[Closed] How many of you are bored stiff at work and clock watching waiting for it to end

CFH, there's a few top contenders here already...

As long as this thread overtakes that guy's

The STW Ski & Snowboard thread. The 2012-2013 season

i know its a rule breaker but everytime i look at tandom jeremy i crack up laughing

Oi! Leave that thread alone! It's one of STW's finest, I think!

Now, how about
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Name: Dogie Miller
CMR: 55/100 (on piste); 94/100 (off piste)
likes: Shredding the gnat, first lift fever, fluffy pow pillows, keeping it steezy and double espressos
Dislikes: Tartiflette

redhouse. You need....

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Name: Bryan Backbeat Bear
CMR: 82/100
likes: Money, honey and rabid bear love in the dunny
Dislikes: The human within

Edit: Not a specialist animated gif inserter... Muchos apologias...

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Name: el diablo ratón
CBR: 42.78/100
Likes: Tequilla, Cheese Buritos, Robbing trains
Dislikes: Federales, Beheadings

Binners I'm foaming at the face hole! Got some serious hangover giggles

Redhouse, as far as I'm aware the only true hangover cure is:

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Name: Pierre le wondeur Puss
CBR: 99.8/100
Likes: Swords, boards, lords and sweet feline action in la dungeon d'amour
Dislikes: Guitar Cat strumming 'I Will Always Love You' on repeat

well powerful painkillers on an empty stomach does have its drawbacks, ie trying to pay the wages while holding back 9 pints of guiness vomit! shaking like a leaf!

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Name: Ned Lamoosh
CMR: 87/100
Likes: Benefit makeup, hillary duffs lady garden, eggs
dislikes: Pearl harbour the movie. everyone elses lady garden

@redhouse i'm disturbed by my reaction to that one 😯

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Name: Mark
CMR: 34/100
Likes: his friends to call him 'lucy'
dislikes: being born a man, NHS reforms, gun control

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Name : Test Subject g4-delta (known round the lab as Stan)
CMR : 31
Likes : enthusiastic frontal cat attacks
Dislikes : sneaky cat attacks from the rear.

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Name: Hamish
CMR: 80/100
Likes: The group thing, martinis with friends, viagra
Dislikes: Waxing, Norwich City FC

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Name : David Hameron
CMR : 0.7/100 (if you're a dirty leftie); 100/100 (if you're true blue)
Likes : Getting Cleggy wid it; neat hair; Thatcher pron
Dislikes : Binners and other STW Commies 😉

* waves at Phil *

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Name: Philip ([b][u]not[/u][/b] Phil)
CMR: 0/100
Likes: Doing deals, fixing LIBORs, his Porsche,
Dislikes: Tighter government regulation, SEC probes, cheap champagne

Willard wins I think.

Finally, I win something. However, it is a hollow victory with only 4 minutes untile THE END OF THE WORLD!!!

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name: brian "fingers" mcgee
CMR: 100/100
Likes: Surviving the end of the world, Ebay.
dislikes: The wasted hours doomsday prepping.

Willard and redhouse's latest efforts shook me, I confess.

Then I remembered that I still have this banker in my Comedy Mammals Top Trumps pack:

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Name: Lula De Roast
CMR: 100/100
Likes: honey glaze, noisy morning cock, that featherless look
dislikes: Getting a hard herby stuffing from Anthony Worrall Thompson

camo that's my mums facebook profile pic at the moment.... is there something you 2 are hiding from me?

Phil, yes, it's sausage.

I fear that last picture was too much. My winner's crown has passed on.

Your mum's Lula?

Now I just feel dirty.

😯

Camo, that's what she said.

You were there too, willard? 😉

With friends... We were like

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Name : By Day - Joe Average, By Night - The Squirrel of Steel
CMR :50
Likes : 5 a day, The strong arm of the Law, the power of disguise offered by a pair of NHS glasses.
Dislikes : bald villains, Kryptonite contaminated hazelnuts and BatSquirrel - that guy's a douche.

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Name: Batsquirrel
CMR: 50.1
Likes: Brooding, being a nut billionaire
Dislikes: The squirrel of steel - the guys right up his own arse

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Name: Herman clagnut
CMR: 100/100
Likes: bbw's. lesbian ham, latex golf shoes. japan
Dislikes. This damn itchy squirrel suit!

