[Closed] How exactly do you find a good man these days?

Sounds like my Sister in Law but it's her choice so I let her get on with it.

look at Spice (*activities club, average age maybe a bit older though)

Picture?

Certificates stating clear bill of mental health?

I really don't see why you're so convinced she can't be happy single 😕

Some of us don't feel "incomplete" just because we're not living in someone else's pockets...

How many caring, intelligent and thoughtful men does it take to change a lightbulb?
Both of them 😀
When she's bothered she'll sort it out, sometimes being single is a choice, maybe she's having fun......

Yeti, on an open forum, not a chance.

However if you're single, successful, in your 30's and live in the Surrey / Hampshire area you might be just the lad!

Yeti, on an open forum, not a chance.

E-mail in profile.

ask1974 - Member
I appreciate that some people are quite happy [single] and don't need to jump from one date to another,

one must assume she's thinking about this in her quiet 'alone' time.

Hey Zulu I'm not stating she's unhappy, far from it, but I do know she wants to settle down and time's a ticking... Don't want this thread to get off track, I'm just tapping the STW masses for opinions on how one finds a perfect partner in this day and age.

Don simon, anyone one keen enough would see that as a challenge! that's why i said 'might'...

she's in her early thirties, pretty, outgoing, popular and fun, but single

If she is anything like some of my wife's single friends, the above quote could also mean "High Maintenance". That would scare many men off.

They can also come across as desparate (for love, marriage and children) and give out those signals. The men run from these signals as well.

Why?

Because I would be. It's an opinion and I could be wrong. Lets face it if you're looking to marry and have kids, in your 30's and single it's a fair bet you 'sometimes' think about your status... but as I said, I could be wrong.

If anyone knows how and where to find a man, can you let me know too please?
(maybe I should put an email in my profile?)

If she is anything like some of my wife's single friends, the above quote could also mean "High Maintenance". That would scare many men off.

They can also come across as desparate (for love, marriage and children) and give out those signals. The men run from these signals as well.

Absolutely. But this is the thing. IMO she is none of the above. Probably a bit picky about who she dates but that's fair.

Do you come with any land or prospects Lady Gresley?

a bit picky

😆 heard that one before...

in that case, if she does want to settle down, I wonder if her 'eligibility criteria' are somewhat unrealistic?

Don't want to cast aspersions in any way, but I've met an, ahem, significant number of laydies, who when you ask them what they're looking for in a man, reel off a list of essential 'must have' characteristics that your average member of a european royal family would find it hard to fulfil 😉

I'm just tapping the STW masses for opinions on how one finds a perfect partner in this day and age.

Well you have to go back 26 years, but I got smashed and met my now wife in the pub.. can't she do that

I'm single, [s]successful[/s], 30s and Surrey-Hampshire border. However, she sounds far too nice for me.

I'd question your assumption that being single means being anxious about it. She may be perfectly happy. Or just very, very picky.

ASK1974 You could be setting yourself up for one hell of a family bust up if she ever sees this thread! Just about all the 30 somehthing single women I know would kill me if I ever did this to one of them. I admire your selfless courage!

Do you come with any land or prospects Lady Gresley?

Not everyones the same and people can and are happy on their own. Some single girls I know are so scared of having a baby they won't be with anyone because of pressure from a partner. Some have family pressures that won't allow them to have a partner too so maybe there are things in her life that she's not telling you but your minds working overtime thinking your doing the right thing for her. I'd just leave her to find her own happiness and her own choices.

Come on chaps don't question my assumptions and view point on this. I love my sister in-law and would like to see her hitched to a great guy, I'm pretty bloody sure she does as well. And it's not just me, my wife and I speak on this occasionally.

The question is in the title.

ASK1974 You could be setting yourself up for one hell of a family bust up if she ever sees this thread! Just about all the 30 somehthing single women I know would kill me if I ever did this to one of them. I admire your selfless courage!

Why? It's not as if I'm advertising her for sale (am I? 😳 ) I'm asking a constructive question and if anyone has a great idea I'll let the info slip through via my wife. Of course if a nice looking STW chap just happens to step forward then I'll think about my next step.

I'll say it again, get her down the pub, or don't people do that anymore?

I would have thought the best thing is to let her sort it out herself. If you think that a random biker would suit her invite her to a group ride.
Why do you actually feel that she should be in a relationship?
You've asked the question and I think the answer is that the choice is hers. End.

why do certain couples feel it is their responsibility to sort out other people's lives? there is a fine line between being a friend and being a patronising busy-body.

be careful OP

Why not ask her if she's happy single?

