner and people turned up at my house to play on the console before everyone went home.
Enough to buy a Liberator cushion. That way they can always think of you when they use it.
I was advised to just ask for cash/vouchers because many people would prefer giving money rather than having to go shopping for us. Therefore, we did. We didn't have enough room in our flat for anything we didn't already have, (but plenty of room in the bank, to save up for a house deposit). Most of our friends are young/still living with parents, but we received £20-£100. A few older family members dug deeper. £20 is not an insult, as it all adds up, we were grateful for every penny. The idea of expecting guests to cover the cost of the wedding is ridiculous.
no euphemism natrix they spent there honey moon in south africa deep sea fishing and wildlife safariing, and moved on to madagascar,the only thing they hadnt book that they wanted was that but they had kind of spent up by then they ear enough to have a lavish wedding and honey moon something i will never be able to say. Plus when we were younger we all went to mexico they fell ill and couldn't come on the diving trip to which i rubbed it in there faces for quite some time.