Damn unkle! what happens now!

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NAME: Frank The Beak
CMR: 87/100
Likes: being told he's pretty
Dislikes: being compared to Alf from Home & Away

Damn unkle! what happens now!

Let's consult the Comedy Mammals Top Trumps rulebook....

* scans imaginary pages and feels important *

Tie Break

Unklehomered and redhouse play again. Highest CMR score wins.

My squirrel sues your squirrel for 100,000,000 nuts over copyright infringment and identity theft. Then he beats the crap out of him, cos he's ****ing SuperSquirrel [bi-atch].

*too much?

Frank The Beak

Phil yellow carded there for including a non-mammal.

Rescinded due to 'being compared to Alf from Home & Away' comment. 😆

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Name : Brian the Hippo
CMR : 0 - I'm just doing ma thing.
Likes : Being inside a kangeroo, the musty aromas of a well groomed pouch
Dislikes: Haters. being judged. Other Hippos.

ha ha, herman hasnt got a nut to piss in!

Tie break....time to dig deep

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Name: Gotcha!
ComedyBirdRating: 8/10
Likes: Dubya's balls
Dislikes: Clinton's balls (unlike Monica Lewinsky)

Someone please photoshop a piano infront of Stevie Bunder.

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Name: Tard the grumpy cat
CMR 98/100
Likes: Nothing
Dislikes: Everything about you.

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Name: Jack le sack Willard
CMR: surely 100/100
Likes: The films of cruise. Danger, lady gagas meat suit
Dislikes: Squirrel turds. midget porn. groundhog day

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Name : Ronald Braygan
CMR : 43/100
Likes : Swinging saloon doors, hard goat liquor, weeing in Randolph Scott's boots
Dislikes: The word 'sheesh' and the phrases 'via con dios' and 'mi casa zu casa'

yellow card brooess, yet another bird

Someone please photoshop a piano infront of Stevie Bunder.

Someone cleverer than me with photos - please complete Stevie !!!

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Name: OOZI 9 Carroteater
CMR: CLASSIFIED
likes: Fu**in SH*T UP!
Dislikes: THE TALIBAN. THE POSITION OF HIS TRIGGER!

Damn, redhouse, that's a strong play.

* dons Thinking Cat and considers appropriate fight-back strategy *

I AM VERY PROUD OF THAT ONE. I HAD TO SERIOUSLY STEP UP

Australia this morning

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Hey, the game's not over yet. 😉

* Doffs cap to OOZI 9 Carroteater *

Thinking of firing up photoshop, but I have a genuinley horrific amount of hoovering to do in a short space of time.

Molgrips, can't you just go guy hoovering - a swish here, a swish there, done, boy the missis is gonna be proud of me - and get to the serious business of the day?

If not for us, then for little Stevie...

...don't make me write a charity single...

in the name of stevie! put down the hoover!

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Name: Daisy Mooyan
CMR: 2/100
Likes: Clozapine, Arthur C Clarke, tin foil hats
Dislikes: That huge fireball in the sky, HEEEELLLPPPP

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Name: Don Wong IV aka 'The Scourge of the Dusk Vole Ninjas'
CMR: 43/100
Likes: Cherry Blossom, Multi-purpose hats and pwning thieves with bombers works like a charm
Dislikes: over-sweet Saki, voles wearing handlebar moustaches

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Name: Tony bananahammock
CMR: 33.333r
Likes: toe of camel, Fargo, mr muscle
Dislikes: sand, sandwiches,egg timers,sandles,jimmy choo

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Name : Steve
CMR : 22
Likes : spending all day on STW, discussing tyres, trolling noobs, looking at bike porn, Python, Unix, Iphone, Ipad, I-whatever-comes next, buying new things for my bike, selling the last new things I bought and then comlaining about the guy who bought them, saying how I have 38 bikes but need another one, looking at my 2 actual bikes, imagining riding my bikes, colour coordinating my bikes, wood bruning stoves, £400 coffee machines, saying the thing you like about bikes is poor, finding someone who posted a thing that has already been posted - burn ****er burn!
Dislikes : Mud, the wet, the heat, outdoors, trail centres, riding my bike.