What she needs to do is have a holiday house swap with a rich movie exec from LA. She can then befriend an elderly gent who happens to be a rather famous early screen writer and learn about the 'cute meet'... the point at which love interests meet in a movie.

Say she's in a department store looking for some PJ's but only wants the top. At the exact same time a guy is there also looking for some PJ's but only wants the bottoms... that's the 'cute meet'.

She'll then randomly meet a friend of the house swapper and have her own 'cute meet'... yadda yadda they'll live hapily ever after.

Of course if a nice looking STW chap just happens to step forward then I'll think about my next step.

I get it. You are looking for a new riding buddy 😉

put her on ebay

CaptJon - Member
why do certain couples feel it is their responsibility to sort out other people's lives? there is a fine line between being a friend and being a patronising busy-body.
be careful OP

Meant to text you, sorted you a blind date.

you need to ask her... do you even know what she is doing to not be single or that she cares as much as you?

Single . - Tick
Successful.- Tick
Hampshire .- Tick
Unfortunatly I am 42 , so thats me out , oh well was hoping 2012 is going to get better than 2011 ended ( See who is staying in on NYE thread ) but they have just found a body on the beach in front of my flat and all the Police are here . happy new year.

Does she ride mtbs?
There are many group rides where women are in the minority. The chaps I ride with are funny, friendly and a decent bunch, there's always at least one single among them.
Or, does she ski? I met hubby on a skiing holiday, funnily we weren't looking for anyone at the time, so there was no pressure.

Does she climb? There are some great climbing clubs around, plenty of nice chaps seem to climb, infact outdoor types are always fun to be around.

singletrackmind - 42 isn't old.

So this is my attempt to find her perfect fella.

have you asked her if she wants you to do this?

However if you're single, successful, in your 30's and live in the Surrey / Hampshire area you might be just the lad!

You sir are both ageist and locationist...

why do certain couples feel it is their responsibility to sort out other people's lives? there is a fine line between being a friend and being a patronising busy-body.

be careful OP

Blimey guys how many times do I have to say it. All I'm asking is a fair question. How exactly is asking about dating in the modern age patronising? No wonder life is so bloody complicated these days, you can't ask a simple question without everyone analysing your motives.

🙄

Does she ride mtbs?
There are many group rides where women are in the minority.

The problem with that is a lot of blokes don't want to spend time waiting for a lady who is somewhat slower than them

...a lot of blokes don't want to spend time waiting for a lady who is somewhat slower than them...

this is much less of a problem than you think.

group rides are slow because of all the faffing, punctures, photo's, chatting, etc. and that's also why they're fun.

they're not slow because one (or more) of the group takes 15seconds longer to get to the top/bottom of the hill.

your sister in law doesn't need to take up mountain biking, but (ime) the world of outdoor sports/hobbies does seem to have a bottomless supply of good (and single) men...

I don't think there's anything wrong with setting up an individual. At the end of the day it will be up to that individual as to whether or not she persues the relationship. My sister is trying to set my other sister up at the moment as she has a history of chosing losers although she has 2 kids and got caught out with someone she got engaged to so she's now very cautious [I say, i hope]. Thing is she may be happy now but she could be happier with mr right.

This topic however needs a photo... 🙄

have you asked her if she wants you to do this?

No. But if I turned round and introduced a friend of mine I know she'd react positively. She had a recent blind date with a friend-of-a-friend through my wife so it's clear she's interested in finding a partner. She trusts me and right now all I'm doing is asking for advise from you lot, if someone was seriously interested then I'd do my research and asses next action.

Otherwise it's all just forum chat eh!

ASK1974 - what I meant was, that you have aired something you believe is a problem of hers on a public forum, the rest is immaterial.

My ten penneth - leave her alone to get on with it, if she's as nice as you say and gets out and about it will happen in its own time.

and right now all I'm doing is asking for advise from you lot,

And the advise (sic) would appear to be that you butt out of her life and let her get on with it herself.

Thanks for the constructive advise. Happy New Year to you too.

Ahwiles, just perhaps your freind has no sexual intrest in men, it is now legal.
and not everyone wants to commit to a relationship.

Thanks for the constructive advise. Happy New Year to you too.

Lady Gresley , have you forgot the large estate you used to own,

project - Member

Ahwiles, just perhaps your freind has no sexual intrest in men, it is now legal.
and not everyone wants to commit to a relationship.

i'm sorry, you've completely lost me...

?

I simply cannot believe she would prefer to be single and my wife agrees.

If I was the person in question and I saw that, you and your wife would be getting a full punch square on the nose. Arrogant, condescending, patronising pillock(s).

