[Closed] How important are family to you?

Brother lives in Emirates saw him last at my Father's funeral... expect to see him at my Mother's..don't expect there will be many other occasions.

Sisters both live 200ish miles away speak to one 1/2 times weekly other 3-4 times a year.

Sisters speak to each other occasionally nobody bothers with my brother.

Sad isn't it.

I'm close to my mum, in both senses of the word. That's about all the family I have.

Sad isn’t it.

But is it? If you don’t have much in common and you live a long way away then why force something that isn’t natural?

Pretty much the same boat as you franksinatra.

Two brothers and two sisters. A third brother was killed when he was 5 so that left a bit of an age gape between me and my next sibling.

I speak regularly to one of my sisters and one of my brothers. Not much contact with the other two for the past 10+ years. Not much in common and some pretty shitty behavior in the past means I don't expect that to change.

Mine are all great.

My other halfs are all great too.

Love seeing any of them for about as much as a long weekend.

Which is about double what i can put up with most people for*.

* Pretty sure they would all rather I didn't hang round for a long weekend 😁

Am i a complete weirdo?

Probably not but I am confident that like me you'd be surprised how much you'd miss them if they suddenly died. My brother lived in NZ hardly ever saw him. Almost 10 years since he died, still think of him most days.

Not much.

See my mum at least once a week a brother and sister once maybe twice a month, though I'm always welcome if I go around more and another brother I haven't spoken to, or rather he hasn't for over 6 years even though he only lives about 5 miles away.

But I am anti-social by nature, hell I've been practicing lockdown for 50 years.

How important are family to you?

Parents are important.
Siblings are important only when they still singe and don't have their own family (wife, husband, children), once they have their own family they live their own lives. Only contact them to maintain respect and relationship otherwise let them be. The larger the sibling size the more complication.
Beyond that keep out or don't get involve unless you want to invite complication to you own family.

Both my side and Mrs side all get on and we are all still within 5 miles of each other. We aren't particularly close, but all get on and happy to have get togethers (when we could). We're lucky we have no tosspots in the family, or in-laws and their family. The only tosspot was divorced from my SIL about 10 years ago.

I'm happy to get on and do my own stuff, so sometimes get left out, but hey ho. We all do our own stuff. We're both from 4 child families although MrsF lost her brother when he was mid 40's - cancer.

Had a ‘complicated’ relationship with my mum and stepdad when I was growing up, as did my siblings. We all moved around and apart (with exception of younger brother) and aren’t that close really.
One sister lives in Japan. Not seen her for over 6 years.
Another lives in Northampton (we are in Portsmouth ) and we try and see each other once every 3 months or so, alternating who travels.
Third sister lives in Walsall, see her once or twice a year.
Brother and mum live in Barnsley, see them again, once or twice a year.

No idea where my alcoholic, abusive prick of a stepdad is and I’d avoid wherever it was if I knew.

Facebook and a WhatsApp group are the main contact mediums really.

I’m really lucky that one of my brothers is my best mate. We’re as thick as thieves and I’d be lost without him. Get on ok with the others but age gaps & life generally means we’re not as close. See parents pretty regularly but should really do more as they’re both getting on. Couldn’t really imagine living far away from them now, spent time away when I was younger but couldn’t entertain the idea now of being more than an hour away.
RM.

Interesting question, that lockdown has perhaps put into focus.
Mrs Lunge is awesome, but lockdown has put into focus how little we have in common. It’s not relationship destroying stuff but we’ll definitely need to “talk properly” at some point.
Brother was always my best mate, but I’ve seen him once since March and don’t really miss him, or his little family. Again, we don’t have much in common anymore.
Parents are great, Mom can be a touch overbearing, but that’s pretty minor, they’re awesome. See them once a fortnight or so, not message most days.
In-laws the same, perfect in-laws, no complaints at all. We don’t see them much as they’re shielding, but they’re great.

Increasingly I’m becoming very self sufficient and feel like I need people less than I ever had. Not sure if this is good or bad.