😉 [obligatory I'm just kidding you, love you all really smiley, don't burn me... 😀 ]

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Name: zoltan the great mind warrior
CMR: "you will give me 100"
Likes: quantum mechanics, chaos theories, earrings, honey dipped monkey scrots
Dislikes: brian cox! that is all!

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name - Winky von ****letooten
CMR - 3/100
Likes : cracking one off when no-one is looking
Dislikes : cracking one off whilst being watched

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Name - Ianto the Infinity Dog
CMR - exponential calculus multiplied by unlimited woof woof-bow wow/100
Likes : 3 Stooges, 2 Ronnies, 1 mind-blowing psych trip into the unknown
Dislikes : H G Wells, Tranmere Rovers and getting whacked in the chops by Ianto's majestic nutsack

Molgrips, can't you just go guy hoovering

Hehe, I do all the hoovering around here. Which is to say, not often. We're paying someone £50 to come clean the carpets properly this evening, on account of them being really very shitty.

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Name : What? Help! who? Christ! Who are you people?
CMR : arrrggghhh!
Likes : Way too much acid.
Dislikes: Way too much acid.

Some excellent contenders here... anyone keeping tabs on who's winning?

Confused Dog says:

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my top 3 so far is

1. oozi 9 carroteater
2.lanto the infinity dog
3.: What? Help! who? Christ! Who are you people?

Hows this for a deal......at 4pm we have a vote on the best, i will send the winner a 4 pack of there choice of lager?

A curfew might be in order...

And I have over an hour and a half to reach-around your oozi 9 carroteater.

😀

Hows this for a deal......at 4pm we have a vote on the best, i will send the winner a 4 pack of there choice of lager?

This is STW, four bottle of your favourite obscure micro brewery real ale...

A curlew might be in order...

If you insist.
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Name: Annette "Twinkletoes" Beige
CBR: 34/100
Likes: Throwing some mad shapes on the dance floor. And throwing TVs out of hotel windows.
Dislikes: Paul McCartney

captian im afraid its another bird!
Although annette and i share the same dislike for that wrinkled scouse berk!

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Name: Trifling Ed
CMR: 12
likes: black hair dye, gothic music,robert smith
Dislikes: Not being able to reach behind and finish the Dyeing process!

For Molly:

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Name: Ruthie 'the Rug' Rodriguez
CMR: 17.5/100
likes: charging good decent STW folk the bargain price of only £48.50 to tongue-clean their rugs, carpets and assorted middle-class upholstery, dawn or dusk
Dislikes: outsource carpet cleansing 'specialists' who bend good decent STW folk over, Ruthie's motto being 'ain't no rug cleaning job worth more than £49.00, inc. VAT'

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Name : Simon
CMR : -14
Likes : Hugs, contemplative solitude, the ripple of breeze across a wild meadow, butterflies, the smell of egyptian cotton sheets dried outside on a sunny day.
Dislikes : The blackouts, The voices, Waking up covered blood after loosing three days and with no idea where I am, just the slow dawning knowledge that it has happened again.

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Name: Laquisha
CMR: 42
Likes: denzel washington
Dislikes: drunk zebras trying it on

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Name: Mrs I'll show you my Tiggywinkle if you show me yours
CMR: 2.71828
Likes: Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain
Dislikes: Rupert Holmes, Immac

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Name: Dances with Essex Girls
CMR: 32/100
Likes: The cocktail mixers at Trader Vic's, quality tailoring and coiffure and Chinese food
Dislikes: The fact that they closed down Lee Ho ****'s. Although, that;s mainly nostalgia. The menu had been going downhill for years.

And the winner is...

you for hijacking a thread with it somehow staying positive and funny.

Votes please.....

If not camo wins for making this thread pure genius

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Stevie Bunnder wins it for me!

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Lula De Roast for utter wrongness

The whole thread should be preserved and put in one of those time-capsules for future lifeforms to peek at. They'll then understand how we managed to extinct ourselves. Instead of hunting and gathering and general survival, we used mankind's most advanced invention to produce stuff like this!