'm more than happy to let the lady lead.

With you there pal

ahwiles, she just may be a lesbian, and happy with a lady, lesbians dont usually have any sexual intrest in mne but enjoy their comapny.

Im sure youre not that thick.

As a single guy I ask the same..no the opposite...the mirror question.

Answer. Just go look. See EVERY kind of meeting or activity with others as a possible way to meet someone nice. Open your mind up...don't formulate a mindset of 'pulling' activities and 'non-pulling' activities, all activities have possibilities.

When a possibility comes along, explore it. Perhaps she is in someway closing herself off to potential suitors. if she is then she must change.

Finally, get out more and make more possibilities. Do more hobbies or things that mean she meets new people, widens her circle of friends. It's quite possible that she has lots of lovely friends but that her circle of friends has been unchanged for a few years....so no new possibilities for her. Encourage her to try some new stuff. If she is as fun and lovely as you describe then she should enjoy meeting some new people, making new friends and doing new stuff whether a potential suitor appears or not.

Now....if only it worked for me 😕

oh and Single, (late) 30s, successful I guess, london....and still looking

ahwiles, she just may be a lesbian, and happy with a lady, lesbians dont usually have any sexual intrest in mne but enjoy their comapny.

Im sure youre not that thick.

oh, i'm very thick, but all i said was something about 'group rides being slow by their nature - noobies don't need to worry about holding people up'

I'm sorry if i offended anyone...

My New Years resolution is to find myself a good woman!

I'm a thoroughly nice chap, live on the Hampshire/Surrey/Berkshire border, 36, never married, good job and love biking

Moreover, i wouldn't mind going slowly if she wanted to come cycling!! 😀

As usual the STW masses decide that rather than actually answering a question, it's better to tell the person that the question is wrong 🙄

I met my other half online (e-Harmony) and know a fair few other people who met their partners the same way.

It's quite amazing how many people say "oh we met online too" once they hear someone else say it.

It's not full of stalkers and weirdos, and seems that if you pick the right site then it can really work.

Perhaps the difficulty in finding a handsome, smart, well-dressed man, is that all those men already have boyfriends.

ask1974 - Member
Blimey guys how many times do I have to say it. All I'm asking is a fair question. How exactly is asking about dating in the modern age patronising? No wonder life is so bloody complicated these days, you can't ask a simple question without everyone analysing your motives.

Blimey, no wonder life is so complicated when people can't distinguish between a general warning and comment on their specific situation.

Ask1974, although I can understand that you and your wife probably are just trying to be helpful, you might want to have a think about your comment:

"I simply cannot believe she would prefer to be single and my wife agrees"

Personally I would rather be single than be with just 'anyone'. Yes, meeting someone who I click with would be great, but I also enjoy my life as it is now, and it would take a lot (ie very much the 'right' person), for me to give that up. It doesn't mean I'm high maintenance or picky, just that I'm not prepared to settle for just being with someone due to some misguided idea that that is better than being single.

As for your more specific question, how you meet that 'right' person is far more complicated. There's lots of dating websites now, although people react very differently to them - some people see them as a practical and open way to meet someone who appears similar to them, other people view them with a degree of 'no way' (I fall into that bracket!). There are many clubs etc, but personally I join them because they do activities that I'm interested in rather than to meet single guys, and I wouldn't want to mess up my friendships within those groups. There's work connections, or friends of friends as well.

For me, I'm happy to leave it to chance. I'm lucky to have a fun life with loads of great friends. If I meet someone on my path through life and it works out, then great. If not, I'm still going to have a good, rewarding, and enjoyable life. Could I suggest that maybe you consider leaving things to a similar approach?

Is the crystal in her palm flashing yet? If not I'd say leave her to it OP.

You say she is outgoing and friendly then eventually she'll get a bite.

Dating sites are all well and good if your a bigamist, dogger or casual murderer but the tryed and tested route of meeting a friend of a friend on a night out is still the 'best' way...

Bunnyhop - Member

There are many group rides where women are in the minority. The chaps I ride with are funny, friendly and a decent bunch, there's always at least one single among them.

There's also Hora.

Dating sites are all well and good if your a bigamist, dogger or casual murderer but the tryed and tested route of meeting a friend of a friend on a night out is still the 'best' way...

What a pile of shite. Apart from the reference to Logan's Run.

Oh - and it's tried - not tryed.

still the 'best' way...

OK, OK I give in!