Not really important as such. Not that I don't like them, they're all pretty alright. A few oddballs but nobody fundamentally bad, but for all the reasons mentioned above, just live away from them and my life has diverged. They mostly live around where they were all brought up and have lived in the same 10mile or so radius all their lives (apart from the Scottish lot who moved down from Glasgow but have all lived around the same area since moving down), I've moved away - not too far away, only 50 miles but far enough for regular visits to be a PITA. Keep in contact via the odd family do during the year, but other than that only keep in contact with my dad and my brother. Was estranged from my mum for about 20 years before she died, which was sad.

Outside of my immediate family group, friends are far more important to me. I'm lucky enough to have a good group of mates around me and throughout most of my life. Nowt like a good mate, and to have more than one good mate is lucky indeed.

I guess this is the way of things..people tending to move away from where they were brought up and not just to the next village or town, or even nearest big town, but halfway around the world. The majority of people I knew from Uni live abroad, or have lived abroad for a period of time at one time or another.

Super close, and maybe a bit too much in each other’s pockets. My brother is my best mate. Lives 4 hours away so only see him every 2-3 months; but we speak pretty much every day on phone or WhatsApp. Parents are fab - just spent the weekend with them while rules mean we all can (I expected Leeds to get locked down). I honestly would be lost with out them all - I’m self sufficient, but we just get on well. We do have shared interests so that helps - I went riding with my folks yesterday - dragged my Alu cx knobbly tyres rounded after their carbon gravel bikes with skinny tyres 😆

I don’t really have much in common with them. I know it sounds harsh but I’m just a bit meh about them.

Totally how I feel.

The only thing I have in common with my brother is our parents - and now they're both dead.

We (my sister, my mum and I) started a whatsapp group a few years ago to post random stuff on - photos, one liners about something interesting going on our end. Has made a surprising difference to a family separated by geography.

I think about this quite a lot. I'm 50 yrs old, and the youngest of five. My brother closest in age to me has very similar tastes and interest and we get on great, meeting regularly for a few beers and a gossip. He's a brilliant guy and a great friend to have.

In my opinion, my eldest brother is a 15yr old school bully trapped in the body of a 58 yr old, whilst my two older sisters (63 yrs and 65 yrs respectively), haven't spoken to each other in over 40yrs, and are continually looking for the rest of us to take sides.

I often think I'm a really bad brother for not contacting them more often, but then, other than my closest brother, they never contact me. It's terrible to say, but other than sharing the same parents (both of whom are long passed away), I've got nothing in common with the rest of my family.

Deleted.

Increasingly I’m becoming very self sufficient and feel like I need people less than I ever had. Not sure if this is good or bad.

A good thing as you are not inviting trouble or unnecessary hassle.

Have a distant relationship with all my family, not helped by actual physical distance. Mum and Dad are divorced but live relatively close by each other in Bucks and Berkshire, but that's 250 miles away from me, so see them perhaps 1 -2 maybe a year, we only speak if I call them, so perhaps once a month. My father speaks in platitudes that can't get somewhat wearisome after a while. Bro lives in 200 miles to the north of me, and has some mental health issues, our relationship is a bit up/down depending on so many things. Mostly we're pretty close, but only really by text and phone.

If i didn't talk to all of them and remind them to either call my brother, or for him to call them. They wouldn't. Which would be OK, but they whinge to me about not hearing from each other. My brother once said we're like a group of people that used to live together 30 years ago, and some of us share the same surname, but apart from that...

Got/Had two sisters. Over ten years since I last saw either of them. They might not even be alive now. Who knows.

I havent spoken to my Brother since he locked Grandad in the loo.

Am i a complete weirdo?

Not at all.
I'll miss my parents when they're gone but I don't have much in common with them and hardly ever see them.
I don't feel bad about it though and I don't think they do either.

Got a brother that I'd not seen for years. He'd made no effort to stay in touch with me.
Found out I was working in the same area he now lives and arranged to meet him.
Was nice to see him but have no idea if we'll ever meet up again which I'm fine with.
Just don't feel the need.

I know it sounds harsh but I’m just a bit meh about them.

Sounds familiar.

I love my dad, we do chat and meet, but it's quite 'surface', but that sums up growing up with him.

Sister I find 'challenging', and we had a fall out a few years back that she's never apologised for her (rude and nasty behaviour) and I'm struggling to want to spend time with her and family, sadly. Her values and approach to life are very different from mine.I do spend time, but it's a formality.

Both dad and sister live on the same estate, 4 hours south of us

My brother I get on with most, we chat every other week or so an WhatsApp a few times a week. However he is in Auckland so we see him every 5 years or so, we've never afforded to go out to them sadly.

“You can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family”.

Having quoted that unattributed truism I’m unsure show to proceed. One the one hand it sounds like family are like prison cell-mates. On the other it sounds like they are a strongly-bonded group.

IDK. There’s only what works for you.

I got on well with my older brother. He sadly passed away in his mid thirties though. Not seen my dad since the funeral or thereabouts. Don’t even know if he’s alive tbh. Makes me sound a little harsh, but he wasn’t a very nice dad. Quite scary and had drinking problems.

I chat with my younger half brother and sister occasionally on messenger or WhatsApp. They’re both great kids. My older sister and mum I’m just sort of civil with if they get in touch and don’t really have much to do with them.

Mrs Funk is really close with her parents and brother and (in normal times) we’ll see them a couple of time’s a week. She chats to her mum most days. Very different upbringing to me though. More of a loving environment I guess.

Not much I guess.

I see my Mum once or twice a month, I’ve got 2 brothers and a Sister, we all get on, but I can go years without seeing my brothers, I see my sister more often, but not much. None of us are more than a 15 min drive away, but I’d don’t actually have my brothers phone numbers or addresses.

My wife thinks we’re weird, she’s from one of those big catholic families, she’s got cousins, second cousins, aunts and uncles everywhere. I probably spent more time with her sisters than my own.

I’m not sure if my family are unusual or not. If I had to say why were like that it’s because my parents moved to the Middle East in 2005, my sister was only 9 so went with them and we were all in our 20s so had our own lives here and stayed. They’d come home for Christmas but that was it, they’ve been back a couple of years now, but after 15 years or so it’s a different relationship really.

Families these days are seriously funked up!

FAMILY should be there through thick and thin imo.

at least I can chat bikes and women as both my older bros are cyclists/runners/surfers/skaters etc

oh and are musicians so can pick up handy tips for becoming next ROCK STAR!

😁👍

my father’s side can go and merrily bum themselves with frozen sausages mind

I don’t really have much in common with them. I know it sounds harsh but I’m just a bit meh about them.

This..... Never really had anything in common with my three older sisters, we are just different people/they are dull/we have vastly differing views on most subjects..... We just don't get on and seem to rub each other up the wrong way. I see no point in entering into situations with them that just cause bad feeling so I just don't bother. I feel for my mum as she tries to keep us all together but it is just not worth it....

Was very close to my old man, miss him everyday and would give anything for 5 minutes with him again, just to hear his voice.... 12 years now.

I won’t go into a long post but my family are close and we regularly talk. I like this.

FAMILY should be there through thick and thin imo.

my father’s side can go and merrily bum themselves with frozen sausages mind

These two statements would seem at odds. I'm rather leaning towards the latter myself.

It's a long read on the topic, but you might find this article in The Atlantic of significant interest and relevance.

My only family left are my In-Laws & my sister (who is on here).
Father,Mother Step parents & wife all passed away.
Thankfully I get on great with all of them which gives me a feeling of belonging.

Despite my losses I feel great sadness for those of you that didn't have a loving family group 🙁

Well my immediate family are sorta close though dad is with his partner since I was 9yrs young

his side never make contact and grandpa and nan are over 100 yrs never have made any effort!!!!!

the sad bastads

@johndoh - good news to hear - restores my somewhat tainted faith

Mi e are very important to me, but I don't have family of my own.

I don’t really have much in common with them. I know it sounds harsh but I’m just a bit meh about them.

This is very much how I feel. I have 2 sisters, 1 I get on with very well and the other not particularly well.
We often go months without contacting each other but if I contact my elder sister she always starts the conversation with something like "Oh, you haven't called for ages". This winds me up as she very rarely calls me so I don't bother calling her again for months and the cycle repeats.
My dad died in March so I call my mum a couple of times a week but again, she very rarely calls me and when we do talk it is all very superficial and seems a bit pointless. I suppose I call her out of a sense of duty but sometimes wonder why I bother.