Sue, that comment has been taken a little out of context and I shudder slightly how it reads myself. A typical problem one has phrasing thoughts in words. The original thread was a simple question looking for constructive input and, as often happens, has become a little distorted - my own comments seem to have assisted in this. Will be a little more cautious in the future.

significant number of laydies, who when you ask them what they're looking for in a man, reel off a list of essential 'must have' characteristics that your average member of a european royal family would find it hard to fulfil

Damn those ladies with their impossible demands for men with chins!

ask1974 - fair enough, I suspect we've all had our written / Internet comments misinterpreted before! And it's nice to see you and your wife caring about her so much.

I suspect (if she's anything like me and my girl friends) she'll have discussed the 'how to / whether to meet a guy' question with her single friends, and between them they'll probably have quite a few suggestions themselves! I think this is one area of her life which you'll have to let her work out herself.

from what ive seen, some women are very nice people and happy enough to be on their own, also, some women (and men) become Monsters when faced with compromising their wants for a partners.

I take my son to climbing lessons and there are lots of guys there.

Maybe she could borrow a child and do the same, if she doesn't want to do the activity itself? 😆

If you want ideas for activities to suggest then yes, climbing is not bad for meeting people...both men and women climbers tend to be fairly honed and athletic too. I'm constantly being told to try dancing too, and hear that lots of people go to dance classes primarily to meet others.

Do many folk on here go out of their way by trying out other sports with the main aim of hopefully meeting someone?

The "climbing or dancing" supposedly being good for meeting folk makes me cringe. Same with going on a group bike ride. The thought of someone or a few folk turning up with other ideas other than riding a flippin bike.. doesnt appeal to me.

it doesn't appeal to me either but it doesn't make me cringe. It's not 'going to do XXX in order to pull' behaviour, its simply 'going to do XXX to meet some new people' behaviour. If you aren't meeting new people, you won't find a partner (if that is what you want or not). Think of it as expanding your circle of friends and giving yourself possibilities, while doing something that is fun too.

Its very easy to find yourself happy in your life but with a set and unchanging circle of friends, particularly once in your 30s or beyond. By then you may be settled in a good job, settled in a home, have lots of friends that you've known for ages but perhaps going 'out' a bit less...lots of friends will be married or settled, kids perhaps.. unless you do something that gets you meeting new people then you won't find a partner. So it's just about trying something different to normal to meet some new people and give yourself possibilities.

As I said though, personally I find it tough to do something that I have little interest in 'just' to meet people. which is why I've not been to a dance class. I probably would find the evening enjoyable and social and fun, but personally I'd feel like I was forcing it and wouldn't feel that comfortable, but others are okay doing it.

Perhaps the difficulty in finding a handsome, smart, well-dressed man, is that all those men already have boyfriends.

PMSL

Start collecting frogs for her?

Maybe we should have a STW singles thread? 😉

Lady Gresley - Member
Maybe we should have a STW singles thread?

That could be interesting 😉

It's all very well saying go to a pub I'd imagine that a lot of people (me included) aren't brave enough to go to the pub alone, and then start talking to people they've never met, particularly when those people are chosen purely on the basis of appearance.

Sport/hobbies is probably a good one, as you're likely to have the similar interests (assuming you don't take up a hobby just for the meeting people bit!), although in my limited experience all the "good" people tend to be taken!

Maybe I need a brother-in-law to set me up 😛

Personally I'd leave her to it but as for where you can pick blokes up...

She should hang round places that do lots of stuff that she's interested in.

So if she likes mountain biking, then a mountain biking club would be a great idea.

If she likes reading, library. And so on.

In my experience, the worst places to go are the pub or a night club. You pick up people who like drinking or having casual sex with strangers there. (And while I'm not knocking either pursuit, they may not be attributes to hold dear when assessing personality traits)

oh god no... do you not remember the STW singles swinley ride thread? that was..well...PMSL funny in places but pretty horrid in other places.

As becky says, many people aren't happy to just go to a pub or club on their own and strike up a conversation with a stranger. Taking up a hobby gives the reason to talk/meet and gets past that, and generally there is some sort of shared interest too.

To the OP, I don't think your presumptive or condescending, you are clearly motivated by the best interests of your sister-in-law and I'm sure you know what she might like better than the STW hive mind.

Ignoring the stuff since the op, in many ways it sounds like how my sister was a while back. She decided that sport was a good way to meet more people without any pressure so started doing indoor climbing. Fast forward a few years and she recently married one of those climbers 🙂

Sport's great for extending your social circle whether simply for friendship or more.

I'll also recommend rowing as a very sociable sport with a much better male/female mix than cycling.

IME you never meet someone (mr/s right) while looking.

The best way is through friends and relatives, who'll sort of know what suits the single person. I think 45% of relationships start at work.