Families, eh! Who'd 'ave 'em?

Don't see my sister and her family, nor my old man as often as I would like.

Mum died away around two years ago. Spent the best part of two years back in the UK helping care for her. Since her death me and the old man get on much better.

Sister and her fella bought the house next door to my folks about 6/7 years ago. Puts my mind at ease knowing my old man has my sister (plus her two boys) next door.

I talk roughly every couple of weeks with either the old man or my sister. Generally not much to report.

Before mum having leukemia I used to speak at least once a week with her and go back to the UK 2-3 times a year. Not seen any of them face to face at all since January. I miss them.

Also miss my dad's brother, he was like a father to me growing up; various fishing trips, diy/building things. Should give him a call.

I've a ton of aunts and cousins on my mum's side. Stay in touch with a few cousins and aunts.

The GF's family here in Germany are only a few km away, but we don't see them that often. I think last year I saw her folks twice. Seen them more this year, but only because they've needed something. GF's sister is on the other side of the river in town. Whenever we see them I end up making the nieces cry. Either I'm too harsh or they're too soft. I think it's the latter.

Youngest of five here, 8yrs from oldest to youngest, so pretty close in age but dispersed around the world, so only one brother left in UK for last 30 odd years. Absolutely love getting together and always get birthday messages presents etc. Keep in touch with nephews and neices lives on Facebook. For our wedding 4yrs ago we had over 50 members of our two families spend the week together in Northumberland, sadly since then two of my siblings have lost their partners in tragic circumstances one just on friday, its difficult being apart at times like this. Families are great 👍

I get on fine with my siblings but meh. I'd quite like to see/know a bit more about them, but at the same time I know my link with them is an accident of birth, not something any of us have chosen. Ao meh.

SaxonRider's article is brilliant, though I'm going to have to read the second half tomorrow. Great insight and resonates with me.

No immediate family since my Mum died 7 years ago. I'm an only child and don't have any family of my own. Have a few cousins on my Mum's side who I see very occassionally at funerals, but no longer have anything in common. On my Dad's side I have 4 second cousins who are all sister, who I have seen once a year since my Mum died, but hadn't seen for over 15 years before that. They have a family Christmas get together with all their families - kids and grandkids - which I drive 250 miles to and don't really enjoy as all the focus is obviously on all the grandkids, and only have any meaningful relationship with one of the sisters who I stay with when I go up.

I am finding the current situation with the pandemic / lockdown etc. increasingly isolating and depressing, and wishing that I was part of a family rather than being on my own (though I recognise for many families, the restrictions imposed will cause stress and arguments, and even break-ups within families)

Wee brother's my best mate, older brother is also a good mate, but it's a bit less with him, we do each other nuts in at times. My da, i'll see every week or so, couple of weeks at most.

Fairly close. In regular contact with them all.

I've got about a million cousins, don't speak to any of them really. My mum was the youngest of 13, so loads of older cousins. Occasionally see the remaining aunties once in a blue moon. But that's always been the way. They are all getting on now, all in their 70s and 80s.

Call my parents every day no matter where I am in the world. Not spoken to my sisters for about 20 years mainly due to the oafs they married.

We have a child - well a man now - with Cerebral Palsy, and it has been challenging for all of us.

I genuinely don't know how we would have coped without the support of of my Mum and Dad, and that of my partner's folks.

I have two older brothers, who between them have five wonderful children, who have lived with and loved my slightly odd boy as they all grew up, and made us all just part of one whole.

I cannot even begin to explain how important this has been to us.

I love all of them with a passion i couldn't possibly convey properly.

Immediate family, now 800m from parents so see frequently sister 15 miles but have seen once since christmas. We've been spread over the world but have gravitated back. Cousins, until now hadn't really thought about it until now but there are dozens and don't see them or even know how many there are. In-laws are 5 miles away used to see them way to regularly but we had a falling out now it's probably once a month phone call which is strained. Apart form lockdon OH did shopping for them, but that's not thawed the